Changes

It's time to make some changes.

I've talked before about how much I hate my job, and realistically, that hasn't changed.

Granted, CrankyPants has had a much better attitude for the past couple of months, and that has made a huge difference. But when it comes right down to it, I really hate being there. Don't get me wrong...there are parts that I enjoy, and I love 99% of my coworkers.... but I just don't like the job.

Physically, it's gotten to be too much for me. The stress and the constant running and the constant being on my feet is taking its toll. It's getting to the point that I can barely walk when I get home because I hurt so bad - and that's not fair to me or to the kids. They want and need me to be able to do things, and to tell them "I'm sorry, but I hurt too much" is just wrong. I can't keep up with the house because I'm so worn out and sore all of the time.

I've been doing some serious soul-searching over the past few weeks, and I decided to do something about it. I walked up to CrankyPants yesterday determined to quit. We talked about what is going on and why I need to change - the physical impact, issues with the kids and child care, etc - and we decided that I would go down to part-time status, at least for now. I can pick and choose my hours (for the most part) and work when I want to work.

She already gave me my schedule for next week, and although it's not a huge reduction in hours, it's still less. She still needs me to open a few days until she gets some other people trained - and I agreed to that not for her, but for my coworkers who will end up picking up my slack.

At this point, we are doing this assuming that I am closing on the house on Monday as planned. I know that realistically, quitting and/or cutting my hours before closing is not the best idea - so if for some crazy reason the closing is postponed, we'll adjust our plan as needed. Right now, for once in my life, I'm taking care of ME. This is something that I need to do - hopefully it's the right thing.

It's been a little while.....

So yeah. It's been a while since I've blogged anything. I've been wanting to, trust me. But I just haven't had the time or the energy.

Here's a nutshell for you:

Things are still progressing with the house. Like......all we're waiting for at this point is a date to close. The file went from the underwriters to the Rural Development people a couple of days ago, and RD is taking an average of 10 days to do their thing right now. Once they do their thing, all that's left is the closing. So I have reason to believe that I'll be a homeowner within the next few weeks.

Then there's the job. I've talked about the stress before, and it's really only gotten worse. Although CrankyPants hasn't been as cranky lately, she still has her moments. Not to mention that the job in general just sucks. I'm still not a morning person, and add to that being on my feet for 8+ hours straight without a break, and I'm miserable. I come out of there hurting so much by the end of the day that I can barely walk, and I can't get anything done around the house because I hurt so much.

Then of course there was the whole issue with my van finally self-destructing. It's still sitting in my backyard, dead - and it needs to go away. But I need to find the time to get it cleaned out and list it for sale. Or scrap it. Or something. Add that to the list of things to do.

I borrowed a friend's itty bitty car for a couple of weeks until I could buy my GrandpaCar - literally, it belonged to a friend's grandfather. It's not the most ideal vehicle for us, but I was limited because I can't just go out and finance something while I'm waiting to get the approval for the house. But, it works and it gets us where we need to go. It has a few quirks and needs a little bit of work done to it, but that'll hopefully be taken care of in the next few weeks sometime.

Add all of that to the normal stress of our everyday life, running kids to and from everywhere they need to go, trying to spend as much time as possible with The Dude, dealing with random health issues, handling landlord/maintenance issues in my current house, and trying to maintain some semblance of sanity - and you can imagine how hectic it's been.

Seriously though....the biggest worry on my mind right now is my job. I keep making lists of pros and cons in my head, and I can't really come up with anything good about it except for my coworkers - and I don't have to have the job to keep in touch with them. The hours make it extremely difficult for me to do much of anything for myself - and I find myself getting less and less sleep just to try to get the basics done. The job is making it harder for me to take care of myself - and if I don't do that, I'm just not going to make it. I know that right now, I've about pushed myself to the limit, both physically and mentally. I just don't think that I can do it anymore. Being in the fortunate position of not needing the job to survive makes it harder for me to go in every day - because why would anyone put themselves through this if it wasn't needed?

So at this point, I know that I'm going to quit - I just don't know when. I want it to be sooner rather than later, but I also have to make sure that the drop in my income won't affect my chances of getting the final loan approval. I qualify for the house even without the job income - but I don't want to risk it. I sent an email to Mortgage Lady asking her opinion on it, and I'm waiting to hear back from her before I do anything.

That's where I am. One big stressed out and anxiety-ridden mess.

