Could be worse....

Could be worse.

Those three words have been a sort of mantra for me for many years now. Funny thing is that it started as a joke on my first date with Ex1, because we thought we were going to see a country band and it turned out that we were wrong and it was some weird 50's band - but we decided that it "could be worse" and went with it.

Funny.....in so many ways. But I won't go there.

Today though. Today was a day.

It started out with my "low tire pressure" light coming on in the van. I didn't think much of it because I knew that I had a slow leak in one of my back tires. I went to the gas station, put some air in it, thought that it was odd that it wasn't really low enough for the indicator to come on, and continued on my merry way - about 30 miles.

I met up with a friend to go running, and when we were done, she looked at my van and said "um, you have a leak". I looked, and sure enough, my other back tire was almost flat. She followed me to a gas station where I aired it up, and then I stopped at another friend's house to pick up a sander, and then I went to the closest WalHell to get both back tires repaired.

As it turned out, neither tire could be repaired. The one that had the slow leak had a nail jammed in it too close to the sidewall, and the one that was almost flat this morning?

Ha. Yeah. Not sure what it is, but it's metal and it destroyed my tire.

I kept it as a souvenir, because I realized quickly that I was lucky to have driven as far as I did with that thing in my tire. I'm lucky that the tire didn't blow. I'm lucky that I didn't get a flat while out in the middle of nowhere with the kids.

Could be worse.

While I was waiting for them to replace both tires, the lady behind the counter and I chatted a bit. She made a comment about me being lucky, and I agreed as I was checking my credit card balances and doing mental math to figure out the best way to pay for the new ones. Then she said something that - I swear - it was like she was in my head.

"You're lucky that you can afford to replace both of them on the spur of the moment."

I looked at her and said "you know, a couple of years ago, you would have been scraping me off of the floor if you had told me that I had to replace two tires, because I couldn't have done it. I wasn't prepared to spend the money today, but I'm so grateful that I can even it it means things are going to be tight for a few weeks."

Seriously. I sat there, holding that piece of metal in my hand, flipping it over and over again, and instead of being angry or upset about it, I was grateful.

Could be worse.

Tonight..... we had Scouts. We left the house early (with our two shiny new tires) and got stuck by trains and/or malfunctioning railroad crossings 5 times. FIVE TIMES. It was insane. We ended up being about 10 minutes late for the meeting, but we got there. The boys all went outside to play while the adults took care of some business, and long story short - a window on the church got broken.

There were several boys - including mine - who were involved. There was chaos and panic and disorder and finger pointing and drama, but in the end, other than a slight bump on one head there were no injuries. It turned out to only be a storm window, and not one of the 100+ year old stained glass windows. There will be consequences and punishments for all of the boys involved, but in the end, they were all ok. Damage was minimal. A major learning experience was had.

Could be worse.

I seriously think that I'm going to take this piece of metal, drill a hole through it, and turn it into a key chain that I can keep with me all the time, just to remind me.

Could be worse.

Blanket Update

So a couple of weeks ago, I posted the deal about creating Mom Cave Designs, and I figured that it was time to give a semi-official update on what's been going on with that.

It's been interesting, to say the least. People have shown a tremendous amount of interest, and I can see that there is definitely a market out there for weighted blankets (among other things). I honestly  had no idea how fast something like this could grow. Since I got started, I think I've completed 3 blankets to order, I have one blanket that is being made, and I have orders for 5 more (that's off the top of my head, but the numbers are pretty close). It might not seem like a ton, but it's been keeping me busy. I got a little bit of a break last week while I waited for supplies to arrive after I ordered them, but that gave me a chance to get some stuff done around the house.

The most surprising thing that has happened though.....I have had several people contact me to basically say "your prices are too low" or "you aren't charging enough for your work" or "you're never going to make any money like this". You get the idea.

It dawned on me that a lot of people who are following me on the Mom Cave Designs page don't necessarily know me as Non-Stop Mom. They don't all know who I am or any of my story, and that helps to explain the low pricing.

I'm NOT in this to get rich. I'm just not. I don't need the money. When my second ex-husband unexpectedly passed away, Daniel and I started receiving Social Security benefits. Those benefits caused a lot of drama for a while because of the people who felt that I didn't deserve them, but that's another story altogether. The reality of the situation is that we receive enough money on a monthly basis to pay all of our bills and have a little bit left over. We are not rich. We don't have much in savings (that happens when you buy an older house) but we survive and we manage to do a little extra here and there. So "getting rich" off of these blankets is not really a priority. Will a little bit of extra money here and there help us? Of course it will. Is it the driving force behind doing this? Not even close.

What we want to do is make them affordable. The blankets do absolutely no good to anyone if they are so outrageously priced that people can't afford to buy them. We want to help people get the blankets that they need without having to sacrifice something else that is equally as important to be able to afford them.

I don't see it as doing anything amazing or spectacular and I certainly don't expect any kind of recognition for it. I just want to be able to sew and create things and help people, and if I make a little bit of extra money, great. It'll be even better when we get to the point that we can start making blankets to donate to those who need them, but that will take a little bit of time yet.

