Too much. Just too much.

If you hang around on my facebook page at all, you might have noticed that I decided to hide for a while yesterday. I feel like I owe you an explanation so that you know that we're all ok. Sort of.

Yesterday afternoon, Ex1 called me. He wanted to warn me that Sarah was probably going to have a bit of a rough evening. I could tell from the tone of his voice that it was bad, but I had no way of knowing just how bad it was until he said it.

Without going into too much detail, a woman who has been a mentor to Sarah was in a horrific accident, and her toddler son was killed. The woman and her infant daughter were both injured, with the baby sustaining more serious injuries.

Sarah, obviously, is devastated along with so many of her friends. As a mother, I am completely heartbroken. I don't know what I would do if something like this were to happen to one of my kids. I honestly don't think that I could handle it. I really don't.

As I was getting off of the phone with Ex1, trying to absorb the information that he had just handed me, my phone immediately rang again. This time it was Alex's father, who was calling to let me know that Alex's great-grandfather had passed away the night before. So he came over last evening to tell Alex.

And of course, it doesn't end there. We had to go pick Jared up from basketball practice after supper, and this lovely sight greeted me when I got in the van. So while The Dude's truck is still broken, I'm praying every time that we get into the van that it is just something stupid triggering that stupid light, but we all know how my luck with vehicles goes....needless to say, we need to get this checked out immediately, or we'll be down to no vehicles between the two of us, and that just won't work.

But I have to say this....and I know that I've said it once or twice before. I am so lucky and so grateful to have The Dude in our lives. He has been dealing with 2 broken teeth (when it rains it pours) and has been absolutely miserable and in horrible pain. He had planned to just stay home and crash last night so that he could get up for work this morning, but instead he came over and just hung out with us to keep us company since we were all having such a rough night. He was in no condition to do much of anything, but just having him here made such a big difference. He is definitely my rock.





~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
P.S. I intentionally left out the details of the accident, and the specific relationship that Sarah has with this woman for many reasons, not the least of which is because I don't reveal specifics about our location. Please respect that - and if you know more because you're local and/or you know us - please do not divulge those details here.

Random stuff and a personal request

A little bit of crafty stuff....

I'm participating in this quilting swap thingee. I can't think of what it's actually called right off of the top of my head, but basically there are 5 people in a group. We each make a row. Then we send our row to the next person, who adds a row. Then it gets sent to the next person, etc etc etc. So when we get our first row back, it now has 4 more rows attached to it, all made by different people all over the country.

Anyway....this is the row that I got from one of the ladies in the group. She is going with a "rustic fall" theme.

I laid it out on my bed and stared at it for a while, trying to figure out what to do with it next. I had a couple of ideas but decided against them and decided to just make some more traditional squares.

Of course, I wasn't paying attention on the first square, and it came out way too small, so I had to start over. But as of right now, I have 2 squares done, and I'm hoping to get the other 3 done this week so that I can get them attached and mail her row on to the next person - and then wait for the next row to come to me.

It's a fun project, and something that I've never done before - so I'm really anxious to see what my quilt looks like by the time that I get it back - although that won't be for several months yet.

In other news, I've been on a quest for a new datebook for the past couple of weeks. I had bought my typical little cheapie from the dollar store, but they changed the format of the pages in it and it just wasn't going to work anymore. I looked online to try to find something, but I didn't really like (or couldn't afford) anything that I saw there. I had to take The Dude to the dentist today and when we got done there we had to go to WalHell to get his prescriptions filled and so I looked at the datebooks that they had there.

It's a little bigger than I wanted and it was a little more expensive than I wanted (I'm a cheapskate. I admit it.) but it has lots of room and I think that it'll work just fine. I already started transferring information into it while Emily was at basketball practice tonight - when I wasn't dealing with argumentative kids who wanted to do absolutely nothing but irritate the snot out of me for the entire time that we were there.

Now....for the request.....

Please forgive me for the vagueness of this, but I just can't go into specifics because of the situation.

I have a friend, a dear friend from high school. Our lives went in different directions after graduation, but we stayed in touch for years and then lost each other, and then found each other again through the miracle that is facebook, and got to see each other live and in person last summer for the first time since graduation (I think), and I got to meet her kids, and it was wonderful.