But it could be worse. It could always be worse.

Where I am...

You may or may not have noticed, but I haven’t been around as much lately. Some might think that’s a good thing (ha) and some might be wondering what is happening.

There is so much going on in life right now. This job is kicking my butt. I know, I know – people work every day and it’s not that big of a deal. But face it – I’m not used to it. I didn’t work outside of the home for years and I was still busy every day. Now, I’m gone for roughly 45 hours every week – yet I still have the same amount of stuff to get done around the house. There’s still the same amount of laundry (if not more, thanks to my greasy work clothes) and the same amount of housework and the same amount of yardwork….. except now that all has to get crammed into the time that I have left.

The Dude helps with the stuff around the house when he can, but as of this week he is now working full-time as well. So now we both have crazy schedules and somehow we have to try to fit in time for us to be able to spend time together along with everything else that has to be done around here.

Fall sports have started, which for me means volleyball games every Thursday night. Emily has a tournament tomorrow morning that is being played about an hour from here, and could last all day long. The girls have practice every day after school, so on the days that they come back here they don’t get here until after 6:00pm. By the time we eat and do homework, we’re all so tired that we crash – and then have to get up early the next day and do it again.

I finally got a new phone the other night – but now that I did that, I no longer have my unlimited data plan, which is what I use to access the internet. We added a phone to my plan for The Dude so we share the (now) limited data – he doesn’t use much, but we have to be really careful about how much we use, or it’ll get really expensive, really quickly. So I’m just not online as much, unless I go to his apartment to use his computer or go to the library to enjoy some peace and quiet. While I’m not online as much, I’m working (still) on freeing up some space on this ancient machine so that it’ll hopefully run a little smoother.

So needless to say, I just won’t be around as much for a while until things calm down a bit. I’m looking into options for cheap home internet so that I don’t have to worry about the data usage on my phone as much, but honestly that’s not a high priority right now. We are still working on getting a house of our own, and that is taking longer than we had hoped – but with each month that passes, we are one step closer. My credit is *thisclose* to where it needs to be, and hopefully it’ll be over the top before the end of the year – and then we can actually start the purchasing process.

So many things that are changing in our lives right now – at times I sit back and think about all of it, and it can be a little overwhelming and chaotic and stressful to say the least. But I know that we’re moving in the right direction, and we’re going to just keep on going until we get to where we want to be. I know that we're going to get there - it's just going to be a little crazier than usual along the way.

I said yes.

No, it wasn't that question.

A few months ago, I started working a part-time job. It started out as just a few hours per week, and was going to just be something to do for fun (and a little bit of spending money) while the kids were in school. As time went on, and I started getting the hang of things, my boss asked me if I could work a few more hours. I went from about 9 hours per week to about 20-24 on average. She also asked me to help train a few people here and there, but nothing major. I didn't really think too much about it.

Then I was surprised a couple of days ago when I was handed my little "award" but still...didn't think much of it. I had made it pretty clear when I started that I wasn't interested in anything more than a few hours per week.

On Wednesday, I actually got sent home a few hours early, which was fine with me. I was tired and cranky, and I had to go to Jared's friend's viewing that afternoon and I needed time to mentally prepare myself for that. When I got home from work, The Dude was hanging out with Alex and Daniel so I decided to try to lay down for a little bit. Unfortunately, a real nap didn't happen because I got a couple of phone calls - and the second one was my boss asking me if I could come back into the store because HER boss needed to talk to me. So I changed my clothes and went back to the store.

I sat down in a booth with the boss and the boss's boss, who proceeded to tell me that he had been "watching" me - I was so tempted to call him a creeper, but I figured that I'd better keep my mouth shut at that point and listen to what he had to say. Long story short, I was offered a full-time position as an assistant manager.

We talked about all of the details, and honestly, it sounded really good but I knew that there was no way that I could make a decision right then and there. I had to check into a lot of things before I could make a decision on something that huge. They understood, but said that they needed an answer by Saturday (tomorrow).

I had to check with The Dude, because working 45 hours per week is a huge jump for me - and it means that he will be taking on more responsibility with the kids. His response? "I've got your back, babe."

I had to check with Ex1, because I had to make sure that he was comfortable with The Dude taking a much bigger, much more active role in the kids' lives - he'll have to transport them to school a few days per week, among other things. His response? "Sounds like a good opportunity. I'm flexible. We'll work it out."

