Strength

So for the past week or so, I've been busting my butt to replace the flooring in my laundry/bath and beyond. It's been a long, drawn-out job for so many reasons.

I've done the majority of the job myself. The kids have helped out here and there, and The Dude popped in and out when he could, but the vast majority of it has been me plugging away, usually late at night after the kids were in bed. It's been strenuous and draining and just overall not very easy.

The bulk of the job is done. The washer and dryer are back in place, but the toilet is still sitting on the side porch, waiting to be put back in its spot. Edging needs to be done between the tile and carpet, and there are 4 doors that have to be trimmed and rehung, among a host of other little piddly jobs.

I'm tired.

I got up and made breakfast this morning, but after I cleaned the kitchen I went out to the living room and curled up on the loveseat and I fell asleep. And I slept off and on for most of the day. I got up a couple of times to go to the bathroom or get something to drink, but that was it.

At one point I got up long enough to flip a load of laundry and cook some chicken - but only because I was starting to feel guilty for being so lazy.

The whole time I kept thinking to myself - people always tell me how they think I'm so strong. They admire what I'm able to do for myself.

Strong. Independent. Non-stop.

Today, I felt anything but strong. My body hurts. My hands ache so much that opening a new bottle of soda brought me to tears. Typing this is painful.

I felt anything but independent, because all I wanted was for someone - anyone - to come to the house and help. Someone to take the kids out to do something. Someone to do some laundry for me. Someone to hand me some food that I didn't have to make.

Non-stop was definitely not in my vocabulary today. I stopped. I crashed. I slept. I moped at how crappy I feel. I watched videos that made me cry and allowed myself to feel the relief of letting go.

I get so tired of always being strong. It's exhausting. It's overwhelming.

It's not always empowering. It's not always a good thing. And for so many people, it's not a choice - it's a way to survive life, one task at a time.

And sometimes, being strong means admitting that we are weak and we need help. Sometimes it's admitting that we're an emotional mess and we really don't have our act together. Sometimes it's just admitting that we need to recharge before we can do one more thing.

I'm tired. I can't do it all.

And that's ok.

I couldn't do it...

...if it wasn't for The Dude.

Seriously. As I get ready to start my third week of this full-time working gig, it's really dawned on me just how amazing he has has been - and continues to be.

If he doesn't come over and spend the night before I have to work, he gets up around 4:00am so that he can be here between 4:30 and 5:00am. He makes sure that I get up when my alarm goes off (not a feat for the weak, mind you) and then he sleeps for a couple more hours until the kids get out of bed. While I'm at work, he feeds them breakfast and lunch, makes sure that they don't kill each other, and he takes care of the house. My house. Not his house or our house - but my house. He'll do dishes and do laundry and take out the trash or whatever needs to be done - and if I leave him a list, he does everything on it. He makes me something to eat when I come staggering back in the door at 2:00 - or sometimes as late as 3:30pm.

And with school starting this week, he'll soon be responsible for getting the kids up and dressed and fed and to school in the mornings too - which is not an easy thing to do on a good day.

Yesterday, we got the chance to go to a cookout that some friends of his were having. The weather was finally nice after close to 2 weeks of solid rain and flooding, and we had a great time. The kids got to run around and act like idiots and bounce in the bouncy house and swing on the swings, and he and I got to sit and visit with people and just relax. Afterwards, we did a little bit of shopping since we were in the city and had a few more options of places to go (I still can't find any more pants that I like for work) and then we came home and relaxed. The boys went to spend the night with The Dude's mother for an impromptu sleepover, so we had the house to ourselves for the night.

He knew that I was exhausted - so he didn't give me too hard of a time when I slept through the entire movie that we had planned to watch together. We woke up this morning and he went and picked Alex up and brought him back over here so that he could go spend the day with his father, and I promptly fell asleep again. At some point, I got up and moved to the couch so that we could watch another movie, and -  you guessed it - I slept through it. Finally, The Dude made me get up and go back to bed, and he went back to his place and took Daniel swimming for a couple of hours so that I could sleep some more. He brought Daniel back sometime in the afternoon - and then Daniel promptly fell asleep. I finally got up - for real - around 5:00pm.

