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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Judgmental people suck

Yep. I'm about to take off on a rant here.

Just over a year ago, I wrote a post about judgmental people and what I thought about them. There have been so many things that have come up in my life in the past week or so and they've really just been kind of eating at me. I told The Dude tonight that I didn't think that there would ever come a time that I would need to blog, but right now, I need to do it. I need to get this crap out of my head.

I'm going to warn you right now....I'm currently typing this at about eleventy bajillion words per minute - literally just spewing it out to get it out of my head and try to make some sense of it. So if it doesn't make sense, well, I don't know what to tell you.

About a week and a half ago or so, I wrote the post on my thoughts on marriage and how I believe that everyone should have that right. I am very happy to say that 100% of the comments on both the blog post and on my facebook page were positive - and I really expected to get some negative backlash from that one. So that made me happy. Even when I changed the cover photo on my facebook page, no one said anything negative. And for that, y'all rock.

I changed my profile photo on my personal profile too, and most of the response that I got was positive. I got involved in a few discussions, but didn't really get into any arguments about it and for that I was thankful. I was saddened to see a few closed-minded people continue to use the "Bible argument" and try to force their own religion onto others despite that whole 'freedom of religion' thing in this country, but I also know that some people will never change. And that's ok, because just like me they are free to believe whatever they want to believe.

So in that department, the Judgy McJudgersons behaved themselves.

But elsewhere....

A friend called me the other day. She runs another page on facebook, and she was telling me that she had posted something on her page about being stressed because she was going to have extra kids around for a few days. Apparently, someone commented on her status and told her something to the effect of (and I am massively paraphrasing here) 'you shouldn't complain because Non-Stop Mom does it on her own all of the time' or something like that.

Honestly, that really bugged me the more that I thought about it. I don't ever want anyone to think that my life is so horrible or stressful or depressing or whatever that I have to be admired for getting through it. It's my life, people. It is what it is, period.

Think about it. I'm a single mom. Yes, that's stressful. Yes, it makes some things harder than it does for parents who have a spouse. But you know what? I'm single by choice. I choose to be a single mom. I didn't choose it when it happened, but I sure as heck choose it now. Yes, I have The Dude and I love him with all of my heart and soul and I fully intend to torture him for the rest of our lives be with him for a very long time - but I choose not to be married to him. There are a lot of reasons there and I've talked about some of them before but regardless, I'm a single mom by choice.

Hopefully, as we continue house hunting, we'll be living together within a few months and although we will not be married, he'll be around to help more. Until then, it's ok. Really.

My schedule is crazy. We all know that. But you know what? It's crazy by choice too. I allow my kids to participate in as many activities as they can because I think that (to a point) it's good for them. I want them to be active and involved and to enjoy life as much as possible. I could seriously simplify my schedule by just saying no to a few after school activities - but I choose to do them. And that's ok.

I could also simplify my schedule by just not taking on so many projects at one time. But you know what? By making the choice not to work right now, I can also make the choice to be more involved in other stuff. Important stuff. And so I run myself ragged. I like to stay busy. It's my choice. And that's ok.

So I don't sleep very much. You know what? A lot of that's by choice too. I don't get a lot of time to myself during the day, so I stay up late playing on the computer and blogging and doing whatever I feel like doing for a few hours. Should I do it all of the time? Probably not. Have I been getting better about it? Somewhat. But again, it's my choice. And it's ok too.

Another area where the Judgy McJudgersons have been out in full force is that silly Tooth Fairy letter. Holy crap, people. Seriously? It's still appearing in random places and it seems like the farther out we get from the original posting of it in January, the more hateful people get. For real. I saw it on 3 different facebook pages today, and holy crapola the hate and venom and ........ mean, judgmental people were just unreal. I couldn't believe it. There are so many people out there who are willing to call me a horrible mother ... mean ... nasty ... evil ... the worst parent ever ... bitch ... that I'm scarring my kids for life (that one still kind of amuses me) ... that I'm lying to my kids ... that I'm lazy ... Seriously, you name the insult, and I bet I've read it in regards to that letter.

