Randomness.

Just because. I'm in the mood to write, but I can't get my mind to go in one direction, so you're getting random thoughts. I want to get back into the habit of writing regularly, but I'm having issues with it....

So apparently it's Wine Day or something. Like I need an excuse.

OK, that makes me sound like a lush, and I'm really not - but I like wine. And there are days when I'd like nothing better than to kick back with a bottle and just relax and get over the day.

Today is one of those days. So I'm partaking. And I'll hate myself in a few hours when the alarm goes off, but whatever.

I didn't have a good time at the gym this morning. Not that any time spent on the treadmill is necessarily a good time, but today really sucked. I fully intended to do 3-4 miles when I got there and after 2 miles I hit the 'stop' button and quit. I just couldn't do it. But on the flip side, my sole sis and I have really kind of pushed it this week and we're tired. So tomorrow is officially a rest day - at least from running. Not like I'll actually rest....

I haven't been writing. I miss it. I have tons of things that I want to write about, but I have a million reasons excuses why I haven't written lately. The ridiculous Tooth Fairy Letter made a ridiculous comeback and as usual, the haters came out of the woodwork to remind me yet again what a horrible mother I am. And yeah, as much as I try not to let it get to me the comments still sting a bit. There were a few that really got under my skin, and I might address them at some point. Or not. Haven't decided on that one yet.

Things with Mom Cave Designs have been gaining speed. That's a good thing. Getting weighted blankets out to people that need them has been amazing and enlightening and overwhelming and eye-opening, among other things. I love that I'm able to do it. I really do. I have ideas and plans and all sorts of fun stuff in my head but I just haven't had time to put them into action yet. I need an assistant. An assistant with deep pockets would be great, but for now I'd just take any old assistant.

The weather right now is awesome here in the middle of the country. I'll take shorts and bare feet in February and not complain about it.

Life is good. Life is really good. There are so many things going on right now and I can't even begin to explain all of them. For real.

And finally, cancer sucks. Seriously. Cancer sucks ass. I'm sick and tired of it taking the good guys. Just for once, I'd like to see it take one of the assholes - but no. Not today. Today, it took one of the good guys. He was an acquaintance, a facebook friend, a fellow alumni from my high school - not a "friend" per se, but still.....it sucks. RIP, Dave.

And with that.....I'm done for tonight. I'm going to try to write on a more semi-regular basis again.......but "try" is the operative word here. Life is crazy. We'll see what happens.

What Makes a Hero?

Unless you've been living under a rock lately, I'm sure that you've seen the hoopla created by Caitlyn Jenner's magazine cover. I usually try to avoid commenting on controversial stuff just because I don't like the drama, but there's one aspect of this one that I just can't shove under the rug.

Let me start off by saying this - I fully support Ms. Jenner's right to do whatever she wants with her body. It's her choice. I may not "get" it and I may not understand it, but at the end of the day it's her body.

I fully support equal rights - for everyone.

I don't care what religion anyone is.

I don't care what color anyone is.

It all boils down to this - if you're a good person, you and I will get along just fine. But if you act like a dick, go and do it elsewhere. Period.

I'm also going to say this - my cousin is in the process of transitioning from female to male. So if you're going to bash anyone in the transgender community, you're screwing with my family. Trust me - you do not want to go there.

Now that all of that is out of the way.....

I've seen several memes floating around questioning whether or not Ms. Jenner is a "hero". Generally, it's a picture of her side-by-side with a picture of a war veteran who has obvious injuries.

Is that veteran a hero? Damned right he is - no question about it in my opinion. My father, my brothers, my nephews, and too many of my friends to count have served (or are still serving) in the military and every single one of them is a hero to me.

Does everyone agree with that? No. There are some people who are anti-war or anti-military for various reasons, and they don't believe that these people are heroes. Do I agree with them? No. Do they have the right to believe what they do? Yes.

What about a police officer? A man who had an officer rescue him from an armed robber might consider that officer to be his hero, while a man who was wrongfully arrested for a crime he didn't commit might not think that officers are heroes.

How about a teacher? She might never put herself in physical danger in her classroom, but the little girl who looked up to her and decided to be a teacher herself might consider that woman to be her hero.

What about the neighbor who called 911 when she saw smoke coming from a nearby home? Because of her call, the house was mostly saved from destruction. I wouldn't be surprised if the homeowner referred to her as a "hero" during an interview later that day.

What about the child who was climbing around on his brother's bed and got his leg caught between the mattress and the headboard and had to yell for his mother to come and "rescue" him? What if he brought this piece of artwork home from school a few weeks later and handed it to his mom, proudly saying to her "you're MY hero, Mom"?

Are you going to tell him anything different?

Caitlyn Jenner might not be a hero to everyone. She might not be a hero to the majority of people in the world. But I promise you this - somewhere, there is someone struggling with his/her sexual identity who is looking up to this woman and who is thankful that she has had the courage to take a very private journey and share it with the world. And that someone might just consider her a hero for it.

We don't have the right to tell other people what to do with their bodies.

We don't have the right to tell people that their belief system is wrong.

We don't have the right to dictate who can or can't be a hero to someone else.

What we do have the right to do is simple -

Stop judging. Be nice. 

Seriously. It's that easy.

Just something to think about...

My heart is hurting tonight.

Today, the son of one of my oldest friends was sentenced for a crime that he committed.

