Juggling

Ever since I became a parent, I've had to juggle.

Schedules. Transportation. Money. Priorities. Childcare.

When I became a single parent, I had to add holidays to that list.

Ex1 and I split just before Thanksgiving, so we immediately had to decide who got the kids for the holiday and who got to spend the day alone. Then Christmas, then New Years....on and on it went until all of the paperwork was signed and dated and we got into a routine.

Even when we did have a routine, things always changed. He has local family and I don't - so I've always tried to be flexible so that the kids didn't miss holiday celebrations with their extended families. Then other kids came along, and ultimately other schedules - and for me, trying to keep all of my kids together for holidays became a huge juggling act no matter what day we actually celebrated whatever holiday it was.

I admit that I tried to be difficult about it at times. Sometimes I got my way, and sometimes I didn't. But somehow I always managed to squeeze some sort of holiday celebration into whatever time the 6 of us had together.

Yesterday, The Dude and I had to make another crazy road trip to Kansas City, and at some point during the drive it suddenly dawned on me that Easter is this weekend. EASTER IS THIS WEEKEND. How did that happen?

My brain went into overdrive while I tried to figure out how to make Easter happen within the walls of the house since it was obviously going to happen in the real world no matter what. I already know that I have no chance of having the older 3 kids at all during the weekend because Ex1 and his wife are returning from a weeklong missions trip out of the country and her parents are in town, so they're going to want the kids. Alex's father already made plans to take him for at least a day or two and I'm not going to stand in the way of that. So maybe we can do Easter the following weekend - but I'm running a half-marathon that Saturday, so I'm going to be useless for the rest of the weekend. So maybe we can do it during the week instead and who am I trying to kid because that would just be insane.

Then suddenly it dawned on me......wait a second. Friday. The kids don't have school. They'll all be here until about noonish when the older 3 have to head back to Ex1's.

The solution was as simple as breakfast. We'll have a huge breakfast Friday morning, like a big Good Friday/Easter breakfast, and they can get their Easter baskets and we can be pigs and eat junk all morning and then the older 3 can go where they need to go and we got our time together for the holiday (and then realistically, I don't have to cook a big dinner because we had a big breakfast so I'm actually getting off easy here) and it's all good.

So while I was in the kitchen prepping cinnamon rolls for tomorrow's breakfast feast, Emily teamed up with the Easter Bunny to fill the baskets (including the eggs that we dyed earlier tonight) and then I got the kitchen cleaned up and ready for morning - including loading up the coffee pot so that it's ready to go.

The constant juggling is hard. There have been times when I've felt as though I've had 87 different things up in the air all at once - some of them were on fire, some of them came at me like bricks while others floated around like feathers, some of them crumbled into dust as soon as I touched them, and some of them slammed to the ground and shattered because I didn't have enough hands to catch them all.

I think that the most important thing that I've learned over the past decade+ of single parenting is that no matter what, everything is going to work out in the end. We might not get exactly what we want but sometimes the best gift we can give our kids is to show them that we can be flexible and make the most out of any situation. We might not get our big Easter dinner as a family, but we're going to have a hell of a breakfast together before they go off in different directions.

And then I'm going to sit back with a giant cup of coffee and relax for a little bit. Just because.

The Backwards Stocking

I finally started decorating for Christmas today.

I went out and bought a fake (ugh) tree, and got it upright and put more lights on it (a story all on its own) and I got the stockings hung up on the mantle.

Every time I post a picture of our stockings, I sit back and wait for someone to point out that one of them is backwards - because someone does it every. single. time.


The funny thing is that I don't even notice it anymore. It's normal to me.

After I got them up, I decided that I was tired and I was going to quit for the night. There's still so much to do and if I keep going, it's going to be way too late way too fast. So I sat down for a few minutes and looked at the stockings and tried to remember exactly why I ended up with one that faced the opposite direction.

It all started back in 1998, when I was dating Ex1. He told me that he had never had a stocking when he was growing up, and I was stunned. So I set about making him a quilted stocking to give to him that Christmas. I didn't have a pattern, and I didn't have a lot of money, so I used scraps of fabric and made him a quilted stocking and gave it to him.

By the time that Christmas 1999 rolled around, we had Sarah - so I made two more stockings. The toe on Ex1's stocking pointed to the right. So I made mine point to the left and made Sarah's point to the right. That way, when they were hung up "in order" the toes would alternate. When Emily was born and I made her stocking, her toe pointed left in order to continue the pattern.

Then life happened, and Ex1 and I split right before Christmas the year that Jared was born. Ex1 took his stocking with him, and Jared didn't get one right away because things were too chaotic. In fact, I made stockings for Ex2, my then-stepson, Jared, Alex, and Daniel for Christmas in 2006 - however Daniel's didn't even have a name on it since we knew he existed but we didn't know if he was a boy or a girl yet. We used the blank stocking to announce to the kids that there was going to be another baby coming. And for whatever reason - probably chaos and lack of time - those stockings all pointed the same direction.

Fast forward a few years. The Dude now has a stocking hanging with the rest.

To me, Sarah's stocking isn't backwards. When I look at the row, the first one, the fifth one, and the seventh one are backwards. They should all point to the right in order to have the alternating effect that I planned.

When other people look at it, they see the one pointing the opposite way.

In the end though, we all have our stockings. And they'll all be jammed full on Christmas morning regardless of which direction they face.

Plans change. Life changes. Things don't always turn out the way we hoped, but it's ok. It's important to sometimes stop and look at things from a different perspective and realize that an unexpected result isn't always a bad thing.

Time marches on....

We got back from TMOART:15 this morning, and as I mentioned the other day our vacation was not all fun and games. Don't get me wrong - all in all we had a good time. But as with any trip, there is always stress and aggravation.

One thing that we do every year is get a group picture of the kids. And it's not just any picture, but it's our traditional Line Them Up In The Same Order On The Lion Statue picture. We leave from my parents' house and head up to State College for the day, run around, take the picture, eat lunch, and then head back. It's a fun family ritual and the kids actually look forward to it, despite the looks on their faces in half of the pictures.

2009

2011

2012

2014

2015

It's crazy to see how much they've changed - I mean, I know that they're growing up, but this just reinforces it so much more. The kids were joking around about "what are you going to do when we're away at college or all grown up and we don't go on vacation with you anymore?" I told them that they still have to go along just because I'm the mom and I said so. Honestly, I don't even want to think about that time, even though I know it's coming faster than I'd like to admit.

For now, I'll just enjoy our silly little traditional picture every year.

