EMILY HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.

This is Emily, or as many of you know, "My dearest Emily." Yes, I'm talking about that stupid Tooth Fairy Letter. I sure have a lot to say about this, so brace yourself and get ready to read it all.

Now, this letter was written to me when I was eleven years old. Eleven!! I wasn't six. I hate to break it to everyone, but, I no longer believed in the Tooth Fairy. I had stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy around age seven, having an older sister, this was reasonable.

When I woke up the morning of the letter arrival, it was taped to our bedroom mirror, a place we were bound to find it. I got out of bed, walked over to the mirror, read the letter, tore it off, and put it on a shelf that was close to my door. I didn't talk to Mom about the letter until I had woken up a little more and had eaten breakfast. I went back into my room and grabbed the letter. Laughing at how incredibly dumb the letter seemed for an eleven year old, I took the letter out into the living room and showed it to Mom.

"Really Mom?" I said, obviously not impressed with the now infamous Tooth Fairy letter.

All she said was, "Gonna clean your room?"

"Maybe," I say, walking into my room, wondering where to start on the disaster we called a bedroom. After many, many hours of cleaning a room, basketball practice, and many other distractions, the room was cleaned. That night, I went to bed, like any normal eleven year old would. The next morning, I did have a dollar under my pillow. We went on with life just like before.

Until, one day, a few months after the disaster bedroom incident, Mom was on her computer and I walked over to her and said in these exact words, "Hey Mom, I know you made that Tooth Fairy Letter famous."

I'm pretty sure she almost fainted. In case anyone is wondering how I know about everything, I will admit, I was a nosy person. Being eleven, I had a fascination with anything and everything Mom was doing on the computer. I would look over her shoulder and on more than one occasion, the Letter would pop up. I would read just enough of it to know what was going on with it, until Mom would go to a different website or tab or whatever. I had known about the letter going viral for probably a month or so. I never did tell anyone though, because that would mean admitting my nosiness.

Mom asked me how much I knew. And I told her. I didn't know very much at the time, just enough to know what was happening. She showed me some of the blogs, posts, comments (rude, funny, nice, everything), and some different websites where the Letter was featured. I read all about it for close to an hour, getting the full story.

And I was shocked. The comments!! "This is emotional violence," "She will need therapy after this," "You are a horrible parent," "You are f***ing up her childhood." Really!?!? In case you guys can't tell, I thought this letter was a dumb, but working, way to get me to clean my room. I didn't need therapy, but I think I should after reading all those comments.

Everyone listen up, the Letter was stupid. It wasn't "emotional violence." It was ridiculous. I thought it was funny, but half the country thinks Mom is evil, abusive, cold, manipulative, lazy, etc. If you ask me, she is definitely the opposite of everything on that list. 

Since the initial blow up of The Tooth Fairy Letter, I've followed along with Mom and have laughed with her at all of the people who think that I am needing therapy now for "such a ruined childhood."

Judging by this blog post, I think I turned out alright. I am not emotionally scarred. I am perfectly happy. 

Thank you for reading!!!

-Emily

Keyboard Warriors

So last night, that silly Tooth Fairy letter resurfaced in a really big way. A page on facebook with almost 4 million fans posted it, but of course - without the backstory. Without a link back to my page or my blog. Without my permission.

It happens all the time. All the time. I should be used to it by now, and for the most part I do ignore it. I'll read a few comments, throw the link to my blog up there, and let it go.

This time was different. This time, the comments were mean. Hateful. Judgmental. Way worse than usual. Sure, there were a few positive ones, but they were quickly buried under the ones touting my inept parenting skills.

Of course, since the letter wasn't credited to me, people didn't know who they were insulting. They sat there behind their keyboards, casting stones at someone who wrote a letter to an 11 year old girl as a joke. Even after they read the blog post, they continued.

Emotional violence. She should be ashamed. What a horrible mother. That woman doesn't even deserve to have her kids. She should take parenting classes.

The ones that hurt the most were the ones who insinuated that I was a horrible person for raising my kids in a broken home:

(This thread of comments on the post has since been deleted. I think.)

Broken home. No father figure.

The last thing that I ever wanted was for my family to not be "normal" with a mother and father and kids. I never planned to get divorced, and certainly didn't plan to do it twice. I fought like hell to keep it together, to keep it from being broken, and so I stayed.

But staying wasn't worth it. Staying wasn't safe, for me or for the kids. We had to get out. I had to "break" our home in order to keep them safe. I had to get them away from the violence.

Yes, we lived in an "icky" house for 3 1/2 years. But that icky house meant more to me than just about any other place we've lived. I learned more about myself in that house than ever before.

I know that the hate and the judgment and the Mommy Wars will never stop. As long as there is an internet, there will be keyboard warriors who get their panties in a wad and think that they are better than everyone else and believe that they are entitled to pass judgment on other people without knowing the background. It's never going to stop.

