This disturbs me. On so many levels.

On a trip to Wichita a few weeks ago, Daniel and I stopped at an Arby's for lunch. While we were there, we both needed to use the restroom.

The toilets were the "magic toilets" as Daniel calls them. You know the ones - they're supposed to flush automatically when you stand up after you've completed your business, but instead they usually flush at the most inopportune time, resulting in an increase in the amount of toilet paper consumption as you attempt to eradicate any and all traces of splashage on your, uh, cheeks.

(On a side note, magic toilets caused Daniel to have a phobia of public restrooms for the longest time. Those things are just not designed for a little kid who can't sit still normally, and then when they flush with the same sound intensity of a jet engine and with enough suction to dispose of a baby elephant, they can be quite scary. Luckily, he's pretty much gotten over that fear.)

Anyway, I noticed this sign on the back of the toilet.

OK, this is just wrong.

First of all, who thought of this? What genius was sitting in his office (or on the crapper) and thought to himself Hey, I could make these toilets that flush varying amounts of water....

And then to go one step farther and have it calculate how much time I spent in the stall? Now that's just weird. How does it do this? Is there a sensor on the door? In the seat of the toilet? Is there a hidden camera? How does a toilet know how long I've been keeping it company?

Now, I have nothing against conserving water. Really, I don't. I think this idea is...interesting. But it's weird. I can just see it now - the people who already have the Big Brother Is Watching Us attitude must be up in arms over this already (you know the ones that I'm talking about, don't you?) and I'm surprised that there hasn't been some sort of a national outcry over it.

OK, maybe not. It is just a toilet, after all.

But still....if I'm going to do my part to conserve water, I need to rethink my plan to hide in a bathroom stall when I need a break from my kids when we're out in public.

Not that I would ever really do that.

Or would I?