Post-race thoughts

Well, I did it.

I managed to finish another half-marathon this morning.

I had a goal when I started out, and I was determined. It was cold and damp and dreary and windy, which made it hard to get going, but once we got moving my psycho running partner and I had a good pace going. We both wanted to hit that 3 hour mark, and we wanted it bad.

We kept it up more than halfway through, and then I started to struggle. I had a shooting pain going down into my knee that thankfully didn't last long, but it was enough to knock me out of my groove. Then I just got tired. And I had to pee - lord, did I have to pee. I debated stopping at the next jiffy john but I knew that if I stopped, I'd be screwed time-wise.

I kept watching our pace, even as she pulled ahead of me a bit, and as a not-quite-second wind hit I was able to make up some time. With about 3 miles to go, I knew that I had a shot - albeit a slim one - of making my 3 hour goal. So I kept pushing. I found myself having to walk a few times a bunch but I just kept going.

I knew going into the last mile that I wasn't going to make it, but it was going to be close. As frustrated and angry as I was, I kept going and managed to pull out one last strong run for the last 100 yards or so to the finish line.

Long story short, I didn't make it. I missed it by less than 2 minutes. Looking back at how things played out, I know that it was more of a mental loss than a physical one. The mental battles that I continue to fight every time I run, whether it's for training or for a race - those battles are the hardest.

So for now, the sticker will not go on my van. It had gotten mixed up with some stuff that I was carrying outside yesterday, and so I just stuck it in the trim beside the door in the laundry room so that it wouldn't get lost. And that's where it's going to stay until I can get under that 3 hour mark. And it's in a place where I'm going to see it every single day. It's a visual reminder not only of how far I've come, but also of how far I have to go.

I'm disappointed, yes. No doubt about it. But at the same time, I did get another PR by about 3-4 minutes. I'm still improving, and that's a good thing. I know the things that I need to work on, and I have a plan - it's just a matter of making it all happen.

Sticky Goal

I'm doing another half-marathon tomorrow. I had to go pick up my race packet this afternoon, and while I was there I looked around at the booths with various running paraphernalia. I found a really cute t-shirt (for $5!) so I grabbed that and then looked at the stickers.

You know the stickers. The ones with the various mileages on them for races that people have run. I bought one of those today.

Many people have a love/hate relationship with the stickers. Some look at it as showing off or bragging, while those who have the stickers are simply proud of the effort that it took to get one (yes, anyone can just go and buy one, but that's not the point).

Tomorrow will be my 10th half-marathon.

For the last 6 of those, my time has improved every time. I'm still not a fast runner, but I've managed to improve from just over 3 1/2 hours to just over 3 hours. My ultimate goal right now is to complete a half-marathon in under 3 hours.

I'm honestly not sure that I can do it tomorrow. I want to, but my head has been in a weird place for the last couple of weeks and I haven't put in the effort that I really should have done in order to better prepare for this one. But I'm going to try.

That sticker - that silly little sticker - is my goal for tomorrow. Because it's not going on my van until I do 13.1 miles in less than 3 hours. If it doesn't happen tomorrow, it'll have to wait until October - and I don't want to wait that long.

So I did this little race today...

It was the race that almost didn't happen.

I did not train for this - and I really should have. But life keeps getting in the way and making getting out to run harder and harder to do. I almost skipped it because I knew that I wouldn't do well.

Then, there's the whole Lack Of A Running Vehicle issue. But thanks to a wonderful friend who loaned me her car for the day, I had a way to get there and back. So The Dude spent the night last night and we got up bright and early and loaded Daniel in the car and took off for Wichita.

They watched me start, and then they took off to get some breakfast for themselves. And I ran jogged and walked until I felt like I couldn't go any farther, and then I kept going. It was cold, and breezy, and it drizzled almost the entire time - so it definitely wasn't optimal running conditions. But at the same time, it was better than the thunder, lightning, and torrential downpours that we had last year, and at least it wasn't 95 degrees either. So it definitely could have been worse.

My good luck kiss.

The start - lots of people.

Somewhere around mile 10-12.
I was DYING but I refuse to walk
when I see a camera aimed at me.
I'm weird like that.