Celebrate

In case you missed it, I went on a little tirade on my facebook page earlier today. You can click here if you want to read all of the comments, but this is what I had to say:

I've been seeing a lot of posts in my newfeed today saying that single mothers shouldn't be recognized on Father's Day because "they already had their day in May, and they don't get to be honored twice" or "mothers get their day and fathers get their day, and no one gets two" or "no one recognizes single dads on Mother's Day, so it's not fair". 

I have an idea. 

Grow up. 

When are people going to learn that people are free to celebrate whatever holiday they want to, however they want to celebrate it, whenever they want to celebrate it, wherever they want to celebrate it? 

I might choose to celebrate Christmas by dancing a jig in January in Tahiti - and is that anyone's business but my own (and anyone who might be unfortunate enough to witness such an event)? 

NO. 

Not everyone celebrates Christmas or Ramadan or Valentine's Day or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Samhain or Hug Your Cat Day. And not everyone celebrates every holiday in the exact same way. 

AND THAT'S OK. 

Tolerance, people. Tolerance. Quit getting bent out of shape about stupid stuff, and worry about the important things in life. 

Sheesh.

Right after I posted that, we had to leave to go to Daniel's baseball games. I checked my phone a few times once we got there, but my battery was dying so I plugged the phone in to charge in the van and ignored it for a couple of hours. But I kept thinking about it because some of the posts that I saw today really tweaked me.

Seriously, people - who are we to decide who gets to celebrate Father's Day? Or Mother's Day? Or any other holiday out there?

Father's Day. A day meant to honor fathers. I get it. I really do.

But you know what? It's not 1910 anymore. Times have changed. Nuclear families with a mother, a father, 2.3 children, a station wagon, and a dog named Rover aren't the only families that exist anymore.

Why is it that some people feel that the only people to be celebrated for raising children are the mother and father, and only on certain days of the year?

We should celebrate ANYONE who helps to raise a child.

The mother (or mothers). The father (or fathers). Step-parents. Adoptive parents. Foster parents. Aunts, uncles, or grandparents who step into the role for any reason. Neighbors. Daycare providers. Teachers. Friends. The single parent's significant other.

ANYONE. Every day.

In this day and age, with the problems that we face in our society - bullying, abuse, violence, abandonment, drugs, poverty, homelessness (and the list goes on) - we should be grateful for any person who is willing to help raise a child at any point.

A teacher may only be directly involved for 9 months. A foster parent may play a part for a few days or several years. Extended family may provide an intermittent or a steady support system. The mother who opts to give her child up for adoption in the hopes that the baby will have a better life than the one that she can provide - her choice makes an impact on that child's future.

So many people have a hand in how kids grow up these days. So many. So why is it that we get so hung up on who can celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day?

Daniel wanted to take The Dude out for ice cream today. The Dude isn't his biological father, but he's been in this child's life longer than his biological father was. Daniel knows that The Dude isn't his father, and he doesn't call him "dad" (unless he wants something) but he still wanted to celebrate Father's Day.

And that's ok.

Everyone needs to just stop focusing on what other people are doing. Some people want to acknowledge single mothers on Father's Day and single fathers on Mother's Day - so what? It doesn't hurt anyone. It might even brighten someone's day.

Stop with the judgmental crap.

Celebrate all parents, no matter what form they happen to be.

Celebrate family.

Pick a day, any day, even *gasp* multiple days, and go have an ice cream cone and just celebrate.

Keyboard Warriors

So last night, that silly Tooth Fairy letter resurfaced in a really big way. A page on facebook with almost 4 million fans posted it, but of course - without the backstory. Without a link back to my page or my blog. Without my permission.

It happens all the time. All the time. I should be used to it by now, and for the most part I do ignore it. I'll read a few comments, throw the link to my blog up there, and let it go.

This time was different. This time, the comments were mean. Hateful. Judgmental. Way worse than usual. Sure, there were a few positive ones, but they were quickly buried under the ones touting my inept parenting skills.

Of course, since the letter wasn't credited to me, people didn't know who they were insulting. They sat there behind their keyboards, casting stones at someone who wrote a letter to an 11 year old girl as a joke. Even after they read the blog post, they continued.

Emotional violence. She should be ashamed. What a horrible mother. That woman doesn't even deserve to have her kids. She should take parenting classes.

The ones that hurt the most were the ones who insinuated that I was a horrible person for raising my kids in a broken home:

(This thread of comments on the post has since been deleted. I think.)

Broken home. No father figure.

The last thing that I ever wanted was for my family to not be "normal" with a mother and father and kids. I never planned to get divorced, and certainly didn't plan to do it twice. I fought like hell to keep it together, to keep it from being broken, and so I stayed.

But staying wasn't worth it. Staying wasn't safe, for me or for the kids. We had to get out. I had to "break" our home in order to keep them safe. I had to get them away from the violence.

Yes, we lived in an "icky" house for 3 1/2 years. But that icky house meant more to me than just about any other place we've lived. I learned more about myself in that house than ever before.

I know that the hate and the judgment and the Mommy Wars will never stop. As long as there is an internet, there will be keyboard warriors who get their panties in a wad and think that they are better than everyone else and believe that they are entitled to pass judgment on other people without knowing the background. It's never going to stop.

I tell my kids all the time - you can't stop other people from being jerks, but you can certainly control your own reaction to it.

Same thing applies to adults. Don't feed into the anger or the hate or the judgment - it's not worth it.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of the same thing.

Electronic observations

I had to take Daniel to an ENT today because we found out last week that one of the tubes that was put in his ears in 2009 or 2010 is still in there. He hasn't been having any issues with it (obviously, or we would have known that it was there) but his pediatrician wanted to have it checked.

Because of the distance and timing of the appointment, I pulled both him and Alex out of school for the afternoon. The Dude went with us and we headed out for the appointment. When we got there, The Dude and Alex hung out in the main waiting room while Daniel and I went to various locations throughout the clinic - one place for the check in, one place for the hearing test, another place for the actual exam....

While we were in one of the waiting rooms, I watched a little girl who couldn't have been more than about 2 years old. She was there with her mother and as soon as they walked in, the mother handed her cell phone to her and the little girl proceeded to watch a video or something on it (I'm not sure what it was, but the accompanying music was ...... interesting). I didn't think too much of it until the phone dinged with what I assume was a notification, and the mother took the phone from her to check it. The little girl FREAKED OUT and started screaming, until the mother handed it back to her. A few seconds later - same thing.

