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Saturday, May 26, 2012


A few months ago, I did a post on what I call "processing". Go back and read that post for the full explanation. Basically it's this whole working-through-things-in-my-head thing that I do - sometimes for just a brief moment, sometimes for days or weeks.

I'm in the middle of processing some really big stuff right now.

When The Dude and I started dating, I didn't allow myself to see it as something that would be long-term. Not that I didn't like him, because I did immediately - but because the thought of being in a relationship again was too scary. I wasn't going to open myself up like that again.

But as time went on and our relationship grew, I realized that we had something special. It sounds old and cliched, but it's true. The more we talked, and the more we got to know each other, the more we fell for each other. And even now, just over 6 months later, we are still growing as a couple. We have gone through some pretty rough stuff and it has done nothing but make our bond even stronger.

We have talked about our future - a lot. Minus the whole marriage business, because we all know that I'm never taking that step again. Yes, we joke about it, but at this point it's just not something that I even want to think about for a myriad of reasons. I don't need a piece of paper to prove that I love someone, and neither does he. We have talked about moving in together in about a year, which is when I plan to move to the town where my older 3 kids go to school so that all of my kids can go to the same school.

But now, we're talking about maybe speeding up that process a bit for a lot of reasons. Of course the main reason is because we want to be together, but there are other reasons as well. It makes sense in a lot of ways. But it almost makes too much sense to me, and I'm trying to find reasons why we shouldn't do it.

And I can't find any legitimate reasons.

And it all kind of comes back to this post - the whole "I said I would never do this again, yet here I am" scenario.

I said I would never even date again, and I started dating.
But, not a relationship - I won't do that again. Oops.
OK, maybe a relationship, but not a serious one. Well, screwed that up too.
A serious relationship is ok, but I won't fall in love. DAMMIT!
So being in love is cool and all, but that's it. No more. Hey, think we should move in together?

So yeah. We're talking about it. We're looking at options. I'm not saying that it's going to happen immediately, because there are A LOT of things to consider - not the least of which are the 5 little munchkins that run around this house on a daily basis. We have a lot of things to work out, and of course, finding a place that would be big enough for all of us that we could afford, whether we rent or buy... and we have a lot of things to discuss and a lot of details to think about and a lot of processing for me to... well, process.

But, it could happen.


  1. We discuss, take it all one step at a time. In the end it comes down to one thing, my love for you.
    Whether it happens next week or in 2 years, I can't wait for the day that your family and my family transform into OUR family.

  2. Wow! Sounds exciting! Trust yourself, I know you have the kids best interest so if you think it's right, go with it. You deserve to be happy. :)

    1. It's exciting, scary, nerve-wracking, fun....and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

  3. I have to say I'm a bit envious...you seem very much in love.;] And that is great. Your posting made me a little emotional (I'm sucha non-guy guy)I've been saying the same things. Never date, never fall, never do THAT again and yet there is hope. Not sure where I am now, but this post is a bit inspirational. My past was impetuous and rushed with supposed love and all that goes with it. I didn't think. Lately, I've been pondering what to do different if the situation ever came up. I think I realized that I've had immature relationships which I thought were mature, should listen to my gut more (if it bothers me in any way- take it slower), and I have a longing for a mature relationship that is comfortable, understanding, and "just fits" even after all the questions are answered and discussed. So, I commend you for this very open post, your thoughtful decision making, and examination of all angles it sounds like. Kudos- you gave me more hope.

    1. Thank you so much - I really appreciate it! I know for a fact that most of my past relationships were indeed very immature, and that's why I took a step back and stayed single for quite a while. When I started dating again, I ran into "those guys" who just weren't in the same space as I was - and I didn't want that. I'm too old to play games. The nice thing about my relationship with The Dude is that we have both been through the crappy immature relationships, and now we both know what we want out of life. And even though we may not see eye-to-eye on everything, we talk it out and communicate honestly. And we "fit".

      Be patient - I always hated when people told me "the right person is out there" but I can honestly say at this point that it's true!

  4. You are going to be fine--trust yourself! And never say NEVER...it will always bite you in the ass!

    1. Eh, on the marriage thing, I can pretty much guarantee that it'll be a "never" thing. Seriously, I've played that game twice before, and didn't even get a tshirt. LOL


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