Random thoughts and stuff.

 ~~As tired as I am of not having my van (or The Dude's truck)....I am grateful that I get to see sights like I did while I was walking the boys to school this morning. The sunrise over the creek running through town was gorgeous, and there was just enough of a chill in the air to make the temperature perfect.

~~Judgmental people are everywhere right now. Holy crap, people - I'm not even talking about blog stuff now, I'm talking about real life idiots who think that they know what's best for everyone when in reality they have no clue!

~~The rain and snow that we've had over the past few months have definitely helped with the drought that we've been experiencing. The creek finally has water in it, but it's still not at capacity, and it's still pretty slimy. But, it's water. And we need it so desperately.

~~The boys seem to be getting used to walking everywhere - and they even enjoyed walking home from school in the rain this afternoon (even though it was barely sprinkling).

~~Wint-o-green lifesavers are addicting.

~~No matter how much time I spend organizing the top of my desk, it still looks like a disaster area.

~~I get more cleaning and organizing done in the 10 minutes before company arrives than I get done all day long.

~~Having a store directly across the street is convenient when I run out of dishwasher detergent, but deadly when I have chocolate cravings.

~~My van is supposed to get towed out of here tomorrow evening and taken to the guy who is going to fix it for me. The parts are supposed to be here tomorrow, a friend is towing it for me, the guy says he can do it, but I won't feel better about it until he calls me and says that it's done because my biggest fear right now is that something else major is going to go wrong and it's not going to be able to get fixed and then we'll be back to square one.

~~The Dude went back to the doctor today to get the results of the MRI on his shoulder, and although there is some damage, it's not as bad as we previously thought - so NO SURGERY! Yay! Best news that we've gotten in the past few weeks months.

~~My legs and ankles are finally starting to feel better after Sunday's little race. I'm still a bit sore, but I definitely survived. Having to walk back and forth to work and to school has kind of forced that issue though (although I may have gotten a ride or two here and there)(I'm human).

~~I need more lifesavers.

Where's the Tooth Fairy?

So here's the story....

Last week, when I went to the dentist, they called the oral surgeon and scheduled the appointment for me. I was standing right there. I heard her schedule it. And confirm it. And she wrote it down on the surgeon's card and handed it to me. She even asked them how much it was going to cost while I was standing there.

So the appointment was for 10:15 this morning. It was about a 30 mile drive, so The Dude and I left here around 9:30 just to be safe. We got there, I panicked a bit, and he got me in the door. I gave the lady my name, and she looked confused. Then she asked for my birthdate. And then for which doctor I was seeing. And then I handed her the appointment card.

I wasn't on the schedule. They didn't have me on their schedule. How does that happen???

She handed me the paperwork anyway, and we sat down and filled it all out and I handed it back to her, but she still said nothing about whether or not they were actually going to see me today. After a short wait, I was called back to the exam room. I grabbed The Dude and made him go with me, because there was no way that I was going alone.

We got back there and she proceeded to tell me that they were going to squeeze me in - unless I wanted to be sedated. If I wanted to be sedated, then they'd have to reschedule me because they just didn't have time. I knew at that moment that I was going to go through complete and utter hell, but I told her to just do it because if I walked out of that office today, I wasn't coming back.

So the dentist/surgeon walked in, introduced himself, and *bam* got to work - after he figured out that he was about to pull the wrong tooth. Yeah, there was a typo somewhere and he asked if he was pulling one on the left and I about freaked and showed him which one it was. Things were not starting off well at all. The initial shots to numb it weren't bad, until he got to the one on the roof of my mouth, where I pretty much lost it and started crying. Cripes, I hate when I do that. But he left to give it time to work, and The Dude stood there and held my hand and talked to me until I calmed down, and then it was time.

The procedure itself was brutal. Absolutely brutal. I'm not going to lie and I'm not going to sugarcoat it. He worked extremely quickly - almost too quick for my taste - and I white-knuckled my way through it. He warned me at one point that I was going to hear cracking....yeah, I'm sorry, that wasn't "cracking" - that was the most horrible sound that I've ever heard in my life, and it was coming from MY mouth. The pressure was incredible, the pain was intense (he did ask at one point if it hurt, but didn't even pause to hear my answer), and the sounds were unbelievable.