I guess I was way more tired than even I thought that I was.

My job is hard. The hours suck, it's physically demanding, and it makes me lose a lot of time with my kids. But I know that it is what I need to do right now in order to get us into our own house, which is the ultimate end goal at this point. I know that it's what I need to do, even if it's not always fun and pleasant. But the bottom line is that none of this would be possible without the love and support from The Dude. Whether he's taking care of everything at the house while I'm at work, or simply letting me sleep - I couldn't do it without him.

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Just a couple more shots from around the cookout...

There was a really big fish.

Alex being Alex. I tried not to watch him so that I didn't
have a panic attack.

You asked.....

Just in case you don't follow me on facebook, every now and then I ask people on there to ask me questions, and then I answer them in a blog post. I did that tonight, and this is what they asked me:

Michael asked: why are you so damn awesome? 

Ha. I'm not. The people who read this blog - they are the awesome ones. I just blab and ramble about my normal life, which is totally NOT awesome, but the interactions with the people who read it are what make it all worth it. THEY are the awesome ones, not me.

Erica asked: How do you feel about the tooth fairy letters fame? (I love it btw and will totally use it with my kiddos) 

Honestly, I hate it. I seriously wrote that thing in about 30 seconds and never expected anything to come of it, but it did. And it keeps resurfacing. And I keep getting bashed for it, even though Emily thought that it was funny. But, it is what it is and I can't change it now. So when I see it posted somewhere, I link my blog posts about it in the comments and just let it go - I honestly try not to follow it because more times than not, I'm getting bashed for my parenting skills over one piece of paper floating around the internet.

Michelle asked: Are you freaking out about Monday? I have faith 

Yes and no. I honestly think that the thing that I'm the most worried about is that The Dude is taking on so much responsibility with my kids. The job scares me, yes. The hours scare me, yes. But I know that this is going to be such a huge change for my family, and that scares me more than anything. However, this has come at the most perfect time, and too many things are falling into place at the right time so I can't ignore them. I have to go for it.

Jennifer asked: What are some of the worst things you've seen at work? I want details! (well, not too many details.. but, ya know)

I honestly think that the bare crotch coming through the drive-thru was the worst. Seriously, I can't get that one out of my head. Cover yourselves, people!

Lavinia asked: why is life more complicated than it has to be?

That, my friend, is the million dollar question. But at the same time, I think that people tend to make things more difficult than they need to be. Life is life - whatever is going to happen is going to happen,  and most of the time there is nothing that we can do to change it. Roll with the punches, don't worry about what might happen and deal with it as it comes. One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one second at a time - do what needs to be done to get through the moment, and then deal with the rest as it happens.

Bianca asked: Favourite movies? Two categories: with the kids, just you (or you'n'The Dude). 

For me alone, I can watch just about anything except for sci-fi/fantasy types. I'm a sucker for a good horror flick (yes, even alone) but I also love the typical "chick flicks", dramas, comedies, whatever. When it's me and The Dude, we tend to watch more zombie movies (his choice, but I deal with it) or whatever looks good. He's awesome though, and will willingly sit through a chick flick if that's what I'm in the mood to watch.

Heather asked: How do you manage to do all that you do on so little sleep?!? Because I am cranky butthole without it!!!

At this point in my life, it's just become normal for me. Ever since I split from Ex1 almost 9 years ago, I've lived on very little sleep. Right after we separated, I was working full-time plus a part-time job, and I just got used to it. I run so much during the day and evening that the only time that I have time for myself is at night after the kids go to bed. I know that it's not the best situation for me, so when I finally crash and sleep for 12+ hours at a time, I don't fight it much. Caffeine is my friend.

Maria asked: With how long you an the dude have been together do you think marriage is a possability ever?

