Resolutions and stuff

Yeah, I'm one of those people this year.

I don't always make resolutions, but this year I am. And really, they're not new. But I have a renewed determination to follow them.

Lose weight. Get in shape. Those are the no-brainers in this case. And thanks to a 1000-Mile running challenge, I should be able to do that (and if you want to join, and you click on that link to do it, I get credit for free stuff...and free stuff is awesome) and train for the next few races at the same time.

And I've gotten some fun gizmos to help, like this awesome calendar from a friend, and an activity tracker thingambob from The Dude, and some hand weights to use while running. Plus, my "sole sis" is doing her evil best to keep me motivated (actually we torture each other, but that's ok). We've been slacking for the past couple of weeks because of the holidays and the craptastic weather, but we'll get back to it. We always do.

I totally bombed at the whole attempt to lose 25 pounds by my birthday thing, but I think I'm in a better head space to do it now.  New year, new start, right?

Then there's the whole business thing. I'm determined to actually turn Mom Cave Designs into a legitimate business, and not just a hobby that makes me a little bit of extra money. I have no idea how to do it, but I've been looking into taking some business classes and figuring out what I need to do in order to make this happen. The orders that I've been getting have been keeping me busy, and it's been awesome. I love being able to do this - especially getting the weighted blankets out to people who need them, and adding new items to my Etsy shop is always fun.

Write more. I constantly have things that I want to write about pop into my head. And then I get distracted and I don't do it. Or I lose my nerve and decide not to put whatever it is "out there". I've always been very selective about the things that I write about, and I plan to continue that. But at the same time I'm going to try to stop worrying about making someone mad with the things that I want to say.

Those are the main things that I am focusing on this  year. And hopefully, with the support of my friends and family and all of the people who are crazy enough to keep reading what I spew online, I'll be able to make it all happen. Only time will tell.

Happy New Year, people!

Blah.

That's how I feel today. Just...blah.

The day never starts out great when I step on this piece of crap and it laughs at me. OK, maybe not literally, but still...with all of the changes that I've made lately, it's frustrating to see a gain - and to realize that overall, in 4 weeks, I've only lost 0.4 pounds.

Along with that, I'm still tired from all of the driving yesterday and just haven't been motivated to do much of anything. I have a ton of laundry that I should have done - I started it - but now I have a ton and a half to do tomorrow. I did eventually load and run the dishwasher, and even unloaded it and started reloading it (losing battle, much like laundry) but the kitchen is still a mess. But other than doing that, I just haven't done squat today. My usual motivational tricks didn't even work.

So I've decided that instead of sitting here stressing about it, I'm just going to chalk it up to a bad day and make sure that tomorrow is better. I'm going to walk Alex to school in the morning, then I have to take Daniel to the doctor for his kindergarten physical, then take Daniel to school, go hang out with The Dude and his mother, and then I have a Policy Council meeting in the evening. In between all of that, I'll get the laundry and the dishes done, return the overdue stuff to the library, clean out the van (oh, I did get all of the trash out of it today), hopefully get some groceries, and get some other things done. We'll just see how well that actually works out.

And Spring Break is over.....

Finally. The kids go back to school tomorrow. As much as I love them, I am so ready for them to go back and for us to get back into a good routine again.

We've had a good break. It started out with fabulous weather for the first weekend, then rained for 4 days straight. But once the sun came back out, we spent lots of time outside playing, working in the yard, and going for walks. But, the boys are itching to go back to school. When I told them today that they were going back tomorrow, they both started jumping up and down with excitement.

We went to church this morning, and then this afternoon we went over to The Dude's house to help him work on a car. As it turned out, it didn't need as much work as we thought, but it started running again, so all is good in that department for now. After that we came back home and just hung out and relaxed for a while. Alex finished up some homework that he had forgotten to do before the break, so his backpack is ready to go by the front door.

While we were outside for a little bit earlier, I got some more pictures of the tulips that are blooming.

I can't get over the size of this one...that's my hand holding it.

Anyway, nothing very exciting going on around here. I'm hoping to be able to walk the boys to school tomorrow - Alex's training wheels got the better of him and I ended up having to take them off of his bike because they kept bending so badly, and he just can't get the hang of riding without them, so riding to school won't be an option until I can get him to ride on 2 wheels. So we'll see how it goes if we walk tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be decent all week, so hopefully we can pull it off with minimal whining.