I'm not sure how long it took. Maybe 30 minutes? By that time I couldn't even think straight. I know he had to put a few stitches in on the side of my gum, but those are supposed to dissolve so I don't have to go back. He gave all of the instructions and the prescription (yes, I accepted a prescription for pain pills this time) to The Dude, and then looked at me and said something to the effect of "maybe you should consider being put under next time". I really wanted to snap back and say "maybe you should have put me on the schedule this time so that could have happened" but I couldn't form the words.

So I paid and we left. And I cried. It hurt so much and I was so upset by the whole scheduling debacle and this did absolutely nothing to help with the fear of dental work.

The Dude drove me home and then went and got my prescription filled and picked up some lunch for us - mashed potatoes for me! And I took a pain pill and we started to watch a movie...but when the couch started spinning I decided that it was time to lay down for a while. I napped while he watched the movie and then went and got the boys from school. He had to go into work for a few hours, so I'm going to make something for the boys to eat and get them into bed and then become one with the loveseat until he comes back from work. I'm still in an  unreal amount of pain, so I plan on drugging myself up really good tonight after he gets back since he can stay with me tonight - maybe if I drug up enough tonight, I can get ahead of the pain.

On the plus side, I'm not *too* swollen (right side) so he
must have done something right.

Stop listening to the horror stories.

When I went back to Pennsylvania this summer, my friend Vanessa and I had sent out a mass invitation to everyone back there to try to get together - sort of an informal class reunion. On July 1, we got this message from one of our classmates, Kelly:

Hi amy & vanessa -saw the post u were in town,would hv loved to have met up w/you girls today but I was just diagnosed w/breast cancer & am having a double masectomy on Tues. Please, if you haven't had a mammo yet, please schedule one. I just went for my 1st & am thanking God I did. Its early stages & they are hoping I don't need radiation, let alone chemo. Hv a safe trip back Amy & hope to catch you next time. Xoxo

Kelly graduated with me, so she is my age. I was stunned to get this message from her - because obviously, if this could happen to her, it could happen to me as well. Luckily, her cancer was caught very early and she is doing great now - and I am so incredibly thankful for that.

A few weeks ago, she posted a link to an article about mammograms. Unfortunately, for some reason, the article now seems to have been removed, because I can't find it anywhere. I have tried the link, I have searched for it, I have done everything that I know to do, and it looks like it's gone. Basically, it said that many women do not get mammograms for one ridiculous reason:

Because other women scare us away from doing it.

Seriously? I had never thought about it before. But think about it - when you hear the word "mammogram" what do you think? I know I generally don't think of "a slightly uncomfortable test that only takes a few minutes and could potentially save my life". Instead, I think "OMG it's a boob smasher! It hurts! It takes the 'girls' and flattens them between these freezing cold plates like they've been run over by a truck! It's horrible! It hurts! It's the worst. thing. ever."

Why do women do this to each other? Why do we scare our sisters, our daughters, our best friends - out of getting a test that could save their lives?

Here are some interesting statistics according to breastcancer.org:

• About 1 in 8 U.S. women (just under 12%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime. 
• For women in the U.S., breast cancer death rates are higher than those for any other cancer, besides lung cancer. 
• Besides skin cancer, breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among American women. Just under 30% of cancers in women are breast cancers. 
• In 2011, there were more than 2.6 million breast cancer survivors in the US.
• A woman’s risk of breast cancer approximately doubles if she has a first-degree relative (mother, sister, daughter) who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. About 15% of women who get breast cancer have a family member diagnosed with it.
• About 85% of breast cancers occur in women who have no family history of breast cancer. These occur due to genetic mutations that happen as a result of the aging process and life in general, rather than inherited mutations.

