buttons

Want to follow my blog?
Pick a way to do it!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Another confession.

This is something that has been bothering me - literally - over the past few days. I have thought about writing about it, then chickened out several times. But I finally decided that I'm just going to do it. Maybe getting it out of my system will help me to deal with it. Maybe it'll help another woman who is going through the same thing. Maybe it'll help some guy to understand that a woman that he loves is not insane, even though she might act like it at times.

I'm talking about PMDD. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

The best description of it (in my opinion) that I've found so far can be found here, but if you want the shortened version, think "PMS on steroids"...that's about the only way that I can describe it. I mean seriously, look at the list of symptoms on that website - and imagine going through all of them in a matter of a couple of days (out of that entire list, the only ones that I have not experienced have been panic attacks and suicidal thoughts).

Sometimes, during this time, my moods change almost by the minute - sometimes not quite to that extreme. Sometimes it's gradual and I don't notice it right away. But usually it's pretty significant mood swings - and I've always had a temper, but it's definitely magnified by the PMDD. I find myself getting so incredibly angry, and I'm not a nice person to be around. If I'm lucky (not to mention the people around me) I recognize what is going on and I can make the conscious effort to walk away from the situation - but that doesn't always happen and someone or something takes the brunt of my anger and frustration. I eat everything in sight. I don't feel like doing anything. My body hurts. I cry - a lot.

I'm just plain miserable.

I was officially diagnosed with PMDD years ago - and at that time, my doctor put me on antidepressants. They helped - if you consider walking around like a zombie and falling asleep standing up "helping". I wasn't moody - but then again, I didn't have any moods at all, except for the one that was described as "blah".

Anyway, over the past few months, I've been noticing that it's been getting worse. This month especially. So I started doing some research - lots of it. And I found that there are all sorts of changes that I can make to my diet to help alleviate the symptoms.

Every website that I found said the same thing - eliminate caffeine, sugar, salt, and alcohol.

Salt and alcohol? Not really an issue. I don't use salt on anything, I generally don't cook with it, and I can do without it. Alcohol? I drink on occasion, but not enough to really worry about that.

Sugar? Yeah, that one could be hard. I have a sweet tooth - always have. But, I can work around that and I've been working on that as I've been trying to get in better shape anyway. This just gives me more initiative.

But caffeine? Really? Eliminate caffeine???? Do the PMDD experts want me to die? Or kill someone else? It's no secret that I'm a Diet Pepsi addict. I've tried to cut down numerous times and have always failed miserably. In fact, I just bought a case the other day - and it was gone the next day. That's right - 24 cans in 2 days. That one is going to be tough.

The rest of it is easy. Eat more whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Get more B6, calcium, and magnesium. No-brainer stuff. So I've been looking up recipes and making grocery lists and figuring out exactly how I'm going to do this. And smart idea or not, I'm going to go off of the caffeine cold turkey. I don't have the willpower to "cut down" - it's all or nothing with me. I've already gone one day without, and I haven't killed anyone......yet......

Oh and I have to get regular aerobic exercise - so more initiative to get out there and run as much as possible. I think I can handle that, since the half-marathon is in just over a month...

No doubt about it - it's going to be hard. I'm not going to be the most pleasant person in the world for the next few days weeks as my body adapts to these changes. But seriously, I can't handle feeling like I can't control my emotions anymore. My kids don't deserve to have a mother who loses her temper over stupid stuff. The Dude doesn't need to be dealing with my anger and frustration either. I need to do this for me, and for them. I need to do this before I lose what's left of my mind.

And realistically, even if it doesn't help with the symptoms (which it had better, or I'm going to be ticked) it'll help with my overall health - both mentally and physically.

So please bear with me as I go through this. If I'm crankier than usual or if I snap at someone, please understand that it's not intentional. Eliminating the caffeine is going to be the hardest part - but if it does help, it'll be worth it in the end.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


This evening, Daniel was sitting on my lap at the computer as I was researching some more stuff. He was tired and irritable but didn't want to go to sleep, so we started watching some videos. Sure enough, he crashed....using my wallet as his pillow. Silly kid.

15 comments:

  1. Holy $#!+... 24 cans in 2 days?!
    Actually, I've done similar things before, but still...

    I know, with the way things have been, with my neck and all, that I haven't been as johnny on the spot as I'd like to, as I should be. Just know that I'm tough and can handle some performance enhanced emotions. You decide what it is that you need to do to put this thing to bed and I'll do what I can to back you up.