Around that time, a boy walked in with his mother. He was older, maybe 4 or 5. He sat down and immediately started doing something on an electronic tablet gizmo. When they got called into an exam room, he pitched a fit about having to put the tablet away.

In the meantime, Daniel was sitting on a chair beside me, reading an old copy of Sports Illustrated. He occasionally pointed out a picture to me or asked me what certain words meant. When it was his turn, he put the magazine back on the table and walked into the exam room.

The exam went well. This is a new ENT to us because ours apparently left town at some point in the past few years, but this guy seems pretty cool. Daniel's hearing is perfectly normal, although the wayward tube does need to come out of his ear. It's not an emergency, so we're waiting until after he is done wrestling in a few weeks to do it. It's all good. No biggie.

When we were done, we got The Dude and Alex from the main waiting room where they had been reading an issue of Time together. I said something to The Dude about the kids in the other waiting room with their electronics, and he said that he had seen some of the same while he was waiting for us.

After that, we decided to take the boys and go see a movie and get something to eat. We had a blast just hanging out and goofing off and made total pigs of ourselves at the restaurant. While we waited for our food to arrive, the boys worked on the word searches on the kids menu, and then had more fun finding words that weren't even on the list. But while we were sitting there eating, I noticed it again. There was a little girl, maybe 7 years old, playing on an iPad-like gizmo. But she wasn't just sitting at her table - she was wandering around the restaurant with it, staring intently at it the entire time. She didn't look up and ran into several people, including waitstaff with trays full of food. The adults with her (I assume her parents) just let her go for the most part, although I did see the woman go and get her and bring her back to the table a time or two.

When we go on our family road trips, people always ask me what video games I take along to keep the kids amused. Or they want to know if we want to borrow their portable DVD players for the ride. They are always stunned when I say that we make these trips without the electronics. (The girls do have iPods that they bought with their own money, but without wifi all they can do is listen to music that they've downloaded - which they do because they don't like our music.) Instead of playing with the electronics that would inevitably get lost, broken, or tossed aside with dead batteries, we play those silly old travel games. Or we look out the window to see the scenery. Or we teach the kids how to read a map. Or we talk to each other.

Personally, I think it's pretty cool that we do the road trips the "old-fashioned way".

Seriously people - when did it become "normal" to shove an electronic gizmo into a kid's hands and count on that gizmo to keep the kid amused instead of doing it ourselves?

I see it more and more. Kids who are barely more than infants who pitch an absolute screaming fit if Mom takes away the phone or the iPod or whatever the gadget of the day is. Older kids who can't even go to the grocery store without their iPod. Teenagers who aren't able to find their way to the local grocery store because they are so busy playing handheld video games that they've never paid attention on the ride there. Kids who have crappy social skills because when they go to the neighborhood block party they are too busy looking at a screen to even figure out that there are other kids there and they could all be running around playing and having fun if they weren't trying to get the next high score.

Why is this becoming the norm? Why have we become so electronics-centered that we can't go anywhere without them?

I'm just as guilty as the next person when it comes to my phone. It goes everywhere with me for many reasons. Besides the fact that as a single parent I rely on it in emergencies, it's also the only way that the school can contact me if something happens with the kids. It's how my family reaches me if something happens with my parents, which sadly is happening more and more often these days. But I also play around with it in waiting rooms at doctors and while waiting for my food to arrive - but I can also put it away while I'm eating or while I'm at the movies or whatever. Other than the girls and their iPods, the kids don't have electronics. If we go somewhere that might involve waiting, they bring books to read or draw pictures or people watch.

We don't have video games at home. We don't even have cable. They watch DVDs or occasionally play on my laptop - or they read or color or play with Legos or ride their bikes or play ball in the backyard.

They aren't perfect. They can act spoiled or self-centered or entitled or downright nasty at times. But for the most part they are fairly well-behaved and can have awesome social interactions with people and are excelling in school and sports and almost everything else that they do. There is no way to know if it's because they have limited screen time, but I do think that it has something to do with it.

I do know that when they get bored, they can usually create a game to play with each other. Granted, sometimes it ends in a fist fight, but more often than not they can amuse themselves for several hours.

I know that they love to go to the library to get new books to read, and that even my very hyper and active boys can plop themselves down on the couch when the weather is bad and get lost in a pile of books for an entire day if I let them.

I know that they enjoy the road trips and love to talk about things that they've seen along the way, even if we didn't stop to play tourist at that particular spot. They've also asked me to find out more information on things that they spotted, so I know that they're paying attention to the world around them.

I also know that avoiding electronics is impossible in this day and age. I just wish that more parents would find a better balance in their use.

My office

Like most people, I'm in a few groups on facebook. There's one group in particular where it seems like we end up inadvertently having a "theme" day every now and then. Someone will post a ridiculous selfie, and then we all do it. Or video updates. Pictures of our kids. Whatever.

Today, I was too busy running around to really pay attention to how it started, but pictures of everyone's offices were being posted. When I saw it, I was actually on my way out the door to the grocery store, and so I posted a picture of my cart as my "office for the day".

When I got done at the store, I had to rush straight to the schools to get the kids, and then home to unload the groceries and start supper. At the same time, I was helping with homework and signing agendas and starting a new grocery list for everything that I forgot to get today.

I was making a mental meal plan for the rest of the week and occasionally pulling out my phone to look at my calendar to try to remember everything else that had to be done. Then I got the kids who were home started on supper while I ran out to pick Emily up from basketball practice, and then started cleaning the kitchen and baking some snacks for lunches and after school.

As it turned out, the kitchen was actually my main office for the day. Or at least for the afternoon and evening.

For whatever reason, I managed to actually be more organized than usual tonight. I got all of the dishes done (putting them in the dishwasher counts as "done" in my book) and made the pancake batter for morning. I put the griddle out so I literally just have to plug it in and start pouring batter for pancakes instead of fumbling around to mix it like I usually do. I packed the majority of the kids' lunches so that all I have to do is make their sandwiches and toss their string cheese into their respective bags and then chase them out into the van.

Theoretically speaking, as long as everyone gets up on time, the morning *should* be fairly easy....although I'm sure that it will fall apart somewhere.

Of course, in the middle of all of this, it was pointed out to me that the bathroom faucet was messed up again. I just replaced the stems in it a few weeks ago and was super proud that it wasn't dripping constantly anymore, and now it's jacked up again. I hope that it's just something that needs to be tightened, but I won't know that until I can shut the water off to the house (because no shut off under the sink) and pull it apart again, so depending on how that goes, my "office" tomorrow will definitely include the bathroom and possibly one or more hardware stores.

