Observations from the day

Today has just been one of those days when I kept seeing things and saying to myself "I should write something about that" but then when it came right down to it, I couldn't come up with the words. So instead, you'll just get my random thoughts and a few pictures.

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For whatever reason, whenever the sky looks the coolest, the stupid panoramic feature on my phone camera refuses to work. So instead of getting a really cool panoramic view of this....

I end up with this kind of garbage....

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Facebook is such a funny place. For real. I enjoy it most of the time, in spite of the haters. But it's so ironic that I can post things about having a glass or 3 of wine when most people know that I'm the only adult in the house and no one bats an eye (having one right now, thankyouverymuch) but when I post a picture of a lightbulb, it sparks intense debate (not just tonight - every time I mention that I use CFLs it happens).

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And this one....this one might just be my most favorite observation of the day. It would have been cooler still if I had noticed it two days ago, but still - I'll take it.

Celebrate

In case you missed it, I went on a little tirade on my facebook page earlier today. You can click here if you want to read all of the comments, but this is what I had to say:

I've been seeing a lot of posts in my newfeed today saying that single mothers shouldn't be recognized on Father's Day because "they already had their day in May, and they don't get to be honored twice" or "mothers get their day and fathers get their day, and no one gets two" or "no one recognizes single dads on Mother's Day, so it's not fair". 

I have an idea. 

Grow up. 

When are people going to learn that people are free to celebrate whatever holiday they want to, however they want to celebrate it, whenever they want to celebrate it, wherever they want to celebrate it? 

I might choose to celebrate Christmas by dancing a jig in January in Tahiti - and is that anyone's business but my own (and anyone who might be unfortunate enough to witness such an event)? 

NO. 

Not everyone celebrates Christmas or Ramadan or Valentine's Day or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Samhain or Hug Your Cat Day. And not everyone celebrates every holiday in the exact same way. 

AND THAT'S OK. 

Tolerance, people. Tolerance. Quit getting bent out of shape about stupid stuff, and worry about the important things in life. 

Sheesh.

Right after I posted that, we had to leave to go to Daniel's baseball games. I checked my phone a few times once we got there, but my battery was dying so I plugged the phone in to charge in the van and ignored it for a couple of hours. But I kept thinking about it because some of the posts that I saw today really tweaked me.

Seriously, people - who are we to decide who gets to celebrate Father's Day? Or Mother's Day? Or any other holiday out there?

Father's Day. A day meant to honor fathers. I get it. I really do.

But you know what? It's not 1910 anymore. Times have changed. Nuclear families with a mother, a father, 2.3 children, a station wagon, and a dog named Rover aren't the only families that exist anymore.

Why is it that some people feel that the only people to be celebrated for raising children are the mother and father, and only on certain days of the year?

We should celebrate ANYONE who helps to raise a child.

The mother (or mothers). The father (or fathers). Step-parents. Adoptive parents. Foster parents. Aunts, uncles, or grandparents who step into the role for any reason. Neighbors. Daycare providers. Teachers. Friends. The single parent's significant other.

ANYONE. Every day.

In this day and age, with the problems that we face in our society - bullying, abuse, violence, abandonment, drugs, poverty, homelessness (and the list goes on) - we should be grateful for any person who is willing to help raise a child at any point.

A teacher may only be directly involved for 9 months. A foster parent may play a part for a few days or several years. Extended family may provide an intermittent or a steady support system. The mother who opts to give her child up for adoption in the hopes that the baby will have a better life than the one that she can provide - her choice makes an impact on that child's future.

So many people have a hand in how kids grow up these days. So many. So why is it that we get so hung up on who can celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day?

Daniel wanted to take The Dude out for ice cream today. The Dude isn't his biological father, but he's been in this child's life longer than his biological father was. Daniel knows that The Dude isn't his father, and he doesn't call him "dad" (unless he wants something) but he still wanted to celebrate Father's Day.

And that's ok.

Everyone needs to just stop focusing on what other people are doing. Some people want to acknowledge single mothers on Father's Day and single fathers on Mother's Day - so what? It doesn't hurt anyone. It might even brighten someone's day.

Stop with the judgmental crap.

Celebrate all parents, no matter what form they happen to be.

Celebrate family.

Pick a day, any day, even *gasp* multiple days, and go have an ice cream cone and just celebrate.

Keyboard Warriors

So last night, that silly Tooth Fairy letter resurfaced in a really big way. A page on facebook with almost 4 million fans posted it, but of course - without the backstory. Without a link back to my page or my blog. Without my permission.

It happens all the time. All the time. I should be used to it by now, and for the most part I do ignore it. I'll read a few comments, throw the link to my blog up there, and let it go.

This time was different. This time, the comments were mean. Hateful. Judgmental. Way worse than usual. Sure, there were a few positive ones, but they were quickly buried under the ones touting my inept parenting skills.

Of course, since the letter wasn't credited to me, people didn't know who they were insulting. They sat there behind their keyboards, casting stones at someone who wrote a letter to an 11 year old girl as a joke. Even after they read the blog post, they continued.

Emotional violence. She should be ashamed. What a horrible mother. That woman doesn't even deserve to have her kids. She should take parenting classes.

The ones that hurt the most were the ones who insinuated that I was a horrible person for raising my kids in a broken home:

(This thread of comments on the post has since been deleted. I think.)

Broken home. No father figure.

The last thing that I ever wanted was for my family to not be "normal" with a mother and father and kids. I never planned to get divorced, and certainly didn't plan to do it twice. I fought like hell to keep it together, to keep it from being broken, and so I stayed.

But staying wasn't worth it. Staying wasn't safe, for me or for the kids. We had to get out. I had to "break" our home in order to keep them safe. I had to get them away from the violence.

Yes, we lived in an "icky" house for 3 1/2 years. But that icky house meant more to me than just about any other place we've lived. I learned more about myself in that house than ever before.

I know that the hate and the judgment and the Mommy Wars will never stop. As long as there is an internet, there will be keyboard warriors who get their panties in a wad and think that they are better than everyone else and believe that they are entitled to pass judgment on other people without knowing the background. It's never going to stop.

I tell my kids all the time - you can't stop other people from being jerks, but you can certainly control your own reaction to it.

Same thing applies to adults. Don't feed into the anger or the hate or the judgment - it's not worth it.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of the same thing.