At the same time though, I am a mother first. I have 5 extremely active and involved kids. They are in sports and extracurricular activities and Scouts and church and everything else under the sun. I'm a single mom, and even though The Dude helps me out when he can, he's not here all of the time and so the housework and the grocery shopping and the yardwork and the kid chauffeuring and everything else falls back on me 99% of the time. The Mom Stuff has to take priority, especially when the kids are at home - so when they're here I run around and do what needs to be done around the house, but as soon as they're in bed or at school I head down to the Mom Cave and get busy. Right now I have a fairly quick turnaround on the blankets but as time goes on and I get busier with that, it will probably slow down a bit - but I don't plan to raise my prices any time soon.

Alrighty then....

I'm also looking into the things that I need to do to actually eventually turn this into a legitimate business if it looks like that would be a good thing to do. Right now, it's still in the little more than a hobby but not quite a business stage. I don't want to jump the gun and do all sorts of crazy official stuff until I know exactly which direction we're going and where we might land with all of this stuff.

For now, I'm learning as I go. I know that I can make the blankets and I'm enjoying doing it. I welcome any input or suggestions or critiques that anyone wants to give. I've had people ask if it's ok to share the page or share the blog - please do, because otherwise we won't be able to do this. (For the record, I've thought about starting a secondary blog just for the business stuff, but honestly..... it's so intertwined with me and who I am that it would be hard to separate it...... so it'll all just be contained right here in this nifty little package.)

There are other things rattling around in my skull but for now I just wanted to explain the lower prices a little more in detail for those who don't know the whole story. And just in case you haven't been around here for a while - if you have any questions, just ask me. Seriously.

My Take on Finances

In case you missed it, I posted a question on my facebook page tonight asking people what they wanted me to write about. A fairly common theme in the questions related to finances, and how I budget my money.

First off, let me say that I find this question.....hysterical? ironic? surreal? insane?

Let me explain.

For the majority of my adult life, starting in college, I was always broke. I didn't manage my money well at all. If I had it, I spent it - because that's what you do with money, right?

There were a few years, before I got married the first time, when I was somewhat responsible with money. I didn't have anything in savings, but my bills were getting paid and I could go out and buy stuff whenever I wanted to, but that was about it.

Throughout my first marriage, we struggled. The kids came quickly, and so did the expenses. We lived beyond our means, and it was hard to catch up when we fell behind. I have always been incredibly anal when it comes to balancing a checkbook and so ours was always balanced TO THE PENNY - which saved our asses when we had to live for 2 weeks with 38 cents in the checking account. But, I knew that nothing was going to bounce because we had that 38 cent cushion.

Fast forward through a couple more kids and two divorces. I wasn't working, but I still had bills. I sold anything that I owned in order to pay the utilities. I had payment arrangements out the wazoo in order to keep the bill collectors at bay. It was survival of the fittest to the nth degree - but we had food and we managed to survive.

And then my second ex-husband unexpectedly passed away. Through the fog immediately following his death, I was instructed to contact Social Security about benefits for Daniel....and I found out that we both qualified. We were within days of being homeless when we received our first checks - I hesitantly deposited them and paid our rent for the following month, and then sat down with the bills.

With that money, I was able to pay our bills. I was able to pay the rent and the utilities and buy a newer, more dependable van. I contacted anyone that I owed money to and set up payment arrangements and got everything paid off (eventually).

Now, a few years later....I have a system. As I get the bills, they get jotted down in my datebook. Just an abbreviation for the bill itself, and the amount due on the due date. That way, everything is laid out in front of me. Then, when we get our Social Security (towards the end of the month), I sit down and I pay every. single. bill. for the month. I write checks for what I have to and pay the rest online, but after about an hour or so, everything is paid. It's done. And what I have left is what I have left. With that money, I can go to the grocery store or whatever else I need, but I know that whatever is leftover is it.

Most of the time, what I have left has to last for 4 weeks, but every few months it turns into 5 weeks (we get our payments on the 4th Wednesday of the month) so sometimes things get a little tight on the 5 week months - but I've kind of gotten used to that.  I balance the checkbooks every few days, and then I average it out to see how much money I have left "per day" until the next payment comes in - I have a dollar amount that I am comfortable with, and if I go below that amount, then I know that I have to reign in the spending a bit.

I got lucky this year and I ended up getting a much bigger tax refund than I had expected (thank you, full-time crappy job)  and that helped immensely - it all went into the savings to use for unexpected house expenses and whatnot. Any "extra" money that I get goes into the savings - I can still access it, but it takes a little bit of effort because I have to actually transfer it before I can get to it to spend it. If I happen to get any "extra" money - it goes into the savings also. At this point, the savings is strictly earmarked for house and TMOART:14 expenses (if you don't know what that is, you'll have to stick around to find out). And for the first time in my adult life, I am actually looking into investing in some CDs in order to stash some cash just a *little* bit farther out of reach, without being totally unobtainable in the event of an emergency.

In a nutshell, that is my budgeting strategy. It works for us, but it may not work for anyone else. I still struggle with the idea that my bills get paid because my ex-husband died, but at the same time I constantly remind myself that "it is what it is" - and I make sure that I make the best possible financial choices that I can for my family.

Vehicles and Beds...

This is just going to be a quickie to answer some specific questions that have been posed several times over the past few weeks. I figured it was easier to just do it here....

The girls' beds....this is basically what they turned out looking like.

The first one is Emily's. She wanted hers to be lower than Sarah did, so this is what she and I designed. It's all just 3/4" plywood and there's a piece on the back (against the wall) to keep anything that is shoved into the cubbies from going out the other side - and to make the whole thing sturdier.