I had to check with Social Security because there is a limit on how much I can earn before those benefits start being reduced. Lots of technicalities about that one, but all in all it's not a big deal and I can handle that.

I had to check with the state because the kids have medical cards and I had to make sure that there wouldn't be a lapse in their medical coverage between the time when my income was too high to qualify for the medical cards and the time when my insurance through work would start. A few more technicalities there, but there won't be a lapse in coverage.

There were a lot of texts flying back and forth between me and my boss, as I asked more questions and got more clarification on a few things. She was very patient with me and answered everything that I needed, which made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.

And of course, I had to sit and think really really hard about all of this. I've been a stay-at-home-mom for so long, and I had planned to do that for a while yet, but this is a really good opportunity, and the timing is phenomenal. As I get ready to buy a house, having such a huge jump in my income will make qualifying for a mortgage even easier, and it will also allow us to take care of a few more bills and a few more necessities at the same time.

And I will have health insurance for the first time in ....... 4 years? Not that I ever go to the doctor, but at least if I have to, I'll finally have that option again...(but not for 90 days).

So with all of this going through my mind over the past few days, plus helping The Dude and his mother move into an apartment, plus just dealing with my day-to-day life, I got a little overwhelmed today and I just decided to take the kids and run away for a few hours.

So at 8:42pm tonight, I texted her and said "Ok. Let's do this." That started another flurry of texts back and forth working out a few final details. At this point, it looks like I'll start full-time the week after next.

Things are about to get a whole lot more chaotic around this place.

Catching up

I know I've been totally neglecting the blog over the past few days. Things have been hectic, to say the least.

Between working and taking care of the house and spending time with The Dude and being sick and fixing vehicles and life in general, I just haven't really had time to sit down and breathe - and when I do, I instantly fall asleep.

And from what I found out tonight, it's only going to get worse. The girls are involved in basketball, volleyball, and weightlifting during the summer. Jared is going to be taking swimming lessons. Alex and Daniel are both in Scouts. It's crazy. If I thought that I was running non-stop before, it's only going to get worse now.

I found out today that some of the plans that we had already made for the summer are going to have to change for a multitude of reasons. It does appear that we are going to have to cancel TMOART:13, which makes me very unhappy but this is one of those times when I have to make the grown-up decision to focus more on the most important things - and right now our biggest priority is to get moved so that all of my kids are in the same school district before August. That has to take precedence over anything else.

Now, if we happen to win the lottery.....that could change. However, I'm not going to count on that happening anytime soon.

So over the next few days, I have a bunch of projects to work on around the house, and lots of things to get done so that I can feel like my head is on straight(ish) again.  Hopefully the remains of the allergy fog will lift and I'll be able to function a bit more efficiently and I can just get back into the swing of things again. I've been lazy for a few days and now it's time to get back to reality.

Right after I pass out for the night.

Totally random shot. Just thought that it was cool -
and not seen very often anymore.

Some relief

Not so long ago, I posted a bunch of pictures from a local-ish river that had all but dried up from our drought. It got even worse after those pictures, and it's stayed that way pretty much all winter.

But, we managed to get some snow, and some rain, and so things are starting to turn green again and the river has regained most of its water. Today was the first chance that we got to actually stop and take some pictures. It was even more fun because it was a rare occasion when I only had Jared and Daniel with me, so they had a field day running around enjoying themselves.

Make sure you look at that other link to see how dry it actually was - but this is what it looked like today.

No walking across it now...

And yes, I totally did a Rocky and ran up the steps.

See the splash? That was a really
big rock.

After we got done playing here, we went out for ice cream and then came home and hung out for a while until the other kids came home. The Wounded Dude came over this evening and hung out while I worked on some crafty stuff and we got to watch a movie together before he went back over to his place (he fell on the ice and messed up his shoulder - we'll know more about the extent of it on Tuesday) so at least we got to spend a little bit of time together.

The rest of the week is going to be crazy. We have appointments left and right for all sorts of fun (and not so fun) stuff, and work, and kid schedules, and who-knows-what-else....

One day at a time...

A hot lunch date

Yesterday, I got to spend a little bit of time with The Dude.

Lately, it seems like the universe is conspiring against us, and our time together has been limited. Quite frankly, it sucks. We both have so many responsibilities that we have to handle so we try to sneak in time together whenever we can - even if it's just a quick lunch or a drive-by visit.