Merry Hallowthanksmas

I saw a facebook status from a friend of mine today, talking about the controversy surrounding businesses that are choosing to be open on Thanksgiving Day. The comments on that status ended up leading into a fairly heated discussion about who was right and who was wrong in the Shopping vs. Not Shopping and the Open vs. Closed  arguments for that day.

You want to know what I think?

Seriously folks - there are so many more important things in the world to argue about, you know? Whatever you choose to believe in this scenario is YOUR opinion. Yours. Not mine, not your friends', not anyone else's but your own.

I've got news for you - society doesn't define YOU as a person. You do.

If you don't believe that anyone should shop on Thanksgiving Day, then don't do it.

If you don't believe that a business should be open that day, then don't patronize them.

If you want to go shopping that day because you like the challenge and you want the bargains, go for it.

If you want to sit around in your underwear all day scratching your butt, guess what? You can do it. Just remember to wash your hands afterwards, ok?

I choose not to shop on that day (or Black Friday for that matter), and it's not to make some sort of crazed societal statement. It's for one main reason - I hate to shop. Seriously. Hate it with a passion. Mix that with a general intolerance of rude people and it's a deadly combination. So I don't do it. I don't need a bargain badly enough to deal with that kind of nonsense.

Those people who argue about "the employees deserve to spend the holiday with their family" - ok, do you personally know EVERY SINGLE PERSON who is working in that store? Do you know FOR A FACT that they didn't choose to work that day to get the holiday pay, or that they don't have family, or that their family is celebrating the holiday on a different day, or that they volunteered to work that day so that others could have the day off?

I'm working Thanksgiving Day. Why? Because to me, the holiday season isn't dictated by a calendar. It's a SEASON. We can have our Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving Day, the day after, the Saturday after (more likely because I'm off that day), or on the 4th of July - it doesn't matter when it happens. It's a season, it's a way of thinking, and just because it might not happen on the 4th Thursday of November at 1:00pm doesn't mean that it is any less meaningful for my family.

I'm working so that other people can have the day off because their families won't work around their work schedules for whatever reason. I'm working to suck up 8 additional hours of holiday pay. I'm working to sock a little bit more money into our "Home Sweet Home" fund to get us into a new home. I'm working because I don't allow the calendar to dictate my life.

We as a society have become conditioned that we must have the newest-biggest-best-shiniest-fastest-most-expensive things and we must have them first. Just look at the people who camp out for days in order to be the first to get the newest-fastest-best iWhatever - it's become a normal part of society. Some people like that sort of thing, and some people don't - doesn't make anyone wrong or right.

If you don't like it, then don't participate. If you do, then have fun and I hope that you get everything that you're searching for in that store while experiencing (and inflicting) the least possible amount of bodily harm.

But for crying out loud, stop with the judgmental crap. Leave that for the important stuff.

You asked.....

Just in case you don't follow me on facebook, every now and then I ask people on there to ask me questions, and then I answer them in a blog post. I did that tonight, and this is what they asked me:

Michael asked: why are you so damn awesome? 

Ha. I'm not. The people who read this blog - they are the awesome ones. I just blab and ramble about my normal life, which is totally NOT awesome, but the interactions with the people who read it are what make it all worth it. THEY are the awesome ones, not me.

Erica asked: How do you feel about the tooth fairy letters fame? (I love it btw and will totally use it with my kiddos) 

Honestly, I hate it. I seriously wrote that thing in about 30 seconds and never expected anything to come of it, but it did. And it keeps resurfacing. And I keep getting bashed for it, even though Emily thought that it was funny. But, it is what it is and I can't change it now. So when I see it posted somewhere, I link my blog posts about it in the comments and just let it go - I honestly try not to follow it because more times than not, I'm getting bashed for my parenting skills over one piece of paper floating around the internet.

Michelle asked: Are you freaking out about Monday? I have faith 

Yes and no. I honestly think that the thing that I'm the most worried about is that The Dude is taking on so much responsibility with my kids. The job scares me, yes. The hours scare me, yes. But I know that this is going to be such a huge change for my family, and that scares me more than anything. However, this has come at the most perfect time, and too many things are falling into place at the right time so I can't ignore them. I have to go for it.

Jennifer asked: What are some of the worst things you've seen at work? I want details! (well, not too many details.. but, ya know)

I honestly think that the bare crotch coming through the drive-thru was the worst. Seriously, I can't get that one out of my head. Cover yourselves, people!

Lavinia asked: why is life more complicated than it has to be?

That, my friend, is the million dollar question. But at the same time, I think that people tend to make things more difficult than they need to be. Life is life - whatever is going to happen is going to happen,  and most of the time there is nothing that we can do to change it. Roll with the punches, don't worry about what might happen and deal with it as it comes. One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one second at a time - do what needs to be done to get through the moment, and then deal with the rest as it happens.

Bianca asked: Favourite movies? Two categories: with the kids, just you (or you'n'The Dude). 

For me alone, I can watch just about anything except for sci-fi/fantasy types. I'm a sucker for a good horror flick (yes, even alone) but I also love the typical "chick flicks", dramas, comedies, whatever. When it's me and The Dude, we tend to watch more zombie movies (his choice, but I deal with it) or whatever looks good. He's awesome though, and will willingly sit through a chick flick if that's what I'm in the mood to watch.

Heather asked: How do you manage to do all that you do on so little sleep?!? Because I am cranky butthole without it!!!

At this point in my life, it's just become normal for me. Ever since I split from Ex1 almost 9 years ago, I've lived on very little sleep. Right after we separated, I was working full-time plus a part-time job, and I just got used to it. I run so much during the day and evening that the only time that I have time for myself is at night after the kids go to bed. I know that it's not the best situation for me, so when I finally crash and sleep for 12+ hours at a time, I don't fight it much. Caffeine is my friend.

Maria asked: With how long you an the dude have been together do you think marriage is a possability ever?

We have officially been together for just over 20 months (wait, how did THAT happen?) and while I can easily see spending the rest of my life with him, I just can't see myself getting married again. I did that twice, and I got burned - badly - both times. I know that he's different, but at this point, no, I can't see myself married again. For me, emotionally, it's too big of a risk, and yes, I'm a wuss when it comes to that - and I freely admit it. I love him with all my heart - no doubt about it - but I don't want to get married.

And actually, I had to go digging but there are posts here and here that go into way more detail about that. Check those out if you haven't before.

