The kids and I were jacking around tonight, as usual. They don't have school tomorrow so it was a pretty laid-back night. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Alex, aka Fearless, opened the door, stopped dead in his tracks, and then yelled "Daddy!!!!"
I about fell over. I went to the door, and sure enough, Mr. MIA was standing there. I pushed him out onto the porch, closed the door behind me, and proceeded with the riot act. He tried telling me that it hadn't been 4 months since he had been around, and I not-so-nicely reminded him that it was exactly 4 months, as of today.
He told me what has been going on in his life, and while it's a mess, it's still no excuse. I don't care if he doesn't have a phone - he has to drive within a mile of here to go to work and he could have stopped by. He could have borrowed a phone. He could have sent a message with someone. He could have done anything. ANYTHING. But yet, he chose not to.
I pointed out everything that he had missed. Alex's last day of preschool. Our trip to Texas. Our trip to Pennsylvania. Alex's first day of school.
The umpteen times that Alex has asked where he was or why he wasn't around or when daddy was going to come and get him again. All questions that I could only answer with "I don't know".
I told him that if he planned to be around, then there is going to be a set schedule - and that he is going to stick to it. It's not fair to Alex to have him disappear for months at a time and then waltz back in like nothing ever happened. He agreed. But of course, he can't commit to a schedule right now because he just started a new job and is going to school and blah blah blah.
But he'll try.
Finally I let him go back into the house and visit with Alex. Alex was beside himself with excitement and kept telling him "I missed you Daddy. Where were you?" He showed him some of his work that he brought home from school and was just jumping up and down.
He stayed and visited for half an hour or so, then promised that he would be here around 4:30 tomorrow to pick him up and take him for the weekend. But of course, he has no phone, so if he bails, I'll have no way of knowing.
I know I should be happy that he's back around, but how long is it going to be until he bails out again? How long is he going to keep up the charade this time? How long until he decides that he's just too busy to keep his promises?
How long until I have to deal with a little boy with a broken heart all over again?
Oh Man...what a dilemma! Just praying A's dad doesn't disappoint AGAIN! Hoping you all have a good (long) weekend..
ReplyDeleteMare, if he does......... oh boy. If you think I'm mad now, just wait. >:(
ReplyDeleteYikes! Such a tough situation to be in. I hope that he has his shit together and acts right this time.
ReplyDeleteWow. I think you were a lot more gracious to him than I would have been, but I can't say that with certainty, because I've never been in your shoes. I hope that T doesn't flake out again, because that will break A's heart. Know I'm thinking of you guys!!! Love ya and miss ya too!
ReplyDeleteI hope so too. But I'm not holding my breath.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I played that game with my ex for years. Every time he'd reappear he'd be more concerned with how angry I was, and not give a thought to what it was doing to his son. I hope for your son's sake he gets his act together.
ReplyDelete*sighs*
ReplyDeleteYou and I... are having the same... THE VERY SAME.... situation.
My sperm donor has been chomping at the bit to see Emry, but, of course, I have tried to shelter Emry from this until I am sure that the LOSER will commit to a long term plan. (WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE) Plus there are extra hurdles in there... So all our correspondence about my son has been via email. ... So I have a track record.
It sucks though. Because in the end we both know, they won't stick around... and WE'LL have to pick up the pieces.
Stay strong Momma!
My dad did this sort of thing a lot, and it just generally caused me to distance myself from him. I knew if I expected anything from him, I'd be hurt, so I just learned not to care either way.
ReplyDeleteIn retrospect, I'm sad that I developed that distance with my dad, but I know it was just the way I coped with how he treated me. I just hope that your kids don't experience the same sort of pain as they grow.
JUST LET THIS GRANNY FIVE MINUTE WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1.BINGO YOU GOT IT.
ReplyDeleteALEX, YOUR ONE LUCKY BOY TO HAVE A MOM THAT LOVES YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITS' SELF.
GRANNY