Until then......yes, there are bricks putting enough pressure on the handle to keep the water from running all night long.

Don't judge. It's working for now.

And yes, I know, the sink is filthy. Again, don't judge. I'll deal with that later.

I used to have an actual office job. I had to get up early and get dressed every day (luckily girl clothes weren't required, but I still had to look human) and drive 30 miles each way to sit in a cube and push papers and run around the state visiting people to make sure that they were getting the care that they needed. I got paid a decent amount of money and enjoyed what I did for the most part.

Sometimes, I miss that life. I miss getting out and seeing people (even if I didn't like ALL of the people I had to deal with on a regular basis) and having a regular routine.

But then again, I wouldn't trade my "offices" now for any of that. I love that I can be home with my kids at a moment's notice when they need me and that I can go to school functions during the day without having to rearrange an entire work day and get permission from the boss. I can do laundry and grocery shop and fix busted sinks while they're in school, and spend the evenings with them (even if I'm in the kitchen for most of the evening).

The money's not as good, but the value is incredible.

Making Amends

I got a phone call yesterday. Actually, I got a voicemail because as soon as I saw the area code of the caller, I got chills and couldn't move to answer it even if I wanted to.

I waited for the voicemail notification, staring at the phone the entire time. I was sitting downstairs in the Mom Cave at the sewing machine, and the phone was sitting beside the machine as I worked. When the notification chimed, I picked up the phone, called the voicemail, and somehow entered my code with my hands shaking.

"Good morning, Amy! This is S, Jeff's father. I'm calling because I need to talk with you. I know it's been a long time and there's been some issues and so forth but anyway, I'm trying to reach out. I need to make some amends and I'd really like to hear from you. I'd appreciate it very much. I've been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and enough is enough. We need to make some peace here so anyway I hope things are well. My wife keeps track of you on the internet and she just says that you're just such a lovely mother and I believe that. Anyway when it's convenient, and if you don't, I understand too. I just would like to talk with you. Anyway, I hope it warms up there in Kansas. Give me a call. Please. Bye."

My first reaction was extreme anger. Then sadness. Pain. Anger. Devastation. Confusion. Intense sadness. Disbelief. Anger.

I screamed and yelled and cried and stomped around the house and sobbed and collapsed in the middle of the living room floor.

How dare he do this? Why now? What gives this man the right to call me and "make amends"???

I called The Dude and told him what happened. I forwarded the voicemail to him so that he could hear it. He asked me the Million Dollar Question: What are you going to do?

I've gone round and round and round in my head about it. I've listened to the message dozens of times. And here is my response:

Dear S:

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Cancer is a truly horrible disease, and I don't wish it on anyone.

I have not stopped thinking about how to handle this since the second that I saw your number come up on my phone. I thought about ignoring it and just not responding, but realistically - that gives you closure. You get to say "well, I tried" and pat yourself on the back. I thought about calling you back and telling you exactly how I feel, but I know that wouldn't end well. You would try to manipulate me and tell me again how everything was all my fault like you've done in the past, and I wouldn't be able to say what I wanted to say. Maybe a public blog post isn't the best way to handle it, but I don't have your address so I can't send you a letter - and this way it's "out there" so that everyone can see exactly what I said.... because I have nothing to hide.

Just to refresh your memory, it's been more than 5 1/2 years since you've bothered to contact me. To be precise, I told Jeff to leave for the final time 5 years, 6 months, and 2 days ago - and you never bothered to contact me since before then. You never called to make sure that Daniel was ok or to see if he needed anything. You wrote him off, just like the rest of your family did.

Even after I made it clear that you could have a relationship with Daniel, you chose not to. You continued to ignore him. Worse, you and/or your family made it your mission to make our lives more difficult. The decisions made by you and your family destroyed everything that I had and everything that I was for a while.

But now..... after all of this time..... you want to make amends.

Why? Because you're dying.

Think about that. You're not doing it because it's the right thing to do or because you miss your grandson, but because you're dying. You didn't even mention him in your voicemail - it was all about you and your need to make amends. It's not about anyone else but you. You think that if you do this now, you'll get your Get Into Heaven Free card.

You could have done this any time in the last 5 1/2 years, but no. You chose to wait until the last minute, giving me a guilt-laden ultimatum to make you feel better about yourself.

I have news for you.

No.

You lost your chance.

I have done nothing in the last 5 1/2 years but put my kids first. I have fought tooth and nail to give them the life that they deserve. We have struggled to rebuild what we lost after we lost Jeff, and we did it without your help. We have moved on, we have grown up, and we have learned what is truly important in life. I am not the same person that I was back then. I don't allow myself to be trampled anymore. I don't hide my feelings, and I'm not afraid to tell you exactly what I think of you.

You have done nothing for Daniel. Nothing. You have not been there for him. You have not shown him love or respect or anything but indifference. You have only shown him that he is not worth anything to you or anyone else in your family.

The good news is that he has a huge family who does love him. He has a dad now - one who he has chosen and one who loves him as a dad should. He has siblings and grandparents and cousins and crazy aunts and uncles who love him as he deserves to be loved - and they won't turn their backs on him.

You chose not to have that. You chose to wait until the last minute, hoping that I would feel bad enough for you to give into you and give you what you expect - but it's not going to happen. Maybe I'll regret this decision some time in the future - but then I'll remind myself that it wasn't me who turned my back 5 1/2 years ago.

It wasn't Daniel's fault. It wasn't my fault.

It was you. It was your family. It was your choices.

So there you go. You reached out. You tried. Good for you.

And I told you what I think. Good for me.

I guess we both got something out of this.

Peace,
Amy

Ice Bucket Challenge

The Dude challenged me to do the ice bucket challenge. He put a different spin on his response to it, and I'm doing the same thing - albeit a different spin than the one that he used.

You don't need to see a video of me dumping a bucket of water over my head in order to raise awareness for anything. I don't need to one-up the guy before me and go for the gimmick and have a front end loader dump hundreds of gallons of water on me in order to prove that I care more than someone else.

I don't need to do it.

Instead, watch this video.

And then watch this one.

This is my niece's son, Corban. He's just a few months younger than Daniel and although they don't get to see each other very often, they are buddies. They love to play together, and I hope and pray that they get to hang out and be buddies for a very long time - but Corban has cystic fibrosis.

"What's that?" you ask..... well, you can check out THIS LINK to get more information on that. They explain it way better than I ever could. After you get done reading that information, explore the rest of the CFF's website and learn more about this horrible disease.