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So that's that for tonight. I haven't looked back at my page in the past few minutes, so if there are more questions, I will answer them on a different night.

Why do I take so many pictures?

I wish I knew how many times I've been asked that question. I really do. It's no secret that my camera goes with me everywhere I go, and I take pictures constantly. It drives my kids nuts sometimes, but I do it anyway....I mean really, isn't part of my job to make sure that my kids are constantly annoyed?

To be completely honest though, it's because I don't want to forget a thing.

Take today, for example....

Early morning weather check - it would appear
that Mother Nature still hasn't regulated
her meds.

Alex hiding from the camera during breakfast.

Sometimes I don't even mind catching my messy house in the pictures.
It's messy, but there's food in the cabinets, hot cinnamon rolls for
breakfast, and fresh brownies for the kids' lunches.
I think we're all going to survive a little clutter.

A little bit of low-lying fog on the way to school this morning.

And this - I just thought that this was cool.

Emily, with the typical "why so many pictures, mom?" look.

I just can't resist a good sunrise, even if my windows are dirty.

Kansas. Period.

Green wheat and a wild turkey.

Seriously? Why do people do this?
(For the record, they've been there for over a year.)

Nothing like looking ahead and seeing a train that appears to be coming
right at you.

I love being able to catch these moments.

Playing under the bridge on the way home from school.

Love this - it's so typical. Alex being the daredevil, while Daniel
is "being tricky" and walking backwards. Let it be known that Daniel
chose his own clothes this morning. I take no responsibility
for his fashion choices.

Probably some of my favorite pictures of this kid are of him
sleeping in weird places.

These are the moments that I don't want to lose.

Life can change so fast. I follow the page of a woman who we know who lost her young son in a tragic accident earlier this year. She posts pictures and memories of him regularly, and I can't help but think to myself that she is so lucky that she took lots of pictures of him - pictures that probably seemed silly at the time have so much significance now, both to her and to others.

I was reminded again tonight about how quickly life can change. As I mentioned on my facebook page, I managed to stalk locate an old friend from college. He was my then-boyfriend's best friend, and there was a big group of us that all hung out and did a LOT of drinking together. We all went our separate ways after we left Penn State and most of us lost touch with each other. As soon as I found him tonight, I sent him a friend request and we started chatting and catching up on the past *cough* almost 20 *cough* years.

As it turns out, the guy that I was dating - his best friend - died last year from an aneurysm. On his birthday. He was only about a month younger than me.

Life is too short. In the blink of an eye, it can all change...or it can end. I want to remember each moment - because we never know how many of those moments we have left.



Thanks for the reminder, Rich. May you rest in peace.

Judgmental people suck

Yep. I'm about to take off on a rant here.

Just over a year ago, I wrote a post about judgmental people and what I thought about them. There have been so many things that have come up in my life in the past week or so and they've really just been kind of eating at me. I told The Dude tonight that I didn't think that there would ever come a time that I would need to blog, but right now, I need to do it. I need to get this crap out of my head.

I'm going to warn you right now....I'm currently typing this at about eleventy bajillion words per minute - literally just spewing it out to get it out of my head and try to make some sense of it. So if it doesn't make sense, well, I don't know what to tell you.

About a week and a half ago or so, I wrote the post on my thoughts on marriage and how I believe that everyone should have that right. I am very happy to say that 100% of the comments on both the blog post and on my facebook page were positive - and I really expected to get some negative backlash from that one. So that made me happy. Even when I changed the cover photo on my facebook page, no one said anything negative. And for that, y'all rock.

I changed my profile photo on my personal profile too, and most of the response that I got was positive. I got involved in a few discussions, but didn't really get into any arguments about it and for that I was thankful. I was saddened to see a few closed-minded people continue to use the "Bible argument" and try to force their own religion onto others despite that whole 'freedom of religion' thing in this country, but I also know that some people will never change. And that's ok, because just like me they are free to believe whatever they want to believe.

So in that department, the Judgy McJudgersons behaved themselves.

But elsewhere....

A friend called me the other day. She runs another page on facebook, and she was telling me that she had posted something on her page about being stressed because she was going to have extra kids around for a few days. Apparently, someone commented on her status and told her something to the effect of (and I am massively paraphrasing here) 'you shouldn't complain because Non-Stop Mom does it on her own all of the time' or something like that.

Honestly, that really bugged me the more that I thought about it. I don't ever want anyone to think that my life is so horrible or stressful or depressing or whatever that I have to be admired for getting through it. It's my life, people. It is what it is, period.

Think about it. I'm a single mom. Yes, that's stressful. Yes, it makes some things harder than it does for parents who have a spouse. But you know what? I'm single by choice. I choose to be a single mom. I didn't choose it when it happened, but I sure as heck choose it now. Yes, I have The Dude and I love him with all of my heart and soul and I fully intend to torture him for the rest of our lives be with him for a very long time - but I choose not to be married to him. There are a lot of reasons there and I've talked about some of them before but regardless, I'm a single mom by choice.

Hopefully, as we continue house hunting, we'll be living together within a few months and although we will not be married, he'll be around to help more. Until then, it's ok. Really.

My schedule is crazy. We all know that. But you know what? It's crazy by choice too. I allow my kids to participate in as many activities as they can because I think that (to a point) it's good for them. I want them to be active and involved and to enjoy life as much as possible. I could seriously simplify my schedule by just saying no to a few after school activities - but I choose to do them. And that's ok.

I could also simplify my schedule by just not taking on so many projects at one time. But you know what? By making the choice not to work right now, I can also make the choice to be more involved in other stuff. Important stuff. And so I run myself ragged. I like to stay busy. It's my choice. And that's ok.

So I don't sleep very much. You know what? A lot of that's by choice too. I don't get a lot of time to myself during the day, so I stay up late playing on the computer and blogging and doing whatever I feel like doing for a few hours. Should I do it all of the time? Probably not. Have I been getting better about it? Somewhat. But again, it's my choice. And it's ok too.

Another area where the Judgy McJudgersons have been out in full force is that silly Tooth Fairy letter. Holy crap, people. Seriously? It's still appearing in random places and it seems like the farther out we get from the original posting of it in January, the more hateful people get. For real. I saw it on 3 different facebook pages today, and holy crapola the hate and venom and ........ mean, judgmental people were just unreal. I couldn't believe it. There are so many people out there who are willing to call me a horrible mother ... mean ... nasty ... evil ... the worst parent ever ... bitch ... that I'm scarring my kids for life (that one still kind of amuses me) ... that I'm lying to my kids ... that I'm lazy ... Seriously, you name the insult, and I bet I've read it in regards to that letter.