We have officially been together for just over 20 months (wait, how did THAT happen?) and while I can easily see spending the rest of my life with him, I just can't see myself getting married again. I did that twice, and I got burned - badly - both times. I know that he's different, but at this point, no, I can't see myself married again. For me, emotionally, it's too big of a risk, and yes, I'm a wuss when it comes to that - and I freely admit it. I love him with all my heart - no doubt about it - but I don't want to get married.

And actually, I had to go digging but there are posts here and here that go into way more detail about that. Check those out if you haven't before.

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So that's that for tonight. I haven't looked back at my page in the past few minutes, so if there are more questions, I will answer them on a different night.

He calls dibs.

Today was our official family Christmas. Because of crappy timing, I had to do a whole bunch of shopping at 5am when WalHell opened - so I got about an hour of sleep before I took off to get what I needed to get for the kids.

I found it amusing downright horrifying that this was one of the first toys that I saw. I may have turned and run away from it just as soon as I snapped the picture. What kind of sick, twisted person came up with this idea???

Anyway, some pictures from the rest of the day....

The tree - complete with insanely crooked star -
at about 7am after my round of shopping.

We got the stockings and the kids' new ornaments hung last night.

After The Dude went shopping and brought home some more stuff.
He is too good to us.

Starting with the stockings....

Finally! The gifts!

The carnage. Some of it, anyway.

Human Tetris-Head.

After we got done opening gifts, it was late in the afternoon and thanks to more glorious timing we hadn't eaten lunch yet. Kids and adults both were cranky and there was a great deal of drama, whining, screaming, crying, and pouting. We finally decided to head out to a local Chinese restaurant (you can tell I was tired if I agreed to go there) and we managed to have a good meal with minimal drama.

After we ate, we came back home and then followed The Dude home in his truck to make sure that he got there in one piece, and then I took the kids (all 5 of them) and went back to WalHell to get them some clothes.

I swear, I avoid that place for months at a time and then end up there twice in one day....ugh. But, I told the kids that I wasn't buying them clothes this year - instead, we would go shop after Christmas and they could pick out their own stuff. So much easier than dealing with returns because I don't buy the "right" stuff.....

Then the kids and I came back home so that we could relax before bedtime. After the past 4-5 nights of not getting to bed until 2-4am, I am wiped out. I seriously think that I might crash as soon as I post this.

Oh, but I bet you want to see what The Dude got me, don't you?

After the kids were pretty much done unwrapping stuff he pointed out that there was something in my stocking. I got it down and pulled out a little box.

Surprised and more than a little scared, I opened it. Inside was a ring with matching earrings and a necklace.

I admit it - I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that it wasn't an engagement ring. No matter how much I love this guy, I am still not ready for that step - and he knows it. And he's good with it. And that just makes him even more amazing, but we already knew that. He had gotten me a really pretty jewelry box too, and so he said that this was a start to filling it, because I don't have much jewelry. (Honestly, I sold most of it to pay bills throughout both divorces.)

In our typical fashion, we started joking with each other about how people are going to automatically assume that it was an engagement ring and that he had popped the question.

FOR THE RECORD: 
1. There has been no wedding proposal from either one of us to either one of us.
2. This is not an engagement ring.
3. We are not engaged.
4. At this point, we have no specific plans to make 1-3 happen.

I asked him at one point how we should refer to this particular ring, since it is not an engagement ring. Without missing a beat, he laughed and said "it's the I Call Dibs ring. No one else gets to have you except for me."

Who can argue with that logic? The man is definitely a keeper.

One of those days...

You know it's not going to be a good day when you wake up 2 hours late...

That's right. I totally overslept this morning and didn't wake up until Ex1 called to find out why the kids weren't at school yet. I bolted out of bed, yelled for the kids to get up, and amazingly enough they actually did. They got ready while I made a bunch of toast and packed lunches at the speed of light. Within 20 minutes, they were all dressed, fed, and in the van - with only a minimal amount of arguing.

