You don't like me. You don't approve of my choices. You like to judge me.
Guess what? I don't really care.
I've been thinking about this since the other night when someone left a rather rude comment on my post about setting up the Transmission Fund for my van.
"REAL JOB"
I've talked about this a couple of times before...
I don't have a "REAL JOB". I don't have employment outside of the home or whatever you want to call it. I'm not self-employed, and right now I do absolutely nothing to earn any money.
See that, haters? I freely admit it. I don't earn any money.
I take that back. I do sell some things that I make - but it's not "regular" income.
Instead, the kids and I live off of Social Security. Daniel and I get survivor benefits because his father - my second ex-husband - passed away. I also get a little bit of child support for Alex.
Without getting into specific dollar amounts, suffice it to say that enough money comes into this household on a monthly basis that I do not have to work. We are not living in the lap of luxury by any stretch of the imagination, but the bills are paid and we usually have a little bit left over each month.
Some people don't think I deserve it. Some don't think that I should get it at all, but it is what it is. I'm eligible for it, and I get it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: it's a crappy way to get the bills paid, and it's not what I wanted or expected when I married Jeff.
But, whether I wanted it or not, I get it. And what does that mean for me and for my kids?
It means that all of our bills are paid - including some bills that aren't my sole responsibility, but rather than suing an estate to get them paid, I'll just deal with them.
It means that I get to focus on my kids - all of my kids.
It means that I get to occasionally save enough money to do something fun with my kids, like take them on vacation to see Washington D.C. and The Gateway Arch and family members who live half of the country away from us.
It means that when one of my kids is sick or injured, I can stay home and be a mom and not have to worry about whether or not I will get into trouble for taking a sick day.
It means that when one of my kids' classes needs a volunteer to help, I can do it.
It means that when one of my friends needs help, I can do it.
It means that I can take the time to do the things that I need to do for myself in order to be healthy - both physically and mentally - and to be the best mom that I can be.
It doesn't mean that I'm lazy. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean that I'm a horrible mother or any of the other things that I've been called. It just means that I'm making the best out of a situation for which no one can ever truly be prepared.
It also means that we don't have a lot of spare money lying around the house. I wish that we did. Had the transmission gone out of the van before we went on TMOART:12, we would have used that money to fix it and skipped the vacation. But the fact of the matter is that right now, we don't have the money to fix it.
So that's why I asked for help.
I asked. I expect nothing.
I am beyond grateful for what has been given so far. $153.43 is the total currently in the fund. More than 90% of that has been given by strangers. I am shocked and amazed at the generosity of these people - people who know nothing of me other than what I've put out here on this blog.
I know that regardless of what I do in my life, I will have haters. And I'm ok with that - because I'm happy with who I am today. So, you can either keep your snarky comments to yourself, or grow a set and drop the anonymity and say what you want to say. I'm done being afraid to speak my mind and say what I want to say for fear that the haters will rear their ugly heads again.
This is MY life.
<3 I am SO proud of you. You took you and the kids out of a crappy situation, came out the other side of it stronger than when you went in, are doing the best you can with FIVE kids, and still manage to have some of your sanity.
ReplyDeleteI have 1 kid, 1 on the way, and feel like I'm losing my mind 99% of the time. You are such an inspiration to me, and I've been right by your side through all the crap, and I'll always remain right by your side. You are one of the greatest people I've ever known.
Aside from being one of my bestest friends in the whole world, you are my confidant and even if we go weeks/months without hearing the sound of the other's voice, I know that no matter what I can call you when I need an ear, and you'll be there. That's an amazing thing.
Love you like a fat kid loves cake!! :)
You know I love you too, Mama! We've both come a very long way since we first met, huh? ;)
DeleteI've been waiting for this, really I have and to see that you showed such restraint, makes me proud of you and love you that much more... especially considering I'd have ripped their heads off spit down the hole and wrote a haiku about having done it.
ReplyDeleteOh, Haters, you suck
At least share your name, maggot.
Have some guts or leave
See... Hater Haiku!
We'll get the van up and running again, me, you, and as many kind people as feels the generosity and have the means. Then... we'll share photo's of a happy faced NSM rocking in her minivan of coolness!
Oh, sure....see how you are!?!?!? You just HAD to go and out do me with Hater Haiku. Butt head. :P LOL
DeleteKerry - I love you, and thank you for everything. I know we'll get through it all - I just wish that it wasn't always so difficult. And your haiku rocks. LOL
DeleteHater Haiku's rock.
DeleteMy dad and I just invented YOKU
Yoda themed Haiku's.
I think you would love those!
There will always be haters. Screw them, their opinion matters not. If the truth be told, you should call them jealous/moronic/dysfunctional Haters. As someone who actually KNOWS you, and has watched you grow, I feel qualified to say that not only are you a Non Stop Mom...you are a Wonderful Mom who is raising her children in a positive and healthy environment. To all the haters out there..sorry I can't post a picture, but in your mind think about two "social" fingers, and a Moon pointed at you.
