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Friday, October 19, 2012

I'm not all that.

Seriously. I'm not.

So many times, people have told me how much they admire me for being able to "keep it together" or whatever. They think that I'm so strong or so brave or so ...... whatever ..... because I'm a single mom with 5 kids and I'm not in an asylum (yet).

I've got news for you.

I put up a good front sometimes.

The past couple of days have - to put it bluntly - sucked. The kids have not been cooperating, I haven't felt good, and to be totally honest, I just have not been too terribly happy with much of anything around me.

I don't usually put that out here. Why? Am I afraid of being judged for how I feel at times? Yep. Darned right I am. Am I afraid of being criticized? Yep. That too. So I don't usually talk about the bad days.

But you know what? I'm human. And right now, I'm having a crappy time. And it's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about or anything like that. It's normal.

I've talked about my depression before - so it's not like it's a big secret. For the most part, it's not a big deal. However, for whatever reason, my body has decided to do all sorts of wonky stuff to me, my hormones are in a rage, and I'm just really really moody.

Honestly, I have no real reason to be down. My life is good awesome right now. My kids are amazing, even if they have been at each others' throats lately. They are healthy and their grades are off of the charts at school and they are just plain amazing. I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me in spite of all of my quirks and weirdness and mood swings, and he loves my kids too.

And as much as I would like to just crawl into bed and hide under the covers or curl up on the couch with Ben & Jerry and the remote, I can't do it because I have 5 little humans that get crankier than normal if I don't pay enough attention to them and feed them and take them to school and stuff like that.

So I will deal with my moods as much as I can. I will more than likely stand here for half of the night cutting fabric for some projects in order to keep my hands busy. Sarah will be back here after a football game tonight so that I can take her to Ex1's church in the wee hours of the morning to go on a trip with the youth group there. And then the boys and I will be spending the day running errands all over the place. And hopefully by keeping myself busy, I can keep some of the blues away at the same time. If all goes according to plan, The Dude and I will get to spend some quality time together this weekend as well - which is always a good thing.

So yeah, I'm not perfect. I'm not WonderMom, I'm not a superhero, I'm not anything special. I'm just a mom who loves to talk about the good days, but doesn't always like to admit that there are bad ones too.

At the same time, I know that the bad days will pass and the good ones are waiting just around the corner - and admitting that there are bad days doesn't make me a bad person.


  1. Y'know what? Being IMPERFECT is a true sign that you are a wonderful mom. Even more so that you can admit it. None of us are perfect. None of our KIDS are perfect. We are all human and we all have a-holey days- the courage to admit it takes courage <3

    1. Thanks hon! You know I love you - and your blog tonight is what gave me the courage to write this one. So thank you!

  2. Sounds to me like you're .... NORMAL! Hate the sucky days, but that comes with the territory (kids, age (hormones-ick!) and just life in general...
    Perfectly and utterly NORMAL!
    Yep...that's what I think ...not that you asked! LOL
    BIG HUGS..

    1. Thanks Mare!

      Sucky days definitely do suck, don't they? But they'll get better sooner or later!

  3. WHAT?!...you are not perfect?! Well, now I am depressed!
    Just trying to bring a smile or smirk to your face. I like it here because you tell it like it is and don't sugar coat things when you don't want to. I don't expect things are hunky dorey (and just what does that mean?)all of the time. I agree with Mare, you are NORMAL, with a normal life with its ups and downs. I DO, however, also think you are wonderful and I won't change my mind, no I won't...so just don't try and make me, nope, not gonna!!!
    Hugs, Beth

    1. Thanks Beth! And yes, you did make me smile. Brat. :P

  4. Being fallible... it's an inevitability for those of us with the unenviable task of being human. We all have our shortcomings, our bad days, or even just our off days.
    For you and I, one of our greatest achievements in our relationship has been that we accept the fact that expecting perfection is abnormal. Because we are able to accept that, it makes our lives together much easier, we let the bad slide off and cherish the good.
    To that end, I say, you may not be perfect, my love... but you are perfect for me.

    1. And you....you made me cry, you big jerk.

      Thank you for everything that you do - and most of all, for putting up with me.

      I love you babe....see you in a few hours!

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. OMG!!!! I so totally accidentally removed that comment because of Blogger's stupid new interface!!! I have no idea who you were, so please leave it again!!!



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