But you know what? I can take it. It really doesn't bother me that much. But then I sit back and think - if people are so willing to judge a random unknown parent by one single random piece of paper that's circulating around the internet with absolutely no context whatsoever - what kind of judgments are they passing on people who are actually in their lives? What are they saying about their kids' teachers, or their own siblings, or their neighbors, or the homeless guy that they pass every morning on their way to work? What do these people think of themselves? How is it that they feel qualified to judge someone unknown to them based on one tiny little momentary glimpse into that person's life?

Honestly, what gives anyone the right to judge anyone else? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that being judgmental is a learned trait - and most of the time, kids pick that up from their parents and other adults in their lives. Think about that the next time you feel like spouting off some line of judgy crap about someone in front of your kid, and then go one step farther and think about how you would feel if you were the person being judged.

Trust me, being judged sucks. It really does. That I can tell you from experience.

Random thoughts

Well, I survived the trip to the dentist today. It was nowhere near as traumatic as the visit to the oral surgeon was, but it was still horrible. The Dude went with me, and the hygienist let him come into the room with me and stay for the whole thing. It took a little over an hour to get my teeth clean - I guess that happens when you wait about 10 years in between cleanings - but she was super nice and gentle and she really paid attention to my reaction. Whenever I flinched, she backed off a bit and just kept talking to me the whole time. The good thing was that even after waiting that long to get them done, I don't have any damage to my teeth at all, so no fillings or anything, and I don't have to go back for another 6 months - and yes, I scheduled the appointment.

Funny thing was that The Dude looked at me after it was over and said "hey, you didn't do bad at all this time" and THEN I pulled my hands out of the pocket of my hoodie and showed him the fingernail marks in my palms from having my hands balled up in such tight fists the whole time. I'm pretty sure that he rolled his eyes at me when he saw that. Butthead.

But I did it. And I lived. And I got a free toothbrush.

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This made me happy.

So if you're on facebook, I'm sure that you saw all of the new profile pictures that people used to show their support for marriage equality. I changed my personal one and also changed the cover photo on my page - because just in case you happened to miss it the other day, I fully support marriage equality.

I was amazed at the sheer number of people who changed their profile pictures or showed support in some way. There were people who questioned what good changing a profile picture would do - and I agree that it doesn't do anything to change the laws. No politician is going to change his mind simply because I changed my profile picture. But it did show support to my friends who are denied the opportunity to marry the person that they love.

And honestly, I was stunned (in a good way) that certain people showed their support. Some of my friends who I had always pegged as being against marriage equality changed their pictures or shared some of the memes that were floating around today, and it made me smile.  A lot.

Times are changing. And I like that.

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I am so looking forward to nicer weather. With the kids having a long weekend (again) this weekend, it'll be nice to actually be able to get outside and do something. Not to mention that I really have to buckle down and get ready for this half-marathon that is doing its best to sneak up on me in a little over a month. Crap.

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Easter is on Sunday??? How did THAT happen?

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I really need to redo my nails.

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Tomorrow is my payday. Which means that as soon as I'm done doing this, I need to figure out my menu and the grocery list for the next month, taking into account track meets, Scout meetings, and various other functions that will totally ruin any and all plans that I make. Tomorrow morning will be spent paying bills and then hopefully grocery shopping. So much excitement.

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Read THIS. Share it. Please.

Randomness.

~~ I don't know how long it's been since I've been out for a run, but it's about to kill me. I need to get out and get moving again for so many reasons. However, I made the mistake of yanking on what I thought was a tiny little piece of dead skin on my big toe, and *ouch* - instant hangnail/swelling/pain. So I've been babying that thing like crazy trying to get it to heal because right now it hurts to even put a shoe on that foot. But, it's getting there. Another couple of days, maybe.

~~ I really need to remember to take the trash out tonight. And to dump all of the *ahem* leftovers-disguised-as-science-experiments out of the fridge first.

~~I can really make a mess when I cook. But my philosophy is that the bigger the mess, the better the food. And yes, the food was good last night. The mess was all that was left of it by the time we were done.

~~ Another reason to get out and start running again is because I am determined to do the half-marathon again this year - and to significantly reduce my time (not just by a few seconds again). I want to do it in under 3 hours this time, and I will do anything in my power to make that happen. I have until May 5 to get ready for it...but I need to get registered before the end of the month.

~~ That silly letter from the Tooth Fairy now has 3000 shares off of my page alone on facebook. 3000 shares. Really? Of course, I've also found about 10 different radio stations that have swiped it and posted it as their own and gotten hundreds (if not thousands) of shares on it as well. It just blows my mind.

~~ I find it kind of funny when people tell me that they admire me for "keeping it all together all the time". If they only knew how chaotic things really get around here.....they would change that opinion really quickly. My kids are far from being perfect kids, and I am far from being a perfect mother - but somehow we make it work, most of the time.

~~ I really hate this house. I hate it more and more every day.....as I pull on a second pair of socks to keep my toes warm. I can not wait to get us moved out of here and into a better place.

~~I wonder if the ghost will move with us when we do find a new place.

~~ I really wish that I would have wiped that gigantic glob of spilled toothpaste off of the front of the bathroom sink when I saw it earlier. But on the plus side, my dirty laundry now smells minty fresh and I have on a clean pair of sweatpants.

~~I just realized when I looked at the ticker on here that I have been smoke-free for 6 months. Woot!

~~I still have a million things that I need to get done tonight, and I'm not getting any of them done while I'm sitting here complaining about having to get them done.



Brain dump complete. Carry on.

We need to turn it around...

I went into the beginning of this new year full of hope and excitement. I really do think that there are going to be some wonderful things happening for me and my family this year. I was anxious to get this year started for so many positive reasons.

But then the new year started - and it didn't start well at all.

I found out on the second day of the year that one of my friends was going through a personal hell, and as a mother, it hit home for me.

On the third day, we got more devastating news that again, hit me so incredibly hard.

The Dude has been having problems with his truck. My "service engine" light was on. He has to get two teeth pulled tomorrow afternoon.