After reading that now-missing article, doing some research, and talking to Kelly some more, I decided to take action for myself. It's no big secret that I don't have health insurance - which has been the other factor that has prevented me from getting a mammogram sooner. But I had heard about random programs where they could be provided for free. So I started doing some digging - and in less than 5 minutes, I found a program in the state of Kansas. I called the number for information, answered a few questions and found out that I am eligible for a free mammogram and pap smear. I called to make the appointment, and got it set up within less than 2 weeks - had it not been for the Thanksgiving holiday, it probably would have been quicker than that.

I went for the pap smear on Monday, and thought that I was getting the mammogram at the same time - which is why I had planned to write this post then. But, there was a slight breakdown in communication, and the mammogram had to be scheduled on a different day.

Today was the day. I went for my first-ever mammogram - and I did it for a couple of reasons.

1. Because I'm *cough* over 40, and I needed to get it done.
2. To see just how horrible of an experience it actually is to have done.

Let me tell you - relatively speaking, it's probably one of the easiest medical tests that I have ever had done. Ever. The technicians were friendly and amazing and funny, and they made it so easy.

The scans themselves? Painless. Completely and totally painless. I'm not going to lie and say that it was  comfortable, because it wasn't. But it didn't hurt a bit.

Basically, I had to strip from the waist up and wipe off my deodorant. They gave me a gown to wear while they explained the machine and how it would work. Then the one technician got me into position - and no, it was not weird to have someone maneuvering my breast around to get it into the right place. They're boobs, plain and simple. They've been seen by dozens of doctors and nurses before and the tech sees dozens of them every day (not to mention that she has 2 of her own) so I was not embarrassed at all. She got my left one positioned on the plate (which was not that cold), lowered the top plate a bit, scooted things around a bit to get the perfect shot, lowered it some more, I held my breath, and the xray was taken and the top plate lifted. This process was repeated 3 more times, for a total of 4 scans (2 on each side).

All in all, the whole process took maybe 15 minutes, and I was back out the door and on my way home.

Fifteen minutes. Less time than it takes to get a shower on some days.

Some women claim that it hurts so much to have a mammogram. They talk about it as though it is the most painful and horrible thing that they have ever experienced. Maybe I was lucky that it didn't hurt a bit. I've heard that those of us who are *ahem* well-endowed have it easier with mammograms, and that it does hurt more for women with smaller breasts. But still - isn't a few minutes of being uncomfortable worth it?

Maybe it hurts some women a bit - but think of how much having undetected cancer hurts. Think of the surgeries, the chemo, the radiation. Think of the anguish of watching a loved one have to go through all of it because she was too scared to get a mammogram to detect it earlier.

Luckily, Kelly's cancer was caught so early that she didn't have to go through chemotherapy or radiation. Her right side was loaded with microcalcifications and a biopsy tested positive for beginning stages of cancer. She wasn't eligible for a lumpectomy because there were so many spots, so she chose the double mastectomy. She will be monitored forever through MRIs because there is no guarantee that it won't return - but for now she is cancer-free, because it was caught so early. Imagine what her life would be like if she listened to the horror stories and put off getting it done. Her story might have a very different ending.

So please, if you don't pay attention to anything else that I ever write, pay attention to this. If you are a woman who is 40 or older, and you haven't gotten a mammogram, go get one. It's easy. It's painless. It's not scary. And the next time someone tells you that it's horrible, or painful, or terrifying - ask her if she would rather go through 15 minutes of uncomfortable or years of surgeries and treatments because someone scared her out of doing such a simple test early enough to make the treatment easier.

Right there - the most important reason of all for me to get it done.
Because I love my family - and I will do anything in my power to
be here for them.

Kelly - Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story with me, and allowing me to share it here. You are an inspiration to me, and I would not have gone and gotten this done if it wasn't for you. So I thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

Inspiration from Losers

What an evening!!!

Anyone who knows me well knows that there are only 2 television shows that I will absolutely go out of my way to watch. Two. That's it.

One is "Parenthood" - and since that just started up again this week, I am happy.

The other one...probably my all-time favorite....is "The Biggest Loser". I haven't watched it from the beginning, but I've watched probably the last 5-6 seasons - and I love it. I love the contestants (most of them anyway) and I love to watch how they learn to take control of their lives and turn themselves around and become healthy.

I have to admit, some of those contestants have been huge inspirations to me. HUGE.