I got the older 3 to school - only 20 minutes late - and then Alex and Daniel and I came home (they didn't have school today).

On the plus side, it did start out as an absolutely gorgeous day.

Once we got home, we just hung around and I cleaned and did laundry and all of the usual fun stuff. The day ended up being horribly windy, and there were actually dust storms throughout the area. We weren't close enough to them to actually deal with the dust, but it did make for a dreary looking day.

The pictures don't really do it justice - but that's dust, not clouds or fog. It actually had this odd yellowish tint to it at times. It did finally start to clear out later in the evening hours.

I'm not quite sure what got into the kids today, but they certainly had their attitudes amped up for some reason. So, it was early to bed for the boys and a few extra things to do for the girls before they went to bed. Hopefully they all wake up in the morning in better moods. None of them have school tomorrow, but we still have to get up early because the older 3 are leaving with their stepmother in the morning to go shopping - and I'm watching a couple of extra kids for some friends in the morning too.

And as of right now, I don't really have anything planned for the weekend - and I'm going to do my best to keep it that way. I have some sewing that I want to do if I can get my machine to cooperate with me, and other than that, I'm going to attempt to do a whole lot of nothing.

We'll see how that actually works out.

You asked....I answered...

Every now and then, I like to get people on my facebook page to ask me questions, and then I answer them in a blog post. This is my easy way to get around the whole I have no idea what to write about tonight problem that happens every now and then....

Tonight's questions...

MissAmber asked: well i am a step mom and have been wit my husband for 3 yrs we jus had a baby what are some good bonding things to do as family

Family things - there are so many things that I can come up with here, but not knowing the ages of the stepchildren might make it harder. So I'm just going to toss out ideas.

I'm always on a tight budget, so I like to do things on the cheap. We try to get a zoo membership each year so that we can drop everything and go there at a moment's notice. (We haven't done it lately though.) We pack lunches and go and spend the day. We also go to parks and playgrounds, or to the library, or even just make a really super simple meal (sandwiches and chips, anyone?) and eat outside at the picnic table. Remember, you don't have to spend lots of money to bond - the key is to spend time together as a family.

Another thing to remember is that all kids need one-on-one time too. Make it a point to spend time with each of the kids doing something that he/she enjoys, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Kerry asked: What's the craziest thing you've heard one of your kids say?

That one's easy, babe. It would have to be any one of the kids asking "When are you and [The Dude] going to get married?"

They're insane, I tell you. Totally insane. I don't know where they come up with these crazy ideas - but I make sure to put them in their place whenever they ask.

I mean seriously, a zombie t-shirt with the tutu? I love you and all, but....I have to draw the line somewhere.

(Remember, I love you!)


Robin asked: Do you ever do ANYTHING that is JUST for you? Not the house, not the kids, not the Dude??? You work too hard, Mom.

Well.....I was thinking about this earlier this evening as I was sewing together a charity quilt, and I don't get a lot of time to myself yet, so there isn't much that I do just for me. Although my blog and my facebook page are my outlets at this point, because even the crafty stuff that I do is usually to sell in order to get money to support the kids and the house - but I enjoy doing the crafty stuff.

However, when the littlest munchkin starts going to school full-time and I have 7 1/2 hours to myself every day....I might start enjoying myself a bit more!

Amanda asked: My fiancé and I are getting married on the 22nd. He does everything around the house and loves my boys unconditionally. Can you suggest something nice I can do for him? He's a gamer nerd and never thinks of himself. What have you done for the Dude?

First of all, congratulations! I wish you nothing but the best! Sounds like you got a good guy there, and we all know that those are hard to find. As for something nice to do for him - I don't know much about the gamer stuff, but I would definitely suggest that you go and visit my good friend over at Life on Pause - he is the guru of all things game-related and he can definitely give you some ideas!