Oh, and since I eliminated the caffeine last week? Down 2.2 pounds. Interesting....

Another confession.

This is something that has been bothering me - literally - over the past few days. I have thought about writing about it, then chickened out several times. But I finally decided that I'm just going to do it. Maybe getting it out of my system will help me to deal with it. Maybe it'll help another woman who is going through the same thing. Maybe it'll help some guy to understand that a woman that he loves is not insane, even though she might act like it at times.

I'm talking about PMDD. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

The best description of it (in my opinion) that I've found so far can be found here, but if you want the shortened version, think "PMS on steroids"...that's about the only way that I can describe it. I mean seriously, look at the list of symptoms on that website - and imagine going through all of them in a matter of a couple of days (out of that entire list, the only ones that I have not experienced have been panic attacks and suicidal thoughts).

Sometimes, during this time, my moods change almost by the minute - sometimes not quite to that extreme. Sometimes it's gradual and I don't notice it right away. But usually it's pretty significant mood swings - and I've always had a temper, but it's definitely magnified by the PMDD. I find myself getting so incredibly angry, and I'm not a nice person to be around. If I'm lucky (not to mention the people around me) I recognize what is going on and I can make the conscious effort to walk away from the situation - but that doesn't always happen and someone or something takes the brunt of my anger and frustration. I eat everything in sight. I don't feel like doing anything. My body hurts. I cry - a lot.

I'm just plain miserable.

I was officially diagnosed with PMDD years ago - and at that time, my doctor put me on antidepressants. They helped - if you consider walking around like a zombie and falling asleep standing up "helping". I wasn't moody - but then again, I didn't have any moods at all, except for the one that was described as "blah".

Anyway, over the past few months, I've been noticing that it's been getting worse. This month especially. So I started doing some research - lots of it. And I found that there are all sorts of changes that I can make to my diet to help alleviate the symptoms.

Every website that I found said the same thing - eliminate caffeine, sugar, salt, and alcohol.

Salt and alcohol? Not really an issue. I don't use salt on anything, I generally don't cook with it, and I can do without it. Alcohol? I drink on occasion, but not enough to really worry about that.

Sugar? Yeah, that one could be hard. I have a sweet tooth - always have. But, I can work around that and I've been working on that as I've been trying to get in better shape anyway. This just gives me more initiative.

But caffeine? Really? Eliminate caffeine???? Do the PMDD experts want me to die? Or kill someone else? It's no secret that I'm a Diet Pepsi addict. I've tried to cut down numerous times and have always failed miserably. In fact, I just bought a case the other day - and it was gone the next day. That's right - 24 cans in 2 days. That one is going to be tough.

The rest of it is easy. Eat more whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Get more B6, calcium, and magnesium. No-brainer stuff. So I've been looking up recipes and making grocery lists and figuring out exactly how I'm going to do this. And smart idea or not, I'm going to go off of the caffeine cold turkey. I don't have the willpower to "cut down" - it's all or nothing with me. I've already gone one day without, and I haven't killed anyone......yet......

Oh and I have to get regular aerobic exercise - so more initiative to get out there and run as much as possible. I think I can handle that, since the half-marathon is in just over a month...

No doubt about it - it's going to be hard. I'm not going to be the most pleasant person in the world for the next few days weeks as my body adapts to these changes. But seriously, I can't handle feeling like I can't control my emotions anymore. My kids don't deserve to have a mother who loses her temper over stupid stuff. The Dude doesn't need to be dealing with my anger and frustration either. I need to do this for me, and for them. I need to do this before I lose what's left of my mind.

And realistically, even if it doesn't help with the symptoms (which it had better, or I'm going to be ticked) it'll help with my overall health - both mentally and physically.

So please bear with me as I go through this. If I'm crankier than usual or if I snap at someone, please understand that it's not intentional. Eliminating the caffeine is going to be the hardest part - but if it does help, it'll be worth it in the end.

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This evening, Daniel was sitting on my lap at the computer as I was researching some more stuff. He was tired and irritable but didn't want to go to sleep, so we started watching some videos. Sure enough, he crashed....using my wallet as his pillow. Silly kid.