So when I saw the opportunity to meet a couple of them, I jumped at it! Ken and Austin Andrews are a father and son duo from Pasadena, CA and they were in Wichita. They did a speaking engagement last night (which I couldn't go to because of volleyball), but tonight they were having an open workout type thing at one of the Ys in Wichita. So after Alex's father picked him up, the other 4 kids and I headed into the city.

We were actually the first ones there, and when Austin walked in, he came over and visited with us. He was a great guy to talk to and didn't make me feel nervous or anything. We talked about the kids, who were running around like maniacs in the gym, and I told him about my hip replacement and the races that I've done since then. Other people started to arrive, and then Austin and Ken spoke.

They talked about the importance of family on different levels, but especially about how parents need to reinforce healthy habits for kids. If the kids see their parents being healthy, they will imitate that - but on the flip side, if the parent sits around on the computer all of the time, the kids will start to mimic that as well.

The next thing I knew, Austin came over to where we were sitting and asked Emily to stand up.

He asked her how she felt about me running in all of those races after I had my surgery and she looked over at me and told him that she was proud of me. I couldn't help it - I had tears running down my face (and I might have some tears now).

I never really thought about it before. I was doing the races for me, to prove something to myself, but I never really realized that it would have a positive impact on my kids. Sure, the girls and I have done some races together, but for whatever reason...it just didn't hit me.

Then, there was the workout. It was led by this skinny little thing who was apparently hired to torture poor unsuspecting fools like myself. You know, the ones who were stupid enough to wear long sleeves and sweatpants instead of shorts and a tank top because it was just a tiny bit chilly outside. Idiot.

And of course, the dorky star-struck fan photo op:

Yeah, we had all just worked out. I worked out in the same group with Ken and Austin Andrews.

How cool is that?

I think I might have missed a couple...

Turkey and the tree

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving...

Ours was pretty laid-back. Lots of food...and a second attempt at the peanut butter pie. At least I finally got a piece (or two) of it this time, and yes, it was worth it.

Then it was time to do the unthinkable. I headed out into the ghetto-garage and dug out the Christmas stuff and we got to work. I have to admit - I believe that this is the first time that I have ever decorated the Christmas tree while I was wearing shorts.

Daniel got the honor of hanging the first ornament, and then it was a free-for-all. But it's pretty much done (of course I had to send the girls to the store to get more lights since half of mine decided to die) and now I just have to 'adjust' some of it and clean up the aftermath.

I still have to put the garland in the big doorway and get the stockings hung up and hang up the lights outside....

Where are the outside lights? I didn't see them in the boxes tonight....

So much to do....and although I hated doing it this early, I'm glad that I still have a month to get everything done. At some point I'll start doing some shopping, after the initial crazies get done doing their thing over the next few days. There is no way in hell I'll go shopping tomorrow. No way. Nope.

Tomorrow we get to get up early to get Sarah to basketball practice, then the older 3 are gone until Wednesday....Alex is supposed to go to his father's for the weekend....so I'm looking forward to some quiet time with just Daniel for a few days. Maybe I'll get some more stuff done around the house, including a sewing project or two that I *need* to get done.

My mother is now supposed to have surgery on her shoulder tomorrow morning, and then should be able to go home. Hoping and praying that all goes well in that department.....

Broken Stuff and Unidentified Objects

Welcome to another day in my life.

Sometimes I seriously wonder if I'm not being secretly videotaped for some reality show. I mean really....

It's not that it was necessarily a bad day. I had a horrible time getting up this morning - finally crawled out of bed at 9:30 (I was awake - just in no mood to move) and grabbed a quick shower before the boys and I headed for church. After the service we had lunch there and then helped to decorate the sanctuary for Christmas. I hadn't planned on doing that, but it was a nice distraction for a couple of hours.

We came back here and hung out for a while. I started some laundry and just kind of putzed around the house. Made a couple of phone calls to get updates on Mom's condition (surgery tomorrow) and to talk to Ex1 about scheduling for this week.

Which, by the way, let me ask this....if school is closed for a holiday, should sports teams practice? Curious to see opinions on that one...