ReplyDeleteB
Love that mental image! ;) And thank you - whether you want to admit it or not, you played a big role in where I am today.
DeleteYou are an awesome Woman! You are raising 5 kids as the Only parent who takes care of any need that arises! It's a tough payless job, but hey, if we are to make the world a better place we have to start somewhere right? You have amazing and beautiful kids!Bravo with a standing ovation Mama! Much Love!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tiffany! Love to you too!
DeleteI'm sorry that you even had to write this. There are just some people that think they have it all figured out about how you should run your life. Some of us have to go whatever way life takes us. We have all had issues, problems, successes, and failures. I've been there. I've had to ask for help more than once. And there always seemed to be true friends there to help out. Don't worry about the ignorant. They will always think they know what is best for everyone. You focus on what you need to. Keep on keepin' on. you are a true mom. Good on you.
ReplyDeleteThanks hon! It's taken me a long time to get to where I am now, and there are times that I look back and I'm just stunned at how far I've come. There was a time when the haters could really get me down - now, I just laugh because I know that I'm better than that.
DeleteYou know where I am if you need me!
Amy dont let the haters get to you!! You are amazing. It would be interesting to see the hater try to keep up with you for just one week then let them say you dont have a real job!! You are a full time mom and as all moms know that isnt just one job! It is about a million jobs rolled into one. You take care of everything and everyone from being a domestic goddes to home repair handy man. You do any and everything. You are also always there for friends wether it is just for a mich needed talk, advice, or helping us with our littles. You are a one of a kind original SuperMom and a role model for many many other moms! Never doubt how many people k ow that their lives are better for having you in it. Forget the haters. They are just jealous that they cant be half the person you are. Do t waste your time or emotions on them. We all love you just the way you are.
ReplyDeleteCrystal M
Thank you Crystal! That means so much to me - and you know that I'm always here for you!
Deleteyou are a great mom and a good role model to us moms....
DeleteThank you!
Delete=)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you wrote this.
I have been thinking about that comment too.
And you know, you have your kids best interest at heart and that is WAY MORE than some people with REAL JOBS do.
REAL JOB DOES NOT EQUATE GOOD PARENT.
You are an amazing lady.
Thank you, Kateri!
DeleteI do try to keep my kids' best interests at the forefront of everything that I do. I think at this point in their lives, with the losses that they've had to deal with, me getting a job would be harder on them. Being here for them 24/7 and showing them that I'm not going to go anywhere is important to me and to them.
When the time is right, I'll get a so-called "real job". But not until then.
REAL JOB. What, so someone ELSE can raise your kids for you? You effing rock and I am glad you have the ability to do this as so many single parents don't! Your haters are just jealous. We live in a world where most parents have to work. Lucky for your kids (and you) you dont :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I really appreciate it. I am blessed to have the chance to not work right now - but it is still hard for me to deal with at times because this is NOT how I wanted my bills to be paid. This wasn't what I signed up for when I got married. But it is what it is and I can't change it right now. Like I just said in the comment above, when the time is right, I will get a "real job".
DeleteThanks for coming by and for commenting! :)
AMY,THE WAY YOU HANDLE YOUR FAMILY IS THE RIGHT WAY. THAT'S THE REASON THAT SS WAS SET UP FOR PLUS, HELP US SENIORS TO SURVIVE IN OUR OLD AGE. YOUR NOT WRONG USING THE HELP SS GIVES TO YOU. YOUR HOME IS CLEAN,YOUR YARD GROOMED, YOUR CHILDREN ARE FED, CLEAN AND CLOTHED. THAT'S ALSO WHAT SS IS THERE FOR THE FOLK THAT REALLY NEEDS IT. WE ALL KNOW SOMEONE THAT MISUSE THE SYSTEM. EVEN IN OUR OWN EXTENDED FAMIIES.OR THE GREAT NEPHEW THAT HASN'T WORKED BUT ABOUT THREE MONTHS AT A CAR WASH SINCE GRADUATION AND IS IN HIS LATE 20S, COLLECTING THE CHECK EACH MONTH. HIS MOM HAS BEEN COLLECTING FOR TO MANY YEARS [LOST COUNT] [2ND GENERATION] AND GRANDFATHERS FAULT BY ENABLING HIM WITH$$$TO GET HIM THROUGH STILL THE NEXT CHECK.. HE'S THE KIND I GET MAD AT BECAUSE IT'S MY TAX DOLLARS PAYING FOR HIM TO SIT ON HIS REAR PLAYING HIS VIDEO GAMES AND WATCHING HIS LARGE SCREEN TV HE GOT FROM HIS OTHER GRANDMOTHERS' ESTATE. MONEY SPENT. AND HBO WHICH BY THE WAY I DON'T HAVE BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE ENOUGH OF MY SAVINGS TO GET ME THROUGH TILL I DIE, WHICH WILL BE ANYTIME IN THE NEXT VERY FEW YEARS.