We are going to do the zebra duct tape on all of the edges - it's easier than sanding them all down and it looks cool. I think she's eventually going to paint the inside of the cubbies too, but that's up to her to decide.

Sarah wanted taller, so she designed hers to be taller - although it would drive me insane. I did put a second piece of plywood across the top of hers to further reinforce it to support the weight of her and her mattress. So far she has opted not to paint hers - we'll see if she changes her mind or not.

Both of the beds just take a standard twin-sized mattress. They are heavy and they are not going anywhere. Literally. They won't fit through the doors of the rooms.

Now on to the bigger question.....

The vehicle.

I still don't know what to call it. It's not really a van, or a car, or an SUV. I think technically it's a crossover, whatever that means.

Anyway......

My minivan died a few months ago, shortly after I paid it off. So I had to get something different.  But, I was in the middle of financing the house, so I couldn't run out and finance something else and risk screwing up my credit, right?

Enter the GrandpaCar - the Grand Marquis - I bought it from a friend's grandfather because I needed something that the kids and I could all fit into, but not have to be financed. It worked for us, but it was very crowded and uncomfortable.

I kept putting money aside into what I was calling the "house/van" fund - money to be used for both. I also got a very sizable tax refund which went straight into that fund. Once the house was settled and we closed and we had gotten done with the initial "big" expenses, I did some figuring and decided that I could start looking for another minivan. So I called a couple of the local dealerships and basically said "I need something used, inexpensive, mechanically sound, and can seat 7 - find it for me" and turned them loose.

One of them called me back the next day and said "I know you said minivan, but what about a Traverse? It seats 8....." The Dude and I went and looked at it with no intentions of buying it at all - I really just wanted to see how something that was NOT a minivan could seat 8 people. Long story short, I liked it. We went back home and I researched it and liked what I could find on the safety stuff and whatnot, and the price that they had on it was a couple of thousand below the blue book value. So we started talking money and I said that I was thinking about just scrapping my dead van - instead the dealership sent a couple of guys out to the house to look at it and they ended up offering me an insane (to me) amount of money in trade.

Between what they were asking for the Traverse, what I could afford to put down, and what they gave me for the dead van, I was able to get the payments under where I wanted them to be AND get a really good warranty on it. At that point, I would be stupid to not get it.....so I got it. I kept the GrandpaCar  for a bunch of reasons, not the least of which is that I have a kid who will be driving in a few months - and whether she likes it or not, she can drive that. And since The Dude's truck is iffy at times, he can drive it when he needs to go out of town or whatever.

Any other questions? :)

I never thought it would happen. Never.

You know, it's kind of funny. When I was kid, I loved to draw. Whenever I drew a house, it always looked the same - kind of like this...

I never claimed to be an artist.

Anyway, as The Dude and I have been out shopping for houses, we found one that we both like. A lot. And the funny thing is that it really kind of looks like the house that I always drew as a kid. Except it's straighter. And prettier. And has a front porch. And a hot tub. But I digress.....

We were shopping for houses with the knowledge that my credit wasn't quite where it needed to be yet. I've been working on it, but as anyone who has shoddy credit knows, it's a process. I have been working with an agency that has been busting their butts to get negative stuff removed for the past few months. We thought that I was where I needed to be a couple of months ago when my scores suddenly tanked. I was heartbroken. As it turned out, an old debt (to the tune of $3000+) that has been in collections for years - and that I have been faithfully making payments on for years - was sold to a new collection agency, who in turn started reporting it as new debt. It killed my credit.

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago when I got a letter in the mail. It was from one of the credit reporting agencies. Nervously, I opened it. 

According to the letter, that particular negative piece of information was deleted from my credit report. Deleted. Thinking back to how much of a negative impact it had when it appeared, I wondered what kind of a positive impact it would have when it disappeared.

As the battle against this particular creditor was happening, I paid off my credit cards. I also paid off a couple of smaller debts with the agreement that those creditors would remove the negative information from my report. I also got the raise at work, and the Social Security that Daniel and I receive increased at the same time.

So on Friday, I was able to check my new and improved credit scores through an online deal that was set up by the credit-report-cleaner-upper-people (my official name for them). I already know that the numbers that I see are slightly higher than the official numbers, so when I saw on Friday that they were high enough, I anxiously contacted Mortgage Lady (also her official name). She was excited to hear the news, and we agreed to meet this morning.

Fast forward to about 2am today, when Daniel's official name changed to Sir Pukesalot. He kept that up for the rest of the night, but seemed to level out a bit. The Dude had planned to go and meet with Mortgage Lady with me, but because Daniel was so sick I emailed her and asked her to just pull my credit report without me and to call me, rather than run the risk of Daniel hurling in her office. The Dude came over and we waited by the phone. Finally she called.

It's official. My credit score is now high enough to qualify for a mortgage.

I started shaking and pacing around the house while I talked to her. I'm not officially pre-qualified for anything yet because there is still one account on my credit report that is showing as "in dispute" - so I have to contact all 3 agencies and tell them to remove that because nothing can happen while there is an active dispute. Minor detail, really. But qualifying for "our" house will not be an issue - and we can actually look at houses in a higher price range than I would have even thought possible.

I contacted the realtor who has been helping us, and "our" house is still on the market.