Then I went to clean the boys' room a little bit and get their laundry and discovered this little gem. Luckily, it doesn't usually hold anything, but still....I wasn't really planning on doing any repair work today.

The boys had an "accident" with the eggs in the fridge. OK, I can accept the first 2 being an accident, because I knock them out of the little egg holes in the fridge door occasionally if I open the door too fast (or more often, slam the bottom of the door into the top of my foot as I try to open it) but I'm pretty sure that all 6ish of them didn't just 'accidentally' fall out of the egg holes.

Yeah, don't even get me started on this one....I mopped the floor and had it almost sparkling yesterday. I say "almost" because it's just an ugly floor, and it will never sparkle, no matter what I do. And I'm ok with that, because I don't *own* said floor.

Anyway...Alex came to me with this lovely mystery object tonight. As of right now, it is still unidentified.

If you would like to participate in the "Name This Object" game that I am currently having, go to my facebook page to see more specific information about the mystery object.

Until it is identified (or I give up and throw it in the trash) and on the off-chance that it is actually something important, I have located a very safe place to keep it. Right inside my desk with Tigger's chin and the Tooth Fairy Pillow.

This part of my desk is starting to get full. That's telling me something about my (lack of) organizational skills.

But for now, I'm going to go plant my butt on the couch and watch a movie and fold laundry. After I finish cleaning up the living room and sweeping all the rest of the crap off of the floor. Maybe I'll find some more mystery objects to add to the collection in my desk.

Mom

I got one of *those* phone calls tonight. You know the kind - the phone rings and you see that it's a family member, and you're not expecting a call - and your heart jumps into your throat before you even answer it. And you can tell by the tone of the voice on the other end that it's not good.

And it wasn't good.

It was my sister, letting me know that our mother is in the hospital. She fell this afternoon and broke her shoulder. I don't have a lot of details at this point, but apparently she was helping Dad to split some firewood, and she was heading back into or toward the house. Dad heard her scream and found her where she had fallen.

She somehow got to the hospital - I assume that he took her and didn't call an ambulance. She's been admitted and will be having surgery sometime in the next day or two. They're also doing some tests on some other issues while she's there.

Dad will be 85 next week, and Mom will be 83 the week after that. Not a good time in her life to be dealing with a severe injury - not that there is ever a good time.

So, here I am, stuck in Kansas while she's in the hospital in Pennsylvania.

Waiting for the phone to ring.

Waiting for updates.

Just....waiting.

I can get through an airport, but....

.....I can't go and get a pound of ground turkey for supper.

Why?

Because of this.

Because 3 years ago, I had a total hip replacement.

I was told at that time that I would have to carry this card with me any time I had to go through metal detectors, because the prosthetic would be detected. I forgot to get the card right after my surgery, and a few months later I was planning to fly out of state to a friend's wedding. In a panic, I made phone calls and ran around all over the place to get the card so that I wouldn't be strip searched at the airport.

Turns out, even after all of that, I whizzed right through security without a beep.

In fact, since the surgery, I have *never* set off a metal detector at an airport. I actually questioned a TSA person about it one time, and she told me that in general, prosthetic hips don't set them off because of the uh, extra padding that is generally found in that area of the body. (She was really nice about it - I don't remember her wording now.) She said that prosthetic knees are more likely to be detected, simply because there is less fat and muscle around them.

OK, makes sense to me. Also makes getting through airport security easier, although I always have the card out and ready to hand over, just in case.

This summer, when we were in St. Louis, I set off the metal detector. I got questioned pretty closely but after I told them about the hip (I didn't have my card ready) they let me go through - like I was going to pull some sort of crazy stunt with all 5 kids in tow. But whatever, they were doing their job.

I've been noticing lately that I've been setting off alarm systems more often - at the library and at the grocery store, especially. The fun part is setting them off when I walk INTO the building - like I'm going to shoplift something and bring it back into the store!