It just hasn't been a stellar start to the year. But at the same time I know that it could always be worse.

We spent part of the afternoon today working on his truck. Although we didn't get it fixed, we have now narrowed down the problem and are about 98% sure that we know what's wrong with it. He can drive it for now, for short distances, but it needs to be fixed. Of course that doesn't come for free, but we can get it taken care of in the next couple of weeks.

My "service engine" light? I had a sneaking suspicion desperate hope that it was something stupid - and it was. Turns out the gas cap wasn't on tight enough to make it happy. Stupid thing. But the light's off now, so it's good.

Tonight, however.....tonight was hard. As I mentioned the other day, a little boy who was the son of one of Sarah's mentors was killed in a horrible accident last week. As a mother, I can't even begin to imagine the impact of losing a child. I just can't wrap my head around it. After the kids got home from school and basketball practice tonight, Sarah announced that she wanted to go to the boy's viewing. I wasn't sure that it was a good idea, but she and I talked about it and she really wanted to go. I told her she would have to check with her father, since she was supposed to go to church with him tonight. He agreed that she could go, but only if I went with her. So plans quickly changed, Ex1 came and got Emily and Jared, I took Alex and Daniel over to The Dude's house, and Sarah and I went to the viewing.

It was so hard. So incredibly hard. Seeing the little boy's parents and sisters there, and the other mourners...looking at the pictures and the videos from his short little life....my heart shattered so many times tonight. Seeing the pain in his mother's eyes as she hugged me and thanked me for coming....I have tears running down my face as I'm typing this.

All I've been able to think for the past few days is "something's got to give" - there has been too much bad stuff to start off a new year. Way too much. It needs to change, and somehow we need to turn it around. So I started thinking - always dangerous for me to do.

Tomorrow, January 10, 2013 is my 2 year blogiversary. It's been 2 years since I started this crazy thing.  And Sunday, January 13, is both my 42nd birthday and the 2nd anniversary of the day that my 2nd divorce became final.

I need to celebrate. I want to celebrate. I want to be happy. While I can't forget about the bad stuff, I can't focus on it - and I don't want anyone else to focus on the bad stuff either.

So what do we do?

I know what I'm going to do. I've always been a huge fan of the "Pay it Forward" movement (as is my good friend over at Mom-troversial) and I'm going to start making a really conscious effort to pay it forward as much as I can and in as many ways as I can. I have a pile of stuff sitting by my front door already that needs to be donated - and it's going to go out this week. We have toys that the kids have outgrown or they don't like or whatever. Guess what? They're going out the door too.

I've made up my mind that I am going to do as much as I can for two of my favorite local organizations too - our homeless shelter and our women's safe house. I have my own personal reasons for choosing those two in particular, but they're going to be getting some of my time, my money, and any of my "stuff" that they can use.

So - for my blogiversary and for my birthday, this is the best gift that anyone could give to me (*cough* along with a pair of warm fuzzy slippers so that I don't have to keep wearing The Dude's that are 18 sizes too big for me *cough*). Go out and do something for someone. Donate something somewhere. Be nice to someone. Donate something that you don't need anymore instead of selling it. Volunteer your time. If you have the cash, make a donation to a local organization that needs it. There are so many ways that we can make someone else's life just a little bit easier, but we overlook those things so often in our hurry to deal with our own lives. Pay it forward, people. Please.

So go and do it, and tell me what you did. Leave it in a comment here, post it on my facebook wall, send me an email, whatever. Tell the world that you did it, and maybe you'll inspire someone else to do the same thing.

The now infamous Tooth Fairy letter.

Holy crap.

That's about all I can say right now. Had I known what would happen when I posted a picture of a letter that the Tooth Fairy wrote to Emily at about 1:00 this morning, I might have thought twice. Or not.

The letter.

I thought that a few people would get a chuckle out of it, and that would be it. Now, here I sit less than 24 hours later....and there are almost 1900 likes on it on facebook and it has been shared almost the same number of times. More than 300 new people have come to my facebook page and have 'liked' that as well.

Really? It was just a silly letter to try to get my kid to clean her room.

I would say that well over 99% of the comments that I received and/or saw on other pages were positive - something that shocks me. It seems like even the most innocent share can trigger the haters and trolls to come out of the woodwork - so I got really nervous when I saw the numbers exploding after I posted it.

There were a few questions raised, and rather than attempt to answer them through comments on facebook, I figured I'd just address them all here. It's easy. And I might have a lazy streak in me at times.

The most common question related to the "bodies" in the bed. Yes, Emily is 11 years old, so no, there are no boys in her bed (unless one of her brothers sneaks in there during the night). The only other live body was that of her 13 year old sister, who insists on sleeping in the bottom bunk with Emily more often than not. And it irritates me to no end - whenever they sleep in the same bed, they end up fighting over the covers or who kicked who in the face or whose breath stinks the worst or whatever. So I hate when they sleep in the same bed. Plus, there were several inanimate bodies in the bed as well as a bunch of extra pillows and covers and all sorts of crap that made it next to impossible to find the tooth pillow under her pillow.

Tooth pillow. What's a tooth pillow? I saw that comment somewhere. If you look at this post you can see a picture of the tooth pillow. I got it when I was little, and the kids have all used it. It makes it much easier for the Tooth Fairy to find the tooth under the pillow in the bed if it's in this, and then the money gets stuck in the pocket so that it doesn't get lost either.

One comment that really kind of ticked me off annoyed me caught my eye was on one of the shares, where someone said something to the effect of me being a horrible mother, and my kid was going to be scarred for life. Uh huh. Whatever. I'm pretty sure that not getting her buck for her tooth until her room is clean is going to put her in therapy. Get over it.

There was another that wanted to know why she had to ask THE MOTHER and not THE FATHER. Too bad that was on a share too, so I couldn't comment and tell that person that there is no father in this house. I'm a single mom. I have The Dude, but he doesn't live here, and he's not their father. That one kind of bugged me too, but I just chalked it up to someone not being familiar with the story.

Probably the most common question was "did it work?"

Before

The answer to that is yes. And no.

Let me start off by saying that I do take responsibility for some of the mess in this room. We rearranged a month or two ago, and I had to take some of their shelves off of the wall in order to do it, and things kept distracting me and I didn't get the shelves put back up. And well, it's hard to put things away when the shelves aren't there. However, that has nothing to do with the dirty laundry all over the floor, or the garbage in general that was spread out all over the place.