But you know what? I can take it. It really doesn't bother me that much. But then I sit back and think - if people are so willing to judge a random unknown parent by one single random piece of paper that's circulating around the internet with absolutely no context whatsoever - what kind of judgments are they passing on people who are actually in their lives? What are they saying about their kids' teachers, or their own siblings, or their neighbors, or the homeless guy that they pass every morning on their way to work? What do these people think of themselves? How is it that they feel qualified to judge someone unknown to them based on one tiny little momentary glimpse into that person's life?

Honestly, what gives anyone the right to judge anyone else? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that being judgmental is a learned trait - and most of the time, kids pick that up from their parents and other adults in their lives. Think about that the next time you feel like spouting off some line of judgy crap about someone in front of your kid, and then go one step farther and think about how you would feel if you were the person being judged.

Trust me, being judged sucks. It really does. That I can tell you from experience.


  1. I hope you dont let it get to you..I love your blogs..and yes, your life is yours..and Im glad you share some of it! I raised 3 children, alone...without a husband, without child support..all by choice..I bought a home...alone...by choice..of course..I did have to let go my PCP..who chose to tell me my health issues were caused because I wasnt married...with 3 kids..and because I owned a home. as if my health would have been ok if I were married..and rented an apartment?

  2. I enjoy reading your blog and am amused by how similar we are in so many ways. I totally get the staying up late to get time for yourself, I do it way to often and pay for it when it finally catches up to me.
    I have been a single parent, not by choice at first but it was the right thing in the end. I met someone who thinks the world of me and my kids and we now own a home together, have two more kids and are not married. It has been our choice, we have been engaged for some time now and plan to get married we just haven't decided when it's going to happen.
    I still spend a lot of time alone with the kids because he is away for work. It's going to be like that for now at least. Some days I feel like a single parent but when he calls it can either make my day or make it worse but I still love him regardless.
    Don't let narrow minded people get to you. I loved the tooth fairy letter and it would have come in handy here a few times as well. I know what it's like to have people make judgements about what you should or shouldn't do. After my first relationship ended I was living with my parents and working part time overnight. My parents helped take care of the kids when I was working and while I slept . One of my mothers friends asked her, about a year or so after I moved in, didn't she think it was time for me to get my own place. My mother told her what she thought of the situation(she loved having the kids there)and I don't know if it ever came up again and it didn't matter because it worked for us at the time.
    There are all kinds of people in this world, we have to learn to live together and it may not always be easy. We don't have to agree with everyones opinions or decisions but they have the same right to make them as we do. People need to learn to respect that right.
    Time for a power nap, kids are gonna be busy in the morning. Have a good night and Happy Easter to you and your family.


  4. Many children I know, both young and older, have parents that give them most anything they want, and try to be friends rather than parents. That doesn't necessarily mean they will end up in "gangs". The past couple of "Electronic" generations are living in a different world than their parents lived in. I love the way you are bringing up your children....maybe it's better that you don't have the means to give them all they want...they have learned the words "Appreciation", "respect", "resposibility" and they will be more ready to face becoming adults as that time approaches. And, you will be so proud of them, and of yourself!! Just keep up with what you have been doing all along ... don't even waste a thought on the "judgemental" so called adults.. they are just jealous.

  5. That is one of my FAVORITE quotes. The interwebs are great and all, but it also gives people the ability to read 1/2 line of a post/article/story and then just go off on a tangent - showing their real insecurities. Glad you aren't taking it too personally.

  6. I'll be filing the tooth fairy letter under "things to do" when,my girls are older! What a great and creative way to teach responsibility! You are a wonderful and loving mother. You know this. Your kids know this. God know this. The rest, are intimidated and/or insecure! You go Mama! And thank you for raising responsible kids!


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