"Come at me, goose. I dare you."

I spotted Daniel waving at me from across the river.

OK, so he caught me walking. But - I was tired. LOL

Coming up to the finish.

.....and DONE.

Foil cape on my back, medal in my hand, and an orange
heading for my mouth.

Love the post-race hugs.

Another one to add to the collection.
Although this one is a bit..... festive.

As far as my time went - I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I did better than I expected for my lack of preparation. I hurt right now, but not as bad as I had thought I would - although it's still early. We'll see how I feel in the morning, because I bet it's not going to be as good as I feel right now.

I know that I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again. I couldn't do these races without the support that I get from The Dude. He's the one who keeps encouraging me and telling me that I can do it, even when I don't want to - and knowing that he's there at the finish line waiting for me makes it all worthwhile. He really didn't feel up to this today - but he went with me and took care of Daniel and took pictures for me and drove me home so that I could regroup - and for that I am forever thankful.

At a loss.

I just don't know that I can say much more than I already said.

I don't know what else to say. This one ...... this one is bothering me more than some of the other recent tragedies for some reason. Maybe because I have 2 races scheduled in the next 3 weeks. Maybe because a little boy the same age as Jared was killed. Maybe because part of Daniel's biological family lives in the Boston area.

We all deal with tragedy in different ways. Some of us sit, glued to the television or the computer, waiting for every report, every picture, every video. Some of us ignore it. Some of us pray, or cry, or scream, or laugh. Some of us post inspirational sayings or memes, or change our profile pictures, or join online movements or groups to show our support to the victims.

I don't know what I'm doing yet. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I do know that when I have a few moments tomorrow I'm going to run a huge bag of clothes to a local charity that gives them away for free so that others can get some use out of them. And I'm going to wear a t-shirt from one of the races that I've done in the past. Neither one of these motions will change anything - nothing can change what happened. Nothing can bring back the lives that were lost today. Maybe donating those clothes will make someone else's life easier. Wearing a race t-shirt shows my support for the running community as we all try to understand what happened today.

We can't all be there on the scene to physically help, and we can't all afford to send donations. But we can all do something on a local level, no matter how small - and that something has the potential to have a positive impact on someone else's life.

Something horrible happened today - but we can make positive things come out of it.

Unveil your ideas...

I find it kind of funny that just last night I talked about how I have put the wheels in motion to actually move into a different place and then this is the fortune that I got in a cookie tonight.

Today has been a fun day. I got to spend the entire day with Sarah and Daniel, which is not a combination that I get to have very often. I love seeing the relationship between my oldest and my youngest kids when these two are together - they don't get to have time with just the two of them very often, and I think that they had fun. I know that I did.  We went to church, did a little shopping, grabbed some lunch, hung out at home, spent some time with The Dude, went out for Chinese food, picked up Alex, came home.... nothing exceptionally spectacular, but it was wonderful in its own way.

As we were driving back home after getting the aforementioned fortune cookie, I started thinking about some of the ideas and plans that I have in my head. Some of them I've talked about  here and some of them I haven't, each for different reasons. I can be kind of superstitious at times and I don't like to jinx myself by talking about what I think might be a good idea - because it seems like right after it comes out of my mouth it immediately turns into the most ridiculous idea known to man.

Honestly, my biggest plan/idea right now is this move. Getting out of this house is really our number one priority at the moment for so many reasons. The kids all need to be in the same school district. It'll be easier not only for me, but also for Ex1 when we get moved over there. This house is too small. And there are so many things about this house that I've tolerated for the past 2 1/2 years, but at this point - I'm starting to hate it. I hate it more and more every day. Moving will not be a simple process (it never really is, is it?) but we'll get through it, one way or another.

My other short-term plan/idea is this half-marathon coming up in a few short weeks. I have talked about that because otherwise I can just pretend that I'm not signed up for it and have absolutely zero accountability for it. But, I'm doing it.