They definitely started out strong. They got in there and they really started working. I got the shelves put back up (busted out some power tools to do it too...hehehe) and got some other shelves anchored to the wall and they got a lot of stuff put away. We had to stop to take Sarah to the school for open gym, and then we came back and worked some more, and then we had to stop again to take Emily to the school for basketball practice, so we kept getting distracted.

During

I thought that things were going really well in there, and it was starting to look really good, but then they dug into a huge tub (the green one in the 'before' picture) that was full of old artwork. It had been stored in cardboard boxes before, but the boxes got broken down over time and so we tossed everything into this tub. And they dug it all out and started going through it, so more of a mess was created. But, we got rid of a bunch of it, so that will help in the long run.

So yes, it worked to a point. The room is not clean by any stretch of the imagination, but they put in a good effort. So I may go ahead and allow the Tooth Fairy to come back tonight - especially since they'll be at their father's house for the next couple of nights. However, considering that it's after 11:00 and I can still hear them, I may cancel it again tonight.


Now....for something really funny. While Sarah was at open gym, I took the other 4 kids to the convenience store to get drinks. I left Emily and the boys in the van and went in to get what we needed, and then realized that I didn't ask her what she wanted. So I went back out to the van with drinks for me and the boys, and sent her into the store to get something for herself. She came out with a bottle of Jones soda.

If you're not familiar with Jones soda, they have little sayings under their caps. Keep in mind that we got these in the middle of the cleaning spree - and this is what Emily got:

(*Edited to add: In case you're wondering about how Emily has handled the hubbub around the letter, read this post - especially if you're one of the people who has something negative to say about it.)

(*Edited again regarding the hateful comments and judgment that I've received about this thing.)

(**Edited again to add: Emily has written her own post about this thing. If you'd like to read that - and you should - you need to click here.)

Questions and Answers

So every now and then, I get bored lazy inspired and I ask the people on my facebook page to ask me questions, and I'll answer them in the blog. It's a fun way for people to get to know me better and it gives me something to write about when I really can't think of anything interesting.

This is what was asked tonight:

Jennifer asked: If there were only two football teams in the entire world, The Cowboys and The Bears.. Which would you choose?
This one is totally a no-brainer for me. I will always choose whoever is playing against the Cryboys Cowgirls Cowboys. Always. Without a doubt. Well, unless it's Pissburgh Pittsburgh - then I have a really hard time deciding who I hate more, but at that point, I might not complain too much if the Cryboys Cowgirls Cowboys didn't lose.

And yes, I know that The Dude is a diehard fan of that team that I despise - but he has to have a fault. If rooting for the wrong team is the worst one that he has, I'm ok with it. Plus, it gives us something to bicker about from time to time.

Mike asked: I am a stay at home dad and I play dolls with my daughter is it wrong for me to see the cute little dolls naked. Lol
I wouldn't necessarily say that it's wrong, as long as you are not thinking inappropriate thoughts about said dolls. Then you could be considered a freak.

Next!!!

Kristine asked: what chores do your kids do? My two are 9 and almost 11, and I need some ideas!!
You know, this question actually got me to thinking (I hate when that happens). My kids don't really have 'chores'. They have things that I expect them to do, like picking up their toys and keeping their rooms cleaned and basic things like that. But they don't really have a chore list. I just expect them to do what I tell them to do - sometimes that works, and sometimes that doesn't. For instance, I will wash and dry and fold their laundry - but I refuse to put the girls' stuff away. I make them do that, and then when they can't find something, it's their fault and not mine. (I learned that one a long time ago!) Jared and Alex will put their laundry away as well, but I still have to help Daniel because he's too short to reach his top drawers.

It's a little harder for me because the older 3 are only here half of the time - and really less than that now with the sports schedule. So to be completely honest, I try to do as much as I can so that they can focus on family and homework while they're here. As they get older, I do have them do more around the house - when they're here.

Mike asked: I will let my dog or cat play with the naked Barbies on the floor if and only IF they are missing limbs. But if the have all four limbs they get in trouble. Should I let the Barbies become dog toys? I'm afraid dfs is gonna walk in and find a dead Barbie in the dogs mouth.
Oh, Mike, Mike, Mike....first of all, kudos for only allowing the pets to mangle the already-dismembered Barbies. I would hate to think of your kids' reactions should Fluffy get a hold of an intact one. Personally, I despise Barbies so I'm all for allowing them to be chewed up and digested by the 4-legged members of the family, and if any social service agency has a problem with that, then they need to go back and look at their job descriptions again.

Heather asked: What's your favorite thing about Kerry?
Oh boy....how much time do you have? Seriously, there is so much about this guy - but I'll try to keep it short. Probably the best thing about him is that he gets me. I don't know how he does it, but he just knows what makes me tick. He and I were just chatting back and forth on facebook and he said something that made me smile - and I told him that I thought that it was cool "that even after this long, you can send me a message like that, and I sit here with this dumbass smile on my face" - and it's true. No matter what is going on in our lives, he can always make me smile. Our relationship is special in that we don't have to do anything amazing and exciting and exhilarating and whatever in order to enjoy the time that we have together - we are content to hang out with the kids, watch movies, chat on facebook if we're not together, run errands - it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we are together. It sounds cliche, but it's true.

Heather asked: If, given the chance, you had ONE WHOLE WEEK kid free, what would you do?
Oh boy. A week? Really?

I'd probably sleep for the first day. And if I wasn't sleeping, I'd be wandering around the house, eating random junk food and watching movies in my raunchy slept-in clothes and unbrushed teeth - just because I could.

That would only last about a day, because I'd get bored. Then I'd probably start cleaning the house. Like, really cleaning. Tearing stuff apart and organizing because I could do it without being interrupted or without having to stop to feed kids or break up fights or whatever.

And then I would sew. I would pull out all of my unfinished projects, spread them out all over the house to figure out what needed to be done, and then I'd sew and sew and sew until I got them all done.

Of course, spending as much time as possible with The Dude would also be worked in there too. Maybe we could arrange for him to have a week off from work at the same time - and we could win the lottery - and then he and I could go away for a few days, alone. Or skip the lottery part and we could just go pitch the tent out at the lake and hide away from humanity for a few days.

Heather asked: Do you still wear those boots?
(3 questions in a row, Heather? Really?)
Yes. I do.

