Juggling

Ever since I became a parent, I've had to juggle.

Schedules. Transportation. Money. Priorities. Childcare.

When I became a single parent, I had to add holidays to that list.

Ex1 and I split just before Thanksgiving, so we immediately had to decide who got the kids for the holiday and who got to spend the day alone. Then Christmas, then New Years....on and on it went until all of the paperwork was signed and dated and we got into a routine.

Even when we did have a routine, things always changed. He has local family and I don't - so I've always tried to be flexible so that the kids didn't miss holiday celebrations with their extended families. Then other kids came along, and ultimately other schedules - and for me, trying to keep all of my kids together for holidays became a huge juggling act no matter what day we actually celebrated whatever holiday it was.

I admit that I tried to be difficult about it at times. Sometimes I got my way, and sometimes I didn't. But somehow I always managed to squeeze some sort of holiday celebration into whatever time the 6 of us had together.

Yesterday, The Dude and I had to make another crazy road trip to Kansas City, and at some point during the drive it suddenly dawned on me that Easter is this weekend. EASTER IS THIS WEEKEND. How did that happen?

My brain went into overdrive while I tried to figure out how to make Easter happen within the walls of the house since it was obviously going to happen in the real world no matter what. I already know that I have no chance of having the older 3 kids at all during the weekend because Ex1 and his wife are returning from a weeklong missions trip out of the country and her parents are in town, so they're going to want the kids. Alex's father already made plans to take him for at least a day or two and I'm not going to stand in the way of that. So maybe we can do Easter the following weekend - but I'm running a half-marathon that Saturday, so I'm going to be useless for the rest of the weekend. So maybe we can do it during the week instead and who am I trying to kid because that would just be insane.

Then suddenly it dawned on me......wait a second. Friday. The kids don't have school. They'll all be here until about noonish when the older 3 have to head back to Ex1's.

The solution was as simple as breakfast. We'll have a huge breakfast Friday morning, like a big Good Friday/Easter breakfast, and they can get their Easter baskets and we can be pigs and eat junk all morning and then the older 3 can go where they need to go and we got our time together for the holiday (and then realistically, I don't have to cook a big dinner because we had a big breakfast so I'm actually getting off easy here) and it's all good.

So while I was in the kitchen prepping cinnamon rolls for tomorrow's breakfast feast, Emily teamed up with the Easter Bunny to fill the baskets (including the eggs that we dyed earlier tonight) and then I got the kitchen cleaned up and ready for morning - including loading up the coffee pot so that it's ready to go.

The constant juggling is hard. There have been times when I've felt as though I've had 87 different things up in the air all at once - some of them were on fire, some of them came at me like bricks while others floated around like feathers, some of them crumbled into dust as soon as I touched them, and some of them slammed to the ground and shattered because I didn't have enough hands to catch them all.

I think that the most important thing that I've learned over the past decade+ of single parenting is that no matter what, everything is going to work out in the end. We might not get exactly what we want but sometimes the best gift we can give our kids is to show them that we can be flexible and make the most out of any situation. We might not get our big Easter dinner as a family, but we're going to have a hell of a breakfast together before they go off in different directions.

And then I'm going to sit back with a giant cup of coffee and relax for a little bit. Just because.

Celebrate

In case you missed it, I went on a little tirade on my facebook page earlier today. You can click here if you want to read all of the comments, but this is what I had to say:

I've been seeing a lot of posts in my newfeed today saying that single mothers shouldn't be recognized on Father's Day because "they already had their day in May, and they don't get to be honored twice" or "mothers get their day and fathers get their day, and no one gets two" or "no one recognizes single dads on Mother's Day, so it's not fair". 

I have an idea. 

Grow up. 

When are people going to learn that people are free to celebrate whatever holiday they want to, however they want to celebrate it, whenever they want to celebrate it, wherever they want to celebrate it? 

I might choose to celebrate Christmas by dancing a jig in January in Tahiti - and is that anyone's business but my own (and anyone who might be unfortunate enough to witness such an event)? 

NO. 

Not everyone celebrates Christmas or Ramadan or Valentine's Day or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Samhain or Hug Your Cat Day. And not everyone celebrates every holiday in the exact same way. 

AND THAT'S OK. 

Tolerance, people. Tolerance. Quit getting bent out of shape about stupid stuff, and worry about the important things in life. 

Sheesh.

