6 weeks ago. 42 days.
That's how long it's been since Alex last saw his father. He took him overnight the night before that, if I remember correctly, and brought him back that afternoon. Since then? Not a visit, not a phone call, not a text. Nothing. Why?
Beats the crap out of me.
I'm sure he'll show up here at some point with a long line of excuses again, just like he did last summer when he disappeared for 4 full months. And he'll promise to do better, and to stick to a schedule, and assure me that it's really not his fault but he's just been too busy.
Alex will be ecstatic, and will talk about nothing else except for the time that he gets to spend with his father, because he worships the ground that he walks on. But that's ok, because that's what a relationship between a father and a son is supposed to be like.
It'll be good for a while. And then he'll start to not show up again. And I'll have to constantly explain to Alex that I don't know why his father isn't coming to get him. And we'll play the same game over and over again.
I've already had to explain to Alex that he missed his sister's birthday party because she was having an all-girl sleepover party and boys weren't allowed - but I haven't been able to come up with a good excuse for why he didn't get to see her at all for her birthday.
When he asked me why he didn't get to see his father during Spring Break, all I could offer him was the usual "I don't know, honey" and give him a hug.
Same thing for Easter. He really wanted to show his father his Easter basket too.
I catch him looking out the window, waiting to see if his father is going to come and get him. Every single time, it breaks my heart. We've talked about it. I've tried my best to explain to him that sometimes things just don't work out and that I'm sure at some point he'll get to see his father again. The sad thing is that he doesn't even really get upset about it anymore. He's pretty much just come to accept it. We go about our lives and we don't sit around to wait for him to show up anymore. We take our spur-of-the-moment road trips and we go do our thing and we have fun. I deal with the sickness and the behavior issues and the homework and the doctor appointments whether or not they fit into my schedule, because that's what a parent does. A parent doesn't brush off his/her kid because life is too crazy.
A good parent brushes off the craziness of life to make time for his/her kid.
"A good parent brushes off the craziness of life to make time for his/her kid."
ReplyDeleteYou're 100% right - there just isn't anything else to say about that.
Alex is luckier than he will realize until he is much older - lucky, because his mama plays by the right rules. Not because it's what she is "supposed to do", but because it wouldn't even enter her mind that there is anything else TO do.
You're a good Mama <3
Thank you, Angela! I appreciate it.
DeleteI was going to quote you also as Angela did above. That statement says IT ALL...and it is perfect!
ReplyDeleteA HUGE hug to you Amy,
Beth
Thanks, Beth!
DeleteFredrick Douglas said "It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men."
ReplyDeleteI've done the latter, which is something we've spoken on here in the blog. My reward for that was to have you and the kids enter my life. Now, in this situation, all I can do is, if I'm lucky enough for you to allow me, to assist you in accomplishing the former.
You're the best. I know that having you around is good for him - it's important for the boys to see a good male role model, even if it isn't their "father". I appreciate everything that you do for me and the kids babe - you have no idea how much it means to me!
DeleteOH BOY. CAN I EMPATHIZE.
ReplyDeleteKeep doing what you're doing.
He probably doesn't tell you as much as you would think about this.
He probably understands a lot more than you explain.
That's probably why he isn't getting AS upset anymore.
Support him in every decision on this topic.
You (and not the Dude) are the support system he needs and deserves.
Keep your chin up.
You are a great MAMA!
We just keep on keepin' on. It's about all that we can do. I know it bothers Alex - he mentions it every now and then - but he's seemed to almost come to accept it at this point and it breaks my heart.
DeleteHaving The Dude around definitely helps - like I just told him, it's important for him to be a good role model, even if he is NOT his father.
KERRY, I COULD JUST GIVE YOU A BIG HUG RIGHT THIS MINUTE FOR WHAT YOU SAID ABOVE. HOW COULD ANY MAN NOT WANT TO BE IN THIS HANDSOME BOYS LIFE. I COME TO AMY'S BLOG BECAUSE OF THE STORIES SHE RIGHT ABOUT THESE SPECIAL CHILDREN. I LOVE SEEING THEM WALK DOWN THE SIDEWALK TO SCHOOL. ALSO GETTING CAKE ALL OVER THEIR LITTLE FACES. ALSO TO HEAR ABOUT ALL THE MESSES THEY MAKE AND HOW AMY GETS MAD BECAUSE OF ALL THE WORK. BRINGS BACK SO MANY MEMORIES.I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING, IF WE LIVED NEXT DOOR TO ALEX GRAMPS WOULD BE TAKING HIM TO BASEBALL GAMES, PLAYING CATCH WITH HIM. GOING TO ALL THE SCHOOL PROGRAMS JUST TO LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH HE'S LOVE. ETC. SO KERRY KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND JUST MAYBE SOMEDAY HE'LL CALL YOU DAD AND MEAN IT. I DON'T HAVE RESPECT FOR PEOPLE THAT WON'T MAKE TIME FOR THEIR CHILDREN. FORGIVE ME BUT I CALL THEM LOWLIVES. YOU MAY NOT HAVE MONEY BUT EVERYONE HAS TIME. IT'S GOD GIVEN. [TIME]
ReplyDeleteALEX, YOUR VERY SPECIAL AND YOU MAKE A GRANNY SMILE EVERYTIME I SEE A PICTURE OF YOU ON HERE. YOUR MOM HAS DONE A GOOD JOB. YOUR TO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND BUT YOU WILL SOMEDAY.
I SEND HUGS AND A SWEET KISS ON YOUR CHEEK.
GRANNY FROM FLORIDA
Thanks Granny! We'll all get through this craziness, one way or another.
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