Probably my other big idea - one that I've touched on briefly - is trying to figure out how to turn my crafty stuff into a legitimate business. This is something that I've wanted to do for a very long time, but I've never really pursued it. I need to do that. I'm still not sure exactly what I want to do, but I know that I want to make stuff and I want to make money while I'm doing it - and more money than I can do in a once or twice per year craft show. It's something that I like to do, I'm fairly good at it, and it'll give me the freedom to work at home and still be with my family - the best of all worlds if you ask me.

So anyway, there you have it. A little bit of a brain dump courtesy of a fortune cookie.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And if you haven't already please READ THIS POST because it's the most important one that I've ever posted on here - and it's your chance to make me look like an idiot. So go read it. Now.

Like a boss

I made a vow to myself yesterday that I was going to at least get my desk cleaned off today. I intended to do it first thing, but I kept getting distracted (imagine that).

On the plus side, one of those distractions was actually forcing myself to get outside and go for a walk.

It was cold. And windy. And muddy. But I did it. I only did about 2.5 miles, but I even managed to jog quite a bit of it, so progress is progress at this point, and it's another step toward my goal of not only doing the half-marathon but also getting healthier in general.

And I actually feel pretty good for getting out there and doing it. We'll just see if that continues through until morning.

After I got back home from that, The Dude and I went and grabbed a quick bite to eat and then ran some errands before he had to go to work. By then it was time for me to pick up the boys and then do supper and then go to Scouts and continue working on laundry and everything else. Finally, around the time that the boys went to bed, I started working on cleaning off my desk. I actually did more than I planned on doing, and cleaned off the top of the filing cabinet - which has always been a catch-all - and went through quite a bit of paperwork as well.

So all in all - while it wasn't a fun and exciting day - it was a productive day. I needed a day like this to actually help get me on the right track and maybe start getting some stuff accomplished around here. For real.

Tomorrow's plan? Other than the usual stuff, I'm going to do a few more miles, help The Dude change the oil in my van, scrub the bathroom, and maybe even mop some floors. And sew. I'm going to sew.

Thanks, universe. I think.

At least it was pretty outside today.

I have had this van for almost 2 years now.

At the moment, I have a very tenuous love/hate relationship with it - but leaning more toward the 'hate' side of things. There are some things going wrong with it that are starting to make me nervous, and we're beginning to think about maybe getting rid of it a bit sooner than we had initially thought.

But one of the things about it that I've always enjoyed was the fact that the windshield was intact. The Escort that I had way-back-when had a cracked windshield. The Mom-Mobile that I got after that one had a cracked windshield. The She-Beast (surprise) had a cracked windshield. I have done everything in my power - even dodged flying boulders - to avoid having a cracked windshield on this one.

But it happened today. We were cruising along the highway and *smack* a rock hit the windshield, right in front of The Dude's face. I looked over and might have let out a slightly-louder-than-necessary expletive or two when I saw it. Of course at that point there was nothing that I could do, other than to keep driving.

I dropped The Dude and his mother back off at their house and went straight to the windshield place. I could tell just from looking at it that if I don't do something about it relatively quickly, the cracks are going to spread and I'm going to have to replace the whole thing.

Of course. I was all excited about having a little bit of extra money this month. Not much, but a little. Thanks, universe.

The guy could have fixed it today. I had the money and the time, and he was sitting in his shop, bored. Then he realized that he left his repair kit in his truck. At home. Thirty miles away from the shop. Thanks, universe.

So I'll take it back tomorrow, and hope that the cracks don't increase between now and then because of the cold weather and having to do the 30-mile run to get the kids to school in the morning. Oh, and if you look closely enough, you'll see that there are actually two chips - not just one. Tack an extra $5 onto the charge and about an extra 15-30 minutes onto the repair time for that one because they're a fraction of an inch too far apart to be considered one chip. Thanks, universe.

Great. Now I have to kill an hour sitting in a repair shop in the morning, when I have so many other things to do. Thanks, universe.

Hey, wait. I have an hour to kill. An hour of time where I will have nothing to do and no kids because they'll all be in school. Remember my 70 day plan? Well, it's now down to 67 days - and I now have an hour tomorrow to put toward it.

Hey, thanks, universe!

Perspective. Sometimes we just need to change it.

70 days

I need to get my butt in gear. Literally.

