Things have not been going smoothly here in the Non-Stop household lately. I'm not sure what happened, or when it happened, but something happened.
Maybe it's cabin fever. The kids can't get outside and play as much as I would like them to.... partially because of the weather, or schedules, or sickness, or I have too much to do and can't go outside with them to make sure that they're safe.
Maybe it's the stress of living in a too-small house for far too long.
Maybe it's the pressures of school and sports and church and social activities.
Maybe it's the constant perceived lack of money as we curb our spending in order to get moved to a bigger house.
Maybe it's all of the above. Maybe it's not.
Whatever it is - it is taking a toll on all of us. There has been so much bickering, so much fighting, so much meanness and spitefulness and anger and disappointment and sorrow and even hate.
And I hate it. It makes me question everything. All of my past experiences come bubbling up to the surface and I start to question my every move.
Am I doing the right thing by taking away this privilege?
Should I really have just said that to that child?
What was I thinking when I allowed that to happen?
Is there maybe a better way to handle this situation?
Am I being fair?
Do they have even an inkling of how hard I am trying to be a good mother?
So many questions going through my mind right now as we desperately try to work through these growing pains that we are experiencing. And I haven't figured out a single answer yet. I sit here and I think and I try to come up with the magical solution, yet I know that there isn't one. What might have worked today might not work tomorrow. Parenthood is an ever-changing game, and one that doesn't have rigid rules that never change.
There have been times recently when I've been on the verge of giving up and throwing in the towel. Sometimes the stress and the uncertainty is unreal and overwhelming and totally unmanageable. But I know that no matter what, I am trying my hardest. I might not make the best decisions as a parent. I might make the wrong decisions sometimes. I might really really screw up sometimes. But I also know without a doubt that I love those kids more than anything else in the world - and no matter what, we are going to get through this whatever-it-is.
I might not be sane by the time that they grow up and are out of the house, but I'll get through it.
And so will they.
 |
| Just another sunrise ..... they can still take my breath away. |
The only question I can answer definitively for you is the "do they have even an inkling of how hard I am trying to be a good mother?" one. And the answer is no.
ReplyDeleteI've a houseful of my own, and I'm pretty sure some of these fights and arguments and random acts of hatred would be happening no matter how big our house or how nice the weather. Sometimes, kids just suck.
I'd say 'hang in there- it gets better!', but I have no concrete proof of this. But you're right. You'll all get through it.
Thank god someone else's kids have turned the corner down that dark scary alley of horrible behavior! Not that I would wish it upon anyone, but I don't feel quite so alone. Thank you. I needed to read this and know that I'm not the only one who wonders from time to time if motherhood really should have been on the agenda. Maybe at the end of this alley there will be a leprechaun with a giant pot of gold and lolipops...or something...here's hopin' lol. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHoney, I think we are all going through something like this! It sucks! All of our kids (my 2 and nieces and nephew) all seem to be going crazy the last couple of days, and I know that it is driving us to the brink of sanity...But the bright side it that it will not be much longer until the sun starts shining and we can all enjoy some activities that do not include fighting over a remote for the TV lol! Hang in there it will all get better! <3
ReplyDeleteWe put our feet, one step in front of another and together we'll make the mile just another milestone. I know it's tough, but I got your back and I love you.
ReplyDeleteFirst off I want to say that I love following you and your crazy day to day life. I have to say there isn't one parent that hasn't asked themselves those exact questions. I have learned from you, that no, we will never be a perfect parent and we basically have to take it day to day. Can you truly question the quality of your mothering when you, very often are reminded that you are basically Super Mom. We don't know how you do it. You are also changing things now to benefit the kids, but since they don't see the benefit yet, it isn't so cool for them. Don't forget that you are human, you are allowed to get overwhelmed, way too stressed out and tired. I can say personally I look up to you. I have learned tricks of Mommy-hood from you and I have realized, I'll never be able to do everything you do. I don't know how you do it!
ReplyDeleteI just had this conversation with my best friend. We decided that if we were "perfect" parents, our kids wouldn't be very interesting when they grew up! Love is messy - that's how you know it's good! I am the Momma. I yell, I flip out sometimes, I make my kids do corny, cheesy stuff sometimes, I've been known to offer cereal and spaghetti O's for dinner and I love my kids with all my soul. And I'm a GREAT Momma because they know that.
ReplyDeleteI think we forget sometimes that mothers are human, too. Mistakes can turn out to be a blessing, and sometimes when we think things are wonderful it's just because we stopped noticing what was really going on.
I am a BIG fan of Family Meetings. Getting the kids together and let them vent and you vent too. See if you all can come to an understanding before you pull out what is left of your hair. And being a single mom the kids should know that you are special and you need their help to bond as a family and to understand each other to make it easier on you. Of course, these meeting have to be weekly to remind them. We even have Emergency family meetings. And any child can call a meeting too. I really think families need that to ground themselves and not get lost in this fast paced world and for parents to hear out the children --see if there are any things you need/kids need to work on respect/hitting etc..... I think I am rambling on and on now. But I can see where you are coming from. I think every Mom has asked herself them questions before. You are normal.
