When I was thinking about what I wanted to write about tonight, I started out thinking that it was going to be a total rant-fest, with me doing nothing but complaining about everything that is going wrong in my life - because honestly, right now, there's a lot of garbage that is going wrong. I seriously spent hours today crying my eyes out. I'm talking full-blown sobbing, snot bubbles, drooling, gasping-for-air ugly crying. For hours. I truly felt like I was having a nervous breakdown or something, because I just couldn't take it anymore.
But as I started to calm down and think more and more about it, I realized that yes - things kind of suck right now - but at the same time, there's still a lot of good stuff too. And I need to think about that or else I'm going to lose what little bit of my mind I have left.
There's been a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff going on that has been incredibly stressful on me, and honestly no one but The Dude knows all of it. I haven't even told my best friends about all of it and I know that I've been pushing them away because I don't want to talk about it yet. It's been so hard, and he's been amazing through all of it (as usual).
He hurt his shoulder a few weeks ago. Badly. He really can't do much of anything right now. The MRI is scheduled for Monday and then we'll have a better idea of how much damage there is and what the next step will be. Until then, a lot of extra stuff is falling on me. I had to drag my mower over there the other night to take care of their yard, even though I was tired and cranky and irritable - but you know what? I like to mow. I was glad I was able to do it. And I got a workout. And it's one less thing for him and his mother to have to worry about getting done. Win x4.
My van. Ugh. Blown head gasket. The garage wanted $2300 to fix it. Ha. Instead, The Dude talked to his friend who talked to his buddy and bargaining was done and deals were made and parts were ordered and it should be fixed within the next couple of weeks for about 1/5th of that quote. I can't complain about that.
The Dude's truck. It's been my temporary set of wheels for the past few days - until this morning when it started to overheat and spew coolant out of the engine. Fearing the worst, The Dude took it and dealt with it while I was at work. Although I ended up having to do an unexpected 3-mile Unfortunately, while the sealant on the new part cures, it can't be driven for 24 hours, so I missed the girls' band concert tonight. And I thought that I was going to miss the CF walk tomorrow, but thanks to a dear friend offering me a ride (which involves her going WAY out of her way) I will be there. I will be wearing a horrible outfit, but I will be there.
I got this part-time job a few weeks ago, only planning to work a few hours here and there for some extra spending money - but with everything else that is happening (and costing us money) I quickly realized that I need to work more hours. I talked to my boss about it and she is willing to give me more hours AND work around my availability - and until The Dude goes back to work, he'll be able to help me with the kids in order to make all of this happen.
There's a lot of other smaller things going on at the same time - but I always find it amazing how all of the big crap decides to go wrong at the same time - and it's so easy to get sucked into the horribleness of it and forget that there's still good stuff happening too. I know that we're going to get through all of this at some point - we'll get my van fixed and get his van running and get his shoulder fixed and find our dream house and pay off all of our bills and life will be better than it is now - but I just have to be patient and keep working toward that, one day at a time.
It sounds really hard, Amy! I can only imagine what else is piled on top of this, which would be hard enough by itself. I feel for you! You have a lot of people who care about you, and I'm one of them. I wish I could just fix everything for you.
ReplyDeleteMy car also needs some very expensive work done to it and I don't think we can come up with the money, so I can relate there. Like you, I know I'll think of something!
Good luck on your walk tomorrow. And I'm sending all healthy vibes to the Dude!
Thanks for blogging. You're really good at it!
xox
Katie
YUP, SMALL STEPS. I CAN REMEMBER LIVING ON TWENTY DOLLARS A WEEK YEARS AGO. I GUESS I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. IT BECAME THE NORM. GRAMPS AT 28 AT THE TIME SAID HE WANTED ENOUGH SAVED IN THE BANK TO GET US THROUGH 6 MONTHS IN CASE HE GOT SICK OR FIRED. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER HOW I DID IT. I GUESS BACK THEN IT WAS DO WE NEED IT OR WANT IT. SO WE BOUGHT ONLY WHAT WE NEEDED AT THE TIME. IT WORKED SO AS TIME WENT BY WE JUST ALWAY LIVED THAT WAY. EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE WE'D BUY SOMETHING AS A TREAT. I PRAISE GOD EVERY DAY FOR TEACHING US THAT SMALL LESSON. I NEVER HAD TO WORK OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE. MY JOB WAS TO TAKE CARE OF THE HOME [INSIDE AND OUT] THE CHILDREN ETC. GRAMPS WOULD HELP ON WEEKENDS BUT HE SURE LOVED THOSE HOT MEALS WHEN HE WALKED IN THE DOOR AFTER WORK. I ALSO DOING IT FOR HIM. EACH HOME WE BOUGHT BECAME NICER AND NICER. NOW 55 YEARS LATER WE'RE STILL TOGETHER AND STILL IN LOVE. GRANNY LOU
ReplyDeleteAww, I feel for you. Bad things seem to happen in cycles - I've been there for sure. After having a really awful, very trying and stressful year, things are finally on the upswing for me and my little family. Hang in there! I hope you get some relief soon.
ReplyDelete**HUGS**
ReplyDeleteBehind the scenes stuff over this way too....
Just keep trying to find the light.