As for what I have done for The Dude - I love to cook, so making a meal for him is always a treat for both of us (especially since he helps to do the dishes). Or it'll just be the little things - grabbing something to drink and stopping by his house or his work to give it to him, sending him cute silly notes online, leaving him notes on his van. It's just goofy little stuff, but it makes him smile (I think - either that, or he thinks that I'm totally weird).

Juliet asked: Mum of 6 here, just wondering if u do get any spare time with nobody home and nothng 2do, do u sleep? Lol i know i do!

Six kids? Wow! You beat me by one!

As of right now, I get about 3 hours to myself each day while my youngest is in kindergarten. However, 3 hours just isn't enough to really do much of anything. I'm always afraid to take a nap because I'm worried that I won't wake up in time to pick him up, and I don't want to be THAT MOM who forgets to pick her kid up from school (no, I only forget to take them TO school). Instead, I usually go walking/jogging, or I come home and clean or play around online. However, once he starts school full-time (In 29 days. Yes, I'm counting.) I may start scheduling naps for myself!

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So there you have it - answers to tonight's questions. Don't forget, you can always ask me anything. Leave it in a comment here, post it on my facebook wall, email it to me, whatever. It's fun, and it gives me ideas when I can't think of anything to write about!

Questions and answers

It's another one of those nights where I can't focus on anything long enough to sit down and really write a "real" blog post....so I cheated again and asked on my facebook page if anyone had any questions that they wanted me to answer or anything in particular that they would like for me to write about tonight.

Here's what they've come up with so far....

Angela asked: Do you have fun crafts you do with your kids?
Funny you should ask that tonight. For whatever reason, when the older 3 kids came home from their father's house this morning, they brought waterpaints with them. Oh, yay. Anyway, we were out running around this afternoon and we had to stop at the store, and they decided that they were going to use their money and buy some posterboard. Next thing I knew, the five of them were sitting on the living room floor, painting and arguing and having a good time.

They all do like to do artsy stuff, but they like to do it on their terms. They usually don't like to sit down as a group and work on something with me leading them. They just want to do. The girls are into it more than the boys, although the boys are definitely into the coloring thing at this point. The girls have also attempted to sew some, and they are both working on some needlepoint coasters that they want to sell, but they don't have the stick-to-it-iveness to get them done, although what they have finished looks really good.

*Mental note: don't forget to scrub paint off of the hardwood floor before going to bed tonight.


Shannon asked: have you ever had or made tomato preserves?
I have had them, but I've never made them. When I was growing up, we had a huge garden in the backyard, and we grew just about everything and Mom did the canning. I've never had a big enough garden to do much in the way of canning (see the question after the next one....).

Stac asked: Do u sleep?
I do. Nowhere near as much as I should, but I do sleep. This summer, while the kids have been out of school, I've typically been going to bed around 2:00am. Depending on how many kids are here at the time, I can sometimes sleep until anytime between 7:00 and 9:00am. I don't get the chance to take a nap during the day because we're either out running around or I just have too much to do in order to get a nap. Once school starts, I have to force myself to go to bed at a more reasonable time because I have to be up by either 5:30am or 7:00am, depending on which kids I have that morning and which school district I have to get to first.

Angela asked: If you have not had tomato preserves, what do you anticipate most about our jam trade?.... Seriously though, you do a bunch of canning. I know you pick your own plums. Do you grow any of the rest yourself? Or purchase? And why?
Our jam trade - Hmmmm....I really just can't wait to see what you come up with! You mentioned several different things that you make that I would love to try, so when we get around to it I think I just want you to toss in some different stuff and surprise me with it! ;)

Right now, I don't grow any of the stuff myself. I do have a couple of jalapeno and tomato plants in buckets on my porch, but with the summer's brutal heat, I'm not getting much off of them. My house does not have any outside water source, so it would be impossible for me to plant a garden and keep it watered - plus my neighbor has walnut trees that puke their nuts all over my yard in the fall, and from what I understand they release something into the soil that makes it virtually impossible to grow anything. So, as much as I would love to have a huge garden, it's just not in the cards until I move out of this house.