ReplyDeleteYou're an awesome momma! Your kids will never know or understand the sacrifices that you make/made for them til they're all grown up with kids of their own and you're saying things to them like "I hope your kid is twice as much to handle as you were when you were little" - and when you say this, you're gonna smile because you'll know that their kid won't be twice as bad, maybe a little harder to handle but they'll be more of a blessing than a curse. My child isn't biologically mine but my mom cursed me with that saying many years ago, we're working on year 4 of life with a toddler and that kid, LORD help me how she can try my patience, piss me off push me to the brink and with nothing more than a smile on her little lips and the words "Momma I love you" it makes it all better, its like mommys kiss - the way that it makes all boo-boos go away or stop hurting immediately. Shes my angel, no I'm NOT a PERFECT mom, hell far from it, I cuss, I yell, I let her eat cereal for dinner or chips or whatever the hell she wants to eat that night because shes picky - hell the hubs let her eat butter beans for breakfast because she saw them in the fridge and said she wanted em - all this to say, none of us are perfect, none of us can say that we'll raise a perfect child, none of us can say we never make mistakes, or fall down but we're here, we're doing the best we can and as long as you make sure your kids are fed, bathed, have shelter, clean clothes and the necessitites in life - you're doing a whole lot better than most of the people out there getting their kids taken from them for being douchey f***ups. Smile, it will get better, things will calm down, enjoy the ride and keep doing what you're doing. Much much love coming your way.
ReplyDeleteI think if you didn't feel this way, you'd be weird. We are all human, and we'd all rather feel HAPPY than frustrated. Hang in there. We're all in this together (yes, now I'm singing High School Musical).
ReplyDeleteI am on that boat with you. 2 teen agers, an 11 year old that is very trying on my patience, an 8 year old and a 3 year old and we have had some doozies here lately, but I cannot blame the weather or being cooped up. Sometimes they are awesome, other times they make me want to cry with all of the needing and wanting. Chin up, I hear it gets better and everybody makes mistakes.
ReplyDeleteBREATHE
ReplyDeleteGRANNY
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU DID SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF? JUST YOU. NO GOALS. JUST FUN. NO KIDS. NO DUDE. JUST YOU. IF YOU WOULD JUST GO ON STRIKE FOR A WEEK AND LET THEM SEE WHAT YOU DO FOR THEM 24/7 HOW FAST THEY WOULD SHAPE UP. NO EXCUSE ON HOW YOU'D HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS. NO YOU DON'T. YOU HAVE 5 KIDS. LET THEM CLEAN IT UP AFTER THE STRIKE. THEY'LL LEARN FAST. MOTHERHOOD HAS CHANGED SO MUCH FROM THE GOOD OLD DAYS. NO PLAY UNTIL THE WORK WAS DOWN AT OUR HOUSE.
ReplyDeleteMEAN GRANNY BUT THINK ABOUT IT.
I go through the same thing every day. Its not easy to be a mother, and for me being a stay at home mom sometimes it makes it worse. The fact that you just opened your heart like that to the world is amazing. Thank you for that. And thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one.. Its hard for me sometimes, but your words have helped me today. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWhen you are a single mother of 5 children, it would be very difficult to get away by yourself. It's wonderful that the Dude helps you, and that's almost as good as having some time to yourself. The few times you are by yourself when all the children are at school, is the time that maybe you could plan something for yourself....maybe just being able to take a nap with no one bothering you for a few hours, or even going out to eat alone just what YOU are craving. You are doing a fantastic job, and of course there will be times that it is more stressful than others. When the children are all grown and mostly on their own, you may wonder what to do with all the free time you have. You have helped so many others with your everyday real life issues...you truly deserve a medal....I really truly mean that. You are an inspiration!! Just keep doing what you do and be very proud of yourself.
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of 4 who are mostly grown I will say "hang in there, it DOES get better!"
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of 4, mostly grown, I will also say "enjoy the ride, it is lonely and sad when it gets better!"
You are amazing. Your kids are amazing. We're going to have amazingly tough days but still, I think we're pretty good parents. We are struggling most days right now too, but I try to assure myself there are worse mothers out there. My step daughter (she's 20 so she doesn't live with us but visits often) had a mother that wasn't a good mother. At least we're here, we're trying, we're doing for them. There has been something going on here too and I keep blaming homeschooling, having recently gotten remarried (to someone who has been in their life for 6 years), their father recently divorcing and subsequently moving another woman right in, not eating right, not getting enough sleep....you name it I blame it. I blame it on myself. I take it all on MY shoulders and say " there must be something wrong with my mothering or they would be happy no matter what". And you know, I've come to believe that this just isn't so. In a world where school is feeling less and less safe, money issues are as prevalent as the need to buy toilet paper, and society is upside down...no wonder our kids are mad. They are going to be the fighters, the movers, the doers of tomorrow. Let's hope that somewhere, somehow....they will remember not having everything they want. They will remember how hard you worked to give them what they had. They will remember how you kept everyone together as a family. They will carry those things on, into the world, and hopefully....by the grace of God and our questionable (only to ourselves) mothering it will change something, somewhere, at sometime....for the better. And will be all because YOU and I are their Moms!!!!
ReplyDelete