Right after I posted that, we had to leave to go to Daniel's baseball games. I checked my phone a few times once we got there, but my battery was dying so I plugged the phone in to charge in the van and ignored it for a couple of hours. But I kept thinking about it because some of the posts that I saw today really tweaked me.

Seriously, people - who are we to decide who gets to celebrate Father's Day? Or Mother's Day? Or any other holiday out there?

Father's Day. A day meant to honor fathers. I get it. I really do.

But you know what? It's not 1910 anymore. Times have changed. Nuclear families with a mother, a father, 2.3 children, a station wagon, and a dog named Rover aren't the only families that exist anymore.

Why is it that some people feel that the only people to be celebrated for raising children are the mother and father, and only on certain days of the year?

We should celebrate ANYONE who helps to raise a child.

The mother (or mothers). The father (or fathers). Step-parents. Adoptive parents. Foster parents. Aunts, uncles, or grandparents who step into the role for any reason. Neighbors. Daycare providers. Teachers. Friends. The single parent's significant other.

ANYONE. Every day.

In this day and age, with the problems that we face in our society - bullying, abuse, violence, abandonment, drugs, poverty, homelessness (and the list goes on) - we should be grateful for any person who is willing to help raise a child at any point.

A teacher may only be directly involved for 9 months. A foster parent may play a part for a few days or several years. Extended family may provide an intermittent or a steady support system. The mother who opts to give her child up for adoption in the hopes that the baby will have a better life than the one that she can provide - her choice makes an impact on that child's future.

So many people have a hand in how kids grow up these days. So many. So why is it that we get so hung up on who can celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day?

Daniel wanted to take The Dude out for ice cream today. The Dude isn't his biological father, but he's been in this child's life longer than his biological father was. Daniel knows that The Dude isn't his father, and he doesn't call him "dad" (unless he wants something) but he still wanted to celebrate Father's Day.

And that's ok.

Everyone needs to just stop focusing on what other people are doing. Some people want to acknowledge single mothers on Father's Day and single fathers on Mother's Day - so what? It doesn't hurt anyone. It might even brighten someone's day.

Stop with the judgmental crap.

Celebrate all parents, no matter what form they happen to be.

Celebrate family.

Pick a day, any day, even *gasp* multiple days, and go have an ice cream cone and just celebrate.

Merry Hallowthanksmas

I saw a facebook status from a friend of mine today, talking about the controversy surrounding businesses that are choosing to be open on Thanksgiving Day. The comments on that status ended up leading into a fairly heated discussion about who was right and who was wrong in the Shopping vs. Not Shopping and the Open vs. Closed  arguments for that day.

You want to know what I think?

Seriously folks - there are so many more important things in the world to argue about, you know? Whatever you choose to believe in this scenario is YOUR opinion. Yours. Not mine, not your friends', not anyone else's but your own.

I've got news for you - society doesn't define YOU as a person. You do.

If you don't believe that anyone should shop on Thanksgiving Day, then don't do it.

If you don't believe that a business should be open that day, then don't patronize them.

If you want to go shopping that day because you like the challenge and you want the bargains, go for it.

If you want to sit around in your underwear all day scratching your butt, guess what? You can do it. Just remember to wash your hands afterwards, ok?

I choose not to shop on that day (or Black Friday for that matter), and it's not to make some sort of crazed societal statement. It's for one main reason - I hate to shop. Seriously. Hate it with a passion. Mix that with a general intolerance of rude people and it's a deadly combination. So I don't do it. I don't need a bargain badly enough to deal with that kind of nonsense.

Those people who argue about "the employees deserve to spend the holiday with their family" - ok, do you personally know EVERY SINGLE PERSON who is working in that store? Do you know FOR A FACT that they didn't choose to work that day to get the holiday pay, or that they don't have family, or that their family is celebrating the holiday on a different day, or that they volunteered to work that day so that others could have the day off?

I'm working Thanksgiving Day. Why? Because to me, the holiday season isn't dictated by a calendar. It's a SEASON. We can have our Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving Day, the day after, the Saturday after (more likely because I'm off that day), or on the 4th of July - it doesn't matter when it happens. It's a season, it's a way of thinking, and just because it might not happen on the 4th Thursday of November at 1:00pm doesn't mean that it is any less meaningful for my family.

I'm working so that other people can have the day off because their families won't work around their work schedules for whatever reason. I'm working to suck up 8 additional hours of holiday pay. I'm working to sock a little bit more money into our "Home Sweet Home" fund to get us into a new home. I'm working because I don't allow the calendar to dictate my life.