The Dude and I have already talked about this at length - when I move out of this house (next summer at the latest) we will most likely be moving in together - and we plan on having a huge garden and doing tons of canning and trying to be as self-sufficient as possible.

When I do have to buy stuff for canning, I try as much as I can to buy the local stuff. I pick the majority of the stuff that I can though. In fact, we have to get out again in the next week or so to pick sand plums again (next time The Dude has a day off and we have a minimal number of kids) and hopefully by then the pears will be ready as well. The property where we pick is owned by friends and they have given us permission to pick as much as we want to, and so we happily oblige!

But for right now, I am going to head back into the kitchen and work on a batch of watermelon pickles - and yes, I will be posting the recipe that I use to make those in the next few days sometime!

Yet another day in the life....

For those of you who missed it on my facebook page yesterday, I went out running yesterday. I started out feeling great....and then a rogue tree root popped up out of the ground and grabbed my foot, slamming me face/boob first into the dirt.

Yeah, it wasn't pretty. After I caught my breath and brushed myself off, I figured out that I wasn't hurt *that* bad so I kept on going. I didn't push my luck and ended up only doing about 3.4 miles before I called it quits. I just really want to get ready for the 5K that I'm doing with the girls next weekend...

Anyway, I made it through the rest of the day without any major incidents, although I could feel that I was going to be sore. I went over to The Dude's house to check on him (he's been having some issues with his neck) and make sure that he was ok and did a little bit of grocery shopping. The older 3 kids spent some extra time with Ex1 for his birthday, so they didn't get home until after they were done with church last night.

About the time that they got home, the migraine hit. Holy wow. It felt like someone cut off the top of my head with a chainsaw - complete with flashing lights in my peripheral vision, dizziness, nausea...everything. So I called it quits early and went to bed - I think I might have made it until about 9:30.

I passed out pretty quickly, and then the next thing I knew, someone was beating on my window. Or at least that's what I thought was happening. With the new furniture arrangement, my futon is right beside a big window on the front of the house - and all I heard was pounding on it. It took me a few seconds to figure it out, and then I realized what it was.

Welcome to almost-spring in Kansas. Hail. Lovely hail. I went outside to watch it (because that's what we do when it's storming here) and to say a few prayers that it wouldn't total out my van (still not awake enough to realize that it wasn't big enough to do damage) and to take some pictures. It lasted maybe 5 minutes and then was gone so I went back to bed. I think I woke up a few more times before morning, but not much.

Of course, by the time that I got up, there was actually a very small layer of white stuff on the ground. It wasn't really snow - more like leftover sleet and hail from overnight, but still - I wore SHORTS for the past 2 days. Seeing white stuff on the ground just wasn't right. At all. I was not happy.

Anyway, got the kids up and dressed and fed and delivered to their appropriate schools (on time, even) and then Daniel and I came back here to really get ready for the day. We took The Dude to the doctor and then did some running around to get lunch and pick up his prescriptions before I delivered him back to his house to put himself into a much-needed-muscle-relaxer-induced-coma. I watched my friend's girls this afternoon, went and got the boys from school, the older 3 came home, we had supper, they bickered/fought/whined, and the kids went to bed.

Hopefully....I can at least get the kitchen cleaned up tonight (ugh) and sort of get things ready for tomorrow. I had hoped to do some sewing tonight, but that's not going to happen - maybe over the weekend if I'm lucky. I am going to attempt to get out and run walk tomorrow morning just to try to get into the groove for next weekend - even if I don't run at all, it'll be good for me to at least get out and get moving again. Luckily, it's only my arms and upper back that really hurt right now - most likely from catching myself as I fell. *sigh*

One of these days, I'm going to send all of the kids off somewhere for a few days....and I'm going to sleep for about 12 hours straight. Then I might get up to go to the bathroom and get some food, and I'm going back to bed. Yep. That's what I'm going to do.

Just blah.

Today has just been one of those days.