ReplyDeleteSO AMY YOUR DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY. NOTHING TO BE ASHAME OF.I'D RATHER SEE YOU IN THE HOME TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS AND MAKING THEM ROLE MODELS FOR OUR FUTURE THAT IS IF THERE IS A FUTURE THAN HAVING YOU OUT OF THE HOME LETTING THE KIDS RUN WILD. I'VE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES I ADMIRE YOU. ALSO THANK GOD FOR KERRY BEING THERE TO GIVE YOU A HAND. BLESSINGS ALL AROUND YOU.
HUGS, GRANNY
Thank you so much! I appreciate it!
DeleteI have been following your mommy adventures for a while now. I admire the way you are raising your family. You are a FULL-TIME, HANDS-ON MOM...to FIVE kids! Someone please tell me how that is not a real job??? It's the most real job there is! You are providing your children a real upbringing. Most kids today are being raised by the T.V. or other people that don't have a real interest in the final outcome. Your children have everything they need, and appreciate the "wants" more since they don't get everything handed to them. Keep up the awesome job!!!
ReplyDeleteAND TO KERRY: You are a really good man. You have stepped into a role like none other on this planet; step-parenting (officially or unofficially) isn't for sissies. You have opened your heart to a family that needed you. (I had a great step-dad who eventually adopted my brother and me.)I commend you!
Thank you, Stephanie! It is crazy how some people don't believe that being a parent is a full-time job. We might not get paid in the traditional sense, but it's definitely work.
DeleteKerry is a great guy - no doubt about it. I'm glad that others see it as well! :)
LOL, ain't never been no sissy! (That's a triple negative, you work out the meaning!)
DeleteI appreciate the kind words, I'm just doing what's in my heart.
WOW..how dense can some people be??? A REAL job¡??? Holy cow...investing your life in FIVE children and doing a bang up job of it is MORE than a real job¡ It's a job of the highest importance¡
ReplyDeleteI am thankful you have found a partner in your "adventure" (as I like to refer to your life¡ LOL)
You are doing a fantastic job...I hope you have a real sense of pride in your family...you have worked hard at making a good life for the kids (and hopefully for yourself as well!)
BIG HUGS..
Mare
Thank you, Mare! I'm thankful for that partner too, and that he's willing to join me in the adventure. I like that word too! ;)
DeleteI LOVE your daily stories and adventures. Makes me tired reading them somedays! You be MOM to your kids and let KARMA deal with those that judge you. <3-Stac
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Stac! I really appreciate it!
DeleteI'm not a hater :) And not anonymous. Sorry... been so wrapped up around here I haven't been able to be on much. xo dear friend.
ReplyDeleteDon't apologize - it's been the same way over here. I've managed to pop over your direction a couple of times, but not like I should. I need to just devote an evening to catching up with you and your beautiful family. Even though I haven't been around as much, know that I'm thinking of you! <3
DeleteI just have to say, the haters can suck it!
ReplyDeleteAlso, Kerry - your triple negative made my brain hurt!
Good for you! You should use the benefits that make sense for your family to use.
ReplyDeleteI'm a mom of 6 kids, I got laid off when I was 6 months pregnant with my 5th child. I chose (yes CHOSE) not to look for work immediately after getting laid off because I thought it would be a waste of my time...what with my ever expanding waist...
I CHOSE to allow my children to get Medicaid health coverage, to get food stamps, and to collect unemployment benefits. It paid the bills, and allowed me to be home with my kids while my husband worked very diligently to get a business going.
When I did start looking for work it was only because I was required to in order to continue collecting unemployment. I did legitimately look for work. But the only jobs I could find in my field were an hour drive from my house. These were GOOD paying jobs.
But I ran the numbers. Day care. Commuting. Dry cleaning. Going out to eat more frequently because of being "too tired" to cook. Being less frugal about buying groceries and clothing. In the end our family would have had about $5,000 per year more in income than we have with food stamps (no unemployment benefits anymore). For that I would be out of my house--conservatively--70 hours per week. It ends up working out to our family netting about $1.50 per hour for the hours I'm not at home.
We decided it just wasn't worth it. Our kids need me to be with them. So we are still on food stamps, 5 years after I got laid off. Our children are still on government medical insurance. I got pregnant again because I get pregnant if my husband even sneezes on me. It stinks. I'm college educated, I never thought I'd be here. But I am. And I'm really sick of all the people who judge people on food stamps and the like as being "lazy." (I actually got to your blog by finding your post on that subject.) We are put into an impossible bind--"go get a job!" But if we do, our kids are stuck in daycare, we aren't raising them. Then we get saddled with "why aren't you spending more time with your kids, teaching them good values?" Sigh.