Yesterday, it was lunch. We went to a little coffee shop here in town for some sandwiches, which were yummy as always. They sell other stuff too....

I think I want this one.

hehehehe

He bought this one for me - I just have to find the
perfect place to hang it....

After we got done eating, we ventured down the block to a used bookstore. We could have spent hours in there, but we were limited on time - which also saved our wallets. All of the books here are donated - and all of the profits are donated to LOCAL charities. This is my kind of place - paying it forward right in our own neighborhood.

Hopefully, if things work out as planned tomorrow, we'll get to actually spend a few hours together *gasp* before he has to go to work. We have some errands to run and places to go and people to see - but we have to see how well that pesky universe behaves.

And the really good news is that I should be getting my nice shiny new camera tomorrow - you know, since I broke the one that my friend gave me a few months ago. So be prepared for more pictures! Yay! Pictures! And they might even be focused!

Judgmental people suck

Yep. I'm about to take off on a rant here.

Just over a year ago, I wrote a post about judgmental people and what I thought about them. There have been so many things that have come up in my life in the past week or so and they've really just been kind of eating at me. I told The Dude tonight that I didn't think that there would ever come a time that I would need to blog, but right now, I need to do it. I need to get this crap out of my head.

I'm going to warn you right now....I'm currently typing this at about eleventy bajillion words per minute - literally just spewing it out to get it out of my head and try to make some sense of it. So if it doesn't make sense, well, I don't know what to tell you.

About a week and a half ago or so, I wrote the post on my thoughts on marriage and how I believe that everyone should have that right. I am very happy to say that 100% of the comments on both the blog post and on my facebook page were positive - and I really expected to get some negative backlash from that one. So that made me happy. Even when I changed the cover photo on my facebook page, no one said anything negative. And for that, y'all rock.

I changed my profile photo on my personal profile too, and most of the response that I got was positive. I got involved in a few discussions, but didn't really get into any arguments about it and for that I was thankful. I was saddened to see a few closed-minded people continue to use the "Bible argument" and try to force their own religion onto others despite that whole 'freedom of religion' thing in this country, but I also know that some people will never change. And that's ok, because just like me they are free to believe whatever they want to believe.

So in that department, the Judgy McJudgersons behaved themselves.

But elsewhere....

A friend called me the other day. She runs another page on facebook, and she was telling me that she had posted something on her page about being stressed because she was going to have extra kids around for a few days. Apparently, someone commented on her status and told her something to the effect of (and I am massively paraphrasing here) 'you shouldn't complain because Non-Stop Mom does it on her own all of the time' or something like that.

Honestly, that really bugged me the more that I thought about it. I don't ever want anyone to think that my life is so horrible or stressful or depressing or whatever that I have to be admired for getting through it. It's my life, people. It is what it is, period.

Think about it. I'm a single mom. Yes, that's stressful. Yes, it makes some things harder than it does for parents who have a spouse. But you know what? I'm single by choice. I choose to be a single mom. I didn't choose it when it happened, but I sure as heck choose it now. Yes, I have The Dude and I love him with all of my heart and soul and I fully intend to torture him for the rest of our lives be with him for a very long time - but I choose not to be married to him. There are a lot of reasons there and I've talked about some of them before but regardless, I'm a single mom by choice.

Hopefully, as we continue house hunting, we'll be living together within a few months and although we will not be married, he'll be around to help more. Until then, it's ok. Really.

My schedule is crazy. We all know that. But you know what? It's crazy by choice too. I allow my kids to participate in as many activities as they can because I think that (to a point) it's good for them. I want them to be active and involved and to enjoy life as much as possible. I could seriously simplify my schedule by just saying no to a few after school activities - but I choose to do them. And that's ok.

I could also simplify my schedule by just not taking on so many projects at one time. But you know what? By making the choice not to work right now, I can also make the choice to be more involved in other stuff. Important stuff. And so I run myself ragged. I like to stay busy. It's my choice. And that's ok.

So I don't sleep very much. You know what? A lot of that's by choice too. I don't get a lot of time to myself during the day, so I stay up late playing on the computer and blogging and doing whatever I feel like doing for a few hours. Should I do it all of the time? Probably not. Have I been getting better about it? Somewhat. But again, it's my choice. And it's ok too.

