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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

So this is what it's supposed to be like...

The Dude and I have kind of an inside joke. We refer to it as "processing".

Let me explain.

In the past, I have been in not-so-wonderful relationships with not-so-wonderful men. There was abuse and addiction and disrespectful behavior and lies and manipulation, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum. To me, that was normal. It's what I was accustomed to having in my significant other.

The Dude isn't like that. He'll say or do something that most people would consider to be normal - for example, take out the trash - and I give him "the look". The look mostly comes from surprise because he did it voluntarily and because he didn't complain about it, but mostly just because he did it. He didn't leave it for me to do. The first few times that he did things like this, I really had to take a step back and think about it, because no one had ever really done those kinds of things for me before, and I had to convince myself that it was ok for him to do it - I had to process that maybe, just maybe, this is the way that things are supposed to be.

Apparently, it's rather obvious to him when I do it - and he'll just say "are you processing again?" and smile. It's funny - he doesn't look at it as doing anything special, but to me, the little things like taking out the trash or stopping to get me a soda while he's out or doing the dishes while I'm busy with something else - those things are amazing. I am so grateful to him for everything that he does.

Today was a prime example - although it was way bigger than just taking out the trash or getting me a soda.

I have the Frosty 5K coming up on Sunday, and I really haven't gotten out to do any walking/jogging for about the past month. I was getting a little stressed out about it, and mentioned it to him the other day. His response?

"Let me know when you want to go run, and I'll keep the kids for you while you go."

Huh? What?

He offered to keep the kids while I went out to prepare for a 5K.


Had to process that one for quite a while.

Seriously, in any past relationship, that would not have happened. First off, I wouldn't be preparing for (another) 5K because I would have been told that I was too fat and lazy to do it (and yes, I did try before, and that's what I was told) and even if I 'defied orders' and did it anyway, there's no way that I could have done it without the kids.

Things like this - that most people would consider to be "normal" - seem strange to me. And I have to process them and think about them, and make them make sense in my head before I can 'let go' and let him help me. I'm so used to doing things on my own that actually having help is strange - and it's hard for me to let go of the control and allow him (or anyone) to help. But as time moves on, I'm beginning to realize that it's ok for him to help me. I don't have to do everything by myself anymore. I think I've finally started to realize that this is what a normal, healthy relationship is supposed to be like - and although I'm still getting used to the idea, I think I'm beginning to accept it.

So anyway, we met at a park and he kept the boys there while I took off...



It was an absolutely gorgeous day, especially for the end of December, and I did a lot of processing while I was out there by myself.




It really kind of hit me as I was out there jogging along, enjoying the peace and quiet. I've never had someone stand behind me like he does. Whether it's getting things done around the house or helping me to train for a 5K - I've never had the help from anyone like I do from him.

It is such a new concept to me - to have someone actually help and support me. But this is the way that it's supposed to be, right?

Anyway, while I was walking/jogging, the boys played and The Dude snapped some pictures...






And when I got back, we both started goofing around with them...






Now, I will admit that I did find another flaw in him today - beside the obvious one (Cowgirls fan). He does have another serious flaw. Are you ready for it?

He likes to take pictures. And he likes to get ones that may not be oh-so-flattering at times. And those pictures might be of me.

But, it's all good. I promised him that I would post them - and I have serious doubts that these will be the last ridiculous pictures of me.

For the record, I do not routinely run around making this particular face or picking at my butt. However, there was a puddle of water at the top of the slide, and although I gave it my best effort, I still landed in it. And it was cold. And wet.



I will get even with him though. I've been known to snap pictures when it is least expected. Just sayin'.

16 comments:

  1. Amy your blog made me smile big time today!! It makes me so happy for you and gives me hope that somewhere out there are good guys! :-)

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  2. I'm highly considering entering "shocked at my wet butt", ( I named it!) into some kind of contest... that's art people!

    All funny business aside. We both are working on letting the other one take some of the load off the other, it's taking some doing, because we are both so used to doing it ourselves or it doesn't get done.

    Amy, you're an amazing, strong and compassionate woman who's overcome many obstacles, both big and small. I take a measure of pride in knowing that I can lift some of the pressure from you, simply by hanging out with the kids or tossing the garbage.

    Woot Woot for you getting the training done today!

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  3. Amy I am so happy for you and the dude. Dude keep up the good work, she deserves it.

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  4. LOL!! I love it. This is one Good Dude ;) My advice- when he does some thing unexpected... smile and say "Thank You." :)

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  5. I'm not sure I would call it a regular, normal relationship. It's much on the side of good-normal. Even in normal relationships, the guys aren't always as supportive and helpful as Kerry is with you. You found a good one, kiddo! And I'm SO happy for you! The pictures sing. All of them. Kudos for getting out there today and also for putting yourself out there the past few weeks. You're really something!

    xox
    Katie

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  6. Thank you everyone - I think he's pretty amazing!

    Kerry, you took the words right out of my mouth, because everything that you said up there is something that I could say about you. You are amazing.

    Mac, I tell him "thank you" so much that he's probably sick of hearing it by now! ;)

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  7. thank you for this, both of you. i really needed the smile and giggles. much love xoxo

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  8. Amy! Im soooooooo happy for you, the kids AND the Dude!

    Kerry, Thank you soooo much for coming into Ames and the kids lives and very being a man and treating them how they should have always been treated.

    It makes my heart soooooo happy to see all of you so happy.

    It gives me hope that I too will find a healthy, normal, have to "process" relationship!

    I pray for you guys to always have your loving and caring "normal" relationship

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  9. This is so heartwarming. So happy for your joy. Healthy is hard to get used to. But it's great. Go girl!!!

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  10. BEAUTIFUL!

    And pictures kick butt, I totally get the Dude on that one! Even if some of them make me look ugly or odd shaped or goofy... It's a catalog of your life.

    Keeping the special moments!

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  11. AMY AND DUDE, YES, THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE. AMY, GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. TO ME, IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR GOOD FOR HIM AND HE'S GOOD FOR YOU.JUST SAYING....WHEN A MAN CAN LOOK AT YOU AT YOUR WORST AND STILL LOVE YOU FOR BEING YOU HE'S A WINNER. I'D LIKE TO SEE A PICTURE OF YOU AND THE DUDE IN YOUR BEST OUTFITS.YOUR HAIR DOWN AND A PRETTY DRESS AND OUT THE DOOR FOR AN ALONE DATE. I WISH I WAS THERE TO SIT WITH THE KIDS SO YOU COULD GO.
    GRANNY

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  12. What a wonderful post Amy. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have been there. You deserve this nice partner in your life. A little bit of processing is good. You will always appreciate what you have, and will never take advantage of it. Just smile, I bet that is the best 'payment' you can give the Dude!
    Hugs, Beth

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  13. Granny, we will get those "dressed up" pictures in January when we go to my friends' wedding - and trust me, there will be lots of pictures then! :)

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  14. I know this is a positive post but it brought tears to my eyes. It's awesome that you are able to let him do those things. I myself have a hell of a time letting others do anything for me and it has been an issue in the past. If someone offers I never take it because in my experince it will some how be turned against me. So kudos that you have found a great guy and even more to you that your growing!

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  15. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the comments - I (and we) really appreciate them.

    Jenni - I know you are going through such a tough time right now, but you will make it through. You are tough and you are strong and you will survive and be even stronger than you were before. I never thought that I would, and I went through some really deep, dark times - you know how to get a hold of me if you ever need to talk. *hugs*

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