My office

Like most people, I'm in a few groups on facebook. There's one group in particular where it seems like we end up inadvertently having a "theme" day every now and then. Someone will post a ridiculous selfie, and then we all do it. Or video updates. Pictures of our kids. Whatever.

Today, I was too busy running around to really pay attention to how it started, but pictures of everyone's offices were being posted. When I saw it, I was actually on my way out the door to the grocery store, and so I posted a picture of my cart as my "office for the day".

When I got done at the store, I had to rush straight to the schools to get the kids, and then home to unload the groceries and start supper. At the same time, I was helping with homework and signing agendas and starting a new grocery list for everything that I forgot to get today.

I was making a mental meal plan for the rest of the week and occasionally pulling out my phone to look at my calendar to try to remember everything else that had to be done. Then I got the kids who were home started on supper while I ran out to pick Emily up from basketball practice, and then started cleaning the kitchen and baking some snacks for lunches and after school.

As it turned out, the kitchen was actually my main office for the day. Or at least for the afternoon and evening.

For whatever reason, I managed to actually be more organized than usual tonight. I got all of the dishes done (putting them in the dishwasher counts as "done" in my book) and made the pancake batter for morning. I put the griddle out so I literally just have to plug it in and start pouring batter for pancakes instead of fumbling around to mix it like I usually do. I packed the majority of the kids' lunches so that all I have to do is make their sandwiches and toss their string cheese into their respective bags and then chase them out into the van.

Theoretically speaking, as long as everyone gets up on time, the morning *should* be fairly easy....although I'm sure that it will fall apart somewhere.

Of course, in the middle of all of this, it was pointed out to me that the bathroom faucet was messed up again. I just replaced the stems in it a few weeks ago and was super proud that it wasn't dripping constantly anymore, and now it's jacked up again. I hope that it's just something that needs to be tightened, but I won't know that until I can shut the water off to the house (because no shut off under the sink) and pull it apart again, so depending on how that goes, my "office" tomorrow will definitely include the bathroom and possibly one or more hardware stores.

Until then......yes, there are bricks putting enough pressure on the handle to keep the water from running all night long.

Don't judge. It's working for now.

And yes, I know, the sink is filthy. Again, don't judge. I'll deal with that later.

I used to have an actual office job. I had to get up early and get dressed every day (luckily girl clothes weren't required, but I still had to look human) and drive 30 miles each way to sit in a cube and push papers and run around the state visiting people to make sure that they were getting the care that they needed. I got paid a decent amount of money and enjoyed what I did for the most part.

Sometimes, I miss that life. I miss getting out and seeing people (even if I didn't like ALL of the people I had to deal with on a regular basis) and having a regular routine.

But then again, I wouldn't trade my "offices" now for any of that. I love that I can be home with my kids at a moment's notice when they need me and that I can go to school functions during the day without having to rearrange an entire work day and get permission from the boss. I can do laundry and grocery shop and fix busted sinks while they're in school, and spend the evenings with them (even if I'm in the kitchen for most of the evening).

The money's not as good, but the value is incredible.

Changes

It's time to make some changes.

I've talked before about how much I hate my job, and realistically, that hasn't changed.

Granted, CrankyPants has had a much better attitude for the past couple of months, and that has made a huge difference. But when it comes right down to it, I really hate being there. Don't get me wrong...there are parts that I enjoy, and I love 99% of my coworkers.... but I just don't like the job.

Physically, it's gotten to be too much for me. The stress and the constant running and the constant being on my feet is taking its toll. It's getting to the point that I can barely walk when I get home because I hurt so bad - and that's not fair to me or to the kids. They want and need me to be able to do things, and to tell them "I'm sorry, but I hurt too much" is just wrong. I can't keep up with the house because I'm so worn out and sore all of the time.

I've been doing some serious soul-searching over the past few weeks, and I decided to do something about it. I walked up to CrankyPants yesterday determined to quit. We talked about what is going on and why I need to change - the physical impact, issues with the kids and child care, etc - and we decided that I would go down to part-time status, at least for now. I can pick and choose my hours (for the most part) and work when I want to work.

She already gave me my schedule for next week, and although it's not a huge reduction in hours, it's still less. She still needs me to open a few days until she gets some other people trained - and I agreed to that not for her, but for my coworkers who will end up picking up my slack.

At this point, we are doing this assuming that I am closing on the house on Monday as planned. I know that realistically, quitting and/or cutting my hours before closing is not the best idea - so if for some crazy reason the closing is postponed, we'll adjust our plan as needed. Right now, for once in my life, I'm taking care of ME. This is something that I need to do - hopefully it's the right thing.