I have 70 days to prepare to do my next half-marathon.

I did the first one in 3:13:32 on May 1, 2011.

I did the second one in 3:12:05 on April 29, 2012 in the pouring rain.

My third one is on May 5, 2013.

I have the same 3 goals as last year:

• finish upright, and not in a body bag,
• beat my time from last year, and
• finish in under 3 hours.

I only improved my time last year by 27 seconds. I'd like to shave that 12:05 off this time and do it in under 3 hours, but I have to get moving. Seriously. I don't know why I've been putting it off for so long.

I've actually been using every excuse in the book. I'm too busy to go out and run. It's too cold. It's too hot. It's raining. It's snowing. My sneakers have a hole in them. 

I'm done with the excuses. I have no choice in the matter. Granted, the boys will be home from school again tomorrow so that will make it impossible to get out there (not to mention the now 7-10" of white stuff that is supposed to fall) but I've got to at least start watching what I eat and trying to do some working out at home on the days that I can't get out and run.

I need to do this. My physical AND mental health need it. I need to get out of this funk and the best medicine for me is to get outside and run and have a good old-fashioned brain dump.

No more excuses. 

Battle

So I've been having issues with my dryer. When it works, it works great. But it's gotten to the point that it just randomly stops working. It'll be in the middle of the cycle and just quit.

In its defense, it's getting old. Ex1 and I bought it toward the beginning of our marriage, so I would say that it's probably about 12 years old. And let's face it - with the amount of laundry that I do on a daily basis, it's probably more like 175 in NSM years.

Anyway, I tore it apart today. I took the back off of it and found that the power cord was actually a little loose, and for some reason the ground wire was not attached to the body of the dryer like it was supposed to be. I have no idea how that happened. But it did. So I removed all of the wires, cleaned all of the lint out from the contacts, and put them all back together again - tightly this time.

And then I took the top of it off and cleaned as much of the lint out of the body of the dryer as I could. I don't know if that helped or not, but it certainly didn't hurt it.

I played around with the door switch a bit, and that seems to still be working fine from what I can tell - but at least if that needs to be replaced it looks like it'll be simple to do.

Anyway, I put it back together and I turned it on. And it worked. I ran a load of laundry through it, and it ran through the whole cycle and I didn't have any problems with it - although I'm quite sure that Daniel got tired of me asking him to go stand at the laundry room door and tell me if he could still hear it running or not.

Then I did another load of laundry and tossed it into the dryer. Cautiously confident, I turned it on and walked away. I went back in about 20 minutes later - and it had shut off again.

Colorful language was used. A kick was thrown. And I turned it back on again in the hopes that it will actually continue to run long enough to get that one load dried tonight.

In the meantime, I took the next load out of the washer and put it on the foolproof dryer.

I have one more theory about what might be wrong with it, and I'll deal with that tomorrow. And if I can't get it fixed, I will give up the fight. But I won't be happy about it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ On a positive note though:


Goal for the week: 15 miles. On foot. Walking with maybe a little bit of jogging, depending on how my toe feels once I get back out there again. I need to start focusing on getting ready for the next half-marathon and that is NOT going to happen if I don't get up and get off of my butt.

And now that I have the confirmation and I know that I'm officially registered, I have no choice but to get moving. I should print that out about a dozen times and hang it all over the house - especially on the refrigerator door.

Yikes.

A little ironic?

Today was my payday. The one day each month when I sit down and pay every single bill for the next month. I get it done and it's out of the way until the 4th Wednesday of the next month. As much as I hate to sit and do it, it's a necessary evil. And the timing worked out really well because for some odd reason I have been attacked by a nasty case of vertigo (that I haven't had in 6 years) and sitting on my butt was the best thing that I could have done today.

Anyway, along with the normal bills that I paid today - you know those pesky things like rent and electric and gas and stuff - I put a "fun" one in the mail.

Remember a couple of years ago when I did my first half-marathon?

And then last year I did my second one in the pouring rain?

You guessed it. I'm officially registered for my third one. The check is literally in the mail.

I might not be able to walk around the house today without running into walls, but I'm registered.

