Listen to the parents - even if they're not yours.

OK, let me preface this by saying that I'm really aggravated right now.

No, I'm really seriously pissed. And for anyone who has been reading this blog for a while, you know that I don't usually use language like that. (OK, not here. Real life is different.)

Alex's first day of school - last year

Alex's father called me today and wanted to know what Alex still needed for school supplies. Well, considering that school starts in 3 days, he already has pretty much everything. I knew that he was missing one or two things but I wasn't sure what, so I told him I'd check and call him back. As it turns out, he just needed some twist-up colored pencils. That's it. Nothing else in the "supplies" category. So I called his father back and told him that.

He proceeded to tell me that he was at the store with his grandmother and she wanted to get school supplies. Again, I told him that he only needed the pencils. He said "well, she wants to get him a backpack too". I told him NO - he has a backpack. He is using the same one from last year, just like the other 4 kids are doing. He used it to carry maybe 2 pieces of paper back and forth each day, and it's still in perfect condition. He doesn't need a new one. I told him that if she really felt the need to buy something, to buy some underwear and socks - because that's what he NEEDS. I also told him that he doesn't need any new clothes or anything like that, but the socks and underwear are really a necessity at this point.

So he stopped by a little bit later to drop the stuff off - including a new backpack. Yes, he bought the pencils, and I am thankful for that. And 2 pairs of pants, that are literally 3 sizes too big. And 2 pairs of shorts - again 3 sizes too big. And a bunch of shirts - guess what? too big. And one pack of underwear and one pack of socks.

So why am I pissed? I should be thankful that he's buying anything, since he can't stick to a reasonable schedule to save his life. He can go out shopping with his grandmother, but can't stop to pick up his kid and spend a few hours with him. I'm pissed because I told him specifically not to get a backpack - and he did. It's not needed, and it's not wanted. Truth be told, when Alex saw it, his first words were "Dad, I don't need that - I already have one". And seriously, while he may only have 1 child over here, I have 5. Getting one kid a new backpack when it's not needed makes it hella hard to justify to the other kids that they don't need a new backpack as well. I am also not the type of person that feels that a kid needs to have a new backpack every year - if the one that we already have is fine, use it again! And seriously, the one that he used last year is in PERFECT condition because actually, now that I think about it, he only used it for a couple of months because the zipper broke on the first one that he had - so realistically, he already has a new one.

I'm pissed because he can't buy him clothes that FIT. Yes, he's a big kid, so his clothes do need to be a little bigger - but not 3 sizes! He told me "oh you can just put them aside for him to grow into" - well what's the point of that? He'll grow into the jeans maybe by next summer - when it's too hot to wear them, and then will turn around and outgrow them before school next year.

One 5-pack of underwear - when I told him that this was the one thing that he needed, and he got one pack. I'm sorry, but this is the kid who still has some toileting issues. Five pairs will last maybe 3 days. UGH!!!!

Bottom line is this - if you want to buy something for a kid, ask the parent (or guardian or whoever) what the kid needs. And if the parent says that something is needed, be respectful and get that. And if the parent says that something is NOT needed - show that same respect and DON'T. GET. IT.

Unless you ask, you don't know the reasons behind why a kid needs or doesn't need something. A kid might need more underwear because he/she has a lot of toileting accidents - but because you're not around a whole lot, you don't know that. You might be told not to buy a kid a toy because maybe the kid has been having behavioral issues at home and the parent doesn't feel that the kids needs it right now. You might be asked not to buy something for one kid because then the other kid feels slighted.

Point of the matter is - you may not know the reasoning. But when a parent says "yes, please get _______" or "no, please don't get _______" you need to listen. The parent has reasons - and unless you see that the kids are being neglected or put in danger, please respect those reasons.

Now, I have two choices.

1. Find a place in this tiny-little zero-storage house to put the backpack, the shorts, and the jeans aside until they can be used (maybe in a couple of years).

2. Take all of the stuff, figure out when I have an hour or two of spare time, and return it to the store and exchange it for the stuff that he NEEDS.

UGH! Seriously - I am so mad right now! Maybe I'm overreacting. But come on - I am with this kid 24/7 - I know what he needs! If you ask me what he needs, and then turn around and don't listen, why did I waste my breath??? Why????

OK, rant over. Have at it. Tell me I'm the one who is being ridiculous - because seriously, I don't know if I'm overreacting to this or not. But this is how I'm feeling right now.