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Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Maybe it's official....

Lots of stuff still going on with the house. After all of the chaos that was Friday, we had a fairly quiet weekend. I waited to hear back from Mortgage Lady because she said she was going to touch base with me on Sunday, but I didn't hear from her.

Yesterday morning, I got an email from a woman who works with Mortgage Lady. She needed some additional info (mainly documentation of that bill being paid off) and so we emailed back and forth several times until I got an email from her that about knocked me out of my seat....

Unfortunately {Mortgage Lady} is no longer with us. I believe that she is still going to finish the files that she has but she will not be in the {local} office.

Wait, what????!?!?!! What do you mean?!?!?! Mortgage Lady has been there for me from the get-go! She's been there since before I even started the process! How can she just leave me hanging like this??? Noooooooooo.......

After I got over my initial panic, Mortgage Lady 2.0 explained that she had been working with Mortgage Lady the entire time, and everything would be fine. She knows my story, she knows my file, and there is nothing to worry about.

Uh huh. Sure. Easy for her to say.

Anyway, more emails between me and Mortgage Lady 2.0, and me and Realtor Lady, and I started to think that maybe, just maybe things were going to be ok. They seemed way calmer about the whole situation than I was, so I did my best to take my cues from them.

I didn't have to work today, so after I got the boys to school I came home and started puttering around. I had gotten some empty boxes from work and decided to start in the laundry room, which has been a store room to a ton of games and toys that the kids just don't use anymore. I started going through the stuff and trashed the ones that were missing too many pieces, packed the ones that I want to keep, and posted the rest on facebook in the hopes that some of my friends would want to adopt some new games.

I actually made a little bit of progress, although there's still way more to do - but at least I got started. No more denial - time to start packing.

The Dude came over to hang out for a while this afternoon and we were talking about everything that has been happening with all of this. Then the emails started flying again. Long story short, closing is now officially scheduled for Monday, January 27 at 3:00pm.

Officially. Like.....it's going to happen.

*commence panic attack #745,812 of this process*

At that point we decided to go out and grab a (very) late lunch. As we ate, he tried to talk me down from my freak out (he failed miserably) and we just tried to absorb the enormity of what is about to happen.

As I go through this process, there are so many emotions that go along with it. On the outside, it's just me buying a house - not such a big deal. People do it every day.

But there's also the doubt, the fear, the caution that it might not happen. I know in my head at this point, it's going to happen. But it seems like such a stretch for me - ME - to be doing this. I've made some pretty stupid choices in my life, and none of them should have led me in this direction, but here I am about to commit to a 6-figure investment that in a way I feel that I don't even deserve.

I know that realistically, I could not afford to do this without the Social Security. And I am well-aware that I would not be receiving that if my second husband hadn't passed away. That makes this whole process more than a bit bittersweet for me. I still battle with the feelings of guilt over his death, even though I know that it wasn't my fault. I struggle with the thought that the money that Daniel and I get because he died is what is making the home of my dreams a reality for me - but at the same time, I know that I am doing the right thing by making sure that we have a home that suits our needs in so many ways.

I think about my battle to avoid homelessness a few years ago, and can't wrap my head around the fact that very soon, we will be in a house with 6 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms and more than enough room to meet our needs plus some.

Overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it. Seriously, there are no words to describe how I'm feeling right now. I wish that I could explain it, and I will probably ramble on and on about it over the next few weeks as I try to work through all of it in my head. All I know is that right now, I'm caught somewhere between ecstatic and numb - and feeling maybe a little bit of both.

4 comments:

  1. I couldn't be happier that I checked your blog right at this moment. What good news Amy. I made the large purchase of a home on my own 2 years ago, January 27th! That was the day I found out they accepted my offer. This is a big, wonderful step in life for you. One STEP at a time. Sometimes I just had to tell myself that I could get thru the next hour, and then the next, and then the next...until I calmed down. It worked. You will find what works for you. Most of all, I am so happy for you, the children and The Dude.

    So many good positive thoughts and prayers are sent your way. Wish I could hug you in person! Just know that this friend in California has a huge smile on her face for you...
    Hugs! Beth

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  2. Oh, Amy! What wonderful news! It's all good! I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way but maybe you should get ease up on your guilt about being able to do this because you lost your ex and get Survivors benefits. It's really sort of Karma, isn't it? Daniel's father is finally able to help take care of you and Daniel, his son.

    And you and The Dude will finally be under the same roof! I think it's great and will relieve at least some of your present stress.

    You deserve this! You are an American success story! You pulled you and your family back from the brink, put your nose to the grindstone and are finally reaping some of the rewards! There will probably be even more rewards down the road! Accept them gracefully.

    There are a LOT of people you have reached out and touched, and we are all really happy for you, The Dude and your family. Hold your head high, and carry on. ;)

    Katie

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  3. AMY, YOU'VE WORKED SO HARD TO HAVE THIS HOME FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. BABY STEPS AND ENJOY WHAT YOUR WORKING SO HARD FOR. THEN ALSO TO HAVE A MAN LIKE THE DUDE BESIDE YOU HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG. JUST BREATHE. EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE PICTURES WHEN YOUR DONE GETTING SETTLED. HUGS TO YOU, THE DUDE, AND THE CHILDREN. GRANNY TG

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  4. Damned straight you only have the opportunity to get a house because of your ex husbands death! he supported you and your tribe in life and provides for them ALL better than any of the living loafers! Enjoy the house you get with the DEATH benefits! of a really good guy that you worked over....

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