Corban wears the vest daily - it thumps him hard enough to knock the excess mucus in his lungs loose so that he can cough it up and get it out of his body in an attempt to prevent infections in his lungs. He takes breathing treatments. He takes oral medications.

He does this every day. He has done this every day of his life, since he was diagnosed just after birth. This is his normal. This is his life.

Corban is doing well at the moment, but that can change quickly, and it often has. There have been many sicknesses, hospitalizations, tests, medications, treatments, 3 hour long road trips to get to the specialists to not get any answers - it's a constant battle not only for Corban, but for his entire family.

We participate in the Great Strides walk every year in order to raise awareness and much-need research monies (I didn't get to do it this year because I had other commitments that day). It's usually right around the beginning of May, and we are always looking for support - whether it's more walkers to join our team, or donations, or just spreading the word. If you want to help us with that, just get a hold of me.

There are so many causes out there that need attention. Whether it's research for a cure for an illness, donations to help the homeless, funding for mental health care, support for victims of domestic violence, or whatever - we all have the power to put ourselves out there and do something. Make a donation. Volunteer. Spread the word.

Dump the water, don't dump the water. Do whatever it takes to make a difference.

Dear House...

I left you today.

When I found you, I was desperate. I had no place to go. I searched and searched to try to find a place that would work for my family, and I couldn't find anything. Finally, you came along. When the kids and I walked in and looked around, we knew right away that we could use you, even if it wasn't going to be very comfortable. The landlord was willing to work with a single mom with 5 kids and no income, even if it meant that he would have to wait for the rent payments to come through the homeless prevention program that was assisting me.

Emotionally, I was at an all-time low in my life. Depression had truly gotten the best of me, and I didn't know what I was going to do next. My church family moved us - seriously, they packed up our stuff and moved us because I just couldn't do it. Honestly, I don't know if they even realized the extent of the darkness surrounding me at that point in my life. Whether they did or not, they stepped up and rescued me.

I remember standing in the middle of the living room as people moved in and out, carrying boxes and bags and piling them up in any empty space they could find. When you were packed completely full, they started stacking stuff on the porches. I sobbed as the amount of stuff in such a tiny place seemed to swallow me alive.

It took what seemed like forever for me to get my act together and get things straightened up and organized. I donated tons of stuff to get rid of it and make room, because going from a 2 story 4 bedroom house with an office and tons of storage, to you with only 2 bedrooms and zero storage made downsizing not only necessary, but mandatory. It felt good to get rid of so much crap - both literally and figuratively, because as I got rid of some of it, I felt the emotional baggage go along with it.

As time went on, I started to see the light. I got my stuff organized and I got my feelings organized. I started living life again. I filed for divorce and waited patiently for it to become final, which would happen on my 40th birthday. And 20 days after that, my ex-husband died and I boarded one of the biggest, scariest, longest lasting emotional rollercoasters ever created. His death was the last thing that I ever wanted, the last thing I ever expected, and easily one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through in my life.

I spent hours sitting at the table in your kitchen, dealing with Social Security and pensions and death benefits and bill collectors and the IRS, trying to make sense of it all. And when I couldn't focus anymore, I'd fall over on the futon in the corner of your living room and sleep for a few hours until I had to get up and face another day.

Within your walls, I started to rebuild my life. I started dating, and then I stopped to deal with the emotions of his death. And then I started to live again.

I helped my kids with their homework. I did their laundry and packed their lunches and baked their birthday cakes. I planted flowers and cut the grass and replaced light switches. I canned sand plums and strawberry jam and applesauce. I fixed the She-Beast time and time again in your driveway. I held my kids while they cried and I disciplined them when they needed it and kissed their boo-boos that they got from playing in the yard. I started dating this crazy guy and then fell in love with him and even got up the nerve to tell him that I loved him in the front room in the wee hours of the morning before a road trip to Kansas City to take a friend to the airport.

And through all of this, I learned so much about myself. I learned just how strong I can really be - and at the same time that I don't have to always be so strong. I learned that I can take care of myself and my family, but that it is also ok to ask for help once in a while - or to accept it when it is offered. I learned that if you want something bad enough, you can get it - even if it takes a lot of time, effort, and patience to get there.

As we've been packing up our lives and moving stuff out over the past few weeks, I've been hit with emotional waves more often than I'd care to admit. As much as I complained about how small you were and OMG Why Can't We Have A House With More Than One Toilet, I loved you dearly. You were there for me in so many ways, not just as a house, but as a home, a shelter, and a place to grow.

There are so many amazing memories that happened within your walls. But what I will remember most is that I found the most important thing in my life within your walls.

I found myself.

The Ghetto-esque House
Sept. 1, 2010 - March 7, 2014

Is it worth it?

So things have been kind of crazy around here lately.

I started my full-time gig at work a while back, and I have mixed emotions about it.

Seriously. We all know that I'm not a morning person. Getting up at 4:30am five days per week sucks. My days off are unpredictable. I come home greasy and exhausted and cranky and sore.

I work with some really great people. Some really awesome people. But there's always that one person who ruins it for everyone - and in our case, it's one of the people in a position of power. There are days when the stress of being totally overworked and underappreciated gets to be too much, and I have to convince myself (and others) not to just walk out of the building and never return.

And then I get my paycheck, and I seriously wonder.....is it really worth it? It's not like I'm making a ton of money, which would make being miserable slightly easier to handle.

At the same time, I need this job. No, I need a job. This one was handed to me at the right time. My credit is *thisclose* to being repaired enough to apply for a mortgage. Seriously, *thisclose*. I got word the other day that one huge thing on my credit report has been deleted - and this was something that had a serious detrimental effect on my scores. So I'm waiting for next month's report to see if maybe, just maybe, it was enough to push me over the top. The extra income from this job will make it easier to get us into a house - without a doubt.

I sat down last night and figured some bills. My van is so close to being paid off - like, if I really push it, I can maybe pay it off by the end of the year. And the medical bills that appeared over the summer - instead of taking 7 months to pay them all, I think I can do it in four. I can't do that without the income from a job.

So the job is good. Or at least the income from the job is good. Or good-ish. It definitely helps.

But at the same time....

I was off the last couple of days because I was sick. Well, today was supposed to be my day off, but I took off yesterday as a sick day. And honestly, these were the best two days that I've had since I started this job - because I wasn't there. I got to take the kids to school, and I realized how much I miss doing that. I got to putter around the house and get stuff done (when I wasn't sleeping) and I realized how much I miss doing that.