I am completely and totally overwhelmed right now. Just over 3 years ago, I was on the verge of being homeless. People were sending me money to try to help me save my old house, but it wasn't enough and it went into foreclosure and we were forced to move. We moved into this house only because I qualified for assistance at the time - but I had no idea how I was going to pay the rent when that assistance ended, which was only 3 months. Then my ex passed away and the Social Security started and through the emotional turmoil that followed, the bills started getting paid regularly. It was a horrible way to get the bills paid, but I did what I had to do with what I had - and it's led me to where I am today. Between the Social Security and the job - I will be able to own a house, and soon. 

Me. The same person who was days away from being homeless just 3 years ago - will be buying a house within the next few months.

It's crazy and mind boggling and overwhelming and exciting and scary and surreal, all at the same time. 

Thoughts & stuff

September 1. We've lived in this little ghetto-esque house for exactly 3 years now.

It's been 3 years since I felt like I lost everything, but it's also been 3 years since I started my life over again.

Life is better in so many ways. I'm financially secure - not rich, but secure. My kids are doing great in school and are healthy for the most part. I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me and loves my kids as if they were his own.

But no matter how good life is at the moment, I know that it can change in a heartbeat.

Things have changed so much for us in the past 3 years, and to sit here and think about it can absolutely blow my mind. I don't ever want to forget about the struggles that we went through, because those struggles made me and my family who we are today. We are better people for what we experienced.

I continue to carry my Vision card (EBT, food stamps, whatever you want to call it) in my wallet. It's right there, under my checkcard where I see it every time I open my wallet. It hasn't been valid for a couple of years now, but I won't get rid of it. It reminds me of where we were not so long ago, and seeing it there reminds me of where we want to go. It keeps me grounded.

With the amount of progress that we've made in the last 3 years - I can't wait to see where we are 3 years from now. I know where I want to be - and now I just have to make it happen.

It's a puzzle

This is what my brain feels like tonight.

I'm not sure what's going on with it. Maybe it's the fact that Christmas is over. Maybe it's the impending New Year. Maybe it's the full moon. Maybe it's a combination of a whole bunch of different things that are jumbled up in there.

All I know is that right now, my mind is going in eleventy bajillion different directions, and I can't seem to get it to slow down. I have so many things that I want to do in so many areas of my life, and I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now because all of those ideas are running around in a great big unorganized mess in my head.

Yes, I know I go through this every now and then. I think everyone does, whether they want to admit it or not.

It used to be that when I would get into these moods, I would either ignore them and drive myself nuttier than I already am, or I would just jump right into whatever crazy plan was rolling around in my head at that moment. Or worse yet, I would start all 87 plans that were in my head at the same time, and never finish any of them.

I'm going to do something different this time. I'm just going to let my brain go. I'm going to see what kind of crazy ideas develop. And I'm going to keep a notebook and a pen beside me and I'm going to write things down. And I'm going to figure out what it is that has me so restless right now. Maybe, just maybe, if I write everything down as it comes to me, I'll be able to get my thoughts organized. I'll be able to figure out what it is that I want to do vs. what I need to do. I can prioritize. And maybe I can actually feel like I can accomplish something instead of starting it and never getting it done.

I feel like so much is finally starting to fall into place in my life - I am so lucky and so blessed (that is a word that I don't toss around lightly, either) - maybe this is really the time for me to start focusing on some of the things that I want to do with my life. Maybe this is the time to start looking into how to turn my craft hobby into a legitimate business (one of the biggest things bouncing around in my head right now). Maybe this is the time to start looking for a part-time job to help supplement our income. Maybe this is the time to really start looking for a bigger house for us to move into in the next few months.

I'm not usually the type of person to do "resolutions" every year, but I'm starting to think that maybe this could be our year. I can finally say that I'm looking forward to the future instead of dreading it.

I'm ready to get the new year started.

So, uh, yeah....about last night....

Wow. That's the first word that comes to mind at this point.

When I sat down to write my post about judgmental people and food stamps last night, I had NO IDEA what was going to happen. None. I figured it would get a decent amount of hits, probably a few more comments than usual, and that would be it.

Almost from the moment I hit "publish" - it went crazy. For real.

Just to give you guys an idea of what I'm talking about....on any given day, my blog usually gets about 150 views. Some days, if I don't post anything, it's as low as 30-40 views. On a good day, it's around 200. Until today, my most popular post ever had a total of 1191 views - and it's been posted since July.

This morning, about 14 hours after I posted that post, it moved into the top position, and surpassed an entry that's been up for 4 months. As of right now, it has over 6200 views and is still climbing. There are well over 50 comments from people (that I still have to go back and respond to - give me time!) and the comments are still coming as well.

Those numbers aren't huge to "big bloggers" but to me - and my little tiny baby blog - it's totally overwhelming. My phone - which controls my internet access - has been lit up all. day. long.

I want everyone to know that I have read every single comment - on the blog, on my facebook page, in my inbox, on my personal profile, on twitter - I've read them all. I just simply haven't had time to respond to everyone yet.

But I would like to clear up a few things really quick while I'm thinking about it...and I'm going to include some links that tell more of the "backstory" for the new people here....