Time to get to work. For real. I have to break that 3 hour mark this year.

Randomness.

~~ I don't know how long it's been since I've been out for a run, but it's about to kill me. I need to get out and get moving again for so many reasons. However, I made the mistake of yanking on what I thought was a tiny little piece of dead skin on my big toe, and *ouch* - instant hangnail/swelling/pain. So I've been babying that thing like crazy trying to get it to heal because right now it hurts to even put a shoe on that foot. But, it's getting there. Another couple of days, maybe.

~~ I really need to remember to take the trash out tonight. And to dump all of the *ahem* leftovers-disguised-as-science-experiments out of the fridge first.

~~I can really make a mess when I cook. But my philosophy is that the bigger the mess, the better the food. And yes, the food was good last night. The mess was all that was left of it by the time we were done.

~~ Another reason to get out and start running again is because I am determined to do the half-marathon again this year - and to significantly reduce my time (not just by a few seconds again). I want to do it in under 3 hours this time, and I will do anything in my power to make that happen. I have until May 5 to get ready for it...but I need to get registered before the end of the month.

~~ That silly letter from the Tooth Fairy now has 3000 shares off of my page alone on facebook. 3000 shares. Really? Of course, I've also found about 10 different radio stations that have swiped it and posted it as their own and gotten hundreds (if not thousands) of shares on it as well. It just blows my mind.

~~ I find it kind of funny when people tell me that they admire me for "keeping it all together all the time". If they only knew how chaotic things really get around here.....they would change that opinion really quickly. My kids are far from being perfect kids, and I am far from being a perfect mother - but somehow we make it work, most of the time.

~~ I really hate this house. I hate it more and more every day.....as I pull on a second pair of socks to keep my toes warm. I can not wait to get us moved out of here and into a better place.

~~I wonder if the ghost will move with us when we do find a new place.

~~ I really wish that I would have wiped that gigantic glob of spilled toothpaste off of the front of the bathroom sink when I saw it earlier. But on the plus side, my dirty laundry now smells minty fresh and I have on a clean pair of sweatpants.

~~I just realized when I looked at the ticker on here that I have been smoke-free for 6 months. Woot!

~~I still have a million things that I need to get done tonight, and I'm not getting any of them done while I'm sitting here complaining about having to get them done.



Brain dump complete. Carry on.

A look into my drawers...

....or one of them at least.

I spent the majority of the day working on about 87 loads of laundry. OK, maybe not 87.....but I did do at least 6-7 loads today, and even put it all away as it got done (a small miracle).

As I was working on a load of my clothes, I realized that I had to fight entirely too much to get all of my t-shirts into my drawer. Granted, I have the smallest dresser ever owned by an adult, but still...I shouldn't have to wrestle with the shirts and the drawer in order to get it to close the whole way. Opening it is even worse, because the top shirts get stuck, and blah blah blah...you get the idea.

I've tried rolling them. I've tried folding them in different ways. The point is - I have entirely too many t-shirts. And I keep getting rid of them, but at the same time, every time I do a race, I get another one - herein lies the problem.

So I sat down tonight and went through my t-shirts. I found 7 from actual races, 4 from walks and other events, and there are 3 more long-sleeved ones from races hanging with my other clothes.

Pile on the left: walks and other events
Pile on the right: races
And a happy drawer that will now close.

Fourteen shirts from runs and walks. That's a lot of shirts.

And I don't want to get rid of them - I busted my butt for those shirts. But I just don't have room for them anymore. So what's the solution?

Duh.

Yep, they're going to get turned into a quilt. It's not going to happen until at least the first of the year - just in case I manage to squeeze another race in before then. That way, if I do, I can make the quilt from all of my "2012 and before" shirts, and then start saving more for the next quilt.

I know I had said at this time last year that I wanted to do one race every month this year - I didn't make that goal, but I did end up doing 9 (I think) different events if I remember correctly. Maybe next year I can actually do 12. I already know that the half-marathon is on May 5 - and I'm going to do it again even if it kills me.

If I keep this up, I wonder how many quilts I'll eventually have.....

And the results are in....