My friend and I got up this morning and talked some more about her situation, but she couldn't stay around too long because she had to get back to her kids, who had spent the night at their grandparents' house. So once we got up and moving, we headed back down that direction. For a lot of different reasons, she's going to stay in the town where they live (about 50 miles from here) for now, knowing that they are always welcome to come here any time that they need to do so. She's really struggling with their situation, but I know that she will make it through it all - she's a very strong person and she's a fighter.

On the way back here, the boys and I stopped at the library and picked up some movies and a few books before we came home. We just hung around the house for most of the day while I finished cleaning up and reorganizing everything. I'm glad that I got the rearranging done - it's something that I've been wanting to do for a while, and now that it's done I really like how it came out.

I tried really hard to not do anything this afternoon, but of course that didn't work out the way that I had planned. I ended up stripping all 3 of the boys' beds and remaking them, washed the curtains in my now-bedroom after I realized how incredibly nasty they were, worked on my taxes, and did a few other odds and ends around the house.

We did have a little bit of excitement with a tiny little storm that came and went in about 15 minutes. The boys loved watching the hail come down, even though it didn't really amount to much.

But now, I am in a really horrible mood. I'm tired and cranky and sore and moody and I either want to beat the snot out of something or curl up in a ball and cry, but the tired is starting to take over so I think I might actually just go to bed and see if I can sleep through the night without any bizarre dreams. With my luck I'll be awake every few hours again, trying to determine if the last dream I had was just a dream or reality. (In case you haven't figured it out, yes, it's PMS time for me. Deal with it.)

Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

Back to Reality

So today was our first day back from our quickie little weekend getaway.

I got everything unpacked and pretty much put away, not that there was very much. And, there was actually less than what I left with, since my bottle of shampoo and my container of baking soda (I use it on my face - better than soap) are still sitting in the hotel bathroom. Oops.

We did come home with something new - this was the favor from the wedding (sorry for the crappy picture quality, but taking a picture of a picture never works well). They had an actual photo booth for all of the guests to use - they printed out two strips of the pictures and we got to keep one and then one got attached to scrapbook paper and we wrote a message to the bride and groom on it. I had never seen that at a wedding before, and just thought that it was such a unique idea. So now the happy couple has a whole scrapbook of goofy photo booth pictures of all of the guests at the wedding, with personal notes from everyone.

Now it's back to reality. I haven't really done much of anything today. It always seems like after I get back from a trip, whether it's a long vacation or just a short weekend thing, I always end up in a bit of a funk afterwards. The same thing happened after our road trip last summer - I get so excited and anxious and stressed out leading up to the trip or event, and then afterwards I just kind of crash and feel blah.

I keep looking around at the house, at things that I want to get done and that I had planned to do today, and I just don't feel like doing anything. Honestly, I feel like just crawling into bed and going to sleep (I know - that wouldn't be a bad idea) and I might do that shortly...but there are some things that I *should* do tonight - and maybe actually forcing myself to do something will make me feel a little bit better. But on the flip side of that, if I get involved in doing something, I might end up staying up half the night and just being exhausted again tomorrow.

Ugh. Decisions, decisions.....

That's it. The bed wins. I'm going to dump the rest of the crap off of it, turn off all of the lights, and crash. And it's not even 10pm.

Tomorrow is another day.

Maybe I dumped too much.

I went on a 6 mile walk/run this morning, and when I got back and was telling The Dude about it, I referred to it as a "brain dump" kind of a run. While I was out there, my brain was running faster than my feet - I swear, give me enough time and energy and space to run, and I could solve all of the world's problems by the time I got back. I worked through so much crap in my head today - mostly financial stuff, but also stuff about The Dude (all good there, no need to worry), stuff about the kids, stuff about life in general, and just stuff.

By the time I got back, I felt like my head was clear, although my legs were a bit rubbery, and I continued about my day. I went over to The Dude's house and hung out with him for a while this afternoon, and we just enjoyed sitting around watching silly YouTube videos and talking.