I am NOT currently receiving food stamps. Financially, yes, I am eligible to do so. Honestly, I would love to get them at this point - however, because of some *ahem* hiccups in the system and the refusal of certain individuals to send me paperwork that I requested from them several times, my kids and I can not receive that type of assistance any longer.

I do not currently work. My second ex-husband passed away shortly after our divorce. Because of this, my youngest son and I receive Social Security. We get enough to live on and to put some aside every month. We don't live in the lap of luxury, and some months are really really tight - but we make it work. I think after everything that my kids and I have been through in the past few years, they deserve to have me 100% of the time. I will get a job when the time is right. Until then, I do a lot of crafty type stuff to make a little bit of extra money here and there.

For the most part, my life is an open book on this blog. There are a few taboo subjects -

• We do not talk about exactly where we live. We're in Kansas, and that's all that you need to know. If you recognize our location from the pictures, please don't say anything publicly about it. Had I known when I started that there were going to be so many people reading this, I never would have used pictures of my kids. So don't reveal our location.
• For the love of chocolate, do not use our last names! Do not use anyone's last names! That one should be a no-brainer.
• Don't use the name of the kids' schools if you happen to know them. Again, duh.
• I don't do politics. I leave that up to The Dude. If you don't know who he is, you'll figure it out sooner or later.
• Pretty much everything else that you might want to know is found in the "About Me" tab at the top of this page. Or just ask me. I don't bite.....hard.

Now that we got all of that out of the way...........

The rest of the day was spent doing the usual. Tons of laundry, lots of cleaning, bathroom scrubbing (*gag*), and general running around trying to get ready for the impending holiday. Yep, it was a total purple bandana kind of a day. I finally got my grocery list ready so that I can go to the store tomorrow morning (hopefully before it gets swamped) and get the last few things that we need for dinner on Thursday and then I get to clean some more, start some of the cooking and baking, and wait for the older 3 kids to come home so that we can *gasp* celebrate Sarah's 13th birthday.

Yikes. It's after midnight. I'm officially the mother of a teenager.

OK, I'm going to go cry now.

Van progress and the loss of Monday nights

Today was another day of running around like crazy. Imagine that.

After I forgot to take the boys to school (yes, you read that right) I made a mad dash to get them there - luckily, they were only 18 minutes late, but still....it wasn't the best way to start the day.

Anyway, I took them to school and then took The Dude to work and then took his mom to the doctor and then got Daniel from school....and then came home and started trying to locate my kitchen - I have really slacked in there and it was a disaster. But, I got it cleaned up enough and then started crunching numbers.

As I started gathering money for the Transmission Fund, it went into 3 different accounts. Some of it went directly into my PayPal account, while some of it went into my savings and my checking accounts. Not a big deal, right?

Ha.

My plan, once I knew that I had enough money last week, was to transfer the money from my savings and checking into my PayPal account so that it would all be in the same place and I could just use my PayPal debit card to pay the garage. Easy, right?

Wrong.

I transferred the money from the checking to the PayPal account late last week, and on the same day went and talked to the guy at the garage and told him that I had the money and was ready to rock. As we were discussing it, he mentioned that due to the exorbitant fees charged by credit card companies, he doesn't take them. At all.

Oops.

Anyone who has used PayPal knows that it takes 3-5 days to complete a transfer. So I came back home and transferred the money that was already in my PayPal to my checking - he told me that if I handed him $800, he'd order the part and get started on it, and then I could pay for the rest when I picked up the van.

Anyway, as of today, the money that I transferred from PayPal to my checking was there. But the money that I had initially transferred from my checking to my PayPal is still in limbo until tomorrow. Regardless, I had enough to get started....

So Daniel and I walked up to the garage and handed him the check - he was going to order the transmission right then, and then get this - he is going to bring his trailer to my house, load up my van, and take it and fix it. I don't have to get it to him - he's coming to get it.

In the meantime, as soon as the money from my checking lands in my PayPal account tomorrow, I'm going to transfer it back to my checking, and then when he has the van done (possibly as early as this Friday) I can write him another check for the remaining $624.50 and be done with it.

And I will have my very own van back in my possession.

And I can give The Dude's van back to him.

We've been dealing with having only one van between the two houses for almost 2 months now, and it's been difficult. We've been lucky in that there haven't been many scheduling conflicts, but it's been stressful on all of us. Having two functional vehicles again will do wonders for our sanity - not that we really had any at the beginning!

I know that I've said it before, but I just can't thank everyone enough for their help in getting us to this point. Whether it was a donation, or spreading the word, or saying a prayer or saying a word or two of encouragement - it means so much to both of us. Knowing that there are still people out there who are willing to help a friend - or even a stranger - is amazing. I will continue to pay it forward in any way that I possibly can for as long as I possibly can!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
On to other fun and exciting news....

Alex is now a Cub Scout. Because you know, I didn't have enough on my plate already. Seriously though, I've been looking into getting him into something and had hoped to get him into flag football this year - but our schedules just will not allow that. But, I think we can handle one night a week. And of course I had to sign up to volunteer for a few things, but luckily those won't take much time (I hope).

So we'll see how this goes...

Got wood?

Sorry. I could't resist that one! *snicker*

Anyway, the boys and I got up early this morning to prepare for my friend to arrive at 8am with his chainsaw. He cut, I stacked, we raked, and we were done in about 2-3 hours.

First, some pictures from yesterday ...

And then what we accomplished today ....