Anyway, she is now going through something that I believe is probably the worst nightmare that a parent can endure, short of the death of a child. I had heard about the situation before, but didn't realize that there was a connection between it and her until today, when we exchanged some brief messages. My heart is breaking for her and her family right now, and I can't even begin to imagine how she is feeling. She is devastated and heartbroken and there is nothing that I can do to help her except to be there for her and love and support her from afar, and it just doesn't feel like enough.

So I am asking you to please, say a prayer for her and her family. Or if that's not your thing, send a happy thought or a good vibe or something to her. Go out and do something to help someone else. Make a donation to a charity. Something. Anything. She's in the midst of hell right now, and something good has got to come out of it. Somehow. Some way. And I don't know how else to do it.

There's too much bad crap happening in the world. Go do something good.

My New Years Resolutions - to my kids

I've been thinking about what I wanted to write here all day long. I could do the typical list of resolutions, or awesome things that happened during the year, or whatever. But I wanted to do something different. And so here it is - my list of resolutions for the new year.....for my kids.

Dear Kids:

First off, I want to start by saying that I love each and every one of you so much that it hurts. There are times that I wish that our life had turned out differently so that we could all be together every day, but that's just not the way that our life happened. With the exception of Daniel, you're not always here. We don't always get to spend the holidays together and I don't always get to go to every single school function, but no matter what I want you to know that I love you.

I know that I don't always show it. I get tired and frustrated and angry with the way that things happen sometimes, and I know that I take it out on you - no matter how much I try not to do that. But I think that right now, we are at a turning point. Things are going so much better now than they have in the past, and I want to take this opportunity to make a positive change in all of our lives.

So for the next year - and beyond - these are my resolutions to you, my kids:

~ I promise to listen to you when you need to talk - whether it's the girls talking about a boy at school, or the boys talking about how someone didn't share a toy - I will listen.

~ I promise that I will always try to make it to all of your school functions, even if it's not convenient. There will be times that I just can't do it because I can't be in two places at once - but I will do whatever I can to always be there to support you.

~ I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that you don't miss out on any opportunities that come your way - whether it's academics, or sports, or a special outing with a friend - if I can make it happen, I will.

~ I promise that no matter what, I will put your needs above mine. 

~ I promise that I will be fair when it comes to discipline when there are issues.

~ Most of all, I promise you that I will always love, support, and encourage you in whatever it is that you want to do with your lives. Each of you has so much potential to do so much with your life - and I will do everything that I can to make sure that you reach your fullest potential, as long as YOU put in the effort as well.

I know our life hasn't always been easy, and I know that I've made mistakes in the past. I know that we will all make more mistakes, but we are a family, and we will always have each other - no matter what.

I want this coming year to be the best year that we've had yet - and I know that we can make that happen if we all work together.

I love you.

Love, 
Mom

Sorting out the pieces

Remember the puzzle that I was talking about last night? Well, my brain still feels like that, but maybe not quite so much. I've been jotting down some ideas here and there, but it seems like any time I come up with a plan for one thing, something else occurs to me.

But the good news is that in general, I'm starting to get some things sorted out in my head. I'm starting to form game plans and figure out how to make things actually happen.

At the same time, when I get stressed or overwhelmed or have too much on my mind, one of the things that I do to deal with it in the moment is to clean. I think it's my subconscious way of maintaining control - if I can't control the crap that's rattling around in my head, at least I can control the crap that's been tossed around in the house, right?

So I tackled the boys' room today.

I don't know what in the world happened in there over the past few days, because I swear it wasn't that bad before - but whatever happened, it's been cleaned up now. And it's not quite as scary as it was to walk in there. I even have most of their laundry done too.

Of course, once I start cleaning, it's never a simple process. I ended up having to basically gut my vacuum to get it to work right, and it still ended up clogged and limping by the time I got that room done. But, it's done for now. And at some point in the (hopefully) near future, the vacuum will be laid to rest and replaced with one that has a better attitude.