Don't get me wrong - I love that The Dude does so much with the kids so that I can work. I love that he does it and that he does it willingly. But I hate it. He's spending more time with them than I am - and as a mom, that's not ok with me. He shouldn't be the one meeting with the principal over behavior issues - that should be me (ok, it really shouldn't be either one of us, but the kids aren't perfect). He shouldn't be waking the kids up for school - that should be me. He shouldn't be the one running them to last minute appointments - that should be me. And now that he's working, I'm having to turn to other people to help out with the kids from time to time - and while I trust them completely it still makes me feel so incredibly guilty every time I have to do it.

I know that this is what working parents go through, but I hate it. I made a promise to myself 2 1/2 years ago that I wouldn't work as long as they were little and I could afford not to do it - and I'm breaking that promise - to myself and to them.

I have to stop and ask myself why I'm doing this. I keep saying "it's to get us into a house of our own" and yes, that's true. But at the same time I have to wonder if I couldn't do that without the job. Or maybe without THIS job. Sure, it might take longer, but it could happen. I know it could.

I'm seriously questioning my "need" to work right now. Is getting into a house of our own right now so important that I should be sacrificing time with my kids and my own happiness to make it happen? Am I being greedy by wanting this to happen right now, when realistically we could wait a few more months for it to happen? Or is it something that we can put off for a few months in order to save our sanity? I don't ever want to look back on this period of my life and say "wow, that was so not worth the stress".

I'm not a quitter. I'm not one to walk away from an obligation just because it's hard or stressful. But this is one of those situations that really has me questioning what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

Decisions, decisions....none of which can be taken lightly.

Stress doodles while working on computer
stuff tonight. No point, really.

More fun and games....

A few pictures from yesterday....

We celebrated Jared's 9th birthday with our traditional cake and ice cream...

And we also celebrated Mother's Day with a big dinner with us and The Dude's mother and brother. However, somehow in the chaos we managed to not take a single picture - I'm still not exactly sure how that happened.

Although....I did snap this one right before the food was ready....this would be my dishwasher - that was full of dirty dishes and had just started to run when it decided to crap out and flood the kitchen. Luckily, I noticed it just a few minutes after it started so a handful of dirty towels were enough to soak up the water, but of course that left me with all of the dirty dinner dishes PLUS all of the dirty dishes inside of it that had to be washed. By hand.

So of course by the time I got done washing dishes, I had them piled up on every available flat surface in the kitchen - and I really need to get the rest of them put away - not to mention figure out why my dishwasher decided to spring a leak. Hopefully that's something stupid, but we all know the way that my luck with anything mechanical has been running lately.

I do find it ironic though - that dishwasher was given to me as a Mother's Day gift in about 2001ish - and it died on Mother's Day.



Alex had a Scout meeting tonight, and since we still don't have my van back (maybe tomorrow) we walked - which isn't that big of a deal since it's only about 6 blocks to get there. After the meeting, we decided to buzz over to the library since I had gotten a message that one of the books that they were holding for Emily was there and we had to go get it. We went and got the book, and started walking home. We got within about 2 blocks of home when Alex realized that he had left his Scout book at the library. So we turned around and walked back to get the book, and then turned around again to go home.


By this time, of course Daniel decided that he just couldn't walk another step - so he ended up on my shoulders. Thankfully he's still small enough that I can do that - but it does make tying my own shoes a little bit more difficult. But, that's what kids are for, right?

My advice to divorced parents

This is something that's been rattling around in my head all day. I've had people over the past few years comment about how well Ex1 and I get along, and at times I have wanted to laugh at them. It's no secret that he and I don't like each other a whole lot, but we have both really grown up and we have gotten to the point that no matter how we feel about each other, the kids come first. As the kids get older, more and different situations present themselves, and we often find that we have to figure out a new way to deal with each other in order to look out for the best interests of the kids.

I wrote this from the point of view of a divorced parent, but I think it can apply to most single parenting situations - divorced, separated, never married and now broken up, whatever. This is what I have learned after going through 2 divorces and having a child with a guy who I didn't marry - needless to say, I've learned a few things from my experiences, and if those things can help someone else in a similar situation, it's worth taking the time to type it out for you to read.

Granted, this most likely will not apply to situations that involved abuse. I'm not even going there.

My advice (in no particular order):

1. Be nice to each other. You don't have to like each other. You don't have to be friends. But you have to be nice. "Please" and "thank you" go a long way with an ex. Courtesy is a wonderful thing - and remember, chances are that the kids are watching and/or listening. What do you want them to see or hear?

2. Don't turn the divorce into the kids' problem - it's yours. Divorces can be ugly and expensive. They can create all kinds of stress that aren't always at the forefront of people's minds. Legal fees, meetings with attorneys and mediators, arguing over who is going to get the coffee table - it all creates deeper issues. Legal appointments might mean missed school functions. Divorce expenses mean less money to take care of the kids. Taking material possessions from the other spouse simply for the sake of taking them does nothing but create added stress on the person who now has to pay to replace them - again, taking money away from what is important.

Don't tell your child "well if it wasn't for the divorce, we'd be able to _____." No. Don't do it. Kids focus on things like that like you would not believe. Be creative if you have to in order to not blame things on "the divorce". The kids will resent "the divorce" more and more over time, and then the "why don't you just get back together?" questions will start. And trust me, those are hard to answer.

3. Support each other. Again, you don't have to like each other. But you've got to support each other when it comes to the kids. The kids are the important ones here - not you. If your ex has the kids and is sick, offer to take them until the 'bug' is gone. Switch a few days around in the schedule. The kids don't need to be around someone who is sick unless there is no other option - and you need to step up and do your part to help. On the flip side, if you have to be out of town for a few days for whatever reason, ask your ex to keep the kids instead of sending them somewhere else. It's common courtesy, it's respectful, and the kids deserve to be with their other parent just as the other parent deserves to have some extra time with the kids.

4. Show a united front. Talk to your ex about how you are going to explain the divorce to the kids. Make sure you're both saying the same thing, even if it's a cover story. Chances are that the kids don't need to know all of the details, so rather than giving two totally different versions, figure out to say when the questions are asked. "Mom and Dad were having trouble getting along with each other, and we decided that it's best for us to not be married anymore. But no matter what, remember that we both love you very much and that will never change" is a nice vague one that can be customized - it doesn't point fingers in one direction or the other, it doesn't say that it was Mom's choice or Dad's choice, it doesn't blame the children, and it reassures them that they are still loved.