Another area where the Judgy McJudgersons have been out in full force is that silly Tooth Fairy letter. Holy crap, people. Seriously? It's still appearing in random places and it seems like the farther out we get from the original posting of it in January, the more hateful people get. For real. I saw it on 3 different facebook pages today, and holy crapola the hate and venom and ........ mean, judgmental people were just unreal. I couldn't believe it. There are so many people out there who are willing to call me a horrible mother ... mean ... nasty ... evil ... the worst parent ever ... bitch ... that I'm scarring my kids for life (that one still kind of amuses me) ... that I'm lying to my kids ... that I'm lazy ... Seriously, you name the insult, and I bet I've read it in regards to that letter.

But you know what? I can take it. It really doesn't bother me that much. But then I sit back and think - if people are so willing to judge a random unknown parent by one single random piece of paper that's circulating around the internet with absolutely no context whatsoever - what kind of judgments are they passing on people who are actually in their lives? What are they saying about their kids' teachers, or their own siblings, or their neighbors, or the homeless guy that they pass every morning on their way to work? What do these people think of themselves? How is it that they feel qualified to judge someone unknown to them based on one tiny little momentary glimpse into that person's life?

Honestly, what gives anyone the right to judge anyone else? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that being judgmental is a learned trait - and most of the time, kids pick that up from their parents and other adults in their lives. Think about that the next time you feel like spouting off some line of judgy crap about someone in front of your kid, and then go one step farther and think about how you would feel if you were the person being judged.

Trust me, being judged sucks. It really does. That I can tell you from experience.

My advice to divorced parents

This is something that's been rattling around in my head all day. I've had people over the past few years comment about how well Ex1 and I get along, and at times I have wanted to laugh at them. It's no secret that he and I don't like each other a whole lot, but we have both really grown up and we have gotten to the point that no matter how we feel about each other, the kids come first. As the kids get older, more and different situations present themselves, and we often find that we have to figure out a new way to deal with each other in order to look out for the best interests of the kids.

I wrote this from the point of view of a divorced parent, but I think it can apply to most single parenting situations - divorced, separated, never married and now broken up, whatever. This is what I have learned after going through 2 divorces and having a child with a guy who I didn't marry - needless to say, I've learned a few things from my experiences, and if those things can help someone else in a similar situation, it's worth taking the time to type it out for you to read.

Granted, this most likely will not apply to situations that involved abuse. I'm not even going there.

My advice (in no particular order):

1. Be nice to each other. You don't have to like each other. You don't have to be friends. But you have to be nice. "Please" and "thank you" go a long way with an ex. Courtesy is a wonderful thing - and remember, chances are that the kids are watching and/or listening. What do you want them to see or hear?

2. Don't turn the divorce into the kids' problem - it's yours. Divorces can be ugly and expensive. They can create all kinds of stress that aren't always at the forefront of people's minds. Legal fees, meetings with attorneys and mediators, arguing over who is going to get the coffee table - it all creates deeper issues. Legal appointments might mean missed school functions. Divorce expenses mean less money to take care of the kids. Taking material possessions from the other spouse simply for the sake of taking them does nothing but create added stress on the person who now has to pay to replace them - again, taking money away from what is important.

Don't tell your child "well if it wasn't for the divorce, we'd be able to _____." No. Don't do it. Kids focus on things like that like you would not believe. Be creative if you have to in order to not blame things on "the divorce". The kids will resent "the divorce" more and more over time, and then the "why don't you just get back together?" questions will start. And trust me, those are hard to answer.

3. Support each other. Again, you don't have to like each other. But you've got to support each other when it comes to the kids. The kids are the important ones here - not you. If your ex has the kids and is sick, offer to take them until the 'bug' is gone. Switch a few days around in the schedule. The kids don't need to be around someone who is sick unless there is no other option - and you need to step up and do your part to help. On the flip side, if you have to be out of town for a few days for whatever reason, ask your ex to keep the kids instead of sending them somewhere else. It's common courtesy, it's respectful, and the kids deserve to be with their other parent just as the other parent deserves to have some extra time with the kids.

