697 days

We reached a milestone today.

697 days.

Daniel was born on June 10, 2007. On May 6, 2009 - I told his father to leave our home for the last time ... 697 days later.

Daniel and I met The Dude for the first time on November 25, 2011 - 697 days ago.

As of today, The Dude has been a part of Daniel's life longer than his biological father was.

It's bittersweet for both of us. I asked The Dude today what he thought about it and his response was "conflicted". He's glad to be a part of Daniel's life, but at the same time he feels bad that Daniel will never get to know his father.

Honestly, it's the same for me. I know that his father loved him. I know that he had the potential to be a great father. But it just didn't happen that way. The addiction was too much to overcome and it tore our family apart before it took him away from us forever.

But, we have a good life now. We have come so far as a family and we are finally in a good place. The Dude has been amazing to all of us. Daniel looks to him as a father and I am so incredibly thankful for that. He knows that he has another father - but he also knows that The Dude is there for him and loves him even though there isn't a biological connection.

At his age, Daniel doesn't realize the significance of today. I've been thinking about it for weeks, because not only do I realize what this means for Daniel, but I realize what it means for me. I never dreamed that I would allow anyone to become such a huge part of our lives, but yet somehow, The Dude has wormed his way in and he still claims that he plans on staying. We have gone through so much crap in the past few months between work schedules and house hunting and injuries and illnesses and vehicle breakdowns and stress and chaos and panic - and yet we're still hanging in there (and creeping dangerously close to our 2 year anniversary) and doing everything that we can to care for our family - even if it's split between a couple of different residences for a few more months.

Life is good. Crazy, chaotic, and not always predictable, but it's good.

I'm a quitter

That's right. I'm quitting.

I picked up a nasty habit when I was 18. I've been doing it off and on for 23 years now. I've quit before, sometimes for years at a time - but I've always gone back.

But this is it. Tomorrow is the last day.

I'm not a heavy smoker. A pack might last me close to a week at this point. I don't have time to smoke during the day, so I usually go outside and have 2 or 3 after the kids go to bed at night. So I think that I can kick this pretty easily.

And I have support this time. The Dude smokes - and he smoke a lot more than I do. A lot. So does his mother. But, with her health issues, we decided that we would all quit. Together. At the same time.

We have lots of reasons for doing this. Of course, the most important is our health. And we want to be positive role models for the kids - and that's hard to do when we're engaging in the exact same activity that I've told them never to do. Also, it's just really really expensive. But what I want you to understand is that I have never made the choice to buy cigarettes when we needed something else - they have always come last. I'm not one of those people who will buy the smokes first and then try to figure out how to buy groceries. That's just plain stupid - but I know people who do that - on a regular basis - and it infuriates me to no end.

So long story short, if I seem a little cranky (more than usual) over the next few days weeks, there's a reason for it.

I already gave up the caffeine - although I did cheat and I had some on TMOART:12 - but it was more of a necessity when driving than anything else. I need to correct the ticker up there in the corner of the blog, so I'll do that right after I post this. But I figure that if I can give that up (and that was a hardcore addiction), I can give this up too.

Bear with me as we go through this. It's not going to be pretty. I'm going to be cranky and irritable and maybe even downright snarky - but it'll be worth it in the end.

Brain dump

I finally went out yesterday and did some walking - first time since I got sick a couple of weeks ago. I think I went about 2.5 miles, and I only walked (no running) but it felt good to get back out there, although I was pretty wiped out by the time that I got back.

While I was out there, I thought about a lot of stuff. A few of the things that I mentioned in this post came back to me. I realized that a couple of the things that I mentioned (namely the Diet Pepsi addiction and the getting finances under control) could be interconnected.

I have a weakness for soda - that's no secret. It's actually a die-hard addiction. I live for my Diet Pepsi. Yes, I smoke too - but not much. I can go for days without a cigarette and think nothing of it, but by God if I don't have my Diet Pepsi, heads will roll. In this town, we also have Sonic Drive-Ins - and if you're not familiar with them, they have "happy hour" every day from 2-4pm and their drinks are half-price. I can't drive past a Sonic without stopping and getting my usual Route-44-Diet-Vanilla-Coke-extra-vanilla-extremely-easy-on-the-ice-please (need the extra vanilla to cover up the Diet Coke taste). Anyway, I started thinking about how much money I've been spending lately by stopping to get a drink every time I go out somewhere - and when I started adding it up in my head, I was really pretty pissed at myself. Add to that my tendency to grab fast food any time I don't feel like cooking, and it started to dawn on me that I have been wasting a lot of money.

I made a pact with myself during that walk yesterday. For the next month - at least - no more fast food. No more stops for drinks while I'm out running around. Significantly reduce the amount of soda that I drink, period. Notice, I did not say NO soda - I know that's totally unrealistic. But I want to see if there's a difference in how much money I have left at the end of the month and see how much of a difference it makes.

It's already been a couple of days since I've had any soda - and I can tell the difference. I've been sleeping so much better already, which for me is never a bad thing. I've been sucking down iced tea and coffee, and have even been trying to do it without my usual sweetener - I figure if I'm going to go healthy, I might as well do it right, right?

So, we'll see if I make it the whole month. I seriously thought that I was going to cave today and get something to drink while I was running all over the countryside to get the older 3 kids to get them to the dentist, but I didn't do it - I resisted the urge. But it wasn't easy. The Dude and I went grocery shopping yesterday, and I got enough stuff that I shouldn't have any reason to stop for any fast food, as long as I stick with the meals that I have planned. The kids are going to complain, but they'll get over it - and it'll be good for them too.

I've also been digging up recipes to make some healthier versions of some of the food that I already make - I just have to be discreet so that the five picky little people in the house don't complain too much. I will admit that I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast this morning with whole wheat flour, and they inhaled them - so there might be hope for all of us yet!

I had also had the goal of doing one race per month every month this year, and I haven't even looked into February ones yet. I know that there was one coming up on February 4th or 5th, but I need to find the info on that and see if I can pull it off or not - if not, I need to find another one and get registered. I just have to get to the point that I can run without my lungs exploding again. I've also gotten myself into a challenge with The Dude and another friend with the 5K on New Years, but I'm going to hold off on releasing the details on that until we nail them down a little bit more. ;)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In other news, the older 3 kids had dentist appointments today. I'm proud to say that all 3 of them had perfect checkups, and handled the appointments much better than I did.

The Dude picked Alex and Daniel up from school for me while I was at the dentist with the other kids...and given the gorgeous weather we had again today, they weren't home when we got home.

So for now, I'm tired of arguing with my computer, so I think I'm going to shut it down for the night and try to get some sleep - trashed kitchen and all. I'll deal with the mess in the morning.