We woke up this morning to a horrendous thunderstorm - as in *something* in our neighborhood got hit by lightning, and the thunderclap about knocked us out of bed. I checked the radar, and it was ugly. I was getting worried about whether or not there was even going to be a race, but as I checked the website, they were determined to continue. We got ready and took off to Wichita, running a bit behind. We got to the start line about 15 minutes before the race began - and it was raining.

The Dude and the boys hung out at the start line until we took off, and then he took them out to breakfast. The original plan was to let them play on the playground near the start/finish line, but well, the rain killed that one.

It rained for probably the first 7-8 miles - and it wasn't always a nice gentle rain, either. There were some out-and-out downpours, and I ran through ankle-deep water more than once on the route. I ended up having to take my glasses off and jammed them into my shirt because of the rain, so I was literally running blindly for a while. The rain finally stopped around mile 9ish, which is about when I started to lose my steam. My body has never been one to handle bad weather, so I was miserable by the end.

Anyway, here are the pictures....

I was exhausted at the end. Completely and totally exhausted. And so sore. My hips were killing me, my ankles were sore, and my underarms were rubbed raw. My feet were starting to cramp so the boys helped me to get my wet shoes and socks off of my feet so that I could walk around barefoot for a while, and The Dude went and got the van so that I wouldn't have to walk too far. Of course, since I was soaked to the bone (even my underwear was wet) I was cold, and the only dry thing that we had in the van was his jacket. His Cowboys jacket. I had to swallow my pride and cover myself with it for the ride home, and of course he was loving every single second of it. Jerk. :P

And of course, the medal that all participants received. It's pretty cool this year - has kind of a stained glass effect to it.

So anyway....I guess you want the results. I had a few goals when I started:

(1.) Finish vertically and not in a body bag.
(2.) Beat my time from last year, which was 3:12:32.
(3.) Finish in under 3 hours.

Obviously, I met Goal #1, and I finished.
I met Goal #2 with a final time of 3:12:05 - I beat last year's time by 27 seconds.
I didn't meet Goal #3.

When I first started out, I was doing really well - but the weather really created problems for me, and honestly, at one point I wasn't sure that I could even finish. So, while I'm somewhat disappointed that I didn't improve more, I'm still happy with the results.

I have to give a very special shout-out to The Dude. He has been so wonderful to me throughout all of this - from putting up with me going out to run instead of spending time with him, to getting up in the wee hours of the morning to go with me to races, to watching the kids while I run, to giving me pep talks and constantly supporting and encouraging me - I just can't thank him enough. I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but I'm going to enjoy it and not question it. Thanks, babe, and I love you!

JDRF walk and a really ugly shirt.

So today was the JDRF walk - just going to slap some pictures up of that....the kids opted not to walk, and instead hung out on the big playground with The Dude while I walked with my team.

Daniel and The Dude heading for the playground

My teammates

The mayor of Wichita

Me and the ________ - whatever he is. Wichita State University's mascot

Dave and the _______

Post-walk

Quick lunch at Subway after

*sigh* I can't take him in public.....

After lunch, we dropped The Dude back off at his friend's house and then we ran back into Wichita to pick up my race packet for tomorrow and then we came home. I performed some semi-major surgery on the vacuum to get it working again, and then did some cleaning and stuff before I ran some errands and dropped the older 2 off with their father (Emily was spending the weekend with a friend).

The Dude is staying here tonight so that he can go with me to the race tomorrow to act as photographer and kid wrangler - but right now, he is in the kitchen making us something to eat. :)

And finally....my oh-so-festive shirt for tomorrow. Man, this thing is ugly, and the picture doesn't even do the color justice. I like the gray one from last year so much better. But, it is what it is, and I will wear it with pride....or anytime I feel like looking like a pile of rotten mustard.

The race is about 9 hours away, and I'm already a bundle of nerves. I know that I didn't prepare nearly enough, but I'm going to give it my best shot and see what happens. I did it last year in 3:12:32 (I think) and I'm hoping to do it in under 3 hours this time - but I'll be happy to finish regardless.

So, keep an eye on my facebook page throughout the day for updates....and I'll post pictures after we get home!