Want to follow my blog?
Pick a way to do it!

Sunday, April 24, 2011


You know who you are.

You are the one who told me once upon a time that you would never walk away from your child. The one who told me that your world revolved around him,and that you would kill anyone who stood between you and him.

Well, guess what? His world used to revolve around you. He used to ask me every single day when you were going to come and get him, because you did at least once a week and he got used to it. Sometimes you'd even show up unannounced just to take him out to lunch before you went to work. You would take him for the weekend almost every weekend.

I don't know what has happened. Over the last year or so, you've drifted away from him. I know that you're going through your own issues with your divorce. I know that you have to work more hours to make ends meet. I understand that. I've always been thankful that we haven't had to have a custody arrangement set down on paper, and that we've always worked with each other so that you could see him as much as possible. I've always worked with you if you wanted to do something special with him that didn't necessarily fit into my schedule. Very rarely have I told you that you had to take him on a certain day because I had something to do, but you've almost always done that for me when I've asked.

So what am I supposed to think when it's been more than 4 weeks since we've seen or heard from you? You dropped him off here, said "see ya' later" and left, and that's it. No phone calls, no visits, not even a text to see how he's doing. Nothing.

You missed his parent/teacher conference at preschool. You missed the glow on both his and his teacher's faces when she told me how well he is doing there. You missed seeing his art projects up on the walls in the classroom, and he didn't get to show you his desk and his chair and his locker.

Today was Easter. Did you see him? No. Did you call him? No. Did you stop by and give him some silly little Easter gift that would have made his day? No. Guess what? He went on three Easter egg hunts, and he had a blast at all of them. But you wouldn't know, because you weren't there.

It's been almost a month since he's seen you. Almost a month since you've told him that you love him, since you've tucked him into bed, or since you've seen his smiling face. He might only be 5, but he is smart - and he knows that you haven't been around to see him. He hasn't said much about it though, which absolutely breaks my heart. I caught him looking out the window the other day and when I asked him what he was looking for, he said to me "I was just looking to see if Daddy was coming to get me yet" and then he went back to playing. I don't even know what to tell him at this point. I don't know where you are. I assume that you're still working right here in town, less than a mile from our house, but I don't know that for sure because I haven't heard from you.

Granted, I haven't called you either. But you know what? It's not my job. I shouldn't have to track you down to make you be the father that you promised that you would be to him. I shouldn't have to remind you that he misses you and wants to see you. I shouldn't have to remind you how important it is that he has his father in his life. These are things that you should know, and that you shouldn't be taking for granted.

Look at his little brother, whose father didn't have his priorities straight - and now his father is gone forever.

Don't take parenthood for granted. It is the most beautiful, most important, most meaningful gift that a person can ever receive - and you are turning your back on it for reasons unknown to me or to our son. I don't care how many hours you have to work - you can spare 5 minutes to stop by and say hi to him and let him know that you still care about him. You can give up a night of partying and enjoying your newfound singleness again in order to spend a night watching silly movies and eating popcorn with one of the most amazing little boys on the planet. You can spend the 15 minutes that it takes you to drive to work and call him and talk to him - even that is better than what you've been giving him for the past month.

Do something. Man up. Be the father that you swore that you were going to be.

Don't walk away from him. He doesn't deserve that.


Follow Non-Stop Mom on facebook! Click here
And now on Twitter too! Click here


  1. On so many levels I can relate. Call him up though, and send him this post. If for no other reason than you've tried to do for your son what he can't do for himself.

    Char's Dad pretty much did the same thing. Didn't even acknowledge Easter for her.

  2. It is so hard.This Easter my kids (19 & 24) never heard from their dad. It was a first and it killed me to see the hurt on their faces.Even though they are much older then your children, they are children first and I know this hurt them. I never say anything bad about their dad. I told them it wasn't their fault. He didn't even call his own mother. I don't understand it either. I think he expected them to call him to make plans. Since when did they become the parent? We can only love them and give them the support and unconditional love that they deserve. When I was going thru my divorce a friend gave me this most valuable advice...Always love your children more then you dislike (she said hate, but I 'dislike' that word!)their father.I try to remember it, always, when dealing with him. I bite my tongue until it bleeds, I don't bad-mouth him, I even acknowledge his accomplishments.I do this for my kids, not him. I would try and contact him, for your son's sake,if you feel you can calmly do so. I am sorry, I know you didn't ask for advice...just trying to help. :-)
    Sorry to ramble! Hang in there!

  3. Thanks, Chey and Beth! And Beth, no need to apologize - I am always open for advice. I'm struggling with whether or not to contact him. He is supposed to take Alex Saturday night so that I can do the half-marathon on Sunday - we arranged this probably close to 2 momths ago, and I told him then that it was non-negotiable. I'm really tempted to wait it out and see if he remembers or not.

    I do have a backup plan in place if he blows it off - and you had better believe that if he does that, he WILL be hearing from me, and it won't be pleasant.

    I am just stubborn enough that I can wait him out - I don't think that I should have to track him down to "remind" him to be a father. He should be bending over backwards to do it on his own. *sigh*

    Single parenting really blows sometimes.


I have only two rules - don't reveal anyone's personal information, and be respectful. It's not difficult, honest. Now, go on and play.