The story of my boots...... Picture it. Sicily Pennsylvania, December 1993. I was preparing to start my final semester at Penn State, which consisted of my student teaching outside of Philadelphia (Norristown, to be exact). I had gone Christmas/school shopping with my mother, and I needed some new winter boots and a winter coat. Now, we've already established many times throughout this blog that I am not a girly-girl by any stretch of the imagination, so finding winter boots became a challenge. We finally went over to the men's department in some store and I found this pair. Yes, they are men's boots. I don't remember how much we paid for them or anything, but it wasn't an outrageous amount - because you know, men don't have to pay as much for functional boots as women do. Anyway, we bought them and a full length winter coat (that's actually a women's one though) and we left.

I have worn these boots every winter since then - and if my math is right, that means that this winter will be my 19th one with them. I love my big old ugly boots, and when they finally die I will be very sad, and I will never find a pair that is as wonderful as they are.

You can't see it in this picture, but the profile picture on facebook and on the one at the top of the blog itself - if you look at the right boot, there's black goo on them. That is tar from when I wore them to help build a Habitat for Humanity house when I worked in Wichita. I've worn them to do yardwork and to garden. I've trudged through snow and mud and all sorts of crap in them. And they are worn, and they are ugly, but I love them.

And, they are actually what started this blog.

Jennifer came back and asked: What's your favorite scary Halloween movie?
First off, I don't really "do" Halloween. I mean, I take the kids trick or treating and stuff, but I don't really like the "holiday" or "season" or whatever you want to call it.

But, give me a good horror movie any day of the week and I am happy. Seriously. I love a good horror movie. And I am just weird enough that I will sit here alone and watch them late at night. I love them all. Horror, blood and guts, you name it - I'll watch it.

Funny story - right after I moved into this house, I was watching "Pet Sematary" late one night. I had gotten it from Redbox and had forgotten just how scary it was. So I was a little edgy (best part of watching a scary movie) and all of a sudden, the front door of the house blew open with a bang, complete with leaves blowing in and swirling around on the floor. After I peeled myself off of the ceiling, I closed the door, and remembered to deadbolt it against the powerful Kansas wind - apparently I had gone out to smoke earlier that evening and didn't close the door tightly. Oops.

Angela asked: What are your favorite and most disliked parts of blogging?
That's a good one!

My favorite would just be 'doing it'. Whether it's getting something off my mind, keeping track of what the kids and I do on a daily basis, venting about something idiotic, or working through some issue that I didn't really realize that I had, I love being able to just sit here and type it out. I have no idea where I want to go with it - I don't think that I'm the type of person to turn it into a book or anything, but maybe someday I'll get it all printed up and save it for the kids or something. What I put out here is really ME - I don't sugarcoat, I don't make things up, I don't lie - it's totally a snippet of my life. I'm just amazed that people actually read it.

Oh, and the people! I love the people who I have "met" by doing this - both online and in real life. It's an amazing community and I am thrilled to be a part of it.

My most disliked parts....... There have been times when I've taken some pretty harsh criticism of something that I've done or said - and that's never fun. But at the same time, it's what I get for putting myself out there for the world to see so I can't really complain about it too much. There will always be haters and there will always be people who don't approve of what I do - but I'm really ok with that.

Honestly, my least favorite part at this point is Blogger's "new and improved" interface. You readers don't see it, but those of us who use it for our blogs do, and quite frankly, it sucks. It's another example of a company thinking that they need to improve upon something that is perfectly fine to start with - and in the process of "improving" it, they screw it up instead.

Laura asked: Can you keep what happend. On American Horror Story a secret for another hour or so????? I just started it!
Sure, I can do that. Mainly because I have no idea what you're talking about..... LOL

Pam asked: Why did you decide to keep secret what happened a couple weeks ago?
Ah yes, the incident. There are a number of reasons why I won't go into specifics about that one.

I do put a lot of us out there for the world to see. Had I known when I started this blog that so many people were going to read it, I never would have used our names or our pictures - but I did and I can't take it back now. So all I can do is try to protect ourselves from the scariness that is the real world.

I won't use our specific location. I won't use our last names. I do my best to blur out identifying details in pictures that I post. I have filters in place on my facebook page so that comments that contain certain words are automatically hidden. I do what I can to protect myself and my family online.

However, what happened a couple of weeks ago was not something that I could control. I was not able to be the protector in that situation, and to put it bluntly it scared the hell out of me. It was not a "blog thing" - it was a "real world thing". Luckily, everyone is fine. Given the situation, it could have been ugly and horrible and awful. But it wasn't. It's ok.

At the same time, there is a police investigation that is still continuing - and that is a big factor as to why I won't say anything about it just yet. Once I know that everything is resolved and that all of the loose ends are tied, I may divulge some of it - but I might not. I just have to wait and see how it plays out in the end.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So there you have it - the answers to your questions (for tonight). I always tell people - if you have a question for me, just ask. You can comment here or on facebook, or you can send me a message on facebook or an email. I'll answer it - or if it's something that I can't answer, I'll tell you that too.

Questions and answers

It's another one of those nights where I can't focus on anything long enough to sit down and really write a "real" blog post....so I cheated again and asked on my facebook page if anyone had any questions that they wanted me to answer or anything in particular that they would like for me to write about tonight.

Here's what they've come up with so far....

Angela asked: Do you have fun crafts you do with your kids?
Funny you should ask that tonight. For whatever reason, when the older 3 kids came home from their father's house this morning, they brought waterpaints with them. Oh, yay. Anyway, we were out running around this afternoon and we had to stop at the store, and they decided that they were going to use their money and buy some posterboard. Next thing I knew, the five of them were sitting on the living room floor, painting and arguing and having a good time.

They all do like to do artsy stuff, but they like to do it on their terms. They usually don't like to sit down as a group and work on something with me leading them. They just want to do. The girls are into it more than the boys, although the boys are definitely into the coloring thing at this point. The girls have also attempted to sew some, and they are both working on some needlepoint coasters that they want to sell, but they don't have the stick-to-it-iveness to get them done, although what they have finished looks really good.

*Mental note: don't forget to scrub paint off of the hardwood floor before going to bed tonight.


Shannon asked: have you ever had or made tomato preserves?
I have had them, but I've never made them. When I was growing up, we had a huge garden in the backyard, and we grew just about everything and Mom did the canning. I've never had a big enough garden to do much in the way of canning (see the question after the next one....).