All in all, not a bad haul for a couple of days of hard work - we have enough firewood to last us for a while, so now we just have to find the time to go camping and use some of it! I still have to get rid of the big brush pile, but that will take a while. I have to cut it up and bundle it, and the city will take it with the trash collection. I'm not too worried about it at this point, other than the fact that it's really ugly. I'll start working on that in my spare time over the next few days. Ha.

So tomorrow's plan is to go help a friend pack up her belongings to move, and then hopefully get some pictures of my finished quilts that I'm hoping to sell before our road trip. We need a little bit more money before we go, so I'm thinking that getting rid of those would be a good place to start - maybe I'll get at least enough money to get the new tires that we need to get before we go. Too many details going through my mind right now....ugh.

But for now, I'm going to go try to get some sleep - tomorrow is going to be (yet another) long day!

What should I write about?

I've been sitting here all night, chatting with friends and trying to figure out what to write about. I get bored just saying "we did this and this and this blah blah blah today" and I know that it has to get boring to read. So I posted a question on my facebook page and asked what I should write about and got several suggestions. So, I'm going to attempt to combine all of them.....

This could be interesting....

The first suggestion was from One Tired Mama, who said that I should write about what I'm thankful for - and that's really an easy one, but it's something that we all take for granted.

I am so incredibly thankful for my kids. Of course, they aggravate and annoy me on a daily basis - poopy pants from kids who are old enough to know better, jumping on beds, refusing to eat supper, arguing, bickering, and the like all get old very quickly. But at the same time, the hugs and kisses and love that I get from them make it all worthwhile. They really are great kids, and they've all been through a lot in their short lives, but I think that they are all coming through it alright. We still have our issues, and we always will, but we are a family and we love each other regardless of the crappy days.

I am thankful for my friends and family who have supported me over the years. I know that I put some of them through hell with my whining and complaining when things were rough - but they stuck by me and showed me how much they love and care about me, and for that I can never thank them enough.

I am thankful that right now I am financially secure enough to be a stay-at-home mom and to keep a roof over our heads and dependable wheels under our butts to get us to where we need to go at a moment's notice. I know that we can make ends meet, even if it is tight at times. And because of that, I can focus on the kids and what they need.

But I think right now, I am most thankful for The Dude. He has put up with a lot of crap from me since we started dating. He has dealt with my mood swings and my stressed-out frazzled crazy self, he has held me while I've cried, he has celebrated the good times, and he has shown me so much love and support that I never even imagined was possible. He is truly an amazing guy, and I have learned so much about myself simply by being with him. I now know that no matter how much I might have tried to fight it, it is possible for me to love and be loved again. And yes, in case there was any doubt from anyone, I LOVE HIM.

There....see? I used the L-word!

Now, back to that status on my facebook page...

While my neighbor does have a dog, she's a good dog, and she doesn't bark much unless there's something to bark about (usually). She does alert me if there's something going on, but for the most part she's quiet. So I really can't complain about barking dogs....

And as for butt plugs....I have to say that I will leave that one up to the experts, as I have no experience in that department. However, I will admit that I have been tempted to jam a cork into a few butts around this house - it might cut down on the amount of laundry that I have to do, but at the same time, it could increase the amount of paperwork that I would need to do once the State found out about it and took my kids from me.

My favorite "go-to dinners" was another suggestion. That one's actually a tough one, because I can't get all of my kids to agree on ANYTHING for supper. However, the 2 youngest will always eat macaroni and cheese (barf) or peanut butter and jelly. Generally, anything kid-friendly will work in a pinch....pizza is always good. Or stromboli, but that takes some planning since the dough has to thaw out for a few hours before I can make it. They like hamburger helper (barf) too. And sometimes spaghetti. And there's always the good ol' standby - anything from any fast food restaurant (which I've been trying to avoid lately).

And last but not least....how am I feeling about my walk tomorrow and the half-marathon on Sunday. Well, I'm not worried about the walk tomorrow, since it's just a walk. The Dude is spending the night tonight at a friend's house so that he can watch the NFL draft stuff, so we are picking him up on the way to the walk and taking him with us. It's an easy, untimed walk around one of the parks in Wichita so it'll be fun and it's for a great cause. While I am relieved that I don't have to wear Cowboys crap for it, I am disappointed that I didn't meet my challenge of raising $250 for it. There's always next year though....

Now the half-marathon on Sunday - yeah, I'm worried about that one. I did it last year in 3:12:32 and I would love to beat that time this year. Actually, I would love to do it in under 3 hours. But, I feel totally unprepared, and I'm just not sure that I can do it. I'm going to give it my all though - I have The Dude's mp3 player to keep my mind occupied, and I found my watch that I can use to keep my pace, so as long as I can stay focused and I don't hurt too much, I can do it. I know that I can finish it - I'm just worried about my time. But just like life, I will get through it one step at a time.

So there you go - a blog post brought to you by the wonderful friendly folks who follow me on facebook!

Craptastic day

I knew that it wasn't going to be a stellar day from the beginning...but wow, I was not expecting it to be quite as brutal as it turned out to be.

It started out with getting up late. Not terribly late, but late enough that we didn't have time to mess around for very long. Ms. Emily refused to get out of bed, and ended up finally getting up about 10 minutes before we had to leave. I was not impressed.