5. Attend parent/teacher conferences together. You have no idea how important this is. Divorced parents walking into a conference together shows a united front, not just to the kids but to the teachers as well. It shows the school that yes, you are both involved parents and you are both concerned for your child's social and academic growth. You both get to hear the same thing at the same time so there is no confusion on your part OR on the teacher's part. Neither one of you is more important or has more say than the other. Make sure that you explain your custody situation to the school so that they are aware of who they can call in an emergency. You are a team, and you are there to support your child. Period.

6. Keep track of the good things your ex does. It is so easy to fall into the trap of documenting every wrong action committed by your ex. If you look hard enough, you can find something wrong on a daily basis. But you know what's really more important in the grand scheme of things? Focus on what your ex does right. Focus on the strengths, on the good things, on the positive effect that your ex has on the kids' lives.

7. Communicate. You have to talk to each other. Find a way that works the best for both of you. For some parents, it's face to face. For some it's email or texting. But find a way that works. Talk about what is going on in the kids' lives when the ex isn't around. You don't realize it, but little things that happen at your house can affect what happens at your ex's house - and the only way to truly understand everything that your child is going through is to talk to each other about it. If you can do it, try to sit down together with your kids on a regular basis and talk to them - as a family. Just because you aren't married anymore doesn't mean that you're no longer family - because as long as those kids exist, you are connected, like it or not.

8. Tell your family and friends what you expect of them. Explain to your family and friends that you expect that they will treat your ex with respect, regardless of their personal feelings. Chances are that your kids will be around these people, and not everyone is smart enough to keep their opinions to themselves when little ears are present. The kids don't need to hear Uncle Jake talking about what a deadbeat their dad is or to see an old family friend giving Mom the cold shoulder in public. You are capable of acting like a grown up, and you should expect that from other people in the kids' lives as well. It's not about them - it's about the kids.

9.  Be flexible. Chances are that a custody schedule will be put on paper. Follow it as much as you can, because the consistency will help the kids to adapt to the new normal. But at the same time, be willing to be flexible. If your ex has family visiting from out of state and it's your weekend, let the kids go see their relatives. It might be the last time that they'll get to have that visit for a while. If it's your ex's holiday and you have the opportunity to take a once-in-a-lifetime vacation somewhere with the kids, try to compromise. As parents, we often feel as though we are "losing out on our time" with the kids, but we need to look at the bigger picture - do you really want your kids to miss a rare visit with Aunt Bertha just because it's your weekend?

10. Always remember - THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. The moment that you have kids, your life stops being all about you. No matter what your ex did to you (or vice versa) that led to the divorce, no matter how angry you are, no matter how hurt you are - it's not about you. You have to keep your eye on what is really important - and in the grand scheme of things, it's not you. It's the kids. Everything that you do will affect them in some way. You might think that a silly argument with your ex about a coffee table isn't that big of a deal - but what you don't see is that your ex might be drowning in stress and the stupid coffee table argument caused the kids to have to deal with an even more stressed out and angry parent that night at supper.

The bottom line is this: The kids come first. You don't. Remember that, and you'll be in good shape.

My rock

I don't know how he does it. I really don't.

The Dude has the patience of a saint. Really.

We have been going through a lot of stuff around here lately. Some really deep dark stuff. It's not fun, it's not pretty, and honestly it's not something that I would wish on my worst enemy. But, we have to deal with it.

No, let me rephrase that.

I have to deal with it.

It's my stuff to handle. My problems. My issues. My responsibilities. It's not something that he has to deal with at all.

But yet, he does. He is right there, in the midst of it, helping and supporting and loving. He's making supper for the kids and helping with homework and keeping an eye on them while I go take care of the dirty work. He's giving me pep talks through online messages when he can't be here.

Most importantly, he is loving us. Not just me, but all of us.

And he's doing it all by choice.

It's not just the crappy stuff. He puts up with everything. He even puts up with this whole blogging thing and cheers me on with it just as much as he supports me through the crap.

There is absolutely no way that I can ever thank him enough for everything that he does for us. No way humanly possible.

About 15 seconds after I took this, he admitted that the
wasabi was a bit hotter than he expected.
I might have laughed at him.

I love you, babes. Thank you for everything.

A bonding day

I mentioned the other day that things have been a little stressful around here lately. Today we had the opportunity to do something a little bit different, and so Sarah and I spent the day together. Just us. No one else.

And so we did. We "got rid of" the other kids and she and I took off on a little road trip. We didn't do anything crazy and exciting, but we just spent time together. And we had fun.

We were goofy and silly and did a few things that would have totally embarrassed the other kids if they were around - but they weren't, so we didn't care. And then we went out to lunch together, and then I took her back and dropped her off with her stepmother and got the boys from school (yes, they had school today) and did everything else that we needed to do.

Honestly though, I feel so much more relaxed now. Just taking a day off to go and have fun with ONE of my kids was wonderful. It was so nice to be able to have a real conversation with her without being interrupted or constantly having one eye watching everything else that goes on around us all of the time.

Now the trick will be to find the time to do this on a regular basis with all of the kids, one at a time. It's not so hard with the younger two just because of the way that the custody schedule works - but it's trickier with the older three. But I know how important it is for all of the kids to get their 'alone time' and I have to make more of an effort to make it happen.

However, I think it might just be the key to our sanity.

I'm not going to lie...

...but there are days when I wonder if I'm really cut out for this whole motherhood thing.

Things have not been going smoothly here in the Non-Stop household lately. I'm not sure what happened, or when it happened, but something happened.

Maybe it's cabin fever. The kids can't get outside and play as much as I would like them to.... partially because of the weather, or schedules, or sickness, or I have too much to do and can't go outside with them to make sure that they're safe.

Maybe it's the stress of living in a too-small house for far too long.

Maybe it's the pressures of school and sports and church and social activities.

Maybe it's the constant perceived lack of money as we curb our spending in order to get moved to a bigger house.

Maybe it's all of the above. Maybe it's not.

Whatever it is - it is taking a toll on all of us. There has been so much bickering, so much fighting, so much meanness and spitefulness and anger and disappointment and sorrow and even hate.

And I hate it. It makes me question everything. All of my past experiences come bubbling up to the surface and I start to question my every move.

Am I doing the right thing by taking away this privilege? 

Should I really have just said that to that child? 

What was I thinking when I allowed that to happen?

Is there maybe a better way to handle this situation?

Am I being fair?

Do they have even an inkling of how hard I am trying to be a good mother?

So many questions going through my mind right now as we desperately try to work through these growing pains that we are experiencing. And I haven't figured out a single answer yet. I sit here and I think and I try to come up with the magical solution, yet I know that there isn't one. What might have worked today might not work tomorrow. Parenthood is an ever-changing game, and one that doesn't have rigid rules that never change.

