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Friday, October 26, 2012

Brain dump

So we all know that I've been having a bit of a rough time lately. It's life. Sometimes it just catches up with me and there's nothing that I can do about it, other than work through it and deal with it.

Yesterday, I got up and took the boys to school, and then came back home to get some things done. I started to work on some stuff, and then I got distracted (imagine that). Anyway, I got up from my desk, grabbed The Dude's mp3 player, my camera, my phone, a couple of bills that needed to be mailed, and my ATM card and I took off walking.

I've always loved the brick streets in this town.
I cranked up the  music and headed toward the post office - because for whatever reason, in my head it was more effective to mail the bills from the post office than it was from my own mailbox in my front yard. But, whatever. I walked to the post office and mailed them and then took off again.

I walked to The Dude's work and swiped his van keys from him and went and put some gas in it and got him a drink. I visited with him and his boss for a few minutes, and then I took off again.

As I walked, I didn't really focus so much on the scenery. I felt more like my brain was on a treadmill, trying to churn out thought after thought after thought. It was trying to work through all of the crap that has been handed to me lately and was trying desperately to make sense of even a fraction of it.

Honestly, as I walked, I pondered my blog and my page. I started to wonder if they were even worth the hassle anymore. I thought about hiding both of them for a time as I deal with everything that is happening. But in the end, I decided to keep them both, and to keep them both active. I decided that hiding them isn't going to solve anything, just like hiding myself away from the world isn't going to either. I need to just stay involved - whether it's with the kids' schools, or Scouts, or with friends and family, or whatever - I can't hide away like I've always done in the past. I need to continue to live my life. And I'm going to do exactly that.

See that drain pipe on the other side? See the water
line? That's where the water is supposed to be.
I don't know how long it will take for me to get through this funk that I'm in at the moment. It hit pretty hard and pretty fast, and I know what one of the major causes is (a couple, actually) and so it's a matter of dealing with those individual things. I think part of that hit me as I was walking along our creek (what's left of it) that flows through town - it is all but dried up at this point. We've gotten a tiny bit of rain, so there's a puddle in the middle of it, but it's dry. But I know that no matter how dry and ugly it looks right now, at some point it will be beautiful and flowing again. It'll probably take until next spring for that to happen, but it'll happen. Maybe we'll get enough rain and snow for it to happen quickly, and maybe not.

But it'll come back, just like it always has. And so will I.

1 comment:

I have only two rules - don't reveal anyone's personal information, and be respectful. It's not difficult, honest. Now, go on and play.