Perspective. It's a beautiful thing.

I don't even know where to start on this one. Seriously. It's been bouncing around in my head since about 7:30 this morning when some idiot in the drive-thru at work really pushed my buttons - and not in a good way.

Let me explain what happened.

We all know that I work in fast food, and most of the time I work in the drive-thru. There are things that people do that thoroughly annoy me, and I wrote about some of them a few days ago. This guy...... yeah. He was right up there with some of the worst offenders.

We were out of large coffee cups today. They had been ordered, but they didn't come on the previous truck. It happens sometimes - we can't control it. So this guy came to the drive-thru and he ordered a large coffee. Our conversation went something like this:

Mr. Grouch: Gimme a (whatever food he ordered) and a large coffee.
Me: I'm very sorry, sir, but we are out of large coffee cups today. Can I get you a medium coffee instead?
Mr. Grouch: (snaps) Well I guess I don't have much of a choice, do I?
Me: I apologize, and.....
Mr. Grouch: (interrupts) Well, I just can't believe this. I mean, really? No cups? I should just go to (insert name of other restaurant). Fine, whatever.
Me: Again, I'm very sorry sir. Can I get you anything else today?
Mr. Grouch: No. I just want my damned large coffee.
Me: Is everything on your screen correct?
Mr. Grouch: Except for the coffee, yes.
Me: Your total is (whatever it was) at the first window, please. Thank you.

He pulled up to the window and started on his tirade again, but to my face this time. I kept apologizing and explained that the cups had been ordered, but they simply were not on the truck and it was out of our control. He just kept at it and muttered under his breath as he paid for his stuff, then pulled to the second window where he continued his tirade until he left.

At first, I was really mad at the guy. I mean seriously, who gets that bent out of shape about a cup of coffee?

There are so many more important things in this world today. So many more. But yet, this guy.... this nicely dressed, handsome man driving a shiny new SUV, was totally losing his cool over something as simple as a cup of coffee.

So many people today have such an entitlement attitude, and it drives me insane. Yes, we're a business and yes, we're supposed to have large cups - but you know what? Sometimes we don't. We aren't required to have them, and even if we did have them, we're not required to serve you. If you want to make sure that you get the cup of coffee that you want - then get it yourself. Buy a coffee pot and make it yourself at home. It's that simple.

And if you make the choice to depend on someone else to provide it for you, then you need to understand that you might not always get what you want. 

Throwing a temper tantrum isn't going to help.

Hosting your own pity party isn't going to help.

If you want something to happen, then make it happen. Don't waste your energy blaming others when you have the power to do it yourself.

I really wanted to tell this guy that if getting a different sized cup of coffee was the worst thing that was going to happen to him today, he should feel lucky. At least he had the ability to get up, get dressed, get in his fancy SUV, and drive somewhere to pay someone to make him a cup of coffee. So many people today don't have that.

I honestly want to thank this jerk. He made me look at some of the things that have been weighing on my mind lately and realize that they really aren't that big of a deal, and they're not worth a temper tantrum or a pity party. Instead, I will make my own cup of coffee and handle them like an adult.

Thank you, Mr. Grouch. I needed that reality check.

A whirlwind of emotions...

I don't even know what to think right now. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Yet with the exhaustion, my mind is still going a billion miles a second.

I woke up this morning and had to get the kids up and dressed and fed and ready for school. As I was making pancakes, the strangeness of the situation hit me. My ex-husband just died, and I was making pancakes, like I always do. Regardless of my inner turmoil, I still have to go on living. Life goes on.

In between taking the three older kids to school and taking the two younger ones to playschool and then picking them up, and then getting the 5 year old on the bus for preschool, I was trying to clean and keep up with the almost constant phone calls and text messages and facebook posts that kept coming in. Thankfully I was able to talk to a friend who had been through this before - the death of an ex - and she assured me that the emotions are normal. I had no idea that I would hurt this much. I mean seriously, I divorced the guy. I didn't want to be with him anymore. I wanted him out of my life. But did I want this? Hell no! I still always had a tiny glimmer of hope that he would become a good father, and now that glimmer has been permanently extinguished. He is never coming back.

I got a call from one of his family members today, and suffice it to say that it wasn't pleasant. While informing me that she wasn't here to judge anyone, she made it damned clear that he had been in a severe depression because he wasn't able to see our son, and that ultimately contributed to his death. Really? He hasn't even been gone for 12 hours, and you want to blame me for it? Whatever lady - go ahead. Blame me if it makes you feel better. And now you want his family to have a "relationship" with my son? Now that his father is dead? Hello...what happened to the last 2 years, when you didn't acknowledge his existence? I got angry and said some things to her that I probably shouldn't have said, broke down crying, apologized, yelled at her some more and apologized some more. I have way too many emotions going through my head right now for some virtual stranger to inform me that a family that is 1700 miles away wants to have a relationship with my son. I'll make that decision eventually, but it's not going to happen today. Or even tomorrow.

I wish that I could just put everything that I'm feeling into words. I have so much going through my head right now and I just can't seem to make any sense of it. Why did this happen? How? How could someone who is 46 years old die of congestive heart failure? I know that there's a family history of heart problems, and I know that the alcohol and the smoking contributed to it, but still...46 years old?

I can't wrap my head around the enormity of this. I just can't do it. I have about 14 loads of laundry to do, bedrooms to clean, sidewalks to shovel, kids to pick up, supper to make, baths to give....and I can't even figure out how to do any of it right now.