The sentence, while harsh, is fair. He screwed up. He screwed up in a really big, really bad way. There's no getting around that. He admitted it. He has apologized and is remorseful, but that doesn't change anything.

I met this young man several years ago. I was impressed with his attitude, his demeanor, his respect that he showed to those around him.

But sometime after that, he made mistakes. There is no excuse for what he did.

I have watched the reports about him in the media. Most of them have been neutral. Fact-based. Emotionless. This happened, and then this happened, and he did this, and then this.

But that's where the neutrality ended. Hiding behind their monitors, the keyboard warriors struck out at this young man and his family. His family, who had nothing to do with the crimes committed, was attacked.

His mother - my friend - was called every name in the book. She was blamed for his wrongdoings, as though she was the one egging him on to commit the crimes. The comments left by anonymous people turned my stomach. People suggested that his parents were to blame, or that they somehow encouraged this kind of behavior from him, or worse yet - that they should be punished for what he did.

Honestly, in the past, I never really thought about the families of criminals. They were generally nameless beings, someone who floated around in the background at the trials or tried desperately to hide from the barrage of video cameras.

But I know this mother. I've known her for close to 30 years. I remember the letters that she wrote to me when she was in the service, the ones telling me that she was pregnant, and the ones including baby pictures of her boys. We lost touch for a while, but through the miracle of social media we reconnected and I loved seeing the pictures that she posted of her sons. The love she has for them is incredible.

And then the unthinkable happened. And I watched the articles that were posted online. And I read every single comment that was posted. I cried for her, for the wrong assumptions that people made about her parenting, and for the threats that were made against her because of her son's mistakes. I wanted to scream at these people, "but you don't even know her!" but I couldn't. I couldn't say anything, because there is no reasoning with people who are looking to vilify someone.

Somehow, she has managed to hold her head up high through all of this. She has shown such an amazing amount of strength and courage despite what people have said. I don't know how she manages to do it.

I do know that she doesn't deserve the nasty names.
She doesn't deserve the hatred.
No one has the right to threaten her or her family.
She shouldn't be judged based on his actions.
She didn't commit the crimes.

She is already being punished. She has had to watch her child make mistakes and suffer the severe consequences for his actions. She questions herself as to what she could have done differently or how she could have prevented this, knowing full well that despite what anyone else thinks, she did her best.

It is not her fault. She is not to blame.

The victims of the crimes are not always the only victims.

To the haters.

You know who you are. For the most part, I know who you are. So there's no need for me to call you out about it.

You don't like me. You don't approve of my choices. You like to judge me.

Guess what? I don't really care.

I've been thinking about this since the other night when someone left a rather rude comment on my post about setting up the Transmission Fund for my van.

I thought about that comment quite a bit today. I thought about it every time I looked out my kitchen window and saw my dead van sitting in the backyard.

"REAL JOB"

I've talked about this a couple of times before...

I don't have a "REAL JOB". I don't have employment outside of the home or whatever you want to call it. I'm not self-employed, and right now I do absolutely nothing to earn any money.

See that, haters? I freely admit it. I don't earn any money.

I take that back. I do sell some things that I make - but it's not "regular" income.

Instead, the kids and I live off of Social Security. Daniel and I get survivor benefits because his father - my second ex-husband - passed away. I also get a little bit of child support for Alex.

Without getting into specific dollar amounts, suffice it to say that enough money comes into this household on a monthly basis that I do not have to work. We are not living in the lap of luxury by any stretch of the imagination, but the bills are paid and we usually have a little bit left over each month.

Some people don't think I deserve it. Some don't think that I should get it at all, but it is what it is. I'm eligible for it, and I get it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: it's a crappy way to get the bills paid, and it's not what I wanted or expected when I married Jeff.

But, whether I wanted it or not, I get it. And what does that mean for me and for my kids?

It means that all of our bills are paid - including some bills that aren't my sole responsibility, but rather than suing an estate to get them paid, I'll just deal with them.

It means that I get to focus on my kids - all of my kids.

It means that I get to occasionally save enough money to do something fun with my kids, like take them on vacation to see Washington D.C. and The Gateway Arch and family members who live half of the country away from us.

It means that when one of my kids is sick or injured, I can stay home and be a mom and not have to worry about whether or not I will get into trouble for taking a sick day.

It means that when one of my kids' classes needs a volunteer to help, I can do it.

It means that when one of my friends needs help, I can do it.

It means that I can take the time to do the things that I need to do for myself in order to be healthy - both physically and mentally - and to be the best mom that I can be.

It doesn't mean that I'm lazy. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean that I'm a horrible mother or any of the other things that I've been called. It just means that I'm making the best out of a situation for which no one can ever truly be prepared.

It also means that we don't have a lot of spare money lying around the house. I wish that we did. Had the transmission gone out of the van before we went on TMOART:12, we would have used that money to fix it and skipped the vacation. But the fact of the matter is that right now, we don't have the money to fix it.

So that's why I asked for help.

I asked. I expect nothing.

I am beyond grateful for what has been given so far. $153.43 is the total currently in the fund. More than 90% of that has been given by strangers. I am shocked and amazed at the generosity of these people - people who know nothing of me other than what I've put out here on this blog.

I know that regardless of what I do in my life, I will have haters. And I'm ok with that - because I'm happy with who I am today. So, you can either keep your snarky comments to yourself, or grow a set and drop the anonymity and say what you want to say. I'm done being afraid to speak my mind and say what I want to say for fear that the haters will rear their ugly heads again.

This is MY life.