Somehow, I still managed to get all of the kids to their assorted schools on time, and at least had a pretty sunrise to look at, until I started heading the opposite direction and had it right in the face. But still....it was gorgeous.

I got Alex to his school before we realized that he had left his backpack at home - you know, the one that I reminded him to pick up on the way out of the house. He started to pitch a fit before he got out of the van and I gave him the look and sent him on his way.

Daniel and I came home and I did some cleaning and stuff around the house, but I just wasn't in the mood to do anything. Honestly, I was just in a crappy mood. Mother Nature is not being kind to me, and as I just explained to The Dude, I really have just been a stark raving lunatic all day today.

I got a bill from the hospital for my emergency room visit a couple of weeks ago, and I called them to work out payments and stuff - and it got ugly. Without going into details, they made an error, I told them to correct it, and they told me that I'd have to correct it. Uh, sorry - I don't correct other people's errors. You people made the mistake, you fix it. After getting into a rather heated discussion screaming match, she supposedly fixed it. But it was a stupid frustrating couple of phone calls and did absolutely nothing except make me extremely angry.

The kids have been all sorts of hyped-up ever since they got home from school. We had to go to the store to get some stuff, and while they weren't their usual psycho-selves in the store, they sure didn't act like angels. By this time, I didn't care. I was tired, cranky, sore, and more than a little bit irritable so I broke my No Fast Food rule and we stopped at Wendy's to grab food for supper. I just didn't care at that point.

There was drama over missing and horribly overdue library books - which were thankfully located at Ex1's house, after the offender insisted that (1) she never signed them out (2) someone must have stolen them (3) maybe she returned them to the wrong library (4) suddenly remembered exactly where they were.

An empty chocolate chip bag was found in the boys' room - that offender immediately confessed, knowing that lying at that point was futile. He went to bed at 6:30 and hasn't been heard from since.

Emily was sent to bed at 8:00 after her refusal to get up this morning - I told her on the way to school that she was going to bed early so she was prepared for it, but of course at 8:05 she came back out of her room to inform me that she had to study for a math test. *growl*

The rest of the kids have exactly 4 minutes to get to bed - and I swear at this point I had better not hear a single complaint because I am not in the mood. I'm not staying up late tonight - I'm going to bed and hopefully sleeping off this mood and waking up tomorrow all sorts of chipper and cheerful feeling somewhat rational again.

On the plus side, I did sign up for another race - I am determined to stick to my goal of doing one race per month for the year, so this will take care of February. It's a 5 mile race on February 11 - which is also the day that the girls have an honor band thing. Needless to say that's going to be a crazy day, but I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have a crazy day.

On that note, I'm dangerously close to calling it a night. I will attempt to be nicer tomorrow. But I'm not promising anything.

Brain dump

I finally went out yesterday and did some walking - first time since I got sick a couple of weeks ago. I think I went about 2.5 miles, and I only walked (no running) but it felt good to get back out there, although I was pretty wiped out by the time that I got back.

While I was out there, I thought about a lot of stuff. A few of the things that I mentioned in this post came back to me. I realized that a couple of the things that I mentioned (namely the Diet Pepsi addiction and the getting finances under control) could be interconnected.

I have a weakness for soda - that's no secret. It's actually a die-hard addiction. I live for my Diet Pepsi. Yes, I smoke too - but not much. I can go for days without a cigarette and think nothing of it, but by God if I don't have my Diet Pepsi, heads will roll. In this town, we also have Sonic Drive-Ins - and if you're not familiar with them, they have "happy hour" every day from 2-4pm and their drinks are half-price. I can't drive past a Sonic without stopping and getting my usual Route-44-Diet-Vanilla-Coke-extra-vanilla-extremely-easy-on-the-ice-please (need the extra vanilla to cover up the Diet Coke taste). Anyway, I started thinking about how much money I've been spending lately by stopping to get a drink every time I go out somewhere - and when I started adding it up in my head, I was really pretty pissed at myself. Add to that my tendency to grab fast food any time I don't feel like cooking, and it started to dawn on me that I have been wasting a lot of money.

I made a pact with myself during that walk yesterday. For the next month - at least - no more fast food. No more stops for drinks while I'm out running around. Significantly reduce the amount of soda that I drink, period. Notice, I did not say NO soda - I know that's totally unrealistic. But I want to see if there's a difference in how much money I have left at the end of the month and see how much of a difference it makes.

It's already been a couple of days since I've had any soda - and I can tell the difference. I've been sleeping so much better already, which for me is never a bad thing. I've been sucking down iced tea and coffee, and have even been trying to do it without my usual sweetener - I figure if I'm going to go healthy, I might as well do it right, right?

So, we'll see if I make it the whole month. I seriously thought that I was going to cave today and get something to drink while I was running all over the countryside to get the older 3 kids to get them to the dentist, but I didn't do it - I resisted the urge. But it wasn't easy. The Dude and I went grocery shopping yesterday, and I got enough stuff that I shouldn't have any reason to stop for any fast food, as long as I stick with the meals that I have planned. The kids are going to complain, but they'll get over it - and it'll be good for them too.

I've also been digging up recipes to make some healthier versions of some of the food that I already make - I just have to be discreet so that the five picky little people in the house don't complain too much. I will admit that I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast this morning with whole wheat flour, and they inhaled them - so there might be hope for all of us yet!