There have been times recently when I've been on the verge of giving up and throwing in the towel. Sometimes the stress and the uncertainty is unreal and overwhelming and totally unmanageable. But I know that no matter what, I am trying my hardest. I might not make the best decisions as a parent. I might make the wrong decisions sometimes. I might really really screw up sometimes. But I also know without a doubt that I love those kids more than anything else in the world - and no matter what, we are going to get through this whatever-it-is.

I might not be sane by the time that they grow up and are out of the house, but I'll get through it.

And so will they.

Just another sunrise ..... they can still take my breath away.

My New Years Resolutions - to my kids

I've been thinking about what I wanted to write here all day long. I could do the typical list of resolutions, or awesome things that happened during the year, or whatever. But I wanted to do something different. And so here it is - my list of resolutions for the new year.....for my kids.

Dear Kids:

First off, I want to start by saying that I love each and every one of you so much that it hurts. There are times that I wish that our life had turned out differently so that we could all be together every day, but that's just not the way that our life happened. With the exception of Daniel, you're not always here. We don't always get to spend the holidays together and I don't always get to go to every single school function, but no matter what I want you to know that I love you.

I know that I don't always show it. I get tired and frustrated and angry with the way that things happen sometimes, and I know that I take it out on you - no matter how much I try not to do that. But I think that right now, we are at a turning point. Things are going so much better now than they have in the past, and I want to take this opportunity to make a positive change in all of our lives.

So for the next year - and beyond - these are my resolutions to you, my kids:

~ I promise to listen to you when you need to talk - whether it's the girls talking about a boy at school, or the boys talking about how someone didn't share a toy - I will listen.

~ I promise that I will always try to make it to all of your school functions, even if it's not convenient. There will be times that I just can't do it because I can't be in two places at once - but I will do whatever I can to always be there to support you.

~ I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that you don't miss out on any opportunities that come your way - whether it's academics, or sports, or a special outing with a friend - if I can make it happen, I will.

~ I promise that no matter what, I will put your needs above mine. 

~ I promise that I will be fair when it comes to discipline when there are issues.

~ Most of all, I promise you that I will always love, support, and encourage you in whatever it is that you want to do with your lives. Each of you has so much potential to do so much with your life - and I will do everything that I can to make sure that you reach your fullest potential, as long as YOU put in the effort as well.

I know our life hasn't always been easy, and I know that I've made mistakes in the past. I know that we will all make more mistakes, but we are a family, and we will always have each other - no matter what.

I want this coming year to be the best year that we've had yet - and I know that we can make that happen if we all work together.

I love you.

Love, 
Mom

I have to choose hope.

Today.....today was truly a horrible day.

By now, we all know what happened. We all know about the 20 children who lost their lives at the hands of a gunman in Connecticut.

We don't know the whole story yet, and we probably never will. We know bits and pieces of what happened, but those bits and pieces are disjointed and scrambled and out of order - much like my own thoughts and feelings right now.

I sit here tonight, still in disbelief. I didn't know about it until well after it happened because I was busy living life. I was busy living a normal every day life, while so many innocent children lost theirs...while my children were safe in their own schools, just as oblivious as to what was happening as I was.

How do I as a mother wrap my head around this?

The answer is simple.

I don't.

There is no way for me to comprehend the enormity of what happened today. None. I can not imagine the fear, the terror, the anguish that those families are having to deal with right now. Instead of planning holiday parties and trips to see Santa at the local mall, they are now planning funerals.

How does that happen? Why does that happen?

I could drive myself insane trying to come up with the answers. All I can do at this point is hope.

I can hope that the families who have been affected can somehow come to grips with this.

I can hope that this will never happen to another child, another school, another family.

I can hope that this will never happen to my family.

I can hope.

But because there are no guarantees in life, I can change the things that I can control. I can tell my kids that I love them even more often than I already do. I can hug them tighter, kiss them more, and appreciate having them around even when they are annoying each other and picking fights. I can love the messy rooms and the temper tantrums and the chaotic schedules and the dirty laundry - because it means that I still have my family. 

At the same time, I realize once again that it can all be taken away in an instant. It doesn't have to be a crazed gunman. It can be a fire, or an accident, or an illness, or any number of things. I never know what is going to happen, or when it might happen. 

All I can do is hope - and be thankful for every single day that I get with my family.

It was a feast...

It took lots of work, but we had ourselves an awesome feast yesterday! We ended up having 8 adults and 7 children here, and had to do some slight rearranging of furniture to make enough room for everyone, but it was so worth it.

Hey, wait! Where's my table?!?!?

Why, of course....it's in the living room.

I have to admit - probably one of the best turkeys that
I've ever made.

What's not to love about a guy willing to don a
Santa apron and get to work in the kitchen?

Let the feast begin!

Carnage in the kids' area.

Help doing the dishes.

Getting my 'baby fix'.

I got to relax a bit afterwards (notice the socks?) and watch the
Redskins beat the Cowgirlsboys.
Loved. that. game. LOVED.

We had a great time. It was pretty low-key - just lots of food and talking and playing with the kids. And lots of dishes. And - better yet -  lots of leftovers.

The Dude stayed here the night before and last night so that he could help me get everything ready and then help clean, and this morning he stayed here and hung out with the kids while Alex and I went downtown to help his Scout troop get their Christmas tree lot up and running.

The strangest part about the entire holiday so far? Yesterday - Thanksgiving Day - we had the windows open in the house all day long. We had the heat turned off - and it wasn't just because the oven was going non-stop, but it was because it was a warm and gorgeous day. Then I woke up at 7am today, and it was 60 degrees inside the house, and (I think) only in the high 30s or low 40s outside. We were freezing at the tree lot! Talk about a difference.....

As for being thankful? I can't even begin to list everything. I have an amazing life. I might not have money for a bunch of extra stuff, and I might not have a big fancy house or a new vehicle, but I have some pretty cool kids and an amazing man who loves me (in spite of me) and life is just good. Period. The Dude and I were talking about how this is our "last first holiday" together - but I'll go into that more in a few days.....

Right now - I think I *might* attempt to go to bed early. I do not have to get up for anything in the morning - so maybe, just maybe, I can actually get a little bit of sleep tonight.

Ha. Right.



(Oh, I hinted around on my facebook page about a lot of stuff coming up in the next few days. Some of it is goofy, some of it is sappy, and some of it is really important. And that's all that you're going to get for hints. You'll just have to wait and see. So there.)