I tell my kids all the time - you can't stop other people from being jerks, but you can certainly control your own reaction to it.

Same thing applies to adults. Don't feed into the anger or the hate or the judgment - it's not worth it.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of the same thing.

You asked.....

Just in case you don't follow me on facebook, every now and then I ask people on there to ask me questions, and then I answer them in a blog post. I did that tonight, and this is what they asked me:

Michael asked: why are you so damn awesome? 

Ha. I'm not. The people who read this blog - they are the awesome ones. I just blab and ramble about my normal life, which is totally NOT awesome, but the interactions with the people who read it are what make it all worth it. THEY are the awesome ones, not me.

Erica asked: How do you feel about the tooth fairy letters fame? (I love it btw and will totally use it with my kiddos) 

Honestly, I hate it. I seriously wrote that thing in about 30 seconds and never expected anything to come of it, but it did. And it keeps resurfacing. And I keep getting bashed for it, even though Emily thought that it was funny. But, it is what it is and I can't change it now. So when I see it posted somewhere, I link my blog posts about it in the comments and just let it go - I honestly try not to follow it because more times than not, I'm getting bashed for my parenting skills over one piece of paper floating around the internet.

Michelle asked: Are you freaking out about Monday? I have faith 

Yes and no. I honestly think that the thing that I'm the most worried about is that The Dude is taking on so much responsibility with my kids. The job scares me, yes. The hours scare me, yes. But I know that this is going to be such a huge change for my family, and that scares me more than anything. However, this has come at the most perfect time, and too many things are falling into place at the right time so I can't ignore them. I have to go for it.

Jennifer asked: What are some of the worst things you've seen at work? I want details! (well, not too many details.. but, ya know)

I honestly think that the bare crotch coming through the drive-thru was the worst. Seriously, I can't get that one out of my head. Cover yourselves, people!

Lavinia asked: why is life more complicated than it has to be?

That, my friend, is the million dollar question. But at the same time, I think that people tend to make things more difficult than they need to be. Life is life - whatever is going to happen is going to happen,  and most of the time there is nothing that we can do to change it. Roll with the punches, don't worry about what might happen and deal with it as it comes. One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one second at a time - do what needs to be done to get through the moment, and then deal with the rest as it happens.

Bianca asked: Favourite movies? Two categories: with the kids, just you (or you'n'The Dude). 

For me alone, I can watch just about anything except for sci-fi/fantasy types. I'm a sucker for a good horror flick (yes, even alone) but I also love the typical "chick flicks", dramas, comedies, whatever. When it's me and The Dude, we tend to watch more zombie movies (his choice, but I deal with it) or whatever looks good. He's awesome though, and will willingly sit through a chick flick if that's what I'm in the mood to watch.

Heather asked: How do you manage to do all that you do on so little sleep?!? Because I am cranky butthole without it!!!

At this point in my life, it's just become normal for me. Ever since I split from Ex1 almost 9 years ago, I've lived on very little sleep. Right after we separated, I was working full-time plus a part-time job, and I just got used to it. I run so much during the day and evening that the only time that I have time for myself is at night after the kids go to bed. I know that it's not the best situation for me, so when I finally crash and sleep for 12+ hours at a time, I don't fight it much. Caffeine is my friend.

Maria asked: With how long you an the dude have been together do you think marriage is a possability ever?

We have officially been together for just over 20 months (wait, how did THAT happen?) and while I can easily see spending the rest of my life with him, I just can't see myself getting married again. I did that twice, and I got burned - badly - both times. I know that he's different, but at this point, no, I can't see myself married again. For me, emotionally, it's too big of a risk, and yes, I'm a wuss when it comes to that - and I freely admit it. I love him with all my heart - no doubt about it - but I don't want to get married.

And actually, I had to go digging but there are posts here and here that go into way more detail about that. Check those out if you haven't before.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So that's that for tonight. I haven't looked back at my page in the past few minutes, so if there are more questions, I will answer them on a different night.

If you want to see a perfect parent...

....you'd better not be looking at me.

The Tooth Fairy letter got posted on another page today. And as usual, the haters came out to play.

Usually it doesn't bother me. I've heard pretty much all of it. But this time, they were a little more harsh than usual. I was called some pretty colorful names, and was my parenting ever questioned this time!

But you know what? As much as it annoyed me, it got me thinking.

People are so quick to judge other parents. But why? Are there any perfect parents out there?

I'm not perfect. I freely admit that on a regular basis. My kids aren't perfect either.