I had also had the goal of doing one race per month every month this year, and I haven't even looked into February ones yet. I know that there was one coming up on February 4th or 5th, but I need to find the info on that and see if I can pull it off or not - if not, I need to find another one and get registered. I just have to get to the point that I can run without my lungs exploding again. I've also gotten myself into a challenge with The Dude and another friend with the 5K on New Years, but I'm going to hold off on releasing the details on that until we nail them down a little bit more. ;)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In other news, the older 3 kids had dentist appointments today. I'm proud to say that all 3 of them had perfect checkups, and handled the appointments much better than I did.

The Dude picked Alex and Daniel up from school for me while I was at the dentist with the other kids...and given the gorgeous weather we had again today, they weren't home when we got home.

So for now, I'm tired of arguing with my computer, so I think I'm going to shut it down for the night and try to get some sleep - trashed kitchen and all. I'll deal with the mess in the morning.

Plans, Stress, and Rental Cars

Why, oh why…..why can’t I have one drama-free day? Just one? Is that too much to ask?

I found out about a week or so ago that my best friend from college was going to be in the Kansas City area for work for a few days. We have not seen each other since 2004, so there was no way that we were going to NOT get together while she was here. She had no way to get to me, so I had to get to her. The plans started formulating, with a friend offering to take me to Kansas City.

Plans. Plans suck. Plans never work. Saturday morning, as I was racing from basketball game to basketball game, the She-Beast died. Literally sputtered and died alongside the road. I was able to get a hold of a friend who lived in the area and she came and took my kids to the next basketball game while her son came out and tried to work some magic. We towed it back to their house, but couldn’t figure out much of anything so we towed it the 30+ miles home. One theory was a bad fuel filter, so I bundled up the two youngest ones and we walked the mile to the auto parts place and got a new one. I came home and put it on, but alas, it didn’t work. So it could possibly be the fuel pump, which is of course located INSIDE the gas tank – that one is beyond my abilities to fix. I need help on that.

Anyway, driving the She-Beast to KC was Plan B. Plan A never worked, as the friend who was supposed to drive me went out of town for work and still has not been heard from (*gritting teeth*). Plan B was now out of the question. I tried to find a vehicle to borrow – no luck. Finally, I started looking at rentals and found out that I could get one with unlimited mileage for $20 for the day. Sold! I had to beg a ride to Wichita to get it (thank you very much to my 4-year old’s father for that one), but I got it and then I dropped my youngest off with some friends and I hit the road.

The trip up was uneventful. Having no kids in the car was strange, but it necessitated having the radio cranked up as loud as it would possibly go the entire way. I sang along with everything and had a blast. I found some great radio stations and so I had the opportunity to belt out tunes from everyone from Bon Jovi to Depeche Mode to Tim McGraw to Metallica. I managed to get up there just shortly after she checked into the hotel, so we went and grabbed something light to eat and visited for a while before I took her on a driving tour of Kansas City at breakneck speeds. Driving around and talking just reminded me so much of our days in college when we would take so many insane spur-of-the-moment road trips together, including a 17-hour one to see the peach drop in Atlanta, GA for New Years. Word of advice – if you ever have the chance to do that, don’t. It was nothing more than a giant orange pillow with a bajillion drunk people crammed into about a one square block area underneath it. But anyway…..

After our driving tour, we went back to the hotel and grabbed her coworker and we went to what the desk clerk called a “Mex-Tex” restaurant nearby. I’m not a huge fan of Mexican food, but wow – this stuff was good! The waiter was, uh, interesting, to say the least. He just couldn’t comprehend some of the things that we were saying to him – I think he was overwhelmed by three East Coast ladies in one room or something. But we had fun eating too much, talking non-stop, and halfway watching the Patriots lose to the Jets.

I finally left around 8:00pm, 2 hours behind schedule. I filled up the gas tank and hit the road. I got back to pick up my youngest around 10:45 and we got home at around 11:15. He was still awake when I picked him up and was still awake when we got home. He put a movie in (yes, HE put the movie in) and I turned out the lights and he crawled into bed with me and we both fell asleep.

This morning has already involved getting the rental car back to Wichita (and getting a ride back with another friend) and sending out feelers to try to get someone to come and look at the She-Beast to try to figure out what is wrong with her. My mind is going a billion miles a second right now, trying to come up with plans (there’s that word again) to get it fixed, get my daycare business up and running again, get my crafts going again, get my canned stuff going again, and just get some money rolling in again.

It is time, no it is beyond time, to get my act together. This divorce and all of the drama that went along with it is now over. I let myself slide into a very deep depression – one that I’m not sure most people were really aware of. I let things go that I never should have, and I’ve put myself into a very ugly financial position. But the good thing is that now I realize it. I see it very clearly. So now it’s time to fix it. Today’s plan – and yes, I’m using the p-word because I am determined to break the p-word jinx – is to get everything around the house cleaned up and straightened up and make the house look not so…….grotesque. Once that is done, the lists will be made – lists of things that I need to do in order to reclaim my life. And these lists are not going to get thrown away or lost in the shuffle – they will be kept, they will be followed, and they will be completed.

I have a new (or old) last name. I am in a new decade of my life. I am in a fairly new home (it’s been a few months, but it’s still new-ish). It is definitely time for a new start. Going to grab those hypothetical big girl panties and put them on – as soon as the laundry is done.