Monday, December 5, 2011
Why do I do this?
I can't even begin to count the number of times that I've been asked why I blog, not to mention the number of times that I've asked myself the very same question.
It started out as something fun - a distraction, of sorts. And then it started to grow. I admit that in general, I don't write about anything profound or deep. Like the picture of my boots up there says, it's random ramblings. It's therapeutic for me. Having little "real" contact with other adults, it gives me a place to talk, whether or not anyone is listening.
With the exception of a few rants here and there about my exlaws or the trials of being a single parent, for the most part it's just fluff. This is where we went today and this is what we did and oh, look at what I fished out of the sink last night - that kind of stuff.
But now, suddenly, I have almost 900 people following what I write. Seriously? 900? That's between fans on the facebook page, twitter followers, GFC followers on the blog itself, and feedburner subscribers. I know some of those are duplicates so the number isn't really that high, but still....
It boggles my mind.
I've always made it a point to stay away from too much deep stuff. If I wanted to, I could go really deep at times. But I've avoided it for so many reasons. I don't like to create drama, believe it or not. I haven't wanted to open myself up for criticism. The past few years have been hard on me, and for the longest time I was so incredibly fragile that one wrong word, or even a dirty look, caused me to crumble.
I leaned on my friends a great deal during this time, and it strained some of our friendships - I know that. So why would I want to dump all of my crap on a bunch of people who don't even know me? That's the mindset that I've been in ever since I started this blog, except for the few occasions where I blew a gasket and went off on a good ol' Amy-esque rant.
But, I've become stronger. I've been through hell, and I'm still standing - stronger than I have ever stood before. My life is far from perfect, but right now it's going pretty darned good! The Dude has made me realize that there are still good guys out there, and that at least one of them isn't afraid of my life and everything that comes along with it. Yes, it's still early in the game, and he may still come to his senses and bail out at some point - I hope and pray that he doesn't - but if he does, I know that I'll survive it.
I figure that if I am finally to the point that I can put myself "out there" in the dating world, I can maybe start doing the same thing on this blog. I'm not saying that I'm suddenly going to start writing a "deep" post every day, or even every week - but don't be surprised if I start doing it a little more often.
It might blow up in my face and create drama. Or it might go unnoticed. Or, it might help someone else who is going or has gone through the same kind of crap.
If nothing else, it will continue to keep me amused for a period of time every day.