Control

My life is crazy. Suddenly it's much crazier than it usually is. And with crazy comes stress.

I have a love/hate relationship with stress. Obviously, it's bad for me (ok, bad for everyone) but at the same time, I work best under pressure. Give me an impossible task with a deadline, and I'll get it done with time to spare - but give me all of the time in the world and I won't get it done. I am the Procrastination Queen at times (hello? 70 days to get ready for a half-marathon?) and it usually bites me in the butt.

I'm also a bit of a control freak. Not about everything, but about a lot of things. I admit it. Sometimes I can let it slide and relax a bit and go with the proverbial flow. But at other times, I go a little nutty with it.

This is one of those times. With all of the stress and chaos and disorder that is going on in my life right now, I feel as though I am totally out of control. And I hate that. But some of the things that are going on right now are completely and totally out of my control. I can't force other people to make up their minds  or to decide what they're going to do and when, and so I'm left just kind of hanging out here, waiting.

So here I go with the overcompensating. I can't control a bunch of stuff that's happening right now, so by God I'm going to control everything else - not that it's necessarily a bad thing.

I've spent the weekend stripping every bed in the house and washing everything right down to the mattress pads - because I can certainly make sure that all of our beds are clean. I've been going through stuff and throwing away stuff and organizing stuff and putting more stuff together to donate because I can do it and get it done and no one can stop me.

I've been going nuts with my datebook, getting everything put down in it for the week so that I can keep track of where I need to be and when (see it there on my desk?) and I've been trying to just get organized in general. I have all sorts of tips saved in my email thanks to my wonderful aunt and I need to go through them again and get to work. But I know for a fact, that if I don't do it tonight - my first job in the morning after I get the kids to school is to organize my desk. The clutter is about to kill me.

And in between now and then every facet of my life will be neatly scheduled in my datebook, because that's the only way that I can keep track of anything, up to and including my own head.