Hi again. Yep, it's me.
Hey, remember this post? Yeah, well, it seems that I need to get it off of my chest again.
May 1. That's the last time that you saw your son - and I'm pretty sure that it was only because I threatened you with an early death if you didn't take him that day so that I could do the half-marathon.
And again, that day, you dropped him off with an "I'll see you later" and you walked away. Just like that.
So let's see....what have you missed since then? You missed his last day of school. That was a big one - watching him jump off of the bus yelling "I'm in kindergarten!!!" at the top of his lungs was priceless.
You didn't even know that he went to Texas. Yep. He did. He went to Texas, and he swam in a huge lake (and if you ask him, he'll tell you that it wasn't just ANY lake, but it was Lake Livingston) and he got to play with a bunch of new friends, and he got a brand new lifejacket, and new water shoes, and he got to ride in a boat but it was really bumpy, and he got to sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor next to Daniel.
You didn't get to see him go to the lake here in town where he played with Daniel and his other friends while their parents and I fished. Ask him, and he'll tell you all about the snake that he saw too. And the ducks. And how he liked to play with the worms.
Oh, and guess what? He's thrilled to death that we're going to go on a road trip to Pennsylvania next month. He can't wait to see Grandma and Grandpa and everyone else that we're going to see. He asks me every day if we're leaving yet.
At this point, I wonder if you'll even see him before we leave? Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if you even care any more. Because if you cared, surely you would have made contact with him at some point in the last 5+ weeks. If you cared, you would have stopped by at some point. Or maybe called him. Or heck, maybe you could have even sent me a text message asking about him - or does that take too much effort these days?
But then again, I've heard rumors from several different people that you and your wife are trying to reconcile. If that's true, good for you! I hope it works out, but I hope that you don't forsake your son to get back into her good graces. I don't think that I should have to point out to you that he should be your #1 priority - and just making sure that a child support payment is made every couple of weeks does not qualify as an example of making him a priority.
I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but come on, man. You swore you wouldn't do this to him. You swore that no matter what, you would always be a good father to him. It wouldn't be such a big deal if this was always how you were, but it's not! You used to take him all. the. time. You were a good dad, and I made sure that everyone knew that. I was thrilled that you had such a good relationship with him and that we never had to deal with ugly court crap. He got used to you being around, and now you're non-existent in his eyes.
Last time he saw you was May 1. First time he asked about you and when you were going to come get him? June 7. He doesn't even ask about you anymore. How does that make you feel? I don't know about you, but it makes me feel like crap, and I'm not the one blowing him off for weeks at a time. Nope, instead I'm the one who has to look into those big beautiful blue eyes and say, "I'm sorry honey, but I don't know when he's going to come and get you" and then I get to hug him and kiss him and tell him that I'm sorry.
Why am I the one apologizing to him?