We as a society have become conditioned that we must have the newest-biggest-best-shiniest-fastest-most-expensive things and we must have them first. Just look at the people who camp out for days in order to be the first to get the newest-fastest-best iWhatever - it's become a normal part of society. Some people like that sort of thing, and some people don't - doesn't make anyone wrong or right.

If you don't like it, then don't participate. If you do, then have fun and I hope that you get everything that you're searching for in that store while experiencing (and inflicting) the least possible amount of bodily harm.

But for crying out loud, stop with the judgmental crap. Leave that for the important stuff.

So we blew up some stuff...

One of the good things about living where we live is that the rules about fireworks around the 4th of July are pretty lenient, compared to some other areas. The fireworks tents get set up and opened for business by June 30 and we can get a ton of fireworks for not a whole lot of money.

The boys have been driving me insane, asking when we could go and get some, so after we got done looking at houses today, we took a walk to one of the tents in town.

Wait.....what?

Burning off some energy

Under $50. We didn't get a lot of the big stuff this year - it's
just too dry and too risky to mess with it.

Shopping.  Although they seemed fascinated by the
table covering.

OK, we had a small fire.

Yes. I need to mow. I know.

The smoke bombs were not as potent this year.

The parachute landed in the tree.
Oops.

Oooohhhhh!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

He'll hold them, but he won't swing them around just yet.

We only blew up and/or burned a few things tonight, and saved the bigger ones for later. Tomorrow I have to work during the day, and then the girls have 4 (yes, 4) basketball games so we probably won't do any more until Thursday night - which is fine with me.

My New Years Resolutions - to my kids

I've been thinking about what I wanted to write here all day long. I could do the typical list of resolutions, or awesome things that happened during the year, or whatever. But I wanted to do something different. And so here it is - my list of resolutions for the new year.....for my kids.

Dear Kids:

First off, I want to start by saying that I love each and every one of you so much that it hurts. There are times that I wish that our life had turned out differently so that we could all be together every day, but that's just not the way that our life happened. With the exception of Daniel, you're not always here. We don't always get to spend the holidays together and I don't always get to go to every single school function, but no matter what I want you to know that I love you.

I know that I don't always show it. I get tired and frustrated and angry with the way that things happen sometimes, and I know that I take it out on you - no matter how much I try not to do that. But I think that right now, we are at a turning point. Things are going so much better now than they have in the past, and I want to take this opportunity to make a positive change in all of our lives.

So for the next year - and beyond - these are my resolutions to you, my kids:

~ I promise to listen to you when you need to talk - whether it's the girls talking about a boy at school, or the boys talking about how someone didn't share a toy - I will listen.

~ I promise that I will always try to make it to all of your school functions, even if it's not convenient. There will be times that I just can't do it because I can't be in two places at once - but I will do whatever I can to always be there to support you.

~ I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that you don't miss out on any opportunities that come your way - whether it's academics, or sports, or a special outing with a friend - if I can make it happen, I will.

~ I promise that no matter what, I will put your needs above mine. 

~ I promise that I will be fair when it comes to discipline when there are issues.

~ Most of all, I promise you that I will always love, support, and encourage you in whatever it is that you want to do with your lives. Each of you has so much potential to do so much with your life - and I will do everything that I can to make sure that you reach your fullest potential, as long as YOU put in the effort as well.

I know our life hasn't always been easy, and I know that I've made mistakes in the past. I know that we will all make more mistakes, but we are a family, and we will always have each other - no matter what.

I want this coming year to be the best year that we've had yet - and I know that we can make that happen if we all work together.

I love you.

Love, 
Mom

Christmas, Part I. And stuff.

The older 4 kids have been gone for a couple of days, so it was just me and Daniel for calendar-Christmas. He and I went to church last night...but not before he fell asleep on the floor after his bath. I got him back up and took him to church, where he proceeded to sleep through about 95% of the service.

I made special arrangements with Santa this year. He stopped by last night and dropped off just a couple of small presents for Daniel to open this morning, and then he's coming back tonight to bring EVERYTHING and to fill the stockings so that when all of the kids come home tomorrow, we can have our family Christmas.

Then Daniel and I went out to a friend's house and hung out with her for the afternoon. It was just a totally relaxed, laid-back day......but it's cold outside!