    Oh... and You're awesome!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, 24 cans in 2 days. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true. =/

      I know you've got my back - and that's why I think I can do this. And you have no idea how much that means to me. We'll get through all of this crap and the other crap and we'll come out stronger in the end!

      You're pretty awesome yourself, babe. :)

      Delete
  2. I go though a case in about 4 days. Caffeine sucks, it's my vice since I quit smoking.

    Keep in mind going cold turkey off caffeine can cause migraines. I would suggest getting some midole or excedrine I think both have caffeine. I say this as it may cause you bigger problems than just going cold turkey.

    Good luck to you hope it helps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm prepared for the headache - one is already creeping in as I type. I have some stuff that usually knocks the migraines back pretty well, so I'll take that if I have to - but I don't really want to. I'll just have to see what happens over the next few days.

      Thank you!

      Delete
  3. The doctor who prescribed the meds that zombied you prescribed too high a dose! There ARE meds that can help without turning you into a zombie. I promise! Don't completely give up on that avenue!

    Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been on several different anti-depressants over the years - always a fairly low dose, and it's always done the same thing to me. I've always had weird reactions to drugs, which is part of the reason why I don't like to take them. I don't even like to take benadryl to help me sleep because it'll put me in a coma for 12 hours and I won't hear anything at all, and I can't do that with the kids here. Plus, the whole lack of health insurance makes things difficult too....

      I'll get through it! One way or another.... :)

      Delete
  4. Buy yourself a Baltic Amber necklace. The list of benefits is long but I was able to greatly reduce my caffiene intake and fight my constant migraines by wearing a necklace. You can also wear them to help back pain, knee pain, maybe even help The Dude's neck! Hazelaid has great information on it!
    Prayers coming your way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I may have to look into that - and have him check it out too! Thanks!!!

      Delete
  5. Hey.

    EVENING PRIMROSE OIL CAPSULES.

    Helped me with my extreme PMS (which is probably PMDD, but I just can't handle be diagnosed with something else to go check.).

    It will help you DEAL better.
    I'm not sure why.
    It just does.

    Most have B6 in them and Omega 3.

    Just a suggestion.

    We all have these moments.
    It's okay.

    It will get better.

    You got a great guy there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will look into that too - you're not the first one to mention the evening primrose. I've gotten so many ideas that I'm actually kind of excited to start looking into all of them. Thank you! <3

      Delete
  6. AMY, 24 CANS IN TWO DAYS. NO WONDER YOU HAVE HEADACHES. THAT STUFF WILL KILL YOU. I'VE GOT A NEICE THAT SMOKES AND DRINKS PEPSI ALL DAY AND SHE'LL FIGHT AND ARGUE WITH ANYONE.SHE'S ALWAYS HYPED UP. ANY DRUG PUTS HER INTO OUTER SPACE. I WON'T EVEN BE AROUND HER. I ADMIRE THAT YOUR DOING SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. ONCE YOUR OFF ALL THE JUNK YOUR GOING TO BE A NEW PERSON. I LIKE MY SWEETS ALSO. IT BROUGHT ON DIABETES. YOUR YOUNG ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT HOW YOUR FEELING. I FOR ONE NEVER HAD WILL POWDER. SO GOOD LUCK SWEET LADY. YOU AND THE KIDS WILL BENEFIT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, we'll see what happens at this point. This is my 3rd day with no caffeine and so far, so good. It hasn't been a cakewalk, but I'll get through it one way or another! Thank you!

      Delete
  7. you're in my thoughts, dear. it's awesome that you have taken the initiative to do what you can to ease your symptoms. i'm still amazed at the caffeine though. you are a tough one!! as always, i am rootin for ya :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I will not judge the number of pepsi in a short time frame. I've had long periods where the only time I stop drinking coffee is when I have an ice cold Pepsi instead. I'm quite sure that I have personally ingested a good 4-5 POTS of coffee in a day. Easily. I did find that when I started going to the gym and making more effort to choose better foods that my energy picked up and the desire for caffeine was much lower.
    Sending Love and Hugs! You are strong enough to beat anything! If you can quit Diet Pepsi, I really need to quit this smoking crap I've got going on again....

    ReplyDelete

I have only two rules - don't reveal anyone's personal information, and be respectful. It's not difficult, honest. Now, go on and play.