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Monday, December 1, 2014

A push

I got pushed today. Not really pushed, but more like shoved. And smacked around a bit.

It actually started about a week ago. I'm in a whole bunch of groups on facebook, but one of them is a small group of local ladies who all run. I met several of them when I did the half-marathon in October, and they are awesome. But since that race, I haven't done anything to get in shape, or to even maintain the bleh shape that I was in when I did that race. Nothing. I haven't even gone for a walk.

So....like I said, a week-ish ago, this post caught my eye.....

Two miles a day for 2 weeks, I thought. I might be able to do that. So I agreed.

Of course, when I agreed, the weather was decent. Today, on the first day of the challenge? Yeah. Not so much.

I thought about waiting until later in the day (notice the time on that shot is 7:35am), but I had so much going on that I knew that if I didn't do it as soon as I dropped the kids off at school, I wasn't going to do it. And if I missed the first day, then I wouldn't do the challenge at all - because that's the way that my mind works. And I also knew that I had an appointment at 9am so if I was going to do it, I had to do it right then and there. I threw on an extra layer of clothes, cursed the girls in that group as I felt them virtually shove me out the door, and took off.

It. was. cold.

OMG it was cold. There was just enough wind that it was absolutely miserable as I started walking into it, and I came *thisclose* to turning around and going straight back to the house. But, it was a challenge. And I knew that if I got going, once I got to a certain point on my predetermined route, I could turn and have the wind at my back.

And then my mind started to wander in typical brain dump fashion. I'm not going to bore you with the total stream of consciousness train of thought that went in a bajillion different directions at a speed that blew my mind, but it was intense.

Ultimately, I thought about how parents tend to always put their kids first. I mean, really, who wouldn't? We have these little humans that depend on us for everything (more or less) and so we have to make sure that they're taken care of because that's our job, right? And we run ourselves ragged taking care of them and doing the things that parents do because it's what we're supposed to do and it's what we're expected to do - and we put ourselves last, sometimes to our own detriment.

I am so guilty of this, as most people know. I don't do squat for myself except maybe sit on my butt on the couch with a glass of wine once in a while (speaking of which...... I'm thirsty). And while taking care of the kids is all well and good (and ultimately, necessary) I realized....

I have to start taking better care of myself.

It seriously hit me like a smack upside the head. It's something that I've always known in the back of my mind, but I've ignored it because it seems like anytime parents (and yes, especially a mom) put themselves first, they are ripped to shreds by society. They are called selfish, self-centered, irresponsible, or bad parents.

I have been called all sorts of horrible names in the past because I am grateful when the kids go back to school after a long weekend or summer break. It's not that I want to get rid of my kids, but it's because I know that I can use that time away from them to work on things that *I* need to do to make me a better parent. Sometimes, it's mundane tasks like folding laundry and scrubbing toilets because I know that if I get those done while the kids are gone, I can spend more quality time with them when they return. And sometimes it's things like going for a run or taking a nap, because I need some time to do something that is completely and totally for me and for me only.

But even those things that I do for me and for me only end up benefiting the kids because guess what? When I get to do them, I'm in a better mood.

Better mood = better mom.

And seriously, who can argue with that train of thought when a view like this is staring you in the face while it's happening?

I came back from that run this morning feeling like it was ok to want to get back into running again. Like it's ok to finally commit to doing something for myself. Like maybe, just maybe, I can actually succeed at this 2-week challenge, and then continue on from there.

It's amazing how much my perspective can change in one 33 minute chunk of time.

And maybe, just maybe, in 2 weeks I can shave more than a few minutes off of that pathetic time. Assuming that I don't freeze a few limbs off in the process.


  1. YAY NSM!!! Good for you! And You GO NSM! You are exactly right, of course, and you might even live a little longer when you are healthier. And your kids will really like that! Plus the rest of the week looks warmer. Yay!

    The same thing happened to me about 2 or 3 months ago. Nope, I don't have any kids, but I had I think 4 of the things happen to me in one year that are supposed to be the biggest stressors you will ever have. My big brother died of cancer after a long battle, and I helped be his caretaker, the a few months later my mom got killed in a freak home accident (which I had a terrible time with --I was a total mama's girl), then some months after that our house burned to the ground in the middle of the night this last February. No one was hurt sort of -- we got us and our 7 cats out of the house safely. And we have extremely good home owners insurance. But one of the cats then got freaked and got out the door and ran away, and we looked for 3 months but never found him, then our other cats started dying, one by one until we are now down to 3 in just a few months. Plus I have a history of bouts of acute depression. So I wasn't taking care of myself during all this. And I ended up with a pretty good number of daunting medical issues and mostly felt like I had the flu 24 hours a day for almost a year. And other things happened, but I've said enough. So one afternoon about 2 or 3 months ago, I was sitting here at my desk wonderful why I felt so crappy all the time, when I realized I hadn't done anything to take care of myself since at least before mom died. So I, too, made a vow to start taking care of myself, starting that day. In my case, I had to make a lot of doctor appointments, go back to taking vitamins etc and even started going to a chiropractor for some spine and muscle issues. NSM I can't tell you how nice it is to almost be back to totally good health again! I have more energy and I'm happy a lot! I'm a better wife. I am a work in progress, as our old friend Ross Mathews used to say. But I've come a long long way and I have confidence now that I can whip the rest of these little things and start exersizing again and stuff. SO GO NSM!!! So glad you shared this with us! Screw those people who criticize you! You can hold your head up high because you KNOW you are doing the right things for the right reasons! xox KatieInNJ/Kathy

  2. Good for you! I am so grateful for the gym at my office - I have a real problem running in the cold.

    I just started the everyday, short interval running as well.
    I figure if I can run 30 minutes a day - 5 days a week - I will be in good shape come spring. Not fitness shape - but running shape (does that make sense?) - For spring races. hehehehe

    And I know you can shave more than a few minutes off that time. Once you get used to being a running penguin!! (because it's DAMN cold out!)

    And I also view running as me time, and taking care of myself - and taking something for ME.

    And we are all allowed to have that.... even MOMS!

    Lots of Love!

  3. i still don't know how you do what you have to do everyday. you've come a long way in the past few years. all for the good. the best thing you did for you is finding the dude. GRANNY


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