4. Show a united front. Talk to your ex about how you are going to explain the divorce to the kids. Make sure you're both saying the same thing, even if it's a cover story. Chances are that the kids don't need to know all of the details, so rather than giving two totally different versions, figure out to say when the questions are asked. "Mom and Dad were having trouble getting along with each other, and we decided that it's best for us to not be married anymore. But no matter what, remember that we both love you very much and that will never change" is a nice vague one that can be customized - it doesn't point fingers in one direction or the other, it doesn't say that it was Mom's choice or Dad's choice, it doesn't blame the children, and it reassures them that they are still loved.

5. Attend parent/teacher conferences together. You have no idea how important this is. Divorced parents walking into a conference together shows a united front, not just to the kids but to the teachers as well. It shows the school that yes, you are both involved parents and you are both concerned for your child's social and academic growth. You both get to hear the same thing at the same time so there is no confusion on your part OR on the teacher's part. Neither one of you is more important or has more say than the other. Make sure that you explain your custody situation to the school so that they are aware of who they can call in an emergency. You are a team, and you are there to support your child. Period.

6. Keep track of the good things your ex does. It is so easy to fall into the trap of documenting every wrong action committed by your ex. If you look hard enough, you can find something wrong on a daily basis. But you know what's really more important in the grand scheme of things? Focus on what your ex does right. Focus on the strengths, on the good things, on the positive effect that your ex has on the kids' lives.

7. Communicate. You have to talk to each other. Find a way that works the best for both of you. For some parents, it's face to face. For some it's email or texting. But find a way that works. Talk about what is going on in the kids' lives when the ex isn't around. You don't realize it, but little things that happen at your house can affect what happens at your ex's house - and the only way to truly understand everything that your child is going through is to talk to each other about it. If you can do it, try to sit down together with your kids on a regular basis and talk to them - as a family. Just because you aren't married anymore doesn't mean that you're no longer family - because as long as those kids exist, you are connected, like it or not.

8. Tell your family and friends what you expect of them. Explain to your family and friends that you expect that they will treat your ex with respect, regardless of their personal feelings. Chances are that your kids will be around these people, and not everyone is smart enough to keep their opinions to themselves when little ears are present. The kids don't need to hear Uncle Jake talking about what a deadbeat their dad is or to see an old family friend giving Mom the cold shoulder in public. You are capable of acting like a grown up, and you should expect that from other people in the kids' lives as well. It's not about them - it's about the kids.

9.  Be flexible. Chances are that a custody schedule will be put on paper. Follow it as much as you can, because the consistency will help the kids to adapt to the new normal. But at the same time, be willing to be flexible. If your ex has family visiting from out of state and it's your weekend, let the kids go see their relatives. It might be the last time that they'll get to have that visit for a while. If it's your ex's holiday and you have the opportunity to take a once-in-a-lifetime vacation somewhere with the kids, try to compromise. As parents, we often feel as though we are "losing out on our time" with the kids, but we need to look at the bigger picture - do you really want your kids to miss a rare visit with Aunt Bertha just because it's your weekend?

10. Always remember - THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. The moment that you have kids, your life stops being all about you. No matter what your ex did to you (or vice versa) that led to the divorce, no matter how angry you are, no matter how hurt you are - it's not about you. You have to keep your eye on what is really important - and in the grand scheme of things, it's not you. It's the kids. Everything that you do will affect them in some way. You might think that a silly argument with your ex about a coffee table isn't that big of a deal - but what you don't see is that your ex might be drowning in stress and the stupid coffee table argument caused the kids to have to deal with an even more stressed out and angry parent that night at supper.

The bottom line is this: The kids come first. You don't. Remember that, and you'll be in good shape.

Control

My life is crazy. Suddenly it's much crazier than it usually is. And with crazy comes stress.

I have a love/hate relationship with stress. Obviously, it's bad for me (ok, bad for everyone) but at the same time, I work best under pressure. Give me an impossible task with a deadline, and I'll get it done with time to spare - but give me all of the time in the world and I won't get it done. I am the Procrastination Queen at times (hello? 70 days to get ready for a half-marathon?) and it usually bites me in the butt.

I'm also a bit of a control freak. Not about everything, but about a lot of things. I admit it. Sometimes I can let it slide and relax a bit and go with the proverbial flow. But at other times, I go a little nutty with it.

This is one of those times. With all of the stress and chaos and disorder that is going on in my life right now, I feel as though I am totally out of control. And I hate that. But some of the things that are going on right now are completely and totally out of my control. I can't force other people to make up their minds  or to decide what they're going to do and when, and so I'm left just kind of hanging out here, waiting.