By the end of the day I had the boys' room, the bathroom, and the kitchen clean, and had most of the laundry done too. So I really can't complain too much about that. Apparently I need to get stressed and overwhelmed more often, since that's when it seems that I get my best cleaning done.

Then I was cruising around online, looking up some information for another something that I want to get accomplished, and I stumbled upon something that definitely appears to be too good to be true. So, I shot a couple of messages out to some friends who can help me to get more information on that one, and hopefully...... *fingers crossed* ...... this one aspect might work out a little sooner than I had even dreamed. But, I'm not saying anything specific about it yet because I don't want to jinx it.

Yeah, maybe I'm a tad superstitious at times. At this point, I'll take superstition, prayer, hope, luck, pixie dust, karma, and whatever else I can possibly use to make things work out in the best possible way.

It's a puzzle

This is what my brain feels like tonight.

I'm not sure what's going on with it. Maybe it's the fact that Christmas is over. Maybe it's the impending New Year. Maybe it's the full moon. Maybe it's a combination of a whole bunch of different things that are jumbled up in there.

All I know is that right now, my mind is going in eleventy bajillion different directions, and I can't seem to get it to slow down. I have so many things that I want to do in so many areas of my life, and I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now because all of those ideas are running around in a great big unorganized mess in my head.

Yes, I know I go through this every now and then. I think everyone does, whether they want to admit it or not.

It used to be that when I would get into these moods, I would either ignore them and drive myself nuttier than I already am, or I would just jump right into whatever crazy plan was rolling around in my head at that moment. Or worse yet, I would start all 87 plans that were in my head at the same time, and never finish any of them.

I'm going to do something different this time. I'm just going to let my brain go. I'm going to see what kind of crazy ideas develop. And I'm going to keep a notebook and a pen beside me and I'm going to write things down. And I'm going to figure out what it is that has me so restless right now. Maybe, just maybe, if I write everything down as it comes to me, I'll be able to get my thoughts organized. I'll be able to figure out what it is that I want to do vs. what I need to do. I can prioritize. And maybe I can actually feel like I can accomplish something instead of starting it and never getting it done.

I feel like so much is finally starting to fall into place in my life - I am so lucky and so blessed (that is a word that I don't toss around lightly, either) - maybe this is really the time for me to start focusing on some of the things that I want to do with my life. Maybe this is the time to start looking into how to turn my craft hobby into a legitimate business (one of the biggest things bouncing around in my head right now). Maybe this is the time to start looking for a part-time job to help supplement our income. Maybe this is the time to really start looking for a bigger house for us to move into in the next few months.

I'm not usually the type of person to do "resolutions" every year, but I'm starting to think that maybe this could be our year. I can finally say that I'm looking forward to the future instead of dreading it.

I'm ready to get the new year started.

I guess it's over.

Christmas, that is.

Usually I leave my tree up longer than this, but to be quite honest - it was annoying me. The boys all got remote control cars for Christmas *shoots dirty look toward The Dude* and they have been running them all. day. long. And of course, there's nothing more fun and exciting than to run them into the tree.

The dead tree, no less.

That has a lot of breakable ornaments on it.

And it's dead.

Needless to say, every time anything bumped into the tree, needles started falling everywhere. So it was time. I was going to wait until the kids went to bed to take it down, but once I get an idea in my head I tend to rush right into it (not always a good thing) and so I got to work. It took a few hours, as usual - mainly because I am extremely anal about how the ornaments get put away. But still, I got it done.

And then of course I had the joy of dragging it outside and tossing it to the curb. Literally. It's now sitting out there, waiting to be picked up and turned into mulch by the city. At least I don't have to deal with actually getting rid of it by myself.

Once I got the tree out of the house, I started cleaning up the living room and re-rearranging it to get the furniture back where it belonged. That was another reason why I really just wanted to get the tree out of here - with the "holiday arrangement" of the furniture, we had no choice but to sit on the loveseat to watch movies - and I *hate* the loveseat. OK, maybe not hate - but it's really not comfortable for both me and The Dude to sit on at the same time, because I usually end up stretched out with my feet in his lap while we watch movies. And the loveseat just didn't work for that. So now, we can watch movies comfortably again. It's the little things in life.