Today - again - I set it off at the store. As soon as I walked into the store, it started beeping. I kept right on walking (semi-sprinting, I was in a hurry) and got my ground turkey, Diet Pepsi, and powdered milk. I went through the checkout and I told the cashier look, I set off the alarm coming in, so I'm going to set it off going out and I headed for the door. I even raised my arms up as I went through to show them that I wasn't hiding anything as the alarm started beeping. I got out into the area where the carts are kept and was trying to get my bags and Daniel organized so that we could get out to the van - because of course by this time it was 12:28 and we had exactly 2 minutes to get to school - and a store employee came flying at me. "Ma'am!" (not a good way to start a conversation with me, buddy....) "I need to see your receipt!" Dude look, I set off your metal detector walking into the store. You saw me do it. I saw you see me do it. Back off and let me get my kid to school.

Of course, the receipt was crumpled up in my wallet. Daniel was pitching a fit. "Mom! I have to go to school!!!" I dropped the bags, dug into my purse (I forgot how much I hate carrying those things), dug into my wallet, and pulled out the crumpled receipt. He looked at it, got some code off of it, apologized, and left.

*sigh*

I've been trying to figure out why I'm suddenly setting off alarms all over the place. I mean really, it's not like I reached into my body and changed the metallic makeup of the prosthetic.

It dawned on me today. I was thinking back to the conversation with the TSA lady.

Hips don't generally set off the alarms because of the extra layers of fat that tend to be in that area of the body.

I've lost 30ish pounds in the last year or so.

Huh. I lost fat around my butt (yay!) so now the metal prosthetic is closer to the surface of my body, and therefore easier to detect by security (boo!)......

I swear. I can't make this stuff up.

Blast from the past

I was going through old pictures on the computer tonight, and I found these. Seems like it was a lifetime ago, when in reality it was only about 2 1/2 years.

Drifting off to my happy place....

First steps. Could have put a bullet in my head at this point and I would have been happy.

Best Thanksgiving dinner ever. I didn't have to cook it, clean up after it, and it was served to me in bed.

36 staples and an 8" incision. Ouch.

Busting out.

On November 25, 2008 I had a total hip replacement. I had been having issues with it for years, but could never really do anything about it (other than deal with it) because it seemed like I was always pregnant! So after I had Daniel and terminated my baby-making days, I finally did something about it. I went through arthroscopic surgery in February 2008 and that helped for a while - the meniscus was damaged and so the surgeon cleaned it up a bit and removed some arthritis. But after a few months, the pain came back with a vengeance. I tried cortisone injections *shudder*, physical therapy, medication, everything. After several more rounds of MRIs and x-rays my surgeon finally said the magic words: "All that's left to do now is to replace it."

I was thrilled. He tried telling me that I was too young to do it, but I pointed out to him that I was too young to be in constant pain, and I felt that it was time to do something drastic to fix it - even if it would have to be replaced again down the line, as is typical.

The first 24-48 hours after surgery were horrible. The pain was unreal. But they had me up and walking the next day - just out of my room, across the hallway, and back - but I did it. I spent 5 days in the hospital and came home to a hospital bed in my living room, at-home physical therapy, injections of blood thinner that I had to give myself, and all sorts of adaptive equipment.

Recovery was easier than I thought, after the first few days. I only used the walker for 3 or 4 days, and then it started to get in the way, so I switched to a cane. The kids thought that it was funny to steal my walker when I'd put it to the side when I was doing dishes, so I had to wean myself off of that quickly! I slept downstairs in the hospital bed for close to a month to avoid using the stairs any more than I had to, but all in all, it was ok.

To this day, I still believe that it was the best thing that I ever could have done. Yes, my left leg is now about 1/2" longer than my right leg, but I'm used to it. I have to have a lift built into my sneakers to keep my back from hurting, but I can now run around barefoot most of the day before it starts to bother me. I have no pain in my hip, which is such a blessing! I can run and keep up with the kids without telling them "no, I can't play that game because I hurt too much" which they love!

The incision healed beautifully. The scar isn't terribly noticeable to anyone other than me, which makes me happy. And if I hadn't gone ahead and had it done, I never would have been able to do the half marathon that I did last month.

There's another one in Wichita in October - I need to get my act together and get signed up for that one too and see if I can improve my time!