So here I go with the overcompensating. I can't control a bunch of stuff that's happening right now, so by God I'm going to control everything else - not that it's necessarily a bad thing.

I've spent the weekend stripping every bed in the house and washing everything right down to the mattress pads - because I can certainly make sure that all of our beds are clean. I've been going through stuff and throwing away stuff and organizing stuff and putting more stuff together to donate because I can do it and get it done and no one can stop me.

I've been going nuts with my datebook, getting everything put down in it for the week so that I can keep track of where I need to be and when (see it there on my desk?) and I've been trying to just get organized in general. I have all sorts of tips saved in my email thanks to my wonderful aunt and I need to go through them again and get to work. But I know for a fact, that if I don't do it tonight - my first job in the morning after I get the kids to school is to organize my desk. The clutter is about to kill me.

And in between now and then every facet of my life will be neatly scheduled in my datebook, because that's the only way that I can keep track of anything, up to and including my own head.

Me vs. The Tree

We bought our Christmas tree the other day, but it's been sitting out on the front porch in a bucket of water, waiting for the living room to be clean enough for it to fit somewhere. So today, while I was down to only one kid, I decided to at least get the tree inside the house.  Of course, that involved cleaning the living room, and pretty much completely rearranging anything that wasn't already bolted to the wall. Seriously, anything that's more than about 3' tall in this house is bolted to the wall because the entire house is...... wobbly. Plus, I have kids (in case you didn't know that). Actually some stuff that was bolted to the wall got moved too, now that I think about it.

Then it was time for battle. I have this really bad habit of buying really big trees - but with the amount of ornaments that we have, it's pretty much a necessity. And besides, I like big trees.

Doesn't look that big while it's just laying there...

Photography by Daniel....

The fight was on.

My head got eaten by a tree!

Still fighting....

And about an hour later...

No, I will not buy a fake tree. Yes, I understand that they are easier. Yes, I understand that they save money and natural resources and create much less of a mess to clean up after the holidays are over.

Know what? I don't care. I like real trees. I will always have a real tree. I've heard all of the arguments and I've even looked into buying a fake. But, no. I won't do it. Period. End of story.

Once I got the tree upright, I decided to go ahead and get the outside lights put up, since it was warm outside. Stupid weather.

How many moms does it take....

They're up - isn't that good enough?

Weird. My kid was outside playing in the leaves
without wearing a coat while I was hanging
Christmas lights.

Ghetto-tastic. Now if I can just get the second string of lights fixed,
I can do the same thing on the other porch too.

I'm going to attempt to get the lights put on the tree in the next day or so, but we won't be able to actually decorate it until at least Friday. The older 3 kids won't be back until Wednesday, but they have church. Thursday, we have basketball. So Friday is really the first chance that we have to do it as a family.

However, nothing's stopping me from going through the boxes of ornaments between now and then to *ahem* reduce the number of ornaments that the kids feel must go on the tree. Some of them are just downright ugly - but I keep them for sentimental reasons. Weird, I know. Don't judge.

For now, I just have a ton of cleaning and laundry to do (go figure) since I worked on the living room and the tree most of the day - and then I have to plan out my week. Too much to do, and too little time. As usual.

Just some shots from the day

Yep, I actually had to pull the van over this morning, just to take pictures - but when you're dealing with something like this, I think it's excusable.

This was the sunrise on my right...

Kind of hard to believe that Hurricane Sandy was off in that same direction as I was taking the picture. 

And this was the moon setting on my left.

And seriously - these two pictures were taken at the same time. Within moments of each other. As much as I miss the mountains back home, I have to admit that Kansas is good for scenery (of the flat variety).

 And then this was the moon tonight when we got home from Scouts....

So anyway...I didn't do a whole lot today. The weekend was super stressful so I pretty much just sat around and did a whole lot of nothing for most of the day, until I had to take Alex to Scouts. I did walk downtown to run a quick errand before I got them from school, so the day wasn't a total waste.

Tomorrow will be busy. I have to take the boys to school, head out to Emily's school for her honor roll presentation, come home, clean, do laundry, make about 6 dozen cookies for Wednesday, make a grocery list (still haven't done that), go grocery shopping (still haven't done that either), get the stuff to change the oil in my van, try to spend some much needed time with The Dude on his day off work, and get ready for a craft show on Saturday.

Maybe I should just give up and go to bed now.