So I still have a few more things to put away in the living room, but for the most part it's clean. Or it's clean enough. I do want to mop the floor, but that'll wait until tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. We'll see.

We won't even talk about what the kitchen looks like right now, thankyouverymuch. I'll deal with that tomorrow, without a doubt. I'm not even sure how I'm going to get in there to make breakfast yet - so I might end up cleaning up in there yet tonight. 

In other news, this is never a good sight. 

I knew that The Dude had left for work, because he had sent me a message on facebook telling me he was leaving. And then about 15 minutes later, his boss called here looking for him. He's been having issues with his truck, so I loaded up the kids and took off. We found him about a block from his house, where the truck had died (again). However, we think we figured out what's wrong with it, we were able to get it started and get it back to his house, and I got him to work (although he was late). So tomorrow we work on fixing that - but it looks like it's going to be a really cheap and easy fix *crosses fingers*. The last thing we need right now is more unexpected expenses, since he's now dealing with a broken tooth and is most likely going to be making a trip to the oral surgeon, just like I did. Hopefully his visit goes smoother than mine did though.

Speaking of which, I need to balance the checkbooks and consult with the notebook to make sure that I'm still on track. I am bound and determined to stick with my plan.

He calls dibs.

Today was our official family Christmas. Because of crappy timing, I had to do a whole bunch of shopping at 5am when WalHell opened - so I got about an hour of sleep before I took off to get what I needed to get for the kids.

I found it amusing downright horrifying that this was one of the first toys that I saw. I may have turned and run away from it just as soon as I snapped the picture. What kind of sick, twisted person came up with this idea???

Anyway, some pictures from the rest of the day....

The tree - complete with insanely crooked star -
at about 7am after my round of shopping.

We got the stockings and the kids' new ornaments hung last night.

After The Dude went shopping and brought home some more stuff.
He is too good to us.

Starting with the stockings....

Finally! The gifts!

The carnage. Some of it, anyway.

Human Tetris-Head.

After we got done opening gifts, it was late in the afternoon and thanks to more glorious timing we hadn't eaten lunch yet. Kids and adults both were cranky and there was a great deal of drama, whining, screaming, crying, and pouting. We finally decided to head out to a local Chinese restaurant (you can tell I was tired if I agreed to go there) and we managed to have a good meal with minimal drama.

After we ate, we came back home and then followed The Dude home in his truck to make sure that he got there in one piece, and then I took the kids (all 5 of them) and went back to WalHell to get them some clothes.

I swear, I avoid that place for months at a time and then end up there twice in one day....ugh. But, I told the kids that I wasn't buying them clothes this year - instead, we would go shop after Christmas and they could pick out their own stuff. So much easier than dealing with returns because I don't buy the "right" stuff.....

Then the kids and I came back home so that we could relax before bedtime. After the past 4-5 nights of not getting to bed until 2-4am, I am wiped out. I seriously think that I might crash as soon as I post this.

Oh, but I bet you want to see what The Dude got me, don't you?

After the kids were pretty much done unwrapping stuff he pointed out that there was something in my stocking. I got it down and pulled out a little box.

Surprised and more than a little scared, I opened it. Inside was a ring with matching earrings and a necklace.

I admit it - I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that it wasn't an engagement ring. No matter how much I love this guy, I am still not ready for that step - and he knows it. And he's good with it. And that just makes him even more amazing, but we already knew that. He had gotten me a really pretty jewelry box too, and so he said that this was a start to filling it, because I don't have much jewelry. (Honestly, I sold most of it to pay bills throughout both divorces.)

In our typical fashion, we started joking with each other about how people are going to automatically assume that it was an engagement ring and that he had popped the question.

FOR THE RECORD: 
1. There has been no wedding proposal from either one of us to either one of us.
2. This is not an engagement ring.
3. We are not engaged.
4. At this point, we have no specific plans to make 1-3 happen.

I asked him at one point how we should refer to this particular ring, since it is not an engagement ring. Without missing a beat, he laughed and said "it's the I Call Dibs ring. No one else gets to have you except for me."

Who can argue with that logic? The man is definitely a keeper.