I curse in front of my kids. Not all the time, but it happens.
My house isn't perfectly clean. Sometimes, it's downright disgusting.
I usually manage to get a shower every day - but not always.
My kids' rooms are usually a mess.
I spank my kids when they need it - but it's not often.
We eat more junk food than we should.
Sometimes we eat out because I just don't feel like doing the dishes.
The kids probably get away with more mischief than they should.
I don't keep everyone on a set schedule, and I don't always enforce bedtime.
Sometimes I have to bribe my kids to get things done around the house.
I sometimes breathe a sigh of relief when they aren't home, and maybe enjoy the peace and quiet a little more than I should - and I don't always feel guilty about it.

People don't always agree with my parenting style, and that's ok. I was raised by parents who were significantly older than most parents of kids my age and I grew up in an age when a parent could backhand an unruly kid in the middle of the grocery store without anyone else batting an eye. I'm not scarred for life by how I was raised - in fact, I think it made me a better person in the end (although it took me a very long time to admit that).

Who would have thought that such
a silly letter would cause so much
of an uproar???

But for all of my perceived failures as a parent, I think that my kids are turning out pretty darned good. They are all above-average students and for the most part they're pretty well-behaved (although they all have their moments). And I sincerely believe that part of that is because their parents don't put up with any crap. We are not the type of parents (me, their fathers, their stepmothers, The Dude) to coddle our kids and protect them from every single little thing and give them participation trophies just for showing up. They have responsibilities, and if they don't do them, there are consequences, period.

There are no perfect parents. People need to remember that once in a while - especially before they run their mouths and judge someone else's parenting based on a random letter floating around the internet.

I'm wired. And I have hand grenades. And candy.

It's been another crazy day around here. Not so much in the physical-here, but in the blogosphere-here.

In bloggy news, I was contacted yesterday (was it yesterday? I think it was yesterday...) by a gentleman by the name of Roy Wood who writes for wired.com. He wanted to write an article about the Tooth Fairy letter and so we emailed back and forth a few times and talked about the specifics. I told a few friends about it, and they all had pretty much the same reaction.

"OMG DO YOU REALIZE HOW BIG THIS CAN BE?!?!?!?!"

Uh, apparently I didn't.

I can honestly say that before yesterday, I never even looked at that website.

I'm looking now.

Mr. Wood published his article this morning and emailed me with the link to it. I didn't realize it right away because for whatever reason, my phone has decided to quit notifying me about emails from that particular account. When I got the email from him with the link, I immediately went to read it and was really happy with what he had to say. Even the nasty comment that another reader had left didn't bother me. So I went and posted the link to his article on both my facebook page and my personal profile.

A little while later I figured I'd check the stats on my blog and see what was happening.

There might have been some hyperventilating involved at that point. Today was probably the third highest day for traffic on my blog since I started it over 2 years ago.

And it blows my mind. Seriously. When I wrote that letter, I expected nothing to come of it. Maybe a few giggles here and there. I'm amazed that it's still floating around out there and that people (for the most part) still like it.

But the increased traffic is stressful for me in a way. I've said it before - this blog has been so small for so long and I was used to that and comfortable with that. Getting this much attention is a bit unnerving. It makes me question where I want to go with it (I'm still pretty much dead-set against advertising) and if I'm good enough to keep going with it. I don't pop off with things like the Tooth Fairy letter or the food stamp post or the Boy Scout post very often and those are what have brought the majority of people here. But if they're looking for that on a regular basis, they're going to be waiting for a while and will have to tolerate stories about my kids and my crazy days and mountains of laundry and stuff like that in the meantime.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to keep on going the way that I have been for the last 2+ years. I don't know where I'll end up, but I'll just keep plugging along.

I had this discussion with The Dude tonight. We took Daniel and went out to eat and then did a little bit of shopping after so that I could get some stuff for a project, plus a few odds and ends that I needed wanted. My next project includes hand grenades, candy, yarn, and glue.

Because those are the ingredients needed for the perfect Easter surprise for the kids. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Don't worry - you'll see them when they're done. Unless they're an epic fail.

A Quick Explanation

For those who missed it, there was quite a bit of discussion about yesterday's post. For the most part, it was supportive, but then it turned ugly.

I was fine when the insults were only directed towards me. But when other posters started slinging mud at each other, it was pushing the limits. And when someone who apparently knew my ex-husband personally felt the need to post his last name AND his hometown, I knew that it had gone too far.

I posted this letter as a way to help others who might be going through a similar situation, and I posted it to help myself. I did also mail it to my ex-husband's family, so it's not like this is a sneak attack.

Everything in that letter was true. I did not fabricate anything. They may have a different perception of what happened based on what he told them, but they do not know my side of it. That's why I wrote it.

Because I do have a life that doesn't involve the computer, I am not going to be home for the next several hours. I pulled the comments down temporarily to avoid any other flaming of myself or other posters, and to avoid any other personal information being posted about his family. After I get home from my kids' activities, I will deal with this. Until then, I'm going to go be a mom.

If anyone would care to address me personally and privately, you may do so at amola11371(at)gmail(dot)com.