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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

An open letter to a friend.

You know who you are.

You're my friend, and I love you. We have a bond, one created by common interests and kids and friends and lots of other little things. We've stuck by each other through a lot of crap.

You're now stuck in a place where I once was. It's not a pretty place. In fact, it's downright scary and dangerous. And I know that you know that.

Abuse is not an easy subject to talk about - especially when it's happening to you. I know that. I know that.

I've been there. And I learned a few things from it.

You think you have it under control because you got him out of the house, but you're wrong. He'll come back. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even next week. But he'll come back.

You say he can't get into your head, but guess what? He's already there. Otherwise, this letter wouldn't be necessary.

You can't control the situation. No matter how strong you think you are, he can and will be stronger. It might not happen immediately, but it will happen. You put him in a different situation than before, and he'll figure out a different way to use it against you and to make you think that you're in the wrong - and you're not.

You say that it's different this time - but until you take the next step, it's not.

It's not about him and what's best for him or protecting him.

This time, it's all about YOU.

You know what you need to do, but you don't want to do it. I get that. I really do. I swear to you, I GET IT. But you have to do it. You have to prove not only to him but to YOURSELF that you are in control of this. You have to protect YOU and YOUR KIDS. And if that means taking that next step, that's what you need to do.

I know it's hard. I know you love him. But you have to love yourself more. You have to love your kids more. You need to step back and take care of YOU and allow him to take care of himself for a while. You can't force him to do it. He has to want it for himself - and I hope and pray that he does because I know that he's a good man who is battling demons of his own.

I might get mad at you and yell at you as you go through this, but it's only because for once in my life, I do know what I'm talking about. You are in my old place, and I want you out of there more than anything because it's not fun. And I will do anything that I can possibly do to help you get out of there because YOU DESERVE BETTER. You hear that?


I love you. And I'm here for you, no matter what.


  1. This is true friendship. I was once there too, it's a scary, confusing,lonely place filled with uncertainty, fear, self-doubt, and yes guilt. I had to learn this...I AM POWERLESS OVER PEOPLE, PLACES, AND THINGS, I CAN ONLY CONTROL MY ACTIONS, IN-ACTIONS, AND REACTIONS. Basically we cannot cause someone else to do anything that they do not choose to do or not do. I hope your friend is able to see her way thru this difficult time and puts the needs of herself and her children above his wants and needs. :)

  2. *nods*

    When I was in that place... I wish I had a friend like you to write me this letter...

    I'll keep you both in my thoughts


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