Whew. Tired me.

So the day turned out to be just as crazy as I had predicted. We got up (late) and got all 5 kids dressed and fed and ready for school, but still managed to get to school on time - always a bonus, as far as I'm concerned!

The two younger ones and I came back home and did some straightening and stuff before we took off for playschool at 9:00am. While they were in school, I did my 7 mile walk/jog. The wind was brutal, but if I'm going to be doing this in Kansas, I need to get used to it. The weather was beautiful despite the wind - we had an unseasonably warm day and it was just gorgeous out. After playschool we ran back by the house to get the mail and grab a few things for the rest of the day. We stopped and got them a quick lunch and then headed to my friend's house for the next phase of the day.

Once we got to his house, I helped him put a ramp on the back of his truck so that we could go get the rototiller from another friend. We went to her house, got the tiller loaded up, and then took his daughter to preschool in Wichita. After we dropped her off, we headed back to his house to start Project: Garden.

We measured out the area that we wanted - keep in mind that this is going to be a 2-family garden, so we're thinking BIG. The area is 50' by 75'. Huge. We got it measured out and staked off and then I had to go pick up my 6 year old from school. I went and got him and then we got gas for the tiller and picked up some supper for everyone and headed back to my friend's house.

The boys all played outside (my girls were working the book fair and were staying with their father tonight) and I started working with the tiller. I've used a tiller several times, so I know that they take effort, but I always seem to forget from year to year just *how much* effort they take. Holy aching muscles, Batman. And of course, the field where we're putting the garden is full of stickers that are like BB sized balls with 1/4" long harpoons on the ends of them - I opted not to wear my sneakers since I only have one pair thanks to the orthopedic lift that I have to have and I wore my fake crocs instead. They were pretty much useless against the stickers, and were generally annoying in the dirt, so I ended up doing the majority of the tilling in my bare feet.

As exhausting as it was, I loved every minute of it. As I was tilling, I was watching the kids play on the trampoline in the yard, and I thoroughly enjoyed the feel of the dirt on my bare feet. The sun was out, there was a nice breeze going, and for once there weren't a million things going through my head. It's hard to believe that I could feel relaxed while wrestling with the loudest piece of machinery ever created, but I really did. Everything just seemed right in the world. It was a very strange feeling, but there are a lot of things that are falling into place in my life right now and while I still haven't wrapped my head around most of them, I feel like I am starting to accept things as they are. It's odd.

After 2+ hours of tilling (and not getting a very large area done, I might add) I went inside and we all had supper. Then I rounded up the boys and we came home. All 3 of the little dirtballs got baths, and then the 6 year old read stories to the other 2 until bedtime. They all went to bed without arguing (the benefits of being exhausted) and I got into the shower.

And now here I sit, playing on the computer and reflecting on the day. For being completely physically exhausted (so much so that I might be in bed by *gasp* 11:00) I feel so GOOD right now. The last few years, and especially the last few months have been such a rollercoaster of emotions but things are finally calming down. Although my life is crazy chaotic and stressful at times, it's so much better than it was before. I'm ok with not being in a relationship - don't get me wrong, I miss the idea of having someone around but at the same time, I don't feel like I *need* someone to be around. I'm starting to look at my accomplishments and be happy with myself. I've been analyzing and over-analyzing every decision that I've ever made in my life...while there have been some horrendously crappy ones, there have also been some good ones. I'm coming to terms with the bad ones and I'm thankful for the good ones. I know that everything that happens is for a reason, and I'm not beating myself up (as much) over things that I've done in the past. I'm reaching a stage of acceptance that is just totally foreign to me.

Anyway, before I start rambling even worse than I already am, I am going to go take my ibuprofen for my aching body, straighten up a few things, and go to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow to get the 6 year old to school, and then if I can still move, I am going to try to get some more tilling done. We aren't planning on planting anything for another week or two, but I want to get that done so that we can get it really ready for planting....

This is of course, assuming that I can lift my body out of this chair, which is highly questionable at this point in time....