Then the usual Wednesday evening chaos ensued, with all of the kids coming home and then having to get various ones to various places and back home and in bed again. It was probably one of the the more stressful Wednesday evenings that I've had to deal with in a while, but given that this is the first week back into the routine after the holidays, I guess I should have expected it.

And now, I think I might have dumped my brain a little too much. I had all sorts of profound things to talk about tonight, but I suddenly can't form a coherent thought. It might have to do with the horrendous lack of sleep from last night, or too much brain dumping this morning, or too much chaos this evening, or any combination of the above. So instead, I'm going to give you the few pictures that I snapped while I was out running...

And finally one shot from basketball practice. There is so much behind this picture that I can't even begin to explain - but I'm posting it here because I want to remember to go into it at some point. Let's just say that this is a very rare moment.

And now, I'm going to take my rubbery legs and go brush my teeth and take my empty head to bed and hope that I get some sleep. Tomorrow is one of the days where I have to be up by 5:30am to get everyone up and fed and dressed and out the door by 7:15 to get them all to school on time, and then it just gets crazier from there.

So here's to hoping for a good night's sleep tonight....

Is Christmas Break over yet?

This might have been the kids' first full day of Christmas Break - but wow. The kids did nothing but fight all. day. long. From the time they got up until the time that they went to bed, they were at it.

I was at my wits' end more than once, and may not have displayed the most patient parenting skills available, but there does come a time when I just can't deal with it anymore. There may have been a garbage bag rampage in the girls' room, the boys might have gotten sent to their room more than once, there may have been some toys taken away on a semi-permanent (or permanent in one case) basis, and there may have been a few temper tantrums on my part.

I'm not perfect. I don't even pretend to be.

But, in between the chaos, I had to take Sarah to get her eyes examined. Luckily, The Dude came to my rescue (again) and kept the other 4 kids at home and I just took her downtown to get it done.

We were only gone an hour, but it was a peaceful hour...and in that hour he managed to help/encourage Emily to take care of her mess in the girls' room as well as straighten up the kitchen for me - all the while keeping all 3 of the boys in line. After Sarah and I got home, he got her to take care of her mess in their room too. I don't know how he does it - but he's good at it.

I had to try on a funky pair just for the heck of it.

Sarah's new frames - it'll be about a week before she gets them.

So tomorrow's plans involve having The Dude here all day so that we can clean and start prepping food for our feast on Saturday...we can tag team with the kids to keep them occupied and hopefully prevent them from killing each other and/or burning down the house. At some point, I do have to wrap presents - I was going to do that tonight, but a lack of sleep last night and a lot of emotional stress today (not just the kids, but some other stuff too) are acting together to make this an early night.

If I have to, I'll sneak presents into the bathroom tomorrow during the day to wrap them while The Dude distracts the kids. I really should go out and get more stocking stuffers and a few more small things for the boys....but we'll see what happens in that department.

Right now, the futon is calling my name....

I get to share my bed with someone special tonight!

All of the kids except for Daniel are gone for the weekend. Although I miss them like crazy when they're gone, I do enjoy the peace and quiet.

Daniel and I went out for a bit this evening, and he was worn out by the time we got home. I gave him a bath and got him into his pajamas, and then he started watching a movie. Then he looked up at me with those big blue eyes and said "Mom, can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

How could I resist?

I don't usually let them sleep with me. The main reason is that they are all bed hogs. They like to sleep diagonally or in some other contorted position that leads to me being incredibly uncomfortable. But, we don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, so we can sleep in as late as we want to - so I'm going for it tonight.

Honestly, how can anyone say no to this much cuteness?

However, I will be dumping the trains before I lay down. Cute or not, I draw the line at sleeping with trains.

I'm actually seriously considering crawling into bed with him right about now. I'm tired and it's not often that I get to go to bed early. I need to clean, but I just don't feel like it. The mess will still be here tomorrow, and I can deal with it then. Every now and then, I just need to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.