Stac asked: Do u sleep?
I do. Nowhere near as much as I should, but I do sleep. This summer, while the kids have been out of school, I've typically been going to bed around 2:00am. Depending on how many kids are here at the time, I can sometimes sleep until anytime between 7:00 and 9:00am. I don't get the chance to take a nap during the day because we're either out running around or I just have too much to do in order to get a nap. Once school starts, I have to force myself to go to bed at a more reasonable time because I have to be up by either 5:30am or 7:00am, depending on which kids I have that morning and which school district I have to get to first.

Angela asked: If you have not had tomato preserves, what do you anticipate most about our jam trade?.... Seriously though, you do a bunch of canning. I know you pick your own plums. Do you grow any of the rest yourself? Or purchase? And why?
Our jam trade - Hmmmm....I really just can't wait to see what you come up with! You mentioned several different things that you make that I would love to try, so when we get around to it I think I just want you to toss in some different stuff and surprise me with it! ;)

Right now, I don't grow any of the stuff myself. I do have a couple of jalapeno and tomato plants in buckets on my porch, but with the summer's brutal heat, I'm not getting much off of them. My house does not have any outside water source, so it would be impossible for me to plant a garden and keep it watered - plus my neighbor has walnut trees that puke their nuts all over my yard in the fall, and from what I understand they release something into the soil that makes it virtually impossible to grow anything. So, as much as I would love to have a huge garden, it's just not in the cards until I move out of this house.

The Dude and I have already talked about this at length - when I move out of this house (next summer at the latest) we will most likely be moving in together - and we plan on having a huge garden and doing tons of canning and trying to be as self-sufficient as possible.

When I do have to buy stuff for canning, I try as much as I can to buy the local stuff. I pick the majority of the stuff that I can though. In fact, we have to get out again in the next week or so to pick sand plums again (next time The Dude has a day off and we have a minimal number of kids) and hopefully by then the pears will be ready as well. The property where we pick is owned by friends and they have given us permission to pick as much as we want to, and so we happily oblige!

But for right now, I am going to head back into the kitchen and work on a batch of watermelon pickles - and yes, I will be posting the recipe that I use to make those in the next few days sometime!

What should I write about?

I've been sitting here all night, chatting with friends and trying to figure out what to write about. I get bored just saying "we did this and this and this blah blah blah today" and I know that it has to get boring to read. So I posted a question on my facebook page and asked what I should write about and got several suggestions. So, I'm going to attempt to combine all of them.....

This could be interesting....

The first suggestion was from One Tired Mama, who said that I should write about what I'm thankful for - and that's really an easy one, but it's something that we all take for granted.

I am so incredibly thankful for my kids. Of course, they aggravate and annoy me on a daily basis - poopy pants from kids who are old enough to know better, jumping on beds, refusing to eat supper, arguing, bickering, and the like all get old very quickly. But at the same time, the hugs and kisses and love that I get from them make it all worthwhile. They really are great kids, and they've all been through a lot in their short lives, but I think that they are all coming through it alright. We still have our issues, and we always will, but we are a family and we love each other regardless of the crappy days.

I am thankful for my friends and family who have supported me over the years. I know that I put some of them through hell with my whining and complaining when things were rough - but they stuck by me and showed me how much they love and care about me, and for that I can never thank them enough.

I am thankful that right now I am financially secure enough to be a stay-at-home mom and to keep a roof over our heads and dependable wheels under our butts to get us to where we need to go at a moment's notice. I know that we can make ends meet, even if it is tight at times. And because of that, I can focus on the kids and what they need.

But I think right now, I am most thankful for The Dude. He has put up with a lot of crap from me since we started dating. He has dealt with my mood swings and my stressed-out frazzled crazy self, he has held me while I've cried, he has celebrated the good times, and he has shown me so much love and support that I never even imagined was possible. He is truly an amazing guy, and I have learned so much about myself simply by being with him. I now know that no matter how much I might have tried to fight it, it is possible for me to love and be loved again. And yes, in case there was any doubt from anyone, I LOVE HIM.

There....see? I used the L-word!

Now, back to that status on my facebook page...

While my neighbor does have a dog, she's a good dog, and she doesn't bark much unless there's something to bark about (usually). She does alert me if there's something going on, but for the most part she's quiet. So I really can't complain about barking dogs....

And as for butt plugs....I have to say that I will leave that one up to the experts, as I have no experience in that department. However, I will admit that I have been tempted to jam a cork into a few butts around this house - it might cut down on the amount of laundry that I have to do, but at the same time, it could increase the amount of paperwork that I would need to do once the State found out about it and took my kids from me.

My favorite "go-to dinners" was another suggestion. That one's actually a tough one, because I can't get all of my kids to agree on ANYTHING for supper. However, the 2 youngest will always eat macaroni and cheese (barf) or peanut butter and jelly. Generally, anything kid-friendly will work in a pinch....pizza is always good. Or stromboli, but that takes some planning since the dough has to thaw out for a few hours before I can make it. They like hamburger helper (barf) too. And sometimes spaghetti. And there's always the good ol' standby - anything from any fast food restaurant (which I've been trying to avoid lately).

And last but not least....how am I feeling about my walk tomorrow and the half-marathon on Sunday. Well, I'm not worried about the walk tomorrow, since it's just a walk. The Dude is spending the night tonight at a friend's house so that he can watch the NFL draft stuff, so we are picking him up on the way to the walk and taking him with us. It's an easy, untimed walk around one of the parks in Wichita so it'll be fun and it's for a great cause. While I am relieved that I don't have to wear Cowboys crap for it, I am disappointed that I didn't meet my challenge of raising $250 for it. There's always next year though....

Now the half-marathon on Sunday - yeah, I'm worried about that one. I did it last year in 3:12:32 and I would love to beat that time this year. Actually, I would love to do it in under 3 hours. But, I feel totally unprepared, and I'm just not sure that I can do it. I'm going to give it my all though - I have The Dude's mp3 player to keep my mind occupied, and I found my watch that I can use to keep my pace, so as long as I can stay focused and I don't hurt too much, I can do it. I know that I can finish it - I'm just worried about my time. But just like life, I will get through it one step at a time.

So there you go - a blog post brought to you by the wonderful friendly folks who follow me on facebook!