What Makes a Hero?

Unless you've been living under a rock lately, I'm sure that you've seen the hoopla created by Caitlyn Jenner's magazine cover. I usually try to avoid commenting on controversial stuff just because I don't like the drama, but there's one aspect of this one that I just can't shove under the rug.

Let me start off by saying this - I fully support Ms. Jenner's right to do whatever she wants with her body. It's her choice. I may not "get" it and I may not understand it, but at the end of the day it's her body.

I fully support equal rights - for everyone.

I don't care what religion anyone is.

I don't care what color anyone is.

It all boils down to this - if you're a good person, you and I will get along just fine. But if you act like a dick, go and do it elsewhere. Period.

I'm also going to say this - my cousin is in the process of transitioning from female to male. So if you're going to bash anyone in the transgender community, you're screwing with my family. Trust me - you do not want to go there.

Now that all of that is out of the way.....

I've seen several memes floating around questioning whether or not Ms. Jenner is a "hero". Generally, it's a picture of her side-by-side with a picture of a war veteran who has obvious injuries.

Is that veteran a hero? Damned right he is - no question about it in my opinion. My father, my brothers, my nephews, and too many of my friends to count have served (or are still serving) in the military and every single one of them is a hero to me.

Does everyone agree with that? No. There are some people who are anti-war or anti-military for various reasons, and they don't believe that these people are heroes. Do I agree with them? No. Do they have the right to believe what they do? Yes.

What about a police officer? A man who had an officer rescue him from an armed robber might consider that officer to be his hero, while a man who was wrongfully arrested for a crime he didn't commit might not think that officers are heroes.

How about a teacher? She might never put herself in physical danger in her classroom, but the little girl who looked up to her and decided to be a teacher herself might consider that woman to be her hero.

What about the neighbor who called 911 when she saw smoke coming from a nearby home? Because of her call, the house was mostly saved from destruction. I wouldn't be surprised if the homeowner referred to her as a "hero" during an interview later that day.

What about the child who was climbing around on his brother's bed and got his leg caught between the mattress and the headboard and had to yell for his mother to come and "rescue" him? What if he brought this piece of artwork home from school a few weeks later and handed it to his mom, proudly saying to her "you're MY hero, Mom"?

Are you going to tell him anything different?

Caitlyn Jenner might not be a hero to everyone. She might not be a hero to the majority of people in the world. But I promise you this - somewhere, there is someone struggling with his/her sexual identity who is looking up to this woman and who is thankful that she has had the courage to take a very private journey and share it with the world. And that someone might just consider her a hero for it.

We don't have the right to tell other people what to do with their bodies.

We don't have the right to tell people that their belief system is wrong.

We don't have the right to dictate who can or can't be a hero to someone else.

What we do have the right to do is simple -

Stop judging. Be nice. 

Seriously. It's that easy.

Another open letter.

Dear family of my late ex-husband:

I don't even know where to start this one. I really don't.

You have truly stooped to a new low - one that I didn't even think was possible to reach.

On February 5, Mary called me to inform me that a trust fund was being set up for Daniel and E. I gave Mary all of the information that she requested - Daniel's date of birth, his social security number, and anything else that she asked. She assured me that day that as soon as everything was completed, a copy of the paperwork would be mailed to me.

Big surprise - haven't gotten it yet.

Why do I need it? I need it to prove that I do not have access to any money that may or may not be in the trust. Why do I have to do that? It is required for income verification purposes for several programs - including preschool - for which Daniel is eligible. I was told that the trust exists, so I disclosed that on the applications. However, since I can't prove that I don't have access to it, all of the opportunities for Daniel are being pulled out from under his feet.

I called the bank - they refused to even speak to me, even though my minor child's name is on the account. So I had my attorney call, and they refused to speak to him as well.

So, because of your petty, selfish, vindictive, and controlling ways, Daniel most likely will not be attending preschool in the fall. It's a shame too, since he would benefit from it both academically and socially. And he'll lose his medical, dental, and vision insurance (along with the rest of my kids, who you have always *claimed* to love so very much). There were some other programs that I was looking into for him - but guess what? With my inability to prove that I can't access the alleged trust, he can't get into those either.

As for the birthday card that he received yesterday....I have several issues with that too.

First off, I divorced Jeff. I took my maiden name back - which was indicated by the return address on the previous letter that I sent to you. Show me a little bit of respect in that area, please. Your name is no longer mine.

Second - Don't tell me that you "hope all is well with you and the kids" because if you truly did, this situation would have resolved itself over 2 years ago.

Third - Don't bother to pray for us. We've got that taken care of by people who are involved in our lives.

Fourth - Don't bother sending a check (made out to me with my former married name on it) so that I could get Daniel "something special" from you. I give him something special every day - love from his family and friends. I don't need your money to do that. I don't need your money at all. I don't want your money.

In fact, I want nothing from you. Nothing at all.

No, let me correct myself there. I want the copy of the trust fund paperwork so that I can get Daniel into these programs. If the trust doesn't exist, then I want documentation from you stating that it doesn't exist.

If it does exist and his name is on it, I want you to remove it. Period. You have proven that you don't care about him. In fact, that's one area where you have gone above and beyond. Remove his name from the trust, make E the sole beneficiary of it, and stay out of our lives.

I'm done. You have had 2 years, 1 month, and 5 days to show that you cared about Daniel. A couple of cards here and there doesn't prove anything.

Please send me the documentation that I need. That is all that I want from you. Ever.

Thank you.



P.S. Glad that you find my blog so interesting - yes, I see you reading it. 40+ posts in one night? Really? Maybe you should have shown that much interest over the past 2 years. Be expecting the card and the check to be returned to you in the mail, along with a copy of this post, in the next few days.

A Quick Explanation

For those who missed it, there was quite a bit of discussion about yesterday's post. For the most part, it was supportive, but then it turned ugly.

I was fine when the insults were only directed towards me. But when other posters started slinging mud at each other, it was pushing the limits. And when someone who apparently knew my ex-husband personally felt the need to post his last name AND his hometown, I knew that it had gone too far.

I posted this letter as a way to help others who might be going through a similar situation, and I posted it to help myself. I did also mail it to my ex-husband's family, so it's not like this is a sneak attack.

Everything in that letter was true. I did not fabricate anything. They may have a different perception of what happened based on what he told them, but they do not know my side of it. That's why I wrote it.

Because I do have a life that doesn't involve the computer, I am not going to be home for the next several hours. I pulled the comments down temporarily to avoid any other flaming of myself or other posters, and to avoid any other personal information being posted about his family. After I get home from my kids' activities, I will deal with this. Until then, I'm going to go be a mom.

If anyone would care to address me personally and privately, you may do so at amola11371(at)gmail(dot)com.