Along with being incredibly cold outside, it's almost as cold in my laundry room. From what I can tell, it used to be a porch and someone just slapped some drywall on the inside and some siding on the outside and called it a laundry room - but neglected to put insulation in the walls. It gets bitter cold in there in the wintertime, to the point that it is almost unbearable to walk across the floor without shoes on - which for me is horrible, since I hate to wear shoes.

Out of curiosity tonight, I grabbed the only thermometer that I have and I put it on the floor in there for a few minutes.

Yeah. It's that cold in there.

Next project? Adding to the bottom of the curtain across the laundry room doorway to keep that cold air from pouring across the kitchen floor. That might even be done tonight. Like, in the next hour.

At the moment, however, I'm waiting for The Dude to come back over. He got here a bit ago - on foot - because his truck died a few blocks away from my house. So he took my van to go back and try to figure out what's going on with it and to see if he can at least get it parked somewhere safe if he can't move it. Then we are getting up early early early in the morning to finish shopping for the kids before they get back home.

Sleep is definitely overrated at this point.

Me vs. The Tree

We bought our Christmas tree the other day, but it's been sitting out on the front porch in a bucket of water, waiting for the living room to be clean enough for it to fit somewhere. So today, while I was down to only one kid, I decided to at least get the tree inside the house.  Of course, that involved cleaning the living room, and pretty much completely rearranging anything that wasn't already bolted to the wall. Seriously, anything that's more than about 3' tall in this house is bolted to the wall because the entire house is...... wobbly. Plus, I have kids (in case you didn't know that). Actually some stuff that was bolted to the wall got moved too, now that I think about it.

Then it was time for battle. I have this really bad habit of buying really big trees - but with the amount of ornaments that we have, it's pretty much a necessity. And besides, I like big trees.

Doesn't look that big while it's just laying there...

Photography by Daniel....

The fight was on.

My head got eaten by a tree!

Still fighting....

And about an hour later...

No, I will not buy a fake tree. Yes, I understand that they are easier. Yes, I understand that they save money and natural resources and create much less of a mess to clean up after the holidays are over.

Know what? I don't care. I like real trees. I will always have a real tree. I've heard all of the arguments and I've even looked into buying a fake. But, no. I won't do it. Period. End of story.

Once I got the tree upright, I decided to go ahead and get the outside lights put up, since it was warm outside. Stupid weather.

How many moms does it take....

They're up - isn't that good enough?

Weird. My kid was outside playing in the leaves
without wearing a coat while I was hanging
Christmas lights.

Ghetto-tastic. Now if I can just get the second string of lights fixed,
I can do the same thing on the other porch too.

I'm going to attempt to get the lights put on the tree in the next day or so, but we won't be able to actually decorate it until at least Friday. The older 3 kids won't be back until Wednesday, but they have church. Thursday, we have basketball. So Friday is really the first chance that we have to do it as a family.

However, nothing's stopping me from going through the boxes of ornaments between now and then to *ahem* reduce the number of ornaments that the kids feel must go on the tree. Some of them are just downright ugly - but I keep them for sentimental reasons. Weird, I know. Don't judge.

For now, I just have a ton of cleaning and laundry to do (go figure) since I worked on the living room and the tree most of the day - and then I have to plan out my week. Too much to do, and too little time. As usual.

The Annual Seasonal Greeting Feud

Here's something else that started from my own personal wall, but I figured that I'd go ahead and share it here as well - with a few minor edits that I didn't think of the first time around.


OK, people – it’s not even December yet, and I’ve already had enough of the bickering between the “Merry Christmas” people and the “Happy Holidays” people. So here’s my take on what I believe is a completely stupid and idiotic argument……

If you know me well, or if you've been following my blog for a while, then you know that I love everyone. If you've just started stalking me, it's something that you'll learn fairly quickly (like NOW). Seriously. I do. If you’re on my friends list or in my life in any way, shape, or form, it’s because I want you to be there. I don’t give a crap what you celebrate or don’t celebrate, or what you believe or don't believe, as long as you are a good person.

So, if I happen to say “Happy Holidays” it’s not because I’m anti-Christian. But at the same time, if I say “Merry Christmas” it doesn’t mean that I am anti-anything-other-than-Christian. “Happy Holidays” can include Advent, Hanukkah, Diwali, the Winter Solstice, Yule, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, my birthday (because we all know that’s a holiday), Martin Luther King Day, the Chinese New Year, and *gasp* EVEN CHRISTMAS!!!!! Isn’t Christmas a “holiday”??? So if someone says “Happy Holidays” doesn’t that INCLUDE Christmas?

(Yes, I realize that there are even more than that, but you get the idea.) *

Get off of your damned high horses and stop fighting about something so stupid. Quit looking for reasons to be offended. It’s a holiday *season*, people. Quit forcing your beliefs or non-beliefs on other people. Your beliefs are yours. My beliefs are mine. I may or may not agree with what you believe, but that doesn't make either one of us a better person than the other, and it doesn't make one of us wrong and one of us right. Being a Christian doesn’t make you better than anyone else, and not being a Christian doesn’t either. 

Just be nice to each other, for crying out loud. It’s not that hard to do once you stop trying to pick fights with each other. I swear some of you people and your petty arguments make my kids look like angels – and we all know that they’re far from that 99% of the time.





*(This is NOT the time to say "oh, but you forgot to mention ________ and _________." I know I didn't list every single holiday. That's not the point, ok? The point is that there are a ton of holidays just in December and January, ok? I don't think I have to list every single one from around the world in order to make my point.)

So, uh, yeah....about last night....

Wow. That's the first word that comes to mind at this point.

When I sat down to write my post about judgmental people and food stamps last night, I had NO IDEA what was going to happen. None. I figured it would get a decent amount of hits, probably a few more comments than usual, and that would be it.

Almost from the moment I hit "publish" - it went crazy. For real.

Just to give you guys an idea of what I'm talking about....on any given day, my blog usually gets about 150 views. Some days, if I don't post anything, it's as low as 30-40 views. On a good day, it's around 200. Until today, my most popular post ever had a total of 1191 views - and it's been posted since July.

This morning, about 14 hours after I posted that post, it moved into the top position, and surpassed an entry that's been up for 4 months. As of right now, it has over 6200 views and is still climbing. There are well over 50 comments from people (that I still have to go back and respond to - give me time!) and the comments are still coming as well.

Those numbers aren't huge to "big bloggers" but to me - and my little tiny baby blog - it's totally overwhelming. My phone - which controls my internet access - has been lit up all. day. long.

I want everyone to know that I have read every single comment - on the blog, on my facebook page, in my inbox, on my personal profile, on twitter - I've read them all. I just simply haven't had time to respond to everyone yet.

But I would like to clear up a few things really quick while I'm thinking about it...and I'm going to include some links that tell more of the "backstory" for the new people here....

I am NOT currently receiving food stamps. Financially, yes, I am eligible to do so. Honestly, I would love to get them at this point - however, because of some *ahem* hiccups in the system and the refusal of certain individuals to send me paperwork that I requested from them several times, my kids and I can not receive that type of assistance any longer.

I do not currently work. My second ex-husband passed away shortly after our divorce. Because of this, my youngest son and I receive Social Security. We get enough to live on and to put some aside every month. We don't live in the lap of luxury, and some months are really really tight - but we make it work. I think after everything that my kids and I have been through in the past few years, they deserve to have me 100% of the time. I will get a job when the time is right. Until then, I do a lot of crafty type stuff to make a little bit of extra money here and there.

For the most part, my life is an open book on this blog. There are a few taboo subjects -

• We do not talk about exactly where we live. We're in Kansas, and that's all that you need to know. If you recognize our location from the pictures, please don't say anything publicly about it. Had I known when I started that there were going to be so many people reading this, I never would have used pictures of my kids. So don't reveal our location.
• For the love of chocolate, do not use our last names! Do not use anyone's last names! That one should be a no-brainer.
• Don't use the name of the kids' schools if you happen to know them. Again, duh.
• I don't do politics. I leave that up to The Dude. If you don't know who he is, you'll figure it out sooner or later.
• Pretty much everything else that you might want to know is found in the "About Me" tab at the top of this page. Or just ask me. I don't bite.....hard.

Now that we got all of that out of the way...........

The rest of the day was spent doing the usual. Tons of laundry, lots of cleaning, bathroom scrubbing (*gag*), and general running around trying to get ready for the impending holiday. Yep, it was a total purple bandana kind of a day. I finally got my grocery list ready so that I can go to the store tomorrow morning (hopefully before it gets swamped) and get the last few things that we need for dinner on Thursday and then I get to clean some more, start some of the cooking and baking, and wait for the older 3 kids to come home so that we can *gasp* celebrate Sarah's 13th birthday.

Yikes. It's after midnight. I'm officially